Why do we keep a journal? Is it because you fear you might forget? We all want an audience to bear witness! We all want to be understood in our language, in our voice.  A situation or an event is a shared experience, and no two people will share an experience in the same way. Although you can engage in thoughtful conversation with another, we often just have to get the story out of our own heads. We don’t want our own filters to get in the way of the emotion, our truth. It is brave and selfless to confide in the papyrus! 

You have opened Betty’s journal. You are Betty’s witness. As you read her experiences, maybe you will empathize, criticize, or revolutionize the way you view an aspect of the human condition. 

It takes vulnerability and a true sense of self to share stories in this format. It takes a pure act of nobility to verbalize your view of a shared experience to the other parties. 

After each short essay you will find a few questions meant to sharpen your sense of what has occurred. Betty encourages you to sit with the emotions she has raised within you. Ask yourself if you too have unsettled experiences, unfinished conversations!!

May this working journal enable you to document your version of the story. May this experience be cathartic and empowering! Maybe the penning of a story will be the prompting of a neglected conversation! Even if at this point in the journey you are staring at your own eyes in the mirror, have those conversations that have chained your soul! Your spirit will thank you!!

Growth and strength start from within!

If you are reading this, thank you. So much of my life changed during 2020, and this book started as a coping method. Writing was a therapeutic way to get my feelings out without the hard work of actually facing people. While I wish to remain anonymous at this point, this is a huge step just getting my letters in the open. Baby steps.

If you are one of the intended recipients, I offer no apologies. My feelings are my own. These are the things I wish I was brave enough to say out loud. Because I have done much healing over the past two years, my letter to you today might look a little different. I hope my words reach you, and you see the place of hurt and brokenness from which they were written.

May we all have courage to stand up for ourselves and learn to communicate.

Betty

I've joined the club and now have a diagnosis. 2020 really did a number on me. Between the pandemic and an ugly divorce, I didn't think I would make it.

Not unlike a lot of people, I started taking an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety pill this year. It took a couple weeks to get adjusted, but the results are amazing! Being able to function again is a great feeling. Not having my BFF show up at 6:30 am to drag my ass out of bed and force me to get dressed is a great feeling too. I am eating again and gaining weight. I gave up the liquor to stop whatever evil plan you two had against me.

I was so worried about the stigma that came with these pills, but I realized nobody would know I was taking them unless I told them. I didn't want anyone to know for quite some time, but I learned people are hungry to talk about it. We are all slowly dying inside and want to know we aren't alone.

I fought my therapist when she said I needed the pills. I am Super Woman! I can take on the entire world, and I've never needed help. A wise friend pointed out to me that even superheroes have sidekicks and need help sometimes. I guess my sidekick comes in a prescription bottle.

Now that I've got you under control, I can talk openly about you. You're a problem. A big one. I see what you're doing to my children, and I'm not happy. I will beat you! We will talk about you. We will build our toolbox and sharpen our weapons against you. You cannot win. This mama bear won't let you.

We are out of the gates and straight to the topic of mental health. 2020 sure did a number on me, and I had no idea so many resources were available to me. I was fortunate enough to work for a company that had an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). With this program, I was allowed 8 visits to therapy at no cost.

What resources are available in your community? From your employer?

 I was NOT excited about going to therapy because I felt there was a stigma associated with it, and also because I was in denial there was a problem.

What are your thoughts about having a therapist or seeking council? Have you ever been? What holds you back?

Jot down words that come to mind when you think of therapy:

The first time I visited her, I was prepared to walk in there, say what I needed to say, and walk out confident everything was fine. An hour later I was still rambling, crying, and getting things off my chest. It's amazing the power a simple question has to break open a dam and allow the waters to flow from within. So now I am asking you:

How are you? Really? What's going on in your life? What things are you holding back from those around you?

Write 2 things you wish you could get off your chest:

Two years later we are still digging back into my childhood, my upbringing, my relationship with my parents, the religion in which I was raised, etc. I feel as if she is an archeologist, and we've only scratched the surface.

If an archeologist was digging into your life, what things would they find buried? Sometimes things are buried we cannot remember. Our brains pushed them down deeper and deeper. How would you feel if those things came up to the surface?

Think for a moment. Do the actions you take as an adult result from something that happened in your childhood? The way you were treated, spoken to, or even loved?

Write 10 words to describe your childhood:

The effects of the pandemic and the divorce were tragic on the mind of my 9-year-old. I had no idea she too was struggling because I was so focused on my own tragedy. As a mother of a child who has the diagnosis of Massive Depressive Disorder and high functioning anxiety, the stress is real. I'm talking REAL! We take everything one day at a time, use our words to communicate, and spend lots of time affirming and loving each other. This page is a gentle reminder to check on the kiddos in your life. They need you.