Your Letter


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Your Letter

You were the storm


The storm I should have kept distance from


So peaceful yet capable of destroying a world filled with laughters 

in seconds


We spent restless nights carving the special memories into this 



Wasted nights; 




Playing video games


Endless amounts of facetime calls 


Your eyes reflected black tourmaline, your personality struck through my chest like a blade keeping a burning sensation.


 Looking into your eyes I found myself lost at the bottom of the ocean, 








you were in so much pain.


 You were like a mountain up in the sky impossible to reach. Filled with barbed wire across every inch of land surrounding you, you didn’t want a reaching hand yet you let me through, in the middle of that mountain I found a gate.


Taller than any door I’ve seen with the touch of my hand it cracked open.


You let me unlock the chamber you hid from the world. 


Inside I found you and a small flame that was slowly burning out.


I was that flame. 


You held me in your arms close to your chest.


The sounds of your beating heart and s l o w e d  breathing reminding you were alive ringed in my ear.


You were holding me protecting me from discovering the real you.


Afraid you may lose control. 


 I trusted you so I stayed behind and promised not to go anywhere,  with time you showered me with affection, s l o w l y  pouring your struggles onto me, I was the only person who understood you. 


But why couldn’t you let me go?


I started to realize how much pain you were putting me through. 


Being locked up in your chamber I couldn’t unlock.


 Were my screams for help, not enough for you to hear me? 


How can you call this a relationship when you stopped putting effort.


Why was I picking all the shattered pieces of glass with bare hands stabbing through each insecurity? 


While I was locked in your chamber, you laughed it off negatively commenting on the person who I thought you loved. 


You didn’t hesitate to take me down when you knew I was at my weakest point in life. 


I was the light to your life and you let it burn. 


The nights we spent texting, quickly turned into me staring at a dark screen with tears rolling down my cheeks. 


I’ve waited 




And waited for your name to appear on my screen.


Yet nothing.


All I could do was pray for the man I fell in love with to come back but never did. 


While you stood out there proud I was the shadow to who you became.


In return, I got treated like this? 


When I decided to cut the last string holding us together, I fell into a deep state of a coma. 


If only I had known the storm was about to get worse.


Taking someone out as important as you was not easy. 


After the first few months, I was lost, being tossed out of your chamber into your dark, rainy and cold forest.


The forest that kills


 The air filled with a heavy thick coat of fog that stuck onto the air. The sounds of thunder rattled through the sky.


The path to finding myself kept getting blocked by your confusion. I walked for miles in a thin white dress pierced by the wounds you stabbed into me. 


Your goal was to ruin me. 


I knew it was officially over when your barbed wire sliced through my wounded skin. 


Fresh blood dripped out from my pale hands, shaking in fear as I fell to my knees when the last waves of thoughts shattered onto me falling from the sky.


This was your way of letting me go. 


I tripped and fell many times thinking I can get you back.

Instead, you laughed and called me ‘ weak’


Even after leaving you, I’ve read the messages you sent.


I wished I’ve never read them, but you know exactly what you said.


You didn’t think twice, how this would affect me. 


Did you think I wouldn’t find out?


I now know that I didn’t change a single thing about you.


And that is not my position


Reaching the front entrance. All the memories of us crashed onto me like a tsunami where then I was pushed out falling deeper into the ocean.


Pressure is getting heavier


It’s harder to breathe. 


No one can hear my screams for help. 


I was left in my ocean of pain, guilt, and jealousy


Sometimes we aren’t meant to read everything. 


If you knew I was suffering from the inside, 


why did you do this to me?


 It took months to rebuild the scars you left. 


Because of you I now struggle with my physical appearance.


Because of you, I don’t want another relationship.


Because of you, I don’t know what trust is.


Because of you, I lost hope.


Because of you, I keep myself protected from another storm.


Because of you, I cried every night.


Because of you, I got rid of the key to my heart


Because of you, I became more insecure


Because of you, I am afraid.


Because of you, I write this.


I worked my ass off for half a year trying to love myself only for you to come back. 


Begging for me.


You begged and begged.


You just couldn’t take “ No” for an answer? 


Therefore you thought  the best decision


Was threatened to kill yourself?  


How would you feel if you were in my position?


No matter how much I refused to send anything,


 I know you’ll never understand what I suffered being by your side. 

 No matter how much you say you’ve changed, you didn’t change a bit.


  I’ll be there for that girl when you do the same thing.


No beautiful soul should have to be put through your satisfaction of use and needs. 


I cried myself to sleep, was my body the only thing you saw of me? 


All the progress I made from recovering felt like nothing after that night.  


But weren’t you the same person who spoke so negatively about my body?


After that night I never texted you again. 


Two years later, here I am fully recovered from your torture meant. 


To think I was in love with a guy


Who never said 


“ I  love you “ once


-Karime Ortiz

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