Wrong Side of Hell

 

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The Devil's Chambers

"What the fuck did you do?" Lucifer yelled loud enough to make the ground shake. 

Merritt took in his boss's appearance-- red face, protruding veins, flared nostrils--he was pissed. The demon swore he saw smoke rising from the dark lord's head. Confusion set in. Merritt returned to Hell shortly after completing his latest assignment; hoping to finally be out of the hot seat. "I did what you told me to," he answered timidly. 

"Oh, no you didn't. I distinctly remember telling you to ruin the life of Harold Geoffrey and according to this," he threw a newspaper at Merritt's feet, "the man's life is far from ruined."

Merritt picked up the paper and stared at the headline on the front page. Local Man Hits the Jackpot. Underneath the title, a picture of Geoffrey. Dammit to Hell and back. "I'm sorry, sir. I don't understand."

"Obviously."

"I-I m-m-mean, I m-made him-m sp-pend his en-entire life savings," he stammered.

"On lottery tickets?"

Merritt felt the blush creep up his face. "Yes," he admitted shamefully.

"Go back and fix this, now."

"Yes, sir," Merritt replied then vanished in a puff of smoke. 

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A Trip to Suburbia Hell

Still in shock, Harold stared at the amount of money sitting in his bank account, one-hundred eighty-six million, twelve thousand, two-hundred seventeen dollars and thirty-eight cents. He'd never gambled but for some reason, he'd cleaned out his bank accounts and purchased over forty thousand dollars in lottery tickets. The stupidity of the action bothered him despite the vast payoff. 

He thought about calling Dr. Rogers. Maybe the shrink would be able to give him some insight to his bizarre behavior. Before he could pick up the phone, a shiver crept up his spine and he lost control over his body.

Merritt hated being trapped in a human body especially one like Harold's. The man was five-foot-two, bald, overweight, and unattractive--the pit was more fun. He shook off his disdain and headed out to enact the plan he'd concocted.

 

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The Devil's Verdict

One month later..

Merritt watched Lucifer tap idly on the arm of his throne. He feared he knew the answer but he had to ask, "My Lord, did I do something wrong?"

"I give you a simple job--ruin the life of one human--and yet his life keeps improving."

"W-wha-how? I took over his body, drank a liquor store and put him in a car going ninety before I smoked out," Merrit explained.

"Well, he survived the crash. And has managed to meet and fall in love with an honest, good woman--a nurse he met while recovering--not the bimbo that would have wiped him out financially but the mousy one that will honor her vows and make him happy."

Of all the damned luck. "What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to get out. You are clearly unfit to be a demon and are hereby banished from hell."

"Where will I go?"

"Don't know. Don't care. I can't have you fucking up my operation any longer." With that he snapped his fingers and Merritt was transported to the mortal realm.

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