2,000 words on dreams for the future. 

This project is all about not fearing the unknown. Letting go of worries. Just feeling alive and writing what is important to me or things I have been afraid to say. So, I think it would be best to start with some dreams I have. When all the worries are away, what do I really want for life? My biggest dream is to find a job that I enjoy being at. That doesn't give me anxiety, where I am pushed to my full potential and where I am respected by my peers and can excel. I have had this dream for a while. I don't know what that job would be but I sometimes imagine it has to do with helping people, and or writing. Second, I would love to grow my own food and not have to shop in a supermarket. I would love to make all my meals by going out to my garden and getting what I need. How amazing would that be? I haven't been too successful with this. But I have been making steps in the direction. I have been reading a lot about it, and I attempted to care for a lot of plants in the last year. None have really survived. I don't have any sunlight or a yard but I am gonna give this all a try again! The hardest part is figuring out what part of the year is the beginning and when and how to  begin. Speaking of food, I would also LOVE a beautifully large kitchen with tons of counter space. In the kitchen I would love: something that holds pots above from the ceiling, a vitamix, an awesome miele vacuum for my kitchen floor. A fridge with the freezer on the bottom. A fridge that allows me to fill it with veggies but they don't get soft and bad immediately, speaking of all of this, I would love to just have a fridge to myself for once, without roommate sharing, and it would be great to have a house to myself. In my dream I have a dog. I don't know what kind yet. maybe a pug, maybe a pitbull, maybe a daschund. And a persian cat. And loki. And a child. one, or two. In the dream my child sleeps through the night just like the french parenting book I read, and not like any of the people I have ever met or read about who say they have no sleep, I mean, a girl can dream right? In this dream I have beautiful dinner parties with friends. And I have lushes places full of colorful veggies and i pair wines with cheese and pears. Dessert is coming and everyone cheers! And I have no anxiety and my hair and body looks fabulous. How did she do it? they all say. She looks marvelous. And then I tell them, well, after years and years of struggling with my weight I finally have a beautiful butt and gorgeous legs and I still eat awesome meals. I just am no longer addicted to sugar and fat and carbs. It's hard but it can be done, I tell them. If they want help I could do some training with them and we could work on a meal plan. First thing we gotta do is I have to get them out and running. This is the way to get started. Ill jog by in the morngings and get htem motivated. Then they can come to my beach yoga class I do in the afternoons. I have so much energy and have no need for energy drinks of special shoes because now that I lost the weight my feet don't hurt nearly as much. People love my blog about it and I have been asked to publish a book on how I went from such extremes. I tell them about how crossfit was my biggest fear but now, it is my life. I tell them, if I can do it, anyone can do it. I just had to conquer that fear and after I did, after I stopped worrying about failing, I got up off the couch and now I don't even have a couch! We threw it away! It was just slowing us down. My husband and I spend that time doing activities we never dreamed we'd do! He's so proud of me, and I of him, ever since I started this new job personal training he was my first subject and biggest supporter! He's now packed on some extra muscle he's always dreamed of doing and he pushes me each day to keep it up! We spend our mornings lifting weights and we go for jogs at night with the pups. We live a mostly vegan diet, a plant based meal plan that we really love. 

In this dream Andrew does a job he loves. I won't chose that for him here, just know that he's happy, healthy and we are getting along great. When we aren't out being active, we work on a comedy sketch show that has great ratings online. It developed from our youtube channel and we have been approached by comedy central to do a show. We are excited to begin working with some writers and bringing it to the next level. 

In my dream we don't live near the hustle and bustle of the big cities. We have a little farm, we mostly trade for thigns we don't have and we have an awesome shack out back that we use as a writers room. Clementine is a very good baby. She laughs a lot and she is just discovering life. Everything she does I have to videotape or take a picture and send it to my mom, then to andrew, then to a group text of the girls. We drive in most weekends to the city and do playdates with the others and visit my parents. Clementine has a pretty fun time doing mommy and me yoga and going camping with us and being the heaviest backpack we own when we go hiking! She's only 3 and she has already been to France, Hawaii and Japan. That's the life right? She's getting better  at sign language which we try and speak with her mostly and she;s already showing interest in reading, which we have begun to teach letters and basics. 

On sunday mornings we have breakfast with andrews mom and dad and his mom shows us all the cute dresses she bought Clementine when she was shopping. Andrew's dad giggles and plays with the baby, a lighter side I haven't ever seen of him but knew she would bring out. And then it's time, and andrew gets her bundled up and puts her in the car after we say our goodbyes.

Driving back we stop at Uncle Paul's house, so clementine can see her cousins and we can catch the game. I love catching up with brother on all the things he has been up to! Dad life is treating him well and works been going great. He talks to me about balancing it. He talks to me like my dad always had. I love my talks with dad but this side of Paulie lets me know that one day, when dad's gone, Paulie will be that person I can go to for honest advice. I think of what a great example my dad was, and how awesome it is for there to be an "unlce paul" for clementine just like the one we all know and love. 

My parents are doing amazing. They have retired, they live near the beach. My dad is working on rebuilding an exact replica of the car he had growing up and they have really taken to the healthy lifestyle after reading my book. My mom is committed with daily jogs and they eat a lot more fish now, and have cut back on the red meat. My dad even does a weightlifting class with some of the young guys in the neighborhood. 

My mom is finally gardening like she always had dreamed she could. Its great! She gets a lot of confidence from it and its something we share and work on together when we have time. She is so proud, "look at my tomatoes' she says, and I am so happy for her! It really helps her eat healthy knowing she grew it herself and she's opening up to trying some new things ever since I put in the herb garden for her birthday. 

They spend a lot of days out on the boat. Clementine loves going out with them too, she's got a tiny pink life jacket of her own and she points to the boat in her bath and she says pop pop! 

This was a great project. I feel already like it put into perspective what I want out of life, and what I should strive for and work towards. I am happy that I did this and I would love to reveluate it as time goes on to keep meeting my wants and needs. It's pretty certain conclusion that I definteily want a kid, that i want  to be near family and that i would love an active healthy lifestyle. Those things are clear! So what to do to get that.. I shoudl work on now! first thigns first.. release myself from the expectations, and the fear. focus on writing and accomplishing goals. don't overthink everything. Realize that fear is stopping me from succeeding and its gotta go or its gotta be a motivator, all that matters is what i havre decided matters the most and the steps in the direction of making that life happen. I am in control of my destiny! so seize the day, and make it happy. life is short. get what you can from it. suck it dry. and throw away regrets or worries.. ciao