Hello readers!

Welcome to my Nanowrimo project: Letters To Myself! This is a YA coming-of-age UK YA novel about seventeen year old sixth form student Morwenna who writes letters to herself in a private diary. These letters open up about experiences within her personal life as well as share some close secrets that no-one else knows about.

Because this is set in England, there will be references to the British School system as well as places that Morwenna visits. Anything that you may find confusing, please do let me know and I'll do my very best to help!

I hope that you enjoy reading and being a part of mine and Morwenna's jouney!

Alice x

PS: Follow my progress on my Twitter @MarriedToBooks3   

Dear Myself,

You were a Christmas present that I unwrapped last week that I didn't ask for nor expect to have been given. But for the Writer in me, I did feel excited about having a place to vent that wasn't in front of other people. In this day in age, social media is where you will see lots of us online on places like Twitter and Facebook ranting about the littlest of things that ticked them off. I have you, Diary, and I'm very confident that writing and confiding in you will be one of the best things this year.

Christmas was a lovely time although sadly, it didn't snow. New Year's Eve on the other hand was spent trying to stop my brother Damien using my TV in my bedroom for his personal use. He's only twelve but he needs to ask me first before trying to unplug everything and causing such a racket. Not a good thing to remember from last year. You shouldn't really be doing coursework over the festive break but because I have mock exams next week, I had no choice but to get the textbooks, the highlighters and all of my notes out and take some time away from my family just to make sure all of my work was in order. I try not to verbally complain about the work, sixth form is difficult for me. Just managing to pass my AS Levels last summer and then onto Year 2. It's safe to say that I'm not enjoying it much. Diary, I get the feeling that once you have that lightbulb moment in which a lightbulb above your head suddenly dings and a new idea forms, you follow through with it no matter how stupid the idea actually is. But, I do have plans. My worry is that my parents won't get involved.

When I started sixth form, my goal was to go to University and study Psychology but after getting only a C at AS Level last year, that passion and drive to accomplish that goal just slithered away. As of right now, January 2017, I haven't returned to that goal. Instead, my mind is leaning towards working with early years children. My Mum is expecting a baby this year in the spring, a little brother or sister for me. The sex of the baby is still a secret because my parents want to be surprised. The nursery at the back of the house has undergone a new paint job, the cot has already been constructed, by my Dad called Scott who loves to keep himself busy and build things. His job is building and repairing computers so... you could see my Dad is a bit of a nerd. It's something that I find interesting, but I've always been too scared to give it a try.

My Mum Cassie, well her full first name is Cassandra works in finance so she knows everything and anything about banks and money, not a lot of people can say that. She isn't strict but from a young age, she made me and Damien get savings and taught us both how to invest money into them and keeping to a budget. I don't mind going out every once in a while to shop but I like to sell some of my old clothes and jewellery for a little bit of cash to spend on myself.

And what about Damien? Well, he's my brother and our relationship is like a rollercoaster or that's how I personally see it as. One day, we could get on right as rain, the next arguing over the littlest of things. Apart from the whole TV incident on New Year's Eve, he has been spending around 95% of the time talking to his school friends about the baby due. There will be a seventeen year gap between myself and the new baby. Why did it take my parents so long to have a third child? Well, Mum was only 20 when she had me, I was a bit of a surprise but then again, I like to be a surprise. Maybe Diary, these entries may contain some surprises, who knows? But that didn't mean my parents hated me because I was born earlier on in their relationship. At the age of two, my parents got married and there's embarrassing video evidence of me walking up the church aisle in this dress that was way too big and heavy for me and falling over flat on my face. Yikes. I'm just thankful the video evidence is on a VHS tape and we don't have anything in the house anymore that plays VHS tapes.

I'm still trying to guess what the baby will look like, children do fascinate me most of the time. Last year in the summer, I did some babysitting for some families in the local neighbourhood to save up some cash which at the time, I was going to put forward for University and paying the tuition fees which sadly are increasing within the coming months. Mum has a firm belief that the fees should be capped at a couple of thousand of pounds but Dad feels that the student loans should be looked at more. Funnily enough, the more I think about potentially walking down the campus of my local University, the more I feel if I really deserve to be there. The sixth form I go too is at my old secondary school, a relatively new build. The majority of students in Year 13 are planning to go to University and for the last few months, I've been listening to their stories of getting offers and what celebrations they are planning for the long summer break after the end of exams in May. If anyone dared ask me where I plan to go, the answer would shock them.

I haven't told you much about me have I Diary? Let's rectify that immediately. My name is Morwenna, don't ask me where my parents got the name from because I don't have a clue. I am seventeen years old and I live in the suburbs of a loud, busy city in a house with a front driveway. My Mum honestly can't drive at the moment but she still does and for someone sixth months pregnant, that's quite dangerous but I don't dare argue with her about it. I don't work right now however, I walk the neighbour's dogs twice a week to earn some pocket money and in the warm months of the year, I wash cars for a small fee. When I don't write here or I'm not in class, you can find me walking around the most random locations and holding a camera. Photography helps me to tell a story when I don't want to get words down on paper or physically open my mouth to speak. Now as I sit under the bedclothes writing this before dinner, if I didn't want to work with children, I would pursue a career in photography!

I think that's all you need to know for now, thanks Diary for not laughing at me. I'm a weird blob trying to navigate the hurdles of the world and life. Will check in again next week.

Yours,

Morwenna.

Dear Myself,

I really want to address all of these letters and random thoughts to myself because who else would really want to read more about how I feel regarding living life and various people that I either get on with or don't? So, I invested in a lock on this book and I only know where the key is to get in. Last week, I mentioned about sitting mock exams so guess what I did this week? I sat all of the exams. Two Psychology, two English Literature, two Business Studies and one assessment for English and Maths since every year at my school, all students have to get their English and Maths levels checked just to see where they are at with those subjects. I did get eleven GCSEs at C and above but that doesn't mean you can't avoid doing the two compulsory subjects at sixth form. And I have to say, I've never felt so disappointed in myself.

I know mock exams are there for a reason but despite the revising I did over the Christmas break as well as in the New Year, I felt my mind not wanting to co-operate with me. Just looking at the walls and classrooms in the sixth form building made me choke up a little inside. Asking for help with things at times can be tricky because I don't want to look like an utter fool in front of my classmates but after all of my exams that I ticked off the list I taped to my wardrobe door, I just wanted to be done with A-Levels, there's no way I'll be able to sit my final exams.

During one of my English Literature mock exams, I noticed the skin on my arms turn a deathly pale colour and a rush of emotions wash over me. Shaking, I asked to be excused and went out of the gym trying not to brick it in front of everyone. As I stood out sipping water, Damien comes along and stops by to see if I'm alright. I just waved my hand and told him not to worry. But in reality, he had to confess to Mum what happened the minute we both got home and thanks to him, I spent almost the entire evening with her just talking and also rubbing her swollen belly where the baby currently occupies.

I think my Mum just wants me to do my very best, her A-Levels experience was rough as well what with not achieving her predicted grades, rejected from University and then fell in love and had me. Sounds like a scene from a movie. I do love her and my Dad but I think my biggest fear Diary is that if I don't do well, I will fail them and end up homeless. Like, it's a stupid thought but I've heard stories of some students in Year 11 and in my year in the sixth form being chucked out of the house and having to spend the night on the streets just because they failed their mock exams. How would that reflect on Damien? Some role model I would end up being. I do know for a fact that some students simply don't care, they would rather spend their time at the local park and kick a football about.

I remember when I was in Year 11 at school and about to apply for sixth forms when a couple of teachers climbed into a car and drove to the local park. They found twenty students there having a kick about and racing each other on BMX bikes. The assembly the following morning was a very uncomfortable and tense place to be. In all my time in education, I don't think I've ever seen so many angry and bitter people screaming at all of us that as a school, we work and learn together and not mess around and get compliant calls and letters from local residents. Even Mum had a strong opinion about the whole matter, telling the rest of us during what should have been a pleasant meal that I shouldn't have gone to that assembly because I wasn't even involved in the whole affair. Dad however said it was educational for me in case I ended up succumbing to peer pressure. Before words were said and actions got out of hand, I excused myself and ran towards my bedroom door, shutting it tight so that I didn't hear the exchange.

The good news Diary is that I haven't heard my parents argue for a long time. Instead each time I walk into my parents bedroom to ask if they would like something to eat or drink, I always see my Dad trying to talk to the bump but getting emotional and not letting Mum out of his sights. They do cuddle and kiss a lot, actions and feelings I personally haven't experienced yet. But life works in mysterious ways so maybe by the end of this year, I might have my first love. Guys have tried to win my affection but I push them all away because I didn't want to be in a romance with anyone since I'm still a student at a school where my classes are more important than trying to dye my hair and spray on fake tan (which I'm allergic to) and get into nightclubs as an underage minor.

Obviously, I'm torn right now between trying to follow the crowd and head off to University or divert away and go somewhere else to study or get a job somewhere. I have to say that careers advice is honestly so biased and stupid, lots of sixth form students have been told to apply for certain degrees so that they get more money but when I refused to budge over what I wanted to do, I was told to my face that I'm a disgrace. Really? The encounter has always stuck with me all this time and the negative thoughts flash back and forth. My parents don't need to know about that but they do need to know what results I get. I have a two week wait and plenty of near sleepless nights I can tell, just worried that I will be thrown out of classes and end up homeless. We'll just have to wait and see.

Going to have a warm bubble bath to see if that cheers me up at a little, locking the door so that no-one comes in to disturb me!

Yours,

Morwenna.