The events which take place in this book are entirely fictional. Any relation to real people is not intended. The events of the story do not, in any way, reflect the author's family or home life, though the main characters' personalities are loosely based on parts of hers.

In addition, a potential content warning to readers sensitive to the following subjects:

Alcohol use

Domestic Abuse

Death

Swearing

Mention of self-harm

Act 1 - Everyone Starts Somewhere

Monday

Death. A lot of people think death is the opposite of life. And it sort of is. But I guess it's sort of like yin and yang. One always exists in the other. They always need each other to exist. Without death, there is no life, and without life, there is no death.

Damn, I'm such a poet, aren't I? Nah. I just have random, fleeting thoughts based on my memories. See, sometimes life can only begin where death does.

I feel like I should describe myself, but there really isn't a lot to know. But for starters, I've been living with my dad my whole life. I've never met my mom.

She died.

Whoa. Dark, right? Whatever. At this point it's just another thought that passes my mind every now and again. It hardly even matters anymore.

You might hear that and think I'm depressed. To that, I say… maybe I am. I don't really know if I'm happy, but nothing is really going wrong at the same time, so I guess I'm just kinda here. It's not the best, but it could be worse.

Is there more to know about me?

“Hey, look, it's Adaggeoh!” I heard someone say to their friend earlier, laughing. My name is Adagio, and he said it wrong to mock me. I turned to glare at him. A short, skinny guy suddenly stopped laughing. I walked up and picked him up by his shirt collar, getting real close to his face.

“That's Adagio. A - Daj - i - o.” I said quietly, emphasizing it clearly, “and if you ever mock me again, I'll make sure that's the last name you hear.” He gulped and scrambled away as I dropped him, chuckling.

No, there really isn't.

Well, except maybe one thing…

I'm a complete and total jerk. Nobody likes me. I respect adults, but there are few people around my age who I won't start a fight with. Those people are the only ones tough enough to beat me in a fight. Which isn't many.

Dallas Clark is one, though I call him Dal. You could sort of call us friends, and I guess you'd be right, but we're not exactly a typical friend group. We don't play games, we don't go places together, we just kinda talk from time to time.

As far as people I can really rely on or trust, there's not really anybody. But I don't need other people. If I've made it this far on my own, I can keep going all the same.

So, if I've got it all worked out, what am I doing writing in some stupid journal? Well, truth is, it's not my own choice. My therapist seems like she hates me, and I can't say I blame her. She gave me this book full of blank pages and now I'm supposed to write one entry every day, at least a thousand words. So, as if having school and homework wasn't enough, now I have this, too. I hate it.

I don't even need therapy, If I'm gonna get help, it's gotta be from someone who has a real job. You know, like a doctor or something. Not some dumb psychologist who just says “write a bazillion words in a journal every single day.” then charges my deadbeat dad, like, half his salary. How does he put up with that garbage? It bugs me. I wouldn't pay half my salary so my stupid kid could get a crap ton of pain every night. She barely even has the credentials to do what she does.

Okay, so I guess I did just vent in the journal for comfort, but hey, I'm still allowed to be annoyed about having to do so.

My dad has been depressed ever since I was born, because of my mom. I never really got the chance to meet her, so I can't say it affected me the same way. But he's always going to the Hospital for this and that. He goes every other week at least.

There's also my brother. He moved away a while ago, so I don't see him anymore. I hardly even cared about him anyways.

As far as my hobbies, I'm not really into video games or reading. I mostly listen to music and watch some TV shows. There's this one British show I like about this time traveler. They took out my favorite character, though. Still good.

As far as music, I listen to anything fast and anything loud. I like metal, rap, rock, and dubstep. Don't ask why I like dubstep, I really couldn't tell you myself.

I also like baking, and I'm pretty good at it.

This is stupid. I feel like I'm introducing myself at school or something. Who am I introducing myself to? Myself? It's a journal. Let's talk about something else.

Some people say I use big words just to make myself sound smarter than I am, and truth is, I do use big words a lot. But I always use them properly. Thing is, I'm plenty smart on my own. I can do math easily, I'm a fast learner, and I've always been at a higher reading level than average. I've never done an official IQ test, but I don't really need to. I'm plenty confident in my intelligence without it.

Also, guys make me sick. Romantically speaking, I mean. I've never been romantically interested in anyone before, one way or another, but I feel like I could date someone eventually, just not a guy.

There's not a lot more to me than that. So, I'm gonna go listen to Linkin Park and go to sleep before school tomorrow.

And then do this all over again.

Screw me.

Tuesday

School sucks. But it's no nine-to-five job. I've got nothing to say to be honest, so I guess I'll just go through my school day. Starting at home. Yeah.

So, as per usual, I ate breakfast, etcetera, but my dad seemed troubled about something. I didn't care though. If he had issues, it's just that. His issues.

On my way out the door, he tacked his hairy lips on my face. I wanted to kill him. I just left and got on the bus, shivering from the chills. Stupid old man.

I got my stuff from my locker before Homeroom. Someone bumped into me in the hall, and I dropped my stuff. I guess he was expecting it to be like some high school drama, where he helps me pick up my stuff, we touch hands, then make out uncontrollably. Yeah, no. We did touch hands. Then I kicked him in his groin. I'm not even straight, let alone actually wanting to be with someone. Suffice to say his punishment was significant. Sorry about that, random guy's future kids. Ha, no I'm not.

In Homeroom, the teacher took attendance, and Dallas hucked a paper ball at me. I thought it was some rando, and I was ready to pound him into next week. Then I realized it was him, remembered my place, and sat my ass down. He chuckled. He's kind of in on the whole thing of how I have no restraint for anyone who I could beat in a fight. He knows that's why we're friends. Like, damn, he'd pat you on the back for winning a competition, and you'd be waking up from a 2-year coma. He's tough.

First hour. Of six. And this day has already felt like it's been ten. The class was mostly chill. I don't mind Science much. Chemical reactions are cool I guess, but I just love when there's a small fire or explosion in some nerd's area, and they just freak out. That didn't happen today, though. Lame.

Second hour. Social Studies. I don't understand why this subject has to exist. Who cares about the fall of ancient civilizations? Or the war between Sparta and Athens? I gotta say, though. There are some pretty tough guys in Sparta. That's the only thing that's ever kept my attention for long. The thought of being born to be a warrior. Or being killed off early for not being tough enough. Either would be preferable to my current life.

Third hour is next. Math is great. In fact, I've become like some kind of human calculator. You could say, “Hey, Dag, my house is 12 feet wide, 20 feet long, and about 8 feet tall. I'm trying to figure out…” and I'd immediately go, “Your house is one thousand, nine hundred and twenty cubic feet.” People don't get me. I don't get me either. We talked about slopes today, though. It was kind of fun, I guess, but not as much as when we got into y = mx+b. Algebra is great. Who says letters don't belong in math? It's like a puzzle game.

Between third and fourth hour, I had lunch. As per usual, I went to a small table in the back with my friends. Or, well, friend. As I was making my way there, I noticed something strange. Someone I didn't recognize. I recognize most people in the school, maybe not by name, but I had at least seen them before.

“Something wrong?” he chimed in.

“No, nothing. Just saw some new kid.”

“Alright.”

We went to our place in the back and ate. As we left, I saw the girl already out the door. She's pretty fast.

Fourth hour, which means it's time for my favorite class. Gym. I love when we're in pairs of two, but I go solo because I'm just that great. And the teach lets me. He's like my old man. He just doesn't care. Dodgeball might be my favorite, or so I thought until these past couple of days. Who knew Badminton was so much fun? I sure as hell didn't. Fourth hour was great.

Fifth hour. Almost there. Although, between classes, someone thought I was just some punk, and started making fun of me for looking so sweaty. Heh. I turned around, and she saw my face. Her eyes widened. She looked like a deer in headlights.

Then I had my health class. Sexual education. Ugh. Stop shoving this sexual bullshit down my throat! I don't want any of that. Sex ed alone is enough to make me ace. I'm only half-joking. That class is the worst. I'd rather have two Social Studies classes every day. It'd be better than this stupid class. Moving on…

Finally. Sixth hour. I was lucky today, I just had Study Hall. Most Study Hall is just people reading or doing homework. But for my class, the teacher usually just chills out, sometimes even sleeping. His only rule is that if he's sleeping, we don't get too loud. That I can do!

Some kids in the back caught my eye. I went up to them. There was a puny boy, a puny girl, and the new girl I saw at lunch. I wanted to get the scoop. So I talked to them. The puny couple started quivering. I recognized them then, they were the boy I had kicked in the groin before Homeroom and the girl who ran off before I could talk to her after Gym class. I didn't recognize the tougher girl.

“What's your deal? You some tough kid who thinks she's all that?” She spoke to me.

Oh, she's dead. She's so dead.

“I… ha. I guess so. These two seem to think so.”

I was sweating. Gym class was two hours ago. Why was I sweating? I could beat her ass in a minute and a half, tops.

“What's the matter? You intimidated that someone's calling you on your BS?”

“No. I could beat you easily. Don't make me prove it.”

She laughed. Did she laugh? What the hell? Who does she think she is? I wanted to punch her in the face. And yet…

“I haven't seen you around much. You new here?”

“Yeah. Been making friends pretty quickly. Today's my first day, so that's kind of a relief.”

Huh. She's making friends… in just one day? It took me weeks before I even met one person that I felt like I could call a “friend”! Just more downsides of being me, I guess. Damn, I haven't been talking! She cleared her throat. I cleared mine louder. We seemed to be in a competition. She won. Not because she's tougher, but because my throat was all dry and tight. What is happening?

“You're awful quiet for someone so…” she gave me a sly smirk, “tough.”

That was smooth. Or at least it felt like it in the moment. I'm done for, I thought.

“Ugh, I don't have time for…” I realized I didn't know anybody's names here. She seemed to notice.

“I'm Aria. My friends are Karlos and Donna.”

“I don't have time for miss Aria, acting all tough to one of the toughest kids in the school.”

She laughed so hard I thought it was all she knew how to do. I just sat down and started… reading? Why was I reading? I never read.

“You're as red as a brick. And equally dense.”

It was Dallas.

“Oh, buzz off, Dallas.”

“Heh, I mean it. You might wanna hide your face before ‘miss Aria, acting all tough’ sees you blush.”

I'm blushing? Why? What's wrong with me? I was interrupted by the bell.

“Lucky you. Your face seems to have cooled off a bit.”

“Heh. Yeah. Catch you later, Dal.”

“Later, Dag.”

I got home, ate dinner, and that's about how my day's been. I'm just writing in this stupid journal now.

What's wrong with me? I'm so tough and immovable, and yet… I was blushing? I need some time to think this day over.