Sarra, Alone in a Strange New World

 

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Preface

Sarra, Alone in a Strange New World is probably my first finished novel. I wrote it when I was 17 or 18, unemployed after my first job ended with two bounced paycheques and a view of my boss driving away in a moving van from what had been the place of my first full time job.

I learned a few lessons with this novel. First, that you can send it many places and get a lot of rejection. Second, that if you try to get someone who brags that they have only ever read one book in their life to read it - even if you’ve written what you think is the best novel ever - they won’t. I remember apologizing to a friend’s teacher when they had been bragging about my writing, saying, “Please don’t listen, he hasn’t read it. Maybe if I get published someday…”

Yes. Life at the edge of adulthood breaks a lot of childhood illusions.

Two children, a marriage and a common-law relationship, several jobs and a few cities later I can look back fondly at my one of my first attempts at being an author and say to myself: at least I never gave up. Because that’s what it comes down to really; the love of what you do, enough that you never give up regardless of whether anybody else likes it because it’s just who you are and what you do and that’s that.

Let’s get to dedications: I’d thank my first employer for the lessons learned but that was such a hateful experience I can’t do that yet – not even 35 years later. I will thank my quasi-fiancé at the time for oh so many lessons learned – regardless, I did once love him very much and you never forget your first love. I thank my dear friends at that time; though we went our separate ways some of us happily have reconnected on social media. So many people I knew back then are gone now, but I am happy to say my mother is still with us at age 96. Finally I dedicate this to the girl I used to be; wish I had as many answers now as I did back then ;).

Catherine M. Harris – July 2015.

Note: This novel was originally written in 1980. Remember that as you read it. It is actually based on a dream I had one night that I turned into a whole novella.

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Chapter 1

 

 

They came from the sky in bright silver balls. Three men emerged, blonde, glowing silver and tall. She watched them come towards her, take her and lead her to their ship. And then they sped off into the night to their homeland.

She shivered. Looking around the room she realized that she was at home, safe in her bed. It was only a dream, but how real it seemed! The time was two a.m. and she could sleep no longer. Her dream had upset her, so she walked out onto the porch to have a cigarette.

Soft mists hung low over the lake, trees stood black against a royal blue sky. The grass was a carpet, plush and brown in the dark. Stars peered from their inky bed, the moon threw beams of light over the waves.

So calming it was in the early morning. All was quiet, nothing moved. Smoke curled from the end of her cigarette and crept like tentacles into the air. She watched the undulating swirls slowly crawling into the heavens. A falling star sped across the sky and disappeared. They never ceased to amaze her, those stars.

She pondered over going for a walk by the lake but stayed on the porch. Not that she was afraid of the dark but there was something eerie about being near the water at night. The waves that lap against the shore are so very black and cold, threatening almost.

A gentle breeze rustled the leaves. Sometimes when she lay in her bed they sounded like rain. This was music to her ears. Somewhere across the lake the bark of a dog echoed over the waved and died out.

Another cigarette and a cup of tea soothed her body but her mind remained troubled. She needed this vacation to get away from people, work and life in general. So far it helped a little, but still she smoked too much and indulged in the occasional glass of wine too often. Even with the clear air she lay awake at night. Nightmares plagued her when she did sleep. None had been so real as the one she had just experienced. It unnerved her like no other had.

A star moved and sped toward the earth. She watched intently as it grew larger. Somewhere off in the hills a whine cut through the air. The sound intensified. Light penetrated the darkness. She was transfixed.

With a whoosh three silver ovals crashed to the ground. They glowed a blue light then burst open. Mist rose and became three beautiful, blonde, glowing men. They were robed in silver that covered all but their heads and their hands.

For a while she stared at them as they stared at her. This can’t be happening, she thought.

“Do not fear,” they said to her by telepathy.

She could feel herself shaking but was unable to move. The man in the middle raised his arms. “Come.”

She didn’t budge. He stepped towards her. She tensed.

“Come.”

She bolted for the door. She turned and was between the men. “How did I get here?” She whimpered.

The man in the middle touched her arm. Tingles ran through her body then all was steeped in black.

She awoke when a brilliant silver oval floated above her. A door opened and the four were drawn inside.

From then on everything swirled around her in a haze. Blonde faces, all alike peered at her, touched her, and spoke to her in her mind.

She blacked out again, and when she awoke she was on a large elevated silver block. Men put little metal rods on her body. She was naked. She screamed.

A hand was placed on her head and numbed her. Thoughts raced through her mind, panic gripped her. Tears flowed silently down her cheeks.

She closed her eyes. When she opened them again she was in a room that glowed a soft blue light. She was alone.

Everything around her looked like metal, but was soft and warm to touch. She searched for the source of the blue light but found none. It came it seemed from the very room itself.

The wall opened up and a man entered. He took her hand, drew her to a chair that was molded from the floor, then sat down beside her.

“Welcome.”

“Where am I?” She asked him.

“On our ship.”

She stared at the floor; tears once more slipping down her cheeks.

“Do not fear us. We will not harm you.”

“Who are you?”

“We are your friends.”

“Some friends.”

“We come not to hurt you. We offer you more than your Earth ever will.”

“At what price?”

“We do not want anything from you.”

“Then why am I here? What do you want?”

“Just you.”

He touched her hair. She winced.

“Such interesting hair. It is so dark.”

“Leave me alone! Haven’t you probed enough?”

“I did not touch you.”

“What in the hell do you want with me? I’m not beautiful or rich or famous. Please, let me go.”

“Please believe me that I do not wish to harm you. We will offer you more than you have ever dreamed is possible.”

“Like what?”

“A new life, no disease or death, freedom. You will learn from us, and us from you.”

“What the hell do you think you can learn from me? Go take a scientist or something.”

He stood up. “Come, we must go.”

He led her through a maze of rounded corridors, then into a room that was lit in a soft green light.

A man sat in a chair at the far end of the room. His suit was a deep blue, and he appeared much older than the others.

“Sit.” Two chairs pushed up from the floor. “Welcome to our ship. I am Naxiia, and he is Xarian. He is to remain with you.”

A woman entered the room, placed a tray before each of them, then quickly left.

“I am afraid our food here is not very appetizing. When we are home you shall taste real food. Eat Sarra, do not be afraid.”

“How do you know my name?”

“We know everything about you. We have been readying you for this all your life.”

A look of alarm passed over her face.

“Do not be frightened, Sarra. Now eat.”

She tasted the bland little squares that lay on her plate. Out of fear she ate them, and then when everyone had eaten then woman returned to clear the plates away. Just as quickly as she had come, she was gone.

“This shall be a pleasant flight, I am sure. We usually have such interesting guests on board.”

“I’d certainly hope not,” Sarra replied.

“Now don’t be spiteful. It does not become you.” Naxiia said.

“Well I wouldn’t be as spiteful if you’d tell me what I’m doing here.”

“Yes, that is definitely a good idea. Quite simply, you are coming to live with us on our planet. That is how it is destined to be. We need you, and we would appreciate it if you’d make an effort to become one of us. Xarian will be your mate. This is not an experiment, but a necessity. Later on we will explain to you why we need you to be his mate, but rest assured that we do have ample numbers of women for our men.”

“Why me?”

“Why any of us? That is the way it is meant to be.”

“I want to go home.”

“Unfortunately that cannot be arranged. Once we reach my planet, your generation will be dead.”

“Dead? What do you mean?”

“We travel at the speed of light. We pass through many black holes and time warps. From our station on your Venus we are able to observe you but when we left our planet, your great-grandparents had just been born. When we arrive at my planet, we will have been gone three of our months. Truly, this is a fascinating science for you.”

“I don’t understand it.”

“We don’t expect you to. This is far too abstract for your comprehension. Soon though, you will understand.”

“Sarra, I appreciate that you are overwhelmed by this, as I am too. Give us a chance, you will like us.” Xarian said.

“How long will I be travelling?”

“That’s what I like to hear!” The Commander exclaimed. “Now in answer to your question, two of your Earth months. Believe me, it will by fast. Now if you will excuse me, I have matters to attend to.”

When they returned to their room, Xarian sat on the floor and gazed thoughtfully at her.

“What are you doing?”

“Just looking. You are quite exquisite. Our women are all alike.”

“I can imagine that would be boring to see after a while. Your men are identical too, to me.”

“Yes,” he said sadly, “that is the way it is with us. We are too perfect. That is why we need you. We even think alike.”

“Earth will never be like that. Our people are just so varied that we could never be alike.”

“We are alike because we chose a norm and placed our mutants on other planets so that we could perfect ourselves. It has been beneficial, however, we are in a position now that we need variants.”

“How could I help you? I’m human. Our chromosome number will be different, that is if you have chromosomes.”

“No, our numbers are the same. You are descendants of us. Your people are our mutants.”

“You mean to say I’m one of you?”

“Yes.”

She sat silently for some time. He put his arms around her shoulders and drew her to him. He stroked her hair, patted her back. She cried, not the quiet tears of before, but in sobs.

He rocked her gently. “Why are you crying?” He asked.

She offered him no reply but sobbed louder.

“I am a kind person. I shall be gentle with you. After all, we have a life to spend together. Let me get to know you. I can see into your mind if I want, but I’d rather have you tell me. I understand that you are frightened and I am too. I know nothing about women, let alone an Earth woman.”

“I’m so tired. Please let me sleep for a while and get my thoughts together.”

“Certainly.”

With a smile he lifted her out of her chair, pressed a notch in the wall and bed emerged from the floor. He placed her on it, wrapped a metal blanket around her and darkened the room. He sat at the end of her bed watching as she fell asleep.

That night she dreamed that Xarian tried to make love to her. She staunchly refused and he began to cry. The room they were in had lights of all colours swirling around them, the air was thick and warm. He let her out of his grasp. She sat back and watched him cry. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he whimpered, “I just want to do my duty to you. Why are you always pushing me away?”

She woke up refreshed and in a pleasant mood. She was naked except for the blanket that covered her.

Xarian lay asleep on another bed, wrapped in a silver blanket like hers. He opened his eyes, saw her watching him and smiled.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Hi. Uh, where are my clothes?” She asked, not a little alarmed that they were missing.

“I have disposed of them. You do not need them here.”

“Well what am I supposed to wear?”

“Stand up.” He said.

“No, I’m naked!”

“Stand up!”

She did, and the blanket became a close fitting but comfortable suit. He did likewise.

“Is that ever weird!” She exclaimed.

“My little earthling,” he laughed, “there are so many wonders here for you to see. Soon you shall be glad that we have brought you with us.”

“Frankly Xarian, I am glad. Last night I couldn’t help thinking about all the problems I’m leaving behind. If I never have to worry about them or people again I’ll be thrilled.”

“Well, you certainly don’t. We are not malicious or egotistical. We are gentle, kind and enjoy life. I know that is how you are, which is why the people on Earth disturbed you so. It pains me to know of the things that those unfeeling humans did to you. But all that is over now. Let us rejoice!” He picked her up and whirled her around the room. “Now is the time to live!”

She laughed. This was just so silly.

A woman carrying two trays walked through the wall. “It is so no nice to see you happy Sarra! Perhaps we can talk sometime. I am Aliese.”

“Thank you,” Sarra said, “perhaps we will.”

They ate and afterwards he led her to the far end of the room, pressed a button and a window was revealed.

“You see that Sarra?” That is the universe.”

“It’s so black and empty.”

“No, that is where you are wrong. There are millions, billions, trillions of life forms out there. Look, there’s a comet in the distance.”

She strained her eyes and farther on a fiery form flew away. “It’s beautiful.”

“You see Sarra, we offer you the universe. The people on Earth are egocentric and so they barely believe in life on other planets. Their minds are so simple that they will not allow themselves to believe that there are other beings much more intelligent that they. You are different Sarra. You have allowed yourself to believe that there are things much greater out there. They condemned you but we do not. You belong with us.”

“Don’t you guys ever get lost out here?”

“No. The distance is great, but not so great that we are unable to log a flight plan into our computers.”

“You have computers?”

“Not the toys you have, but certainly computers.”

“Can I see the ship?”

“Well, not today, but soon. It is always hectic the first few days out.”

“So what do we do until then?”

“How about getting to know each other?”

“And how do we go about doing that?”

“First tell me about Earth.”

“What’s there to tell? You know everything about it.”

“Well then, have you ever gone out with men?”

She blushed. “Yes, many times.”

“Were you ever in love?”

“Once, but that was a long time ago. I haven’t heard from him in over a year. It was nice while it lasted but like all things it had to end.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s all part of growing up. How about you? Have you ever been in love?”

“No. I have not been allowed to be alone with a woman. I’ve seen people make love but they kept me ‘pure’ for you.”

“That’s right nice of them, isn’t it?”

“I think it was. Now I can never compare you with our women, berate them or long for them instead of you.”

“I supposed the logic in that is alright. Still, it’s a little unfair to me, I mean, I had no choice in any of this.”

His face fell. “Does that mean you wish someone else? Do you not find me, well, attractive to you?”

She laughed. “Of course I do. You are the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in my life! I’m just saying that for a society that’s supposed to be just, they certainly are unfair.”

“Don’t say that about us. We do what is right. Nobody goes without.”

The day went by quickly as did the evening. Once again he put her to bed and waited for her to fall asleep.

That night she dreamed almost the same dream as the night before. Again he propositioned her, and again she refused. This time he rested his head in her lap to weep. She stroked his hair and said kind things to him but he continued to cry. For hours they sat there and then when he calmed down she consented, whereupon she woke up.

It was still night when her eyes opened. Soft breathing came from the other bed across from hers. In the darkness he glowed faintly. He looked so innocent and gentle lying there.

She sat up, and as he didn’t move, crept out of her bed. Her blanket stayed behind. She went to him and stared. She had to touch him, to see if he was real. His skin was soft and warm. She crept in bed beside him, still staring. There wasn’t a flaw on his face. He rolled over and touched her. He woke up.

“Why are you here?” He asked her.

“I couldn’t help myself. You looked so warm.”

“You are cold?”

“No, not really.”

“I shall warm you.”

He drew her to him and rubbed her back. Strange stirrings ran through her body. He must have sensed it for he too responded.

“I think I better go back to my own bed now.” She said.

“No don’t, please stay. I like you to lie beside me here. You are so soft and comfortable.”

“I can’t.”

She leapt from his arms and crawled back into her own bed. He lay awake for a while then closed his eyes. She thought she heard quiet sobs, but in the darkness she couldn’t tell whether he was actually crying or not. Soon his breathing was gentle and rhythmic again.

She lay awake for a long while after that. Thoughts of loving him raced through her mind but she pushed them aside. It was too soon, everything was happening too fast. Still, there was that feeling in her abdomen…

She fell into a deep dreamless sleep. When she woke up, the room was bright and Xarian was gone. She lay in bed staring at the ceiling. After a few minutes the wall opened and he walked in with two trays.

“I didn’t wake you did I?” He asked.

“No, not at all. I’ve been awake for a while.”

“You look nice when you’re sleeping. I couldn’t bear to wake you.”

“I’m sorry about last night. I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s alright. I understand that in a strange place you can feel lonely. Feel free to join me whenever you’re scared. After all, that’s what I’m here for.”

“It’s just that I’ve been having the strangest dreams.”

“Not bad ones I hope.”

“No, just weird. I don’t understand them.”

“Tell me, maybe I can help.”

“No, I’d rather not. It’s alright, they’ll go away.”

“If they don’t, remember that I’m here. Anyway, enough of this. Eat your breakfast.”

After breakfast he brought her over to the window. “You see that black spot?”

“Yes.”

“That’s a black hole. We’ll be passing through it shortly.”

“We’re going in there?”

“Now don’t be frightened. I’ve passed through it many times. Believe me, we know what we’re doing.”

“What happens when we go through it?”

“Well, for a minute the lights will go out and the engines will be very loud. Do not fear though, for after the engines become quiet.”

“What happens to the ship?”

“Nothing.”

They watched as the spot became larger and larger. When it looked like they were about to be swallowed up in it, he closed the wall over the window and sat down beside her on the floor.

Sarra was nervous. “I wish I had a cigarette.”

“Your cigarettes are very dangerous.”

“I still want one.”

“I’ll ask our chemist to make you some of our ‘safe’ cigarettes. They are just air but you’d never know it.”

“That would be wonderful.”

“Anything to make you feel at home.”

Suddenly a high whirring sound cracked the stillness. The lights faded and went out. She jumped, he caught her in his arms and hugged her tightly. When the engines shut off, she was crying.

“Oh my poor little earthling! Don’t be afraid. Nothing’s going to happen to us. Don’t worry.”

When her tears subsided, she lifted her head off his chest and gazed up at him.

He smiled softly. She reached up and touched his face.

Without realizing it, he lowered his head and kissed her. She looked at him, startled.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Xarian, it’s alright.” She kissed him softly.

He lay down on the ground and drew her down with him. Again he kissed her, this time with passion. He lay with his head against the floor staring at the ceiling. She rested her head against his chest.

“I wish I knew what’s happening to me.” He said.

“Well, that makes two of us. But, I figure if we have to live our lives together this is a nice way to feel.”

“You’re so right Sarra!”

They kissed for some time until he sat up.

“We have to stop this.” He said.

“Why?”

“I feel so strange. I hurt almost.”

“Where?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll be fine in a minute.”

She giggled. “Poor Xarian.” She stroked his hair and kissed his hand lightly.

They were kissing when the wall opened up and a girl walked in carrying two trays and a glowing cylinder. When she saw them she laughed.

“Well, our innocent Xarian is learning fast!” She placed the trays down beside them, along with the cylinder. “Be good now, Xarian, let’s not get carried away!” She winked at Sarra and left.

Xarian ate in silence.

“What’s wrong?”

“That girl was very rude to you.”

“No, she wasn’t, she was just being cute. Don’t take it personally.” She kissed him gently.

“The lights will come on soon I believe.”

“I kinda like this.” She said.

He smiled. “So do I.” They held each other for what seemed like hours, and then Xarian drew away. “I think I need a break. I really hurt now.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I can’t figure out why it hurts so.”

She laughed. “Don’t worry about it. It’ll pass. Are you ticklish?”

She prodded him softly under the arms. He wriggled out of her reach.

“You are ticklish!” She exclaimed and fronted a full force attack.

They rolled on the floor laughing and tickling each other. The lights came on and he drew her back to the window.

“You see, now we are someplace new!”

Stars burned brilliant reds, blues and golds. Things of many shapes and sizes glided past them.

“This is better than I ever thought it would be.”

“Better?”

“Yes, you see on Earth we have drawings of novas, supernovas and the like but they never looked like this.”

“It never could; what is imagination and what is real are two very different things. They substitute imagination for things they cannot see.”

“I guess I lived in a very false world.”

“Don’t berate Earth. There is much she doesn’t know. We withhold plenty from you. There is much too, that we don’t know and more that we don’t attempt to find out.”

“Why not?”

“Some things are best left alone. Death is one thing that we cannot cure, we can though, prolong life. You see, by conquering death we become Gods, which we are not meant to be.”

“Do your people believe in a God?”

“No.”

“We believe in a God. Our people have been believing in Gods since the beginning of time.”

“Yes, we know. We are your God.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“This is the truth. You are our mutants. We felt it best to leave you to your own resources and guide you when needed. You see, we are not a cruel people. We could have left you to fend for yourselves.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Of course it does.”

“But what about the Bible and angels and all that?”

“In time you will learn about that. But for now, just believe me and soon we will show you what we mean.”

“I wish I knew what’s going on.”

“Sarra, all too soon you will. There is so much for you see and learn about!” He hugged her gently. “Come, we will go to the observation room.”

They passed through many halls and rooms, into different levels of the ship and as he went he explained to her the purpose of each room.

At the end of a hall was a round red door. Xarian pressed on a spot on the wall and the door vanished. They stepped inside. The room was entirely red with chairs that filled the floor. He sat down, pressed some controls and the walls disappeared. She sat beside him and clung to him. “We’re outside! Where are the walls?”

He laughed. “Do not fret. We are safe. This a wall, you just cannot see it.”

She relaxed. Space enveloped them. Colours and shapes were everywhere.

“You see how very small we are? We are nothing compared to this. Out there lies a multitude of planets, some inhabited, each with its own time system, its own galaxy, its own type of life. There are things out here that are beyond imagination. There is so much to see, so little of it will we ever be able to. No one knows the extent of the universe. Perhaps it does have an end; what then? What lies beyond that? You see, the more you learn, the more there is to discover. No one can ever be entirely satisfied. Just think, Sarra, if we were to stay right here we would be stuck in time forever. Over there, see? That is the black hole we came out of to get to Earth.”

“Will we go in there?”

“No, black holes are a one way tunnel. They act as a vacuum. That is why we can travel great distances quickly.”

“I see. You say we go through time warps. Is there any way, if you were to leave your planet right now, that you could land on my planet before you picked me up?”

“Yes. It involves going a different route. We can go to your Earth 300 years ago, or 300 years from now. We cannot go back or ahead more than that.”

“That’s fantastic. Would I ever be able to see the past on Earth?”

“Some day, perhaps, but I would not advise it.”

“Why not?”

“There are many things in history that should be left alone. Much of your history is changed or fabricated. If your people were to find this out a very dangerous situation would arise.”

“And why is that?”

“We cannot let your Earth people know of our existence. Your beliefs would be destroyed and demands would be made of us that we will not fill for you.”

“For a kind race you certainly don’t have much faith in your descendants.”

“You have very little understanding of your relationship with your world. Your people are mutants! You could not survive without our aid. Take for instance your Hitler. He was a psychopath. We gave you Einstein and the atomic bomb and weapons to conquer this man and end the war. Without us you would have been in an era of tyranny that your world has never seen before. We have helped you in many more ways than you could ever think of.”

“If I’m a mutant that what do you need with me? I mean, aren’t I going to pollute your race?”

“Pollute? No! We have planned this. Your great-grandfather was an orphan. His parents are unknown. That is because we placed him on Earth as an infant. That way we ensured your gene purity.”

“How many others have you done this to?”

“As far as I know, about ten.”

“One is already on my planet. You are here, and the other eight are in the planning stages. One will be taken a year from now.”

“Are they all girls?”

“Yes. We see no need for your men.”

“Your men certainly think highly of themselves then!”

“No, not highly, but women are easier to control. Men can impregnate any number of women and we do not want that. Women can be impregnated only once a year.”

“Am I supposed to get pregnant every year?”

“No, that would be harmful. Don’t worry, all our plans are well thought out. We will not let you suffer. We do not let our people suffer so why should we let you? You are one of us.” He kissed her forehead lightly.

What if I can’t get pregnant?”

“You can. We have tested you for that. Besides, if it is physiological we can correct it.”

“And what about you?”

“I have been tested also. I am normal.”

They sat silent for some time. The despondency of Sarra’s position overwhelmed her. She realized that she had no rights; in effect she was a prisoner. Her desire to learn and see things that others could not helped her to accept her predicament, but many of their ideas were against her ethics. She did not wish to be a brood mare, nor did she want to be a guinea pig. Perhaps, she rationalized, all men are guinea pigs. Is there really ever a state of freedom?

“Xarian, how do you feel about all of this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you really want to be part of someone’s plan? Don’t you feel like a guinea pig?”

“No, that is my duty. I don’t have to live, they can dispose of me if they want to.”

“They can?!”

“Anybody can. I could kill you if I wanted to. Fortunately, my sanity and morality will not permit me to. We are fragile, all of us. As long as there is death we are toys in the hand of fate.”

“For a race this is so intellectual, why are you fatalists? Don’t you ever think that you can control your own destiny?”

“Only a little. No one has complete control over anything.”

“I can’t win with you!”

“You cannot win if there is no game.”

“Then what is all of this?”

“This, Sarra, is reality.”

She rose and went to the door. “I think I’d like to leave now.”

Xarian led her out and back to their room. Nothing was said for some time. She sat in a corner and cried. Xarian stared at the ceiling. Food trays were brought in, they ate, then Sarra went to bed.

She slept a dark dreamless night.

Xarian lay awake probing Sarra’s mind. He found confusion, anger and fear. He wanted so much to ease the mind of his little earthling. After all, all of this was not his fault. He was just a pawn, as was she, in the hand of the superiors. He cried. He wanted to slip into her bed and hold, hug the hopelessness from her heart. She was right, all of this wasn’t fair.

He slipped out from his bed and went to her. “You are so innocent, so kind, why must all of this be thrust upon you? You have hurt no one. There is so much I shall give to you. All I ask is your faith. Do not let your heart go cold, that would be a crime.” He closed his eyes and sent images into her subconscious. All were pleasant. “Sarra, I will give you a life of joy.” He kissed her gently and went to the window.

That morning Xarian brought her breakfast in bed. “When we are home you shall have the best food you have ever tasted.”

She smiled.

“I have a present for you.” He handed her a box of imitation cigarettes. “Now you can feel at home.”

“How do you light these?” She asked, pulling one out and turning over.

“Puff it.”

She did, and the best taste of tobacco filled her lungs. It burned as though it was lit. “This is great! Too bad Earth doesn’t have these. So many cancer victims would be alive today if there were some.”

“Some day we will give our recipe to your people.”

When she was finished, he lifted her from the bed and said, “Come, we shall see the ship.”

They went to the Control Room. Several men and women sat around ‘talking’. A large window circled the room. Buttons lined the walls he explained each one to her then he led her to the computer room. The computer was a cylinder, ten feet around, rising to the ceiling.

“That tiny tube runs the whole ship?”

“Oh yes. Its terminals are made entirely of various gases, liquids and crystals. In its memory is enough information to fill a hundred of your best computers.”

He showed her the storage rooms, the laboratories and sleeping quarters. Each room was lit by a different coloured light.

When they returned to their room he gave her lunch and sat by her feet watching her.

“Now what do you think of our ship?”

“It’s incredible. It makes our most sophisticated equipment seem like junk.”

“Well, all of this serves our purpose, as do yours.”

“Why are all your rooms different colours?”

“The light serves a purpose, but I’m afraid you wouldn’t understand. I just barely do.”

“Where does the light come from?”

“The room itself. There’s something in the walls and air that causes that.”

“Well, why is ours blue?”

“It is a sleeping quarters. I believe its intended to relax you.”

“So does it?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Well at least it’s more relaxing than our white lights.”

“Sarra,” he asked shyly, “would you like to make love to me?”

“Why did you ask that?”

“Just curious. We have to some day.”

“I realize that but why right now?”

He smiled. “Why not?”

“Xarian, it makes me nervous to be propositioned like that.”

“I do not wish to make you uncomfortable. I only want to make you happy.”

“On Earth we take our time.”

“We do here too. I have waited.”

“No Xarian.”

He fell silent and remained so until after supper. After she had finished eating, she went over to him and kissed him.

“It’s not that I don’t want you Xarian.”

“Then what is it? Am I repulsive to you?”

“No. I never said that. What if I get pregnant?”

“Then all the ship would rejoice.”

“And if I don’t?”

“No one will know.”

“This whole thing, it scares me. It’s just too much too soon. Can’t you understand that?”

“Everything has been too little too long for me.”

“Well if that’s the case then you can just go to hell!” She stormed off to a corner and sat down.

Xarian hung his head and cried. “I’ve never loved a woman, Sarra. Let me, please, I’ve waited so long.”

“Leave me alone!”

He left the room. Sarra pushed a button, the bed popped up, she threw herself on it and went to sleep.

Xarian sat in the observation room, gazing into space. His emotions were twisted, wounded. One of the women walked in and was shocked to see him there.

“Why are you here Xarian?” She asked him.

“No reason.”

“Xarian! Be truthful.”

“That’s the problem. Nothing!”

“Xarian, that is your duty. Be forceful!”

“How can I be forceful if I don’t know what to do?”

“I’ll teach you.”

“Forget it. It’s Sarra or nothing.”

“You’re not a man!” She stormed out.

“Why me?” He said to the stars.

Later on he returned to the room to find Sarra asleep on the bed. She tossed and turned. Worried, he watched her closely. She screamed.

“Sarra!” He ran to her and cradled her in his arms. She moaned. “Sarra! Wake up!” He kissed her, gently shaking her.

“Oh Xarian!” Tears rolled down her cheeks.

“I’m here Sarra. Everything’s alright.”

“They were clawing at me!”

“Who?”

“Weird creatures on your planet.”

“There are none, Sarra. It is only your imagination.”

“Hold me.”

He crept in bed beside her. As soon as he did, his suit became a blanket.

“Why is this happening to me?” She asked him.

“You have no faith in me. Why do you fear when there is nothing to fear?”

“I don’t know.”

“If you’d let me love you, you will feel better.”

“How’s that?”

“Then you will find that I am almost as human as you.”

“Oh, Xarian!” She hugged him tightly and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

He stared in her eyes, then proceeded to kiss her. They kiss and kissed for an hour at least and then Xarian rolled over and stared at the ceiling.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know what to do next.” He said. “I hurt. Maybe I’m ill.”

“No, that’s not what I’d call it. May it would help if I rubbed it a little..”

“Do you think so?”

“It couldn’t hurt!”

When she touched him, he tensed and drew away. “That makes it worse!”

She giggled. “My poor little Xarian!” She rubbed his chest and kissed him everywhere. Spasms of pleasure shot through his body.

“So this is love!” he said breathlessly. “Sarra, what do I do now?”

“Well, you kiss me and touch me everywhere.”

“Everywhere?”

“Just about, yes.”

He went about it slowly, savouring every kiss. Later he held her and rubbed her back.

“Now can I love you?”

“It makes me so nervous.” She was shivering.

“I am nervous too, but once we do it I’m sure you won’t be ever again.”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t let this make you think that I will think less highly of you then for I won’t. Instead you will make me happier.”

“I don’t know Xarian.”

“What do I have to do to make you understand that I’m not just fulfilling my duty?”

“Xarian, it’s just my nerves that make me say such things. Love me, I want you.”

He hugged her. “Thank you.”

They made love that night, gently sweetly. They fell asleep nestled in each other’s arms.

The remainder of the trip went quickly after that. Xarian and Sarra argued less and she found the aliens more bearable. Her old life had ended; she was no longer a carterpillar but a butterfly, whole, changed and beautiful. Still she was not free by her standards. She would never be free again; the poor butterfly in a cage, transformed but captured, wings to fly with but nowhere to go.

Xarian was euphoric. In the eyes of his shipmates, the eyes of his world, he was a man. Not only had he fulfilled his desires he had quelled for so long but he had done his duty to the race also. Once he impregnated her he would truly be considered a great man. He wanted to test her immediately but she would not allow it; one of the wonders of creation is waiting. She was a human after all, and so he allowed her her idiosyncrasies.

She did not become pregnant on the flight. Xarian was disappointed but this only made him more determined to succeed. When she refused to make love, he would cry, often as not Sarra consented. Sooner or later she would get pregnant.

When flying in outer space it is quite easy to believe you are utterly alone. For some this is true, but it was not so for Sarra and Xarian. They didn’t realize it, but eyes and ears followed them everywhere. There were eyes on the ship, inside the ship, and in their room. All actions were recorded and sent to the planet. Sarra’s doings became the amusement of many; back on the planet the flight was broadcast to many places for all to see.

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Chapter 2: The Planet

 

 

 

 


Before them loomed the planet.  Around it circled three little moons, and on them were several buildings and towers.  Communication systems, Xarian explained.  It took them two days to land.  When they did, all the travelers were placed in a hospital to be examined before release.
 

Sarra was angry.  She suffered great indignity being probed and peered at by everyone.  Some took great amusement in her strangeness.  Others gravely took notes and compiled data.  Even her body did not belong to her anymore; her mind they had taken when she boarded the ship.  There was nothing about her now that they did not know.

Xarian and Sarra were then placed in a room to be observed by psychiatrists and doctors for behavioral patterns.  Once satisfied they allowed them to go to their home to begin their life together.

Their house was sophisticated, far too sophisticated for Sarra to understand.  Patiently Xarian explained it to her, eventually she grasped the fundaments of their technology.  One of their greatest wonders was a room where upon the touch of a button you could see a play, or the news, or view the world.  The characters would leap out before you as though they were right there; touch their image and your hand would pass right through it.

                One night Xarian showed Sarra his planet in the room.  Before her lay crags and craters and mountains of the deepest violet; the sky was a pale mauve, the sun a brilliant orange.  Everything seemed so barren and hostile, truly not a land for these thriving people!  He showed her pictures of their vegetation and their animals, each one stranger than the last.  Still, there was no evidence life on the part of the planet he showed her.

“Xarian, where do your animals live?”  She asked.

“We have some land put aside for them.  There everything grows in abundance, and animals prosper because of it.”

“May I see it?”

“No, Sarra, it is forbidden.  Even I am not permitted to see it.”

“Who does then?”

“The keepers.”

“Your planet is so barren!  How can you live in such a place?”

“It wasn’t before.”

“Before what?”
“The war.  Once there were valleys of ruby and purple, lakes of pink and animals everywhere!  This is where the Irocs lived.  We declared them mutants, they declared us likewise and we fought to the finish.  After that this land flourished no more.  Those Irocs that did not die were cast off into space forever.”

“Can they come back?”

“No, they are long since dead.  As a memory to other mutants they float somewhere in another portion of the galaxy.”

“For a race that says it’s kind, you certainly have been cruel.  How could you do such a thing!”

“Sarra, this was thousands of years ago.  We have since changed.  We were forced to do it.  It was them or us.”

“So no one lives there at all?”

“Not to our knowledge.  Some have claimed to have seen one or two but we can’t find any.”

“That was a horrible thing for you to do!”

“Is it really?  And what of the wars of the Muslims and the Christians?  What of the Protestants and the Catholics?”

“I don’t condone it just because we once had wars like that.  It wasn’t my fault.”

“Nor was this the fault of our people today.  Understand Sarra, that we are where we are now because of the grave mistakes made years ago.”

“And where are you?”

He didn’t answer.

                For the first few days they were left alone.  After that Xarian was called to work and Sarra relished the time to be alone.  She wasn’t allowed to be alone though, and was kept occupied by a constant barrage of visitors.  Some were polite, others treated her as an inferior, and still others made a fool of her for their pleasure.  She complained to Xarian but he refused to turn them away.  “That is our custom,” he explained.

She was not allowed to walk outside; she needed an escort and none were willing to take her.  She became depressed and despondent which only entertained them more.

One day Ariese showed up at her door.  She was pleasant and treated Sarra as an equal.

“Do you find our planet a nice place to live?” She asked Sarra.

“No I don’t.  They think I’m some sort of circus sideshow and I can’t turn them away.  I can’t even be by myself for ten minutes!”

“Don’t worry Sarra, this will all blow over in no time.  Then they will leave you alone.  Would you like me to leave?”

“No, please stay.  You’re the only civil person I’ve met in some time.”

“Thank you.  I’m glad to be of service.  If you need any help, send for me.”

“Oh thank you! I need someone kind to talk to.”  She was weeping bitterly.

Ariese sat by her, stroked her hair, and put comforting thoughts into her mind.

Eventually Sarra calmed down and put her hand on Ariese’s shoulder.  “I’m sorry.  I try not to be like this.  Maybe if I had a child I’d be happier.”

“You have not conceived yet?  Are you sure?”

“I don’t know yet.  I’m waiting.”

“Waiting?  Why Sarra, we’ll go now and find out for you.  Waiting is nice but it is better for you in your state of mind to find out now so that you can try harder if you’re not pregnant.”

“I don’t know.  It’s a custom on Earth to wait.”

“Sarra, this is not Earth!  It is best for you to find out now.  Besides, you must get out this house.  I suppose no one has taken you outside?”

“That’s right.  I don’t know what this city looks like at all.”

“Those ignorant fools.  Do not let them in your house.  They are not worthy of you.”

“Xarian won’t let me turn them away.”

“Well we’ll film them and then he won’t want them here.  He has too much faith in our people.”

“Don’t I know it.”

“Come, let us go now.”

                They went to a red building that was near her home.  Inside a man led her to a table, lay her down and placed a rod on her abdomen.  Sounds emitted from it and he listened for a while.  “You are pregnant.” He said.

Sarra practically danced home.  “Ariese thank you!  You have lightened my heart considerably.”

“Glad to be of service.  Perhaps now we will invite in those idiots and I shall film them.  You relax and I will return shortly.”

Sarra sat back and closed her eyes.  She imagined herself cradling her baby with Xarian gazing adoringly at her.  Her reverie was broken with Ariese’s return.

Ariese set up her equipment and then invited the visitors in.  They stayed and treated Sarra in their usual manner, while Ariese filmed.  When Xarian came home, the visitors left.

Sarra greated him with a kiss and led him to their couch.  “Ariese dropped in to visit me today.”

“That’s nice.” He said.

“She’ll be back soon.  She has something for you to see.”

“Yes?  Is it interesting?”

“Oh, I think you’ll find it interesting.  She took me to the doctor today too.”

“Are you ill?”

“Not ill, Xarian, pregnant.”

“Pregnant!  I must tell my superiors, they’ll be thrilled.”

“Aren’t you thrilled?” She asked him.

“Oh of course my little earthling! Nothing could please me more.” He hugged her and planted a kiss on her forehead.

He went into the kitchen and pressed a few buttons.  Within moments he returned with the most tantalizing dish Sarra had ever tasted.

“Our child shall not want for anything here. He shall be given the best we have to offer.”

“What if it’s a girl?”

“Then she shall be treated likewise.”

                Ariese returned with the film and brought Xarian into the viewing room.  He sat down beside Sarra and watched the film in silence.  When it was finished, he stood up and shouted, “No one shall treat my mate like that!  I shall see that they never return to my home.  My superiors shall be shown this film and they shall punish all those who dared treat Sarra like that!”

Sarra went to him and put her arms around him.  “Don’t punish them, they’re only curious.  Just give me the right to turn them away and I’ll be happy.”

“You want me to just let them go?  I cannot allow that.”

“Please, for my sake, don’t harm them.  There’s already a rift between us and I don’t want it dug any more deeply.  Leave them alone and they’ll leave me alone.”

“Alright but they are not to enter our home again.  Thank you Ariese for enlightening me.”

“Xarian, it was my duty to Sarra.  I couldn’t allow her to stay in the condition she was in.”

“Condition?”

“Yes.  Couldn’t you see was depressed? She cried when she told me how she felt.  It was cruel of you to ignore her wishes. She is not one of us yet, Xarian, and would like you to know that she deserves to be treated fairly in an alien world.  You cannot just take her away from her planet and expect her to adjust instantly.”

“Sarra, I’m sorry.  She is right, I have been cruel.  Now with the baby coming I have every right to protect you.  Do not fear, we aren’t all like those fools were.”

“Thank you Xarian.”

“Xarian, I believe Sarra should have some rest.  I shall go now, and you take care of her!”

That night they made love, and afterwards they both lay awake thinking.  If there was so much their world could offer Sarra, where was it?

“What will happen to our child when it’s born Xarian?”

“Nothing.  Why do you ask that?”

“They won’t take it away from us will they?”

“Why should they do that?”

“I just have this feeling.”

“Don’t worry.  Our child will be safe.  Everything has just overwhelmed you, that’s all.  Now sleep, little mother, you have much to do tomorrow.”

She curled up against him and fell asleep.  Her dreams were not pleasant though, and she awoke several times, fitful and restless.  Every time she fell asleep her dream repeated itself.

She dreamt she was in an office, herself big with child.  She was in her sixth month.  The officer was cold and he explained to her that the child would become the property of the state.  It would be reared away from her.  She screamed and cried to be allowed to keep her child but he refused.  Then she was crawling through waste lands trying to escape.  Hot pink rain fell around her, burning her skin.  She felt she was going to die.  She collapsed later in a damp, cold cave.  Hands clawed at her.  She awoke.

When Xarian woke up, Sarra was crying.  Black rings circled her eyes.

“Sarra, what’s the matter with you? Tell me!”

“Oh God! I had the worst dream.  It didn’t stop.  I’d wake up and then I’d fall asleep and dream the same thing.  It was horrible.  They wanted to take our baby away.”

“They won’t do that Sarra, I promise you.  I’ll bring you something that’ll ease your mind and I’ll get Ariese to watch you.  Don’t worry, you’re just nervous, that’s all.”

Her day went by in a succession of doctors and tests.  They were pleased with the pregnancy and gave her several potions and pills to ensure its success.  When she and Ariese arrived home, she told her about the dreams.

“Sarra, beware.  There’s no telling what the superiors might do.  Whatever you do, don’t tell anyone else about your dreams.  Did you tell Xarian?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Tell him no more.  Should you dream again, tell only me.  There’s a lot you don’t know about our society.”

“You mean they might come true?”  Tears sprang forth and rolled quickly down her cheeks.

“I don’t think so but I have no knowledge of the affairs of state.  I don’t know what they’ll do.”

“Dear God in Heaven, help me!”

“Sarra, calm down.  For the child’s sake, control yourself.”

“If they intend on taking away my baby, there will be no child!  If I can’t have it, nobody does!”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’ll kill it first!”

“Sarra, you have plenty of time to prepare for this.  If they do take it away, you’ll be able to keep the others.  That I do know.”

“And how much time do I have?”

“About five months.”

“Five months?  That’s impossible!”

“No Sarra, the potions they gave you speed up the gestation period.”

“I won’t take them then.”

“You have already taken some.  To stop now would be fatal.”

“Those bastards!”

“Sarra, give in to them.  Don’t fight their wishes.  There is so much you don’t know.”

“Oh hell, I can’t win.”

“This isn’t a game.  This is your life.  Don’t fight fate.”

“I have no choice then?”

“None.  Listen Sarra, how about some films to cheer you up?  Would you like to see the love games?”

“Love games?  What are they?”

“You shall see.”

                Love games is a sport on their planet.  The games are simple.  People make love in weird contortions and positions.  Some are similar to gymnastic feats, others funny, some quite intriguing. Sarra was fascinated. She couldn’t believe that people could actually do that.

Ariese explained that this was an art; her people were trained to do that almost since birth.  Love games are an occupation.  Most people learned a few of the positions but few were able to control their bodies like the professionals.  Expert love artists were heavily in demand.

Stories of the ancient Earth cultures crept to Sarra’s mind.  She had heard that harem dancing girls often performed much like the love artists here do.  Perhaps there was more of connection between their people than she thought.

The early part of her pregnancy passed in a succession of doctors, curious people and officials.  She did not complain, instead she took her problems in stride.  Xarian was pleased with her progress, Sarra however, took to crying late at night and spending most of her free time in bed.  She knew that her actions would pass as being alien to most people here; as long as the superiors remained oblivious to her actions she was safe.

She confided only to Ariese who tried to cheer her up but met with little success.  She was worried.  Ariese had spent many years studying humans and clearly Sarra was not adjusting.  Sarra was obstinate and no amount of effort could get her to comply.  Perhaps Sarra was the wrong candidate for this endeavor.  Her internal strength was great, Ariese knew that, but her emotional strength was far less that was necessary to survive.  What if they do take the child? She often thought, what then?

For a while Sarra’s nightmares vanished.  Towards her third month however, they returned.  Every time Sarra slept they would plague her.  She screamed, cried, tossed and turned.  Xarian tried to calm her but to no success.  He tried potions and pills, still nothing worked.  Each time she woke up he would ask her the nature of her dream and each time she replied, “They’re taking my baby away!”

Xarian had no desire to believe in her dreams.  After all, they had promised him that no harm would come to his children.  They had no reason to trick him; wasn’t he always a faithful subject? He owed his freedom to them. He could have been forced to live on a moon base all his life, instead they offered him a mate and children and freedom.  What more could he ask for?

Sarra talked mostly of Earth to Xarian and Ariese.  She found no pleasure in this alien world, that she made very clear to them.  Someday, she begged, could they let her go home just for a visit?  Xarian and Ariese would pass sympathetic messages to each other in their language while Sarra rambled on.  Everyone pinned their hopes on the baby’s arrival to save them.  Once the baby is born, everything will be alright.  Once the baby is born Sarra won’t have time to spend on homesickness. Once the baby is born…it is amazing what one child can do to people.  They have been known to perform a miracle.

 

 

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Chapter 3: Sarra Escapes

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Chapter 4: An End and a Beginning

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Chapter 5: A Revolution

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Chapter 6: A New World

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