These stories are not true...mostly. They are mostly true but certain portions are not true and have been exaggerated to increase the delight and pleasure of the reader. 

Acknowledgements

This book is dedicated to my father Robert "Bob" Leonard Martin.

Thanks for all the stories that you told us on Boy Scout trips, family vacations, church get together's and all the other times you shared your wit and wisdom with us. 

For my wife Stephenie who can't go a day without saying "Let me tell you a story."

    One lazy afternoon Grandpa Leonard was snoring away in his recliner in the living room when there came a ding dong on the doorbell. Startled Grandpa Leonard woke up and sat up in his chair and mumbled "Applesauce!" Grandma had been making & canning apple butter in the kitchen all day and the sweet aroma of apples & cinnamon filled the house and Grandpa Leonard was dreaming of swimming in a river of applesauce with pineapple fish.

    DINGDONG!  went the doorbell again. "I'm a comin" said Grandpa Leonard as he got out of his chair and headed to the door. He could hear some giggling on the other side as he got closer. Grandpa Leonard threw the door open and proclaimed "Well, what do we have here?"

Standing there was Grandpa & Grandma Leonard's daughter Carolyn and her two kids Carly & Rylan. "It's us Grandpa Leonard." said Carly. "Oh. It is us. Are you U or S?" said Grandpa Leonard with a wink. "I'm Carly & he's Rylan. We're your grandchildren. Did you forget?" replied Carly.

"I never forget. I'm like an elephant. My mind is like a thing made out of metal that you put out in the woods to catch things. That thing. My mind is just like that." explained Grandpa Leonard as he waved his hands around trying to draw the shape he was describing.

"Do you mean a steel trap, Dad?" said his daughter Carolyn as she walked in the house giving him a peck on the cheek. "Mom called and said to come by and get some fresh homemade apple butter."

"She did?" exclaimed Grandpa Leonard. "We don't have any. In fact I've never heard of apples. What are these apples you speak of?"

"Then why is there a half eaten apple next to your chair?" said Rylan as he zoomed in the room and made a quick circle around the coffee table. 

Grandma came around the corner from the kitchen wearing her pink kitchen apron. The grandkids rushed over to her and gave her a big hug, which she then gave them a peck on the forehead. "My what a pretty pink shirt and shoes you have on Carly." said Grandma. "Thank you. I like your pink apron Grandma." replied Carly very politely. 

"Pink?!" exclaimed Grandpa Leonard. "Have I told you kids the Pink Joke?"

"Pink joke? How can pink be a joke? It's a color" said Rylan.

"Well, sit on down and let me tell you a story:

        One day a traveling salesman was driving his pink car down the pink highway and it was getting late so he decided to turn into Hotel Pink and stay for the night. Well he pulled up under the pink canopy, opens his pink door, grabs his pink suitcase and walks up to the pink door opens it, walks across the pink carpet to the pink desk and rings the pink desk bell. Up jumps the bellboy in his pink uniform, "Hello sir. How can I help you?" he says. "Yes, I'd like a room for the night." says the traveling salesman. "Very well sir, for breakfast would you like fruit flavored ring cereal or oatmeal?" asks the pink bellhop. "Fruit flavored ring cereal please." says the salesman. "Excellent choice sir. Let me show you to your room." The pink bellhop walks around the pink desk grabs the pink suitcase of the salesman, walks over to the pink elevator goes up to the second floor, walks down the pink hallway and opens the pink door for the salesman. The salesman goes in with his pink suitcase, takes a shower in the pink bathroom, dries off with the pink towel, puts on his pink pj's, turns on the pink tv and lays down on the pink bed and goes to sleep. 

    Shortly thereafter another traveling salesman in a pink car pulls up under  the pink canopy, opens his pink door, grabs his pink suitcase and walks up to the pink door opens it, walks across the pink carpet to the pink desk and rings the pink desk bell. Up jumps the bellboy in his pink uniform, "Hello sir. How can I help you?" he says. "Yes, I'd like a room for the night." says the traveling salesman. "Very well sir, for breakfast would you like fruit flavored ring cereal or oatmeal?" asks the pink bellhop. "Fruit flavored ring cereal please." says the salesman. "Excellent choice sir. Let me show you to your room." The pink bellhop walks around the pink desk grabs the pink suitcase of the salesman, walks over to the pink elevator goes up to the second floor, walks down the pink hallway and opens the pink door for the salesman. The salesman goes in with his pink suitcase, takes a shower in the pink bathroom, dries off with the pink towel, puts on his pink pj's, turns on the pink tv and lays down on the pink bed and goes to sleep. 

    An hour later another traveling salesman in a pink car pulls up under  the pink canopy, opens his pink door, grabs his pink suitcase and walks up to the pink door opens it walks across the pink carpet to the pink desk and rings the pink desk bell. Up jumps the bellboy in his pink uniform, "Hello sir. How can I help you?" he says. "Yes, I'd like a room for the night." says the traveling salesman. "Very well sir, for breakfast would you like fruit flavored ring cereal or oatmeal?" asks the pink bellhop. "Oatmeal please." says the salesman. "Excellent choice sir. Let me show you to your room." The pink bellhop walks around the pink desk grabs the pink suitcase of the salesman, walks over to the pink elevator goes up to the second floor, walks down the pink hallway and opens the pink door for the salesman. The salesman goes in with his pink suitcase, takes a shower in the pink bathroom, dries off with the pink towel, puts on his pink pj's, turns on the pink tv and lays down on the pink bed and goes to sleep. 

Now, do you kids know what the moral of the story is?" asks Grandpa Leonard 

"Pink is awesome!" says Carly

"How can you sleep in a room that's all pink?" says Rylan

"You're both wrong!" Says Grandpa Leonard. "The moral of the story is that two out of three traveling salesman like fruit flavored ring cereal for breakfast over oatmeal!" 

Grandpa Leonard lets out a big loud roaring laugh and smacks the table with his hand as he's laughing. Carly starts to giggle with him, she always giggles when he laughs like that.

"I don't get it." says Rylan. "That wasn't a punchline. It's like the results of a survey."

"I loved it." says Carly as she gets up from her chair and starts spinning around the room singing. "PINK PINK PINK PINK PINK PINKY PINKY PINKY PINK!"