The government's biggest Top Secret Mission is underway. Stan is in charge of one thing and it is all going smoothly, until the day that Stan unravels it all. Life will never be the same.

When Stan signed up for the Army, he never imagined he’d end up working for the government on the most Top Secret mission ever. He'd only been trying to get away from his mother; who lined his underwear drawer with lavender sachets because, "Women like lavender, it's calming. You want your woman to be calm." And his father, who wanted nothing more than to teach Stan the finer points of hunting. The final straw? Him telling Stan he needed to start shaving his asshole to ensure "a clean wipe while huntin’. You know, so the prey can't smell ya."

Becoming trained in tactical radio operations, was a cool way to be able to sit for long periods with no judgment, so that’s what he did. Stan was a smart guy, despite his upbringing and he learned quickly. He became a leader in the field, for his ability to monitor and report on several communications at once, without loss of data efficacy. However, he was surprised to be called in and told that he would be transferred to a secret location, to help in a secret mission, whose overall goal was...secret. His job? To monitor radio transmissions for the world, reporting on any "white noise" or interruptions in radio signals. Sounded simple.

It was. Stan loved his job. It was easy (monitor, report, monitor) and they paid him a shit-ton of money. He'd had to sign away his first kid in legal documents, take a psych test (which he passed, again, despite his upbringing) and tell the lie the government had made up for him about his assignment; he was working to ID terrorist activity. For all Stan knew, maybe he was.

The single downside was that Stan was bored. He’d only encountered white noise 3 times and no signal interruptions. But, he didn’t complain because the upside was awesome! Plus, he felt powerful when his commander showed him that basically, he owned the radio waves! There was a single switch that could be flipped to shut off all communications. How f&*king cool!

After a few months tho, Stan started to feel...stuck. No friends or a girlfriend, his job had become his life. He was frustrated the mission was so secret and that he lived like a hermit in his dark office, listening to radio geeks, truck drivers, military etc., yet he couldn't talk to anyone. He’d imagine flipping THE switch, announcing himself to the world.

It was during a daydream, as he leaned over the console to yell at an announcer (as he did daily), it happened. He hit THE button. Air left the room. His headphones registered his blunder; a symphony of white noise and before he could stop himself he shouted, "Jesus Christ!" as he fumbled to flip the switch back.

That’s how the world came undone. Religious folks claimed the second coming, atheists worked to atone, now having the proof they’d needed. Religions world-wide became confused and fought. Why Jesus? Why not Allah or Buddha or...Stan?