My Muted Heart


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 Just for clearance, this diary isn't about giving in to my mom's way of expressing how I feel. Or about my dad's constant complaining about how I should start talking again --side note: soon I break the record in my small town of Golden's of not speaking.-- But it's more for me. Just wanting to say something, without having to say a thing. So don't get it in your head that I'm just another girl, with a normal life, a normal family, and a normal self. Because to be honest, that's what I would have preferred.

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 "Just one word!" Dad yelled at me. "A phrase, a sentence. A-A something, please!" 

I was doing my homework at 18:36, he had been begging me to say something since I got home, at 14:00. He knew he only had half an hour left until mom was home. Then he would be forced to stop and my mom would try and cover up her begging by "accidentally" spilling something hot or doing something painful to me to get a rise. I still have a scar from last week's "Knife to Remember". I give every incident it's own name. Just to pass time.

"You know she won't say anything, right?" Junior, my big sister barged in like my dad did, ignoring my 'DON'T DISTURB AT ALL!' sign. 

"She's like every guy who will ever like her, worthless." That time I got up and picked up my sound maker headsets. Even though I knew they were dead, because of over-usage. They were laying right beside my vase of close to dead flowers (Curtisy of my mom). I put them on my head and walked back to my geometry homework covered bed. 

"See, she can't even stand up for her self."  I heard right before I clamped them on my ears. Though she didn't know it, I heard Junior scoff as she rocked on her heels and turned off to her room.

Junior, is beautiful, her bouncy curly hair is dark brown -almost black-, with beautifully colored chocolate skin with even darker dark spots only on her cheeks (freckles). She got most of her looks from mom. Though her clothing is all her's (my parents still don't agree with it). 

I heard the front door open after about ten minutes. My dad scampered off to find something to look like he's been doing for the past few hours.

"Jeanne's home!" Junior called, meaning for it to be an alarm for my dad. She was a little late though. 

"I think I would know that." Jeanne (mom) called (she insist we call her by her name so she can feel younger). "Junior, shouldn't you be somewhere? Like school" Jeanne said as Junior walked down the steps, as if she wasn't just there. My room was down stairs and with the door open I have a clear view of the front door, the stairs, and a bit of the kitchen.

"Since when did you start taking night classes?" Dad butted in. Putting down his unread newspaper. 

"Since last week when I was tired of her complaining about how she needs more sleep and night classes made the most sense to her." Jeanne said to dad, but her eyes didn't leave Junior. Even though she wasn't listening to them and was pouring herself a glass of milk. 

"Yes, but now I've realized that with night classes, I can't go to parties. And that sucks." She stopped to take a huge swig of her drink, and started again. "So just sign me back up for Day Classes, so I can go to parties and still get some sleep." Junior finished, I refuse to be surprised anymore that she doesn't have manners. 

How long did it take Magellan to get to get to Hawaii, if he started from Asia? 

The last question on my homework. I knew that Mr. Andrew loved giving us trick questions, and that Magellan never went to Hawaii:

A) 30 days

B) Trick (Nice try)--Flix

C) 124 days

D) 90 hours

I was Mr. Andrew's prized student, with no wrong answers and no disrespect. Teacher's pet. I was usually called or teased at. But as long as my grades could get better, I could get better. 

I got up and closed the door when my mom -seemingly- couldn't take it anymore, (as in didn't try in the first place) and decided to let Junior have Day Classes again. I closed the door with more force than I intended to. It made a loud thud but was quieter than most of Junior's mad slammed doors, so I paid it no mind. 

You know that saying "The younger kids are more spoiled than older"? Well as much as I want it to be true, Junior was spoiled silly. Everything that she wanted she got. Center o' Attention. Her nickname -curtisy of me-. I was just background.

I wish it were still that way. 

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 I don't know when I fell asleep, but next thing I know it's thirty minutes until the bus would roll around and I was still in my jammies. 

I clicked on my T.V to see the weather while I brushed my teeth. 

"On this beautiful morning in Golden, the weather is sun shiny, with a high of ninety and a low of eight-eight." The weatherman exclaimed, happy and peachy as ever. 

"Thank you for that Ty, now on to the sport countdown with Lindsay." The main anchor said, voice almost singsong. 

"Get ready my sport junki-" Lindsay started before I turned it off. I know I seem like such a sport junkie, but it's just not me. 

"Flix! Ten minutes and I'm leaving!" Junior called.

 'Parents must have left.' I thought. If Junior said that while Jeanne was here, she'd get in trouble for giving me "Negative vibes." 

I quickly slipped on a pair of blue jean shorts and a white tee with the letters of 'Love' written in their own peace sign. I lastly grabbed my black and pink tennis shoes and ran out of the room with different socks, not even caring. 

I ran into the kitchen where Junior was using two books and her tablet as a movie stand. Titanic was the movie being played, even though she was supposed to read about it.

"There's a piece of toast in the microwave if you want it." She said. Not bothering to look up. She was wearing a  blue crop top with the words "Stop staring" written in cursive across. And black jeans. 

I look in the microwave to see a half eatin piece of toast, and the rest was wet. I didn't even care, I just closed the door and propped myself against it to put on my shoes. 

"Are you going to say thank you?" Jun asked me. Whipping her head around, just in time to see me stomp down to put on my last shoe. 

I did the sign "For what?". Jeanne forced everyone to take sign language classes when I started my mute. Though I knew Jun spent most of the time in the back, I also knew that she learned some things.

"If I hadn't been here dad would have 'forgotten', " She stopped to make quotation signs in the air. I don't even think she saw my sign. "About his job and kept trying to make you speak." She finished, picking up her backpack to show that the conversation was over. When your a mute there is no calling someone back or getting mad, you just have to live with it.

=== 8:30

The trip was barely bearable with Junior stepping on the brakes every time she saw a store she liked. 

'Third time I've been late over this.' I thought. 'I never even got to ask her why I couldn't take the bus.

Once we were well enough into my schools parking lot, I made her stop the car -by covering her eyes- and got out. Not bothering to look back to Jun's unfiltered words. 

My school was huge. I didn't need to exaggerate it. With an all cobblestone pavement leading up to a brick building covering a thousand acres. The pavement was made to resemble a wheel, in favor of our quote: "The wheel of your mind must be in sync with the wheel of your soul, for your mind to effectively work." 

The quote was welded into a black piece of metal with a golden rim around. Placed right above our entrance. 

"Flix!" It was a girl with creamy skin and almost black hair. 'She could pass as Junior's sister.' I always thought when I saw her. Penn

"Hey Flix, so what's up with the bus driver right?" She caught up to me right as I was about to walk through our garden in the center off the wheel. "He's sick for the fourth time this week!" Penn finished, her hair bouncing with each step. I swatted away a fly before answering.

'I know right' Penn insisted to take the 'Deaf But Heard' classes with my family. She is the only real friend I have. 

We were at the base of the steps when she answered; "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you," She said facing me and going back. "We have a new student, he's a mute. Just like you!" She said as if she was a proud mother who's daughter just got her first friend. "Cool right! Maybe we could add someone to our little posé." 

Penn is my best friend, but she sometimes can be a little talkative. By the time we were to our shared locker (her idea not mine), I had gotten more than enough information on the new mute. Like how he's been known to cause trouble, (well as much trouble as a mute can cause); He's an orphan and won't share anything other than that; And that this is his last school that he's going to get the privilege of going to.  If he's kicked out he has to leave the town, because of some mistake that his mom caused before something happened to her. I stopped her before she went into details about things I didn't need to know. Like how old he is, and the color of his hair. 

Penn stopped in the middle of the hallway and face-palmed herself. "I totally forgot to mention, his name is-"

She was cut short by a group of our football teams players shouting  down the hall. Beating on the navy blue lockers all the way down. 

"What team!" Their captain yelled for an answer.

"Hawks!" The team replied.

"What team are we going to beat on Friday!"


"That's right, so Ladies, Gents, get your tickets now. Until then." Daren the captain turned dramatically in a 360' circle with both pointer fingers in the air. "Stay. In. School!" He beat his fist against a locker right next to him and turned to leave. His fist barley leaving a dent. 

Before all of the members could leave, some stayed behind to 'talk some girls into coming'.

Caleb, one of the jocks, jogged over to us -as in Penn-. I knew how much she hated him, and how much he adored her. 

"Hey Penny, hows it going?" He called over to us, a fraction of a second before Penn scoffed and turned on her high top heels to leave. "Hey wait!" He called after her again. The crowd bunched together once more, and since Penn was short, Caleb's target was harder to reach. 

"So as I was saying Flix, his name is Gave." Penn continued, completely ignoring Caleb. I almost felt bad for him. He wasn't a bad guy. Everyone loved him, he was a part-time volunteer at an animal rescue center, and always helps out where he can. 'Almost felt bad.' I think remembering why she won't talk to him. 

"I have to go, but I'll catch up with you for lunch. Okay?" Penn, said before walking into twin navy blue metal doors. Also known as Band Class. 'With Caleb.' I almost snicker at the thought of how he might try and get her attention. Then I remember how he tarnished that three years ago, when he and Penn dated for not even a month before she found out that he was also dating three other girls, only one of who actually knew he was cheating. 

I was so lost in thought that I completely missed the blue messy haired boy who I collided with. 

All of my books and papers spilled out of my hands and piled on the floor. We both looked up to the alarm as a loud buzzer sound screamed through out the school. Class had started. And I was late

The boy looked up at me with round blue eyes, and for a second, I had the urge to fix my fawn brown hair to the left side of my head. For a second. 

When that second was up, he scolded me. Not bothering to ask to help me pick up my books, and he walked off, in the direction to History class. 

Weird, I thought. Why didn't he yell at me, or say anything when we bumped into each other? Then I remembered that Penn said that there was a new mute. 'Maybe that was him.' But then I also remembered that she said that he caused trouble. So that was probably a another kid who just didn't want to start something. 

I crouched down and picked up my books. I already knew that I was going to be late for Science Class. 

Since Ms. Aarons doesn't allow students in after the bell, I decide to go to Mrs. Otinger's Art Class. Its about a five minute walk from outside the Math Class to there, so by the time I get there it should be 9:43. I knew that she doesn't have first block, so I should have her all to myself.

I start walking almost immediately after I pick up my spiral binder that is supposed to contain math notes, but instead contains little drawings of birds, and flowers, or even buildings. I wouldn't say that I'm a great artist, but according to Penn she would say it for me.

The time it took to get there was a little longer than expected, since one of my pens fell on the floor. Making me pick up that one, but a ELA binder fall. And then a pencil, to a notebook. In the end I decided to just let my pencil stay on the floor, and I get it later. 

I'd better hurry and get it. I thought. If someone trips on it... I would finish, but I was right out side of Ms. Otinger's class. So was a black haired boy, with a plaid shirt and blue jeans. 

"Ah, Flix. Late for class again?" Ms. Otinger's face lite up when she spoke. Almost on cue. "I want to introduce you to someone! This is Gave, he's new here and I was going to come get Penn from Band class, but since your here you can show Gave around the school!" I loved helping her out when ever she needed, but the way Gave looked at me up and down -in a way that made me wish I had added more covering- told me he would make this harder than it needed to be.

I nodded anyway. 


Now I wish I hadn't.





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