I find nothing more erotic than the thought of being at the mercy of a sadistically cruel woman. Even when I was a small child, would hide under my bed and imagine being trapped and helpless. It excited me although I didn't know why.
I discovered masturbation, and continued fantasizing about being helpless. I also added pain to my dark fantasies. I’d hurt myself during masturbation. I didn’t fantasize about girls. I didn’t fantasize about guys. I fantasized about being helpless and someone hurting me. I don't know why, but I started imagining myself as a woman in these fantasies.
When I discovered porn, things changed a little. I didn’t fantasize about having sex with the women in the pictures. They just gave a face and body to the dominating force in my fantasies. They hurt and humiliated me. I loved every minute of it.
I’ve always been this way. I don’t have a tragic past. I don't battle with depression. I’ve never been raped or abused. My childhood was a good one. I always knew both of my parents loved me.
almost 7 years ago
