The Constitutional Scandal of 2050

 

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Introduction

“It's 2050. The Queen is still on the throne and the public are starting to get suspicious,” The Home Secretary, Mrs April, said; as she stared across the highly polished desk at Sir Hector, Head of the Royal Household.

“I’m surprised that it has taken them so long to notice,” Sir Hector replied. He always relied on sarcasm when he was uncomfortable and he felt very comfortable in Mrs April’s office. The Home Secretary had too big an expensives budget and too little taste, and the decoration of her office was a victim of that.

“And the press are asking awkward questions, like how can a hundred-and-twenty-four year old woman still be alive,” Mrs April snapped.

“Actually, The Queen died twenty-eight years ago but she’s been kept alive on by the most advanced life-support machine since,” Sir Hector said.

“What!” Mrs April’s almost shouted.

“The Queen took against Camilla, Duchess of Cornwell. Back in 2008, at a Royal Garden Party. Camilla got rather drunk on gin, fell over and landed on top of the Queen’s favourite corgi, Puddles. Killed the little mutt dead,” Sir Hector said.

“Camilla’s dead too?” Mrs April exclaimed.

“No, she killed the corgi. Anyway, the Queen vowed that ‘that woman’ would never be Queen of England.”

“That woman?” Mrs April asked.

“It was what the Queen called Camilla, amongst other things. Anyway, the Queen left instructions that once she had become incapable that she be kept artificially alive until Prince Charles pops his own clogs,” Sir Hector said.

“But Prince Charles died ten years ago.”

“We didn’t feel the Queen would approve of Prince William becoming King, especially after his third marriage to South-East Kardashian,“ Sir Hector explained. “So we decided to wait until Prince George was next in-line for the throne, and then we would finally let the old Queen die. I mean at a hundred-and-twenty-four she’s looking her best.”

“And who thought this was a good idea?” Mrs April said.

“Actually it was Princess Anne’s idea...”

“She’s still alive!” Mrs April also shouted.

“Well, she’s just a head in a jar now but she isn’t short of an opinion or two, though it hasn’t cleaned up her language,” Sir Hector said.

“Sir Hector, we are facing a Royal Constitutional Scandal.”

“We face them every few months Home Secretary,” Sir Hector said. “We survived the last one were former Princess Kate published memoir, Fifty Shades of Royal.”

“This is far worse than that!” Mrs April’s face was now deeply red with anger. “In two weeks Prince George will be marrying his fiancée, England Footballer, Kevin Kevinson, and his hundred-and-twenty-four great-grandmother is still Queen. What are we going to do?”

“What we always do, tell everyone the Queen is ‘indisposed’ and get Prince Harry some more plastic surgery,” Sir Hector said.

“I swear, the Royal Family must be the most dysfunctional family in the country,” Mrs April snapped.

“Actually, they’re only the third most dysfunctional, we’ve done research,” Sir Hector replied.

 

 

 

 

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