Hi, there! This is my entry to NaNoWrimo this year. Please find time to read! Comment me your NanoWrimo entries here, so I can read them, too! 

The Story:

The story tells the life of a frustrated artist and musician, Vivien Del’a More. She’s a twenty-three year old woman who entered the world of technology, but her heart seeks the core of arts and music. It was her dream to study a formal education about films, script-writing, theater and composing, or anything related to arts. But due to her family and lack of confidence to herself, she remained hidden away to the world of arts.

Despite the tight schedules of her life, and in spite of her odd circumstances, she remained true to her passion: she kept writing stories and short classical librettos—only that no one knew of it. She almost gave up her dreams until she met a young violinist who would change it all—the violinist Edgar Cordes.

The bow in his hands,

so slim and strong,

soft fingers easily grip.

Chin up, chin rests, 

shoulders are even, arms shifting.

He closes his eyes and peace abides.

Smoothly, gently, tenderly,

He plays the music, the wind blows.

Soon he is taken, indulged into that world of fun.

-- Vivien Del'a More

There is no such thing as bad music. Only bad lyrics. And there is no such thing as bad student, only that you lack “confidence” and you keep thinking that you couldn’t do it, even though you could. Above all, there’s no victory if no one fails, because one has to take the fall in order for the other to win. That is always the case. And I guess, I always have to take the fall.

I’m a university student and my name is Vivien. I turned twenty-three last month, and guess what, I’m still stuck in college. I’m not a bad student, really, or at least that's what I keep telling to myself. It’s just that I don’t love my course. I don’t even know why I’m still enduring it until now. In fact, I lost track of the real reason why I got trapped into this course. 

Ah. I see. I remember it now. I was so young then and full of fire, full of passion, driven by the love of arts—painting, music, and writing. I got a room full of sketches, and in my room I often locked myself up, doing nothing but reciting the poems or stories I often write, if not painting with my charcoal pen. Not to boast, but I was really good at portraits before, my brother often told me that he loved my sketches. In my family though, I’m the only one who bears such passion that sometimes I think I might be a daughter of someone else.

But it was long ago. 

Now? I’m an IT student. Too away from my real dream. 

Oh, I see. I remember. I took the test and got enrolled at a fine university. I was so happy thinking that I could finally pursue my dream. I wanted to major in arts—digital arts. It was said to me that IT courses would offer such field. So I enrolled myself. And to my dismay it was the opposite. 

“Okay, everyone, research about programming and JAVA, and tomorrow we’ll have warm up exercises,” my first professor said during the first class. He informed us what our course was like, and I couldn't remember what kind of face I had then. One thing for sure, I was so traumatized that I couldn't even tell my parents what happened during the first day in college.

And, since that day, I took grudge of the person who told me that IT would major in digital arts. 

“Hey, Vivien!” My friend and classmate, Lucy, taps my shoulder. I’m glad she did, or else I might be taken away again, away into that world I don’t even want to remember. “What do you want?” She adds.

We’re currently strolling in the mall and our favorite hang-out spot is Kaede Store, owned by some Japanese company who offers such affordable things like: slippers, mats, kitchen wares, toilet accessories and of course, foods and snacks. I love their Pocky the most. 

“Nothing really.” I reply, staring back to the set of cookie molders—some are star-shaped, moon-shaped, and heart-shaped. I think it will be nice to bake some cookies and put some art on it. And I think, I’m really into arts…fine arts, theater or whatsoever, as long as it’s not technology! The nerve with technology, and programming, and codes!

“Okay, if you won’t buy anything, just wait us here. John says he wants to buy some room slippers, and oh, there are cute things over there, we’ll check it out.” Lucy says happily. “You sure not want to see them?”

“Just tell me if you’re done. I’ll just roam around here.” I answer. 

“Well, okay.” She says and then she’s gone.

Honestly, I don’t like hanging out in the mall with my classmates, I prefer alone. When I’m alone I could think more, I could observe more. But whenever I’m with them, my peace is somehow different—quite shattered. Sometimes I don’t like it. But then again, I’m not a nut-head, I’m trying to be a good friend too as much as I can. Not because I want to, but I think it’s more appropriate to be with them than being alone—because alone makes me lonelier. Alone makes me think a lot of things, and ideas inside my brain won’t stop, to a point that it’s too noisy even though I’m not talking at all.

Alone…is scary.

But being alone is what makes the real me, because only then I could think that I was once an artist. But if I’m with my friends, I wouldn't think of writing anything at all. It feels like I'm a different person when I'm with them.

Anata wa watashi no ongakudesu…

I’m pacing towards the Pocky section when I suddenly stopped. I look back to search for the voice, there’s no one, and yet the lyrical words keep repeating. The lyrics are Japanese. And I don’t understand a thing about it, but the music amazes me that it made me stop from walking.

Anata wa watashi o kobu…

I think it’s the chorus part, the clear voice of the singer tingles my ears…I could hear the piano. I could hear the drums…and there’s the soft, smooth, and lingering sound of the violin.

The violin…

Forget the voice…

Forget the piano…

And forget the drums. 

There remains the violin’s sound.   

“Vivien!” 

I remain standing, doing nothing, seeing nothing, just listening to the strings of sound. 

“Hey, Vivien! What are you doing?” Lucy smacks my shoulder, only then I notice she’s already beside me. John’s with her, too. 

“Oh, hello there.” I gasp, as if we've just seen each other.

“Don’t hello me, we’re done. What were you doing?” 

“Nothing. Just listening. It’s good music—can’t you hear it?” 

“Hear what?” John asks, his black hair is always messed up. He’s a good friend, but sometimes he is annoying, because he always claims that I’m annoying too like him. 

“The music on the radio!” I say. 

“Nah? It’s Japanese—can you even understand it? It’s not a good music if you can’t understand it.” Lucy replies, she hangs the paper bag onto John’s arm, “You carry it, John.”

“I think I’m just hungry.” I say in return, of course they wouldn't understand. I don’t, too. But I didn't mean about the lyrics…I meant the melody. The music…the beat…and the emotions that the musicians must have been feeling when they performed it. That’s all to it.

“Sometime, I want to write music that every person would understand.”

“What were you saying?” Lucy looks back at me.

“Nothing.” I reply in finality.

The thing is, I don’t even know how to write notes. 

“I think we’ll go to McDonald's’ now. I’m hungry, don’t you agree, Vivien?” John says to me, and I happily nod in return.

“You two understand each other well when it comes to foods, seriously. Why don’t you go out?” Lucy comments as we leave the Kaede Store.

John and I just stare at each other, and then we both laugh, making Lucy annoyed.

“As if I want to date a woman like her! It’s like I’m dating with myself. No thanks, haha.”

I smack John’s head. “The idea of it is even unthinkable! But you don’t have to laugh.”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough now. Stop smacking each other in front of my eyes.” Lucy says, and well, she’s like our referee most of the time. John and I’s personality are similar, only that he’s a guy and instead of liking arts, he likes games more—well, that’s still some arts. Sometimes I don’t want to hang out with him because he’s too loud and annoying.

We pass by at the music store and I couldn't help but to glance at the musical instruments being displayed. I stop from my pace again. There is this violin that I've been admiring ever since who-knows-when, but I couldn't manage to buy it myself for two reasons: 

First, I’m a very practical person. I don’t like wasting money for such instrument I couldn't even use.

Secondly, I just don’t have the courage to buy it. I’d be frustrated even more.

“Vivien! How many stops do you have to make?” Lucy shouts at me, when I turn to them, they’re already far from me. “We’re going to be late in our afternoon class! We still have to eat, you know.”

“Just a moment, alright!” I shout back, then I turn to the displayed violin again. She’s so sexy, shining, and beautiful. Her color is majorly brown with a touch of blue all over her chin rest, her fine tuners are silver and it looks like diamond to my eyes, and her neck is slim. The bow, of course, is like a magical wand, but bows are more magical than wands, because a bow creates music—it creates magical sound. The wand is useless to me. And it got nothing to do with me because I don’t believe in magic, except for the magic that the music provides.

I stop from my daydreaming when I notice a young boy who enters the music store. I couldn't miss to notice him because he walks straight to where my violin is—okay, not really mine, but in my brain it is mine. I see him talking to the saleslady and in the next minute, the violin is on his young hands.

Wait.

Is he going to buy that violin? No way! I've noticed that violin first!

I think I suddenly have an adrenaline rush because I enter the store really quick. I stand beside the boy, not really close, but just few distances away from him. Then I take all my little courage out from my lungs to say ‘that’s mine! I will buy that one! don't you dare touch it!’ 

But then all I did is to open my mouth and say “Ah.” 

Brilliant.

I’m about to say something again but he closes his eyes and plays the violin, making a sound which made my mouth dropped open. I look like an idiot, or an idiot mannequin. Seriously, why did I even enter the store?

He plays and I see him playing my favorite love. His eyes are close, his chin rests on the violin itself, and his arms are long enough for the violin to fit with his posture. The way he handles the bow is something new to me, it’s like he is one with the violin itself, and for that I feel embarrassed. I haven’t even touched one! Poor me.

The first strings of sounds astounded me. He plays the first part of “Amazing Grace” and I couldn't help but listen to it. He’s good…he’s too good for his young age, that I thought to myself do you always have to start young for you to be good at anything? Because…if that’s the case…then…I’m already too late for it. 

I’m so indulged at the music he plays that I didn’t realize the music has already stopped. When I blink my eyes I see him staring at me, only then I notice that he’s actually taller than I—taller! Huh! 

He doesn’t avert my eyes, and I panic deep inside because I thought, ‘Did I annoy him? Did I disturb his play? Now I think that he’s thinking I’m weird because I stared at him playing—terrible! But it’s just that his music is good! Is it weird to listen to it?! Is it always weird?’ 

I blink my eyes many times then I purposely turn to the saleslady, and to break the awkwardness, I ask, “M-miss, do you need part-timers here? I kind of…want to apply.” 

Haha.

What a terrible excuse.