One of the last of her generation Sister Elizabeth had been a nun since she was sixteen years of age. One of five children she had four sisters and one brother. Their father was a senior bureaucrat in Sydney, Australia. She had gone to school by bus just like her three sisters. Not a brilliant academic Elizabeth, called Liz by her friends, was well-liked by her teachers and her peers. 

Being one of many girls in a school that had no men, well the gardener but he must have been a hundred years old so he did not count, the teenage Elizabeth fell in love with boys more often than not. She smiled at them and they smiled back. An attractive fifteen-year-old girl she would stand at the school gate to watch the senior boys from the local college walk by her school.

Her first dance and she had no one to ask to the most important social function in a teenage girls school life. But her aunt knew a boy just one year older so she contacted his mother. On the night of the dance, he was driven to her door by his father. The father talked to Elizabeth's father. They both looked at the boy. He knew the score so he did not dare smile or even breathe wrong. 

Elizabeth came down the stairs all beautifully dressed in clothes made by her mother. The boy handed her a corsage. She pinned it on her dress. The young teenagers were driven to the door of the function hall for the dance. Elizabeth's father, Vivian Fitzgerald,  said as she was getting out of the car

“Lizzy I will be here to pick you up at 11 pm. Don't keep me waiting.  Be good.”

Blushing beetroot red, Elizabeth walked into the hall just in front of her date. They had their names checked then went into a hall filled with teenagers about their age. The music was loud. The strobe lights were strobe flickering.  Elizabeth nodded to her friends. She felt her partner stiffen up in the strange scene. So she said

“I helped decorate this hall. There is an outside balcony just through that door. Would you like some air?”

Her date stammered

“Yes. That would be great.”

They went out onto the balcony and relaxed into each other's company. Elizabeth found out all about her date. His name was John. He was one year ahead of her at school. He would be a senior at his College the following year. His College was just up the road from her school. She knew it well from watching all its boys walk past her school's gates.

Staying out on the balcony too long they were rounded up by one of the mothers on duty at the dance. Forced to go back to the dance they did what every other couple were doing. The song was a teenage favorite that they knew how to dance to, so that's what they did - with gusto. Then came a slow dance. They danced close to each other. Elizabeth smelt something she often smelt on her father's face after he had shaved. Resting her head on his shoulder she felt a sharp tap on her shoulder. It was another mother making sure couples did not dance too close.

But it was too late for caution. Elizabeth was now in love with John.

After all the non-alcoholic drinks had been consumed and the last dance finished everyone filed out of the hall. Fathers quickly put out their cigarettes and shepherded their daughters into their cars. Partners were left to wait for the girl's father to arrive or, more likely, catch the bus home.

Elizabeth now asked to be allowed to get the train to school. She lied to her parents for the first time in her teenage life. Pretending that she was being bullied on the school bus she asked to be allowed to go by train. Her school was just a short walk from a major station. Elizabeth's mother sensed something was not right so wanted to say no, but Elizabeth was loved and trusted by her father so he said yes provided she was never late home.

Her sisters knew she had told a lie. But their elder sister had set a precedent they intended to exploit when they were fifteen so they did not ruin her game. Her brother, Gerald, was still at primary school so he got a different bus. But only Elizabeth's closet sister was let into her real secret.  That night in their shared bedroom Elizabeth confided

“I met a boy called John. He goes to the boy's college up the road from our school. He catches the train every morning and I am going to catch it with him. Next year he will be a senior!”

The three sisters, Kerry (the oldest), Victoria, Mary, and Anne, talked until midnight about boys. The next morning Elizabeth started a routine that would see her meet John every morning for over a year. That Christmas she went with her family to their beach holiday house, amazingly John's family went to the next beach down. He walked around the cliffs to meet up with Elizabeth.  In the sand, he gave her a friendship ring. They had a blissful three weeks of sand surf and kissing.

At the end of that year, John asked Elizabeth to be his partner at his school's formal. Her mother, Valma,  stretched their budget to get her a store-bought dress. Then she took Elizabeth for her first hair appointment, all the time speaking words of caution into her ears.

The night of the formal was unusually warm. But John was dressed in a suit and he had the mandatory corsage. the two of them had the night of their lives. John gave Elizabeth a pledge ring. They hugged and kissed then they went for a walk along the beach outside the formal function building.  

Elizabeth was in a dream-world of love and had dreams of having a family like her mother. She had one more year of school. John was going to university. They could see their young future clearly. Both turned up for the next chapter in their young lives.

Now that John went to university Elizabeth had to ride the train to school with her sister. walking up the hill to their home they saw a strange car outside their home. Elizabeth's heart skipped a beat when she saw it was John's family car. what could it be doing parked  outside her home.
when she entered her home she saw her mother crying. Not expecting anything Elizabeth rushed to comfort her mother. then she saw her father. He was never home this early. Taking her hand he led Elizabeth into the back garden. Sitting her down on her favorite swing he said in a  voice devoid of any joy

“Little Lizzy life is not always fair. You are young . You will recover from this blow. But it will hurt….bad….”

Then for the first time in her life she saw her dad cry.

So Elizabeth hugged him whilst patting him on the back. Eventually her father stood up and went back inside. Still confused, Elizabeth followed close behind. Going into the lounge room she saw her mother patting the hand of John's father. Seeing her daughter she said

“Elizabeth help me in the kitchen. ”

They both went into the kitchen arm in arm. Elizabeth's mother said

“You Dad could not tell you could he?”

Not understanding the purpose of such a question Elizabeth said
        “Tell me what Mum? Is it about John's father?”

Taking a deep breath her Mom said

“In a way it is but it also affects you. remember when your favorite grandmother died. We came back from the picnic and she had died whilst resting on our porch. You cried so much. It took you a long time to stop being sad. But you did get over it eventually. That will happen again. Trust me on that Liz.”

Elizabeth knew the signs and her mother's every facial signal. So she said warily

“What is it Mum? ”

Her mother took both her hands then said

“There is no easy way to say this love. A bus in the city lost its brakes. That made it crash into a car. Inside that car was a passenger. that passenger was killed. Liz….it was John!”

Shock sometimes robs us of speech. Elizabeth just sat there shaking her head. But the pain in her mother's eyes would not go away. So a very young girl broke down in tears and sobs. Her mother held her in a hug all through the worst moments.

Some ten years later a  nun was sitting on a train as she returned home for Christmas. Memories were flooding her mind so she found herself crying for no reason. then she uttered juts one word

“John..”

After five years on her first mission overseas Elizabeth was a well formed young woman. Until they caught sight of her collar a lot of young men gave her a close look. Elizabeth did not notice them. She no longer looked on young men, or in fact any man, in that way. Now they were brothers, mentors and friends…never anything more.

When she got to her railway station she got her bags and walked up that familiar hill. At the gate of her home was her youngest sister and her brother. they were the only children still left at home.  As Elizabeth reentered her family home for the first time in five years she noticed all the changes. But there standing in the lounge was her Mum. So Elizabeth forgot she was a nun and ran into her embrace.

That Christmas was the last she had with her whole family. Her father got pneumonia the next winter and died. Her older sister got married.  This left her Mum at home with her youngest two children. In the New Year,  Elizabeth reported back to her convent.  

. 

        Elizabeth had a short re-induction session with her  Mother- Superior. Then she was assigned to a mission in India. This sent her out to the local department store to by underclothes for the hot climate she would have to endure in her many years at this mission.

Arriving at the mission after a long flight and even longer bus trip Elizabeth introduced herself to the doctor stationed at the mission. Then she introduced herself to the other nuns. 

This mission was more like a school. The doctor's name was Doctor Mark Thomas Corrigan. M.T. Corrigan MD, as his brass plaque screamed out at the door of the infirmary, mainly treated children illnesses with an occasional medical emergency visits to the local village. The other young nuns were called Sisters Jane, Suzanne, Francine and Gedda. They all had their students to teach each day. These children were from families who were all Roman Catholic. The local Hindu children went to a public school in the village.

Only through the continued patronage of the local village leader, Mister Gupta, was this mission able to operate. The founders had faced considerable hostility from the previous village leader. When he died his son proved to be more flexible. When the then new doctor approached him about providing medical treatment to villagers in exchange for allowing catholic children to attend the mission school, the leader said

“Its a deal Doctor Corrigan. If anyone gives you any trouble tell them to come and see me. They will learn who is the boss of this village.”

So the mission got going again with renewed vigor. the nuns from around the world had come to this mission. They taught the children and helped out in the mission infirmary in times of illness.

Elizabeth was an instant hit with her children. This was her first teaching missionary post. Her last posts had been among the poorest African tribes. That had been hard work to just keep people who were malnourished alive. At least here the children had plenty of food.

Her days never changed except on Sundays. She rose before the sun. Then she helped out in the kitchen to provide a meal for all the students. This was necessary because the village adults all went out into the fields very early. They all wished to avoid the excessive heat either side of midday. 

When her children arrived they sat down with her in the classroom for their meal. She taught them their prayers  and told them about the saint for that day. Classes always began with reading and writing. Then the children did their sums. By lunchtime their brains were lagging. So Elizabeth let them pull out their sleeping mats. After lunch Elizabeth covered history lessons and geography lesson. By the time the students had to go home they were exhausted from their day's mental work. So Elizabeth allowed them a singing lesson. Blessed with perfect pitch Elizabeth sung a favorite song of the children. With glee they all joined in signing that song. 

As they trudged off back to their homes the children waved happily to Elizabeth. She then had to clean up her classroom and prepare her lessons for the next day. Her blackboard was cleaned by her honour student. But Elizabeth always got her blackboard art done that afternoon. Never wanting to rely on her sleep addled brain first thing in the morning, she planned the next days lessons before bedtime.

The nuns had dinner early then went into the infirmary to help the doctor with his case load from the village. They got expert at giving needles and washing out wounds. Elizabeth was in charge of assessing the seriousness of symptoms.  This she did whilst smiling even when she was being abused in Hindu by some male from the village who was trying to jump the queue.

Night prayers followed these sessions then the nuns went to their rooms. Here Elizabeth caught up with her technical reading and her correspondence. Letters had to be posted on Fridays. They were written out on special paper to reduce the cost of postage. As the mission was fully funded by donations from Australia the budget was always tight. Unfortunately for Elizabeth she was the only one who had any bookkeeping training so she was put in charge of drafting the monthly budgets. Some months Elizabeth despaired of ever making ends meet but somehow they always did meet up to keep the mission going.

On Sundays there was no school but there tended to be more medical related visits to the infirmary. So the nuns got up early for mass before spending the day washing wounds, explaining to mothers about how to temper children's coughs and giving needles to prevent disease epidemics. By night time they were all exhausted from their day of ‘rest’.

Months passed then years passed until Elizabeth found that another ten years had gone by in her missionary career. once more she was forced to return to Sydney. Her students cried when they heard the ‘big teacher’ was leaving. As Elizabeth was quiet small of stature this nickname was their little joke.   But it was given with affection. They all truly loved their Australian teacher. 

Elizabeth tried to stay unemotional knowing that her tears would make it worse for the little ones. But she broke down just as the bus was pulling into the school yard. Racing over to her class she hugged them all telling them she would always love each and every one of them forever. the tears flowed everywhere as her bus pulled out of sight of the mission. Elizabeth had a miserably sad trip home.

On arrival at Sydney airport she could not find the one face that mattered more to her tan any other in the whole world. Then she saw her sister and brother waving to her. When they finished hugging Elizabeth said

“Annie? Gerry? Where's Mum?”

Her brother started to cry s her youngest sister said

“Mum's in hospital. She had a stroke last week. She's fine now but would not let us send you a telegram. So don't blame us.”

Hugging both her young siblings Elizabeth said

“Well let's throw my bags somewhere and go to see Mum. I give her a piece of my mind for keeping secrets from me.”

Her sister and brother smiled weakly. they had forgotten what a tower of strength their eldest sister had always been in any emergency. Both of them were glad she was home to shoulder the burden of their Mum's latest illness. 

It took a long time for Elizabeth to get her Mum back onto her feet. Even then the doctors warned Elizabeth that this was a short remission. They told her to prepare her mother's family for her death. Shocked to the core of her faith Elizabeth went into the hospital chapel. Alone she sat down and gave her GOD a piece of her mind. 

Elizabeth's siblings were devastated. They all went into denial. Only her youngest two siblings had an inkling that their mum was ailing. She had kept it from all her other children. Elizabeth called a family meeting at a fast food restaurant they all used to visit with their Dad. Being the oldest Kerry spoke first

“ There are no certainties in life but it seems clearly possible that Mum's illness may be fatal. As a family we have to work out a few things just in case.”

Elizabeth's closet sibling now spoke out. Her name was Victoria and would never respond if called Vicky. But her father gave her a nickname that stuck. He called her “little Queen”. All her siblings once again marveled at how accurate that nickname applied to their sister's character. So none of them were surprised when Victoria said

“This will not happen. I forbid it. No illness will take our Mather away. We will not be amused by any suggestions that she is anything but in the best of health”

Not able to stop himself her youngest sibling, Gerald, said

“Come off it Vicky. If you had seen Mum vomit in the bathroom every night for the last month you would know that something was wrong with her health. Living over in Paris cannot have improved your intelligence much if that is really what you think.”

Once more Elizabeth found herself being the family peacemaker. She jumped in quickly before Victoria could respond. Trying to calm them both she said

“ Look what we think does not matter as regards Mum's health. Her doctors are specialists. They all agree that Mum has a terminal illness. We just have to cope with that prognoses. Now when Mum goes back into hospital…”

Her pedantic youngest sister, Anne, interrupted Elizabeth with this emotional outburst

“IF MUM GOES BACK….goes back….into…into…ah/….hospital. She may…..she…..may…never make it…..back..she may…”

At this point large sobs proceeded from Anne's small chin. Elizabeth went over to her and hugged her tightly. All the sisters went teary eyed and Gerald got busy hiding his own tears.

A strange male voice broke into their shared sadness. It said

“Is everything alright here. I am the store manager. Is there something wrong with the food?”

Elizabeth looked up into the most startling brown eyes she had ever seen on any man. He was very handsome but younger than Elizabeth. She said

“Yes we are fine. It a family tragedy moment that's all the matter with us and our teary faces.”

Impressed by this woman's strength of character the manager said

“Well in that case the meal is on the house. I will arrange for a full refund. Please come again when your family situation improves. Goodbye.”

As he walked away Anne said

“OH he is so beautiful. Did you see those eyes? Just like Dad's were before he got sick.”

Elizabeth caught her breath when she heard these last words. Of course she had forgotten the eyes of her father when he was younger. He even looked a bit like that manager at the same age. Then she looked at Anne's face. Her young sister was clearly smitten. taking advantage of this stroke of luck she said

“Well we are all too upset at the moment for this discussion so lets leave it for another day. Eat your food everyone after all its free. ”

Victoria could never let anyone else have the last say so she exclaimed

“The standard of service at this restaurant has gone down since Father's day. Look at these portions. And my coffee is terrible. In Paris we can get the best coffee in the world. Really it not good enough.”

All her siblings had retorts hovering on their lips but Elizabeth gave them all that look of hers that pleaded for their tolerance. So they did not speak for the rest of the meal. Now all Elizabeth had as fight down the words she wanted to scream at her sister. In her brain the anger yelled out

“THEN DON”T EAT THE FOOD. DON"T DRINK THE COFFEE. MUM's DYING! WHO CARES ABOUT PARIS AND ITS COFFEE?"

Of course for the sake of family harmony she said none of this but could not hide her displeasure. But Gerald saw it written all over her face and could not refrain from laughing.

Back home Elizabeth went into her mother's room. Memories of childhood flooded back as she saw ghost images of Anne and Gerald when they were little. Gerald had a cold so had to sleep in his parents bed so as not to infect the other children. Anne got to go shopping with their Mum. Elizabeth had the job of keeping Gerald in bed. But he would not come away from the window. Then the words of his taunting sister floated into the room

“Bye Gerr-Gerr . I will have ever so much fun at the shops. Mum's buying me ice cream. Its such a pity you can't come. Bye.”

Little Gerald had thrown himself on the bed grinding his teeth. He said in an angry voice

"I hate my sister. Oh not you lovely Lizzie. But weary Kerry I just hate..'

Another voice much older and weaker broke into this daydream. It said

“Elizabeth darling I do wish you wouldn't do that it makes your brow all wrinkled. Now come and tell me all about your family lunch. How did Victoria look in her fine Paris outfit? What shoes did she wear this time? Not the red boots I hope from her last photo? Really they don't suit her one bit. If I have told Victoria once I have told her a thousand times that red is not her colour. When is she coming over? I must get up and make her a glass of those lemonade sodas she liked so much last time. Here helped me get dressed.”

Amazed that her mother would have such energy Elizabeth began helping her chose an outfit. At the same time she answered her mothers' queries

“The lunch was fine. Everyone loved being back at the restaurant dad always took us to for our family treat. Its changed since then but for the better. You can now get coffee that is drinkable. And our meal was free. The manager came over to offer us our meal on the house. Don't look at me like that Mum. It was no miracle. I told you HE does not do miracles anymore. No I think he was young and taken with Anne. Anne certainly like him. As for Vicki her Paris clothes must have cost her husband a week's wages.  The material was satin I am sure of that but also there seemed to be gold braiding in the hem. But your ESP was spot on Mum she did wear those red boots……Now lets try this top with that dress. You know how that blue sets off your complexion so well in the daylight. Vicki will be here for afternoon tea. We can have tea and Vicki can drink one of yours sodas.  Lets set it all up now in your lovely mirrored room.”

The colour of her mother's face rose but not alarmingly so as she seemed very happy. Of course Vicki had always being her favorite. Her mum had once tole Elizabeth that her husband had claimed his oldest daughter as his own personal girl. So when Victoria came along she was being ignored by her father. To compensate for this neglect his wife poured her love and affection into little baby Victoria. It then became a contest between husband and wife over who would spoil their favorite the most. When Anne and Gerald finally turned up Elizabeth's parents had got older and wiser. They began sharing their love and attention equally over all their children. Elizabeth was old enough to accept this demotion in her father's affections. But Victoria somehow resented any time her mother lavished on her siblings.