A Kiss Is Still A Kiss
Hello, my name is Lauryn O'Lyn. I live in a small town in Canada called Darman Falls. It's pretty quiet up here…and lonely, I don't have many friends other than my friend Reina. I've been diagnosed with severe depression after my father died. My dad was like a best friend to me so the topic hurts a lot. Reina's always been there for me even though she only moved here three years ago. I'm currently fourteen and in grade 8. My Life, well it doesn't feel like I have one. Reina feels the same way sometimes, so it's nice to talk to someone who understands what I'm talking about. I talk to Reina almost every day, and at school, I walk around the yard with her talking about life and how we feel. Reina always says to me that all the boys like me. She's wrong. I catch her glare at me in the classroom as I talk to my friend Carton, she thinks he likes me. But I've known Carton for my whole life, or since kindergarten, you can say.
It's a Monday, I dread Mondays. I just talked to my therapist yesterday and she said I need to be social. I don't wanna be that social, I'm good with just Reina. School somehow is my safe place, I can just wash away all the worries and thoughts I have and just focus on something other than my own well-being.
I walk towards my closet and grab my black ripped jeans along with a graphic t-shirt that represents my favourite band, I finish my outfit with a nice plaid shirt around my waist to show some style. I look over at my mirror and brush my beautifully shaded chestnut brown hair, I throw some mascara on and look at my deep blue eyes. I grab my grey backpack and head out of my room to get downstairs. I walk out the door then jump off my porch, I pick up my bike and start riding over to school. I tie my bike to the rack and walk towards Reina.
“Hello,” I say towards Reina. “What's up?” She responds. I look over towards Arthur and see him blush, I blush back then turn back towards Reina. “He likes you Ryn”. I roll my eyes “No he doesn't. Just because he stares at me during class, texts me, hangs out with me does-”. “Does mean he likes you”. “Even if he does I don't so…” “Keep telling yourself that Ryn just keep telling yourself that…” I roll my eyes in response, then she smiles.
The bell rings and we head inside, I walk towards my locker and open it up. I look at the door of my locker and see a picture of my dad...I shed a couple of tears then slam my locker closed.
“BOO!” James says after hiding behind my locker “JEEZ! Holy gosh!”. I put my hand on my heart while breathing heavily, James chuckles softly. “See ya later kiddo,” James says “UGH I'm not a kid!". I catch a smile off of Jameses face as he walks away. I have no smiles to show. Reina also suspects he likes me, but I don't think so. All the boys LOVE Becca, she's apparently the best girl in school. I don't blame the boys though, she's pretty, but she's also not nice. Becca's always thought that everything a competition, even friendships. Every time I play a sport like basketball she'll join to make me jealous. If I hang out with my friends she'll eavesdrop on my conversations. I hate Becca.
Since we're in a small class and small school I don't have literally any friends. I also don't mind. All I need is Reina. But I also need Arthur, because without him…who's gonna be there when I need to ask a question? Who's gonna be there when I need someone to talk to? Who's gonna be there when I need a friend more than a foe? I already know the answer to all those questions…Arthur. He helps me through everything, when my dad passed I started to cry everything out…but then I called Arthur. He ran out his door from a block down and came to comfort me…He's who I need when I'm upset about something…
After I grab my books I head to homeroom. My teacher's name is Ms.Mendes. She's a nice teacher, she understands how I feel most of the time and lets me grab a friend to talk to when I need it. I pick Reina basically all the time, but sometimes I'll pick Rosetta. I only have five friends total. Arthur, Reina, Rosetta, Harry, and Marcus. James kind of is my friend but we'll leave it there.
“Hey, Ryn,” Says Arthur sneaking up from behind me. A smile grows on my face. And only he can make it appear. “Hello, Arthur,” I say trying to hide my smirk. He laughs. “Sure love hiding that beautiful smile of yours aren't ya”. Arthur says while making my smile bloom. I roll my eyes, he cocks a laugh. "I'm gonna head to homeroom now see ya at class Arthur." “Oh, let me walk you then”. “You really don't need to I-”. He cuts me off saying “I wanna walk you Ryn”. I smile “Fine” “You sure are stubborn aren't you?". He says then I hiss “Bit me”. I say, then he smiles “Whatever”.
After Arthur walks me into class I take my seat in the middle row. Becca hisses at me for being with Arthur. She's liked Arthur for as long as I can remember, but I don't care. Ms.Mendes starts speaking and that's the cue for me to start draining out all my thoughts.
“You will be partnered up in groups of two. And before you start to choose your own groups I've chosen for you.” Ms.Mendes says announcing her statement to the whole class. “Carton and Reina, Arthur and Rosetta, James and Lauryn, an-". After she says my name along with Jameses I look over at him with a barfing type of face, he raises his eyebrows in response and I laugh.
It's about the end of class and Arthur and I catch glances, he has these beautiful deep blue eyes with charcoal black hair. Sometimes I catch myself staring at his beautiful straight and wavy hair flow when he bends down. I have this feeling that's like a crush but not really, I'm not sure how I feel about Arthur, but there's definitely something.
“Ryn!” James calls out. “Yep, that's my name”. I say “Can you come over tonight for some studying??” “That depends”. I answer “I might be busy…" I said sounding a little upset. “How so?” “My father…were mourning him tonight and I-”. “Yeah I get it, don't worry another time,” James says while cutting me off. “Thanks, James.” James walks away and Arthur walks over. “Can I talk to you tonight it's gonna be a lot and I just I don't know”. “Of course”. Arthur says after I finish speaking. I quickly wrap my arms around him in a second then whisper in his ear. “Thank you, Arthur, you don't know it but you're the cure to my depression.” He smiles. I walk away to complete the rest of the day.
The rest of the day is boring, I finish my work then head home. Arthur walks me home like he usually does. Reina starts texting me about her day and I put on my fake smile for facetime.
We head to my father's grave after dinner, then I mourn. I loved my father so it hurts when I see his grave. My mother cries, but I don't have enough tears too. My younger sister Emily just hugs me instead of the whole sob thing.
We head home and it's quiet. I don't like when it's quiet but that's how it's been for the last month ever since Dad. I head up to my bedroom and start texting Arthur, he doesn't respond at first but then he answers.
Today at 9:33 pm
Me: Hi can I talk to you?
Arthur: Yea, of course. What's up?
Me: Um we just visited my father's grave…
Arthur: Well r u ok?
Me: I don't know, the feeling will never go away but I gotta stick with it you know? And it's still really hard to watch my sister and my mother cry a lot…
Arthur: Yea that's a good point. I hope you're doing okay.
Me: Thanks. Well sorry, Arthur for always putting this on you…I gotta go to bed now, and thank you for your help!
Arthur: Oh okay, bye Ryn
Conversation ended at 9:49 pm
I wake up at seven o'clock sharp. I get up and make my bed all nice with my red and black plaid sheets. I open my curtains so my room isn't all dark from the grey-coloured walls that are covered with posters and images. I walk towards my closet and grab my red leather jacket with some dark blue jeans also grabbing my white crop-top and sliding in on my body. I look over at my mirror and decide to go a little heavy with my eyeliner.
- Hairs Brushed
- Clothes On
- Room Clean
That's my list for the morning, and all of it's checked off. I head out the door from rushing down the stairs, Arthur surprises me by being at my house on his motorcycle.
“Arthur!? The hell?” I say wondering why he's on a motorcycle. “I just took my brothers”. My smile widens. “B-But you can't get your license yet it's against the rule-”. He stops me short saying “Yea haven't you heard? They put the age down a couple of years in our town”. My smile grows. “Mind driving me after school to get my license??” I say full of excitement! “Sure, if that's what you want.” He says full of mystery. “Well then it's settled, you're driving me to get my license after school.” He laughs “Sure”. He says “Now hop on, I'll drive you to school.” I chuckle. I hop on his motorcycle and grab the spare helmet, I have loved motorcycles ever since I was younger and I've always wanted one since.
As we drive into the school parking lot everyone is shocked and whispering. I get off the motorcycle first and give Arthur his helmet back by placing it on the seat. I pull my hair back into a messy bun and walk away. I head over to Reina who has a big smile on her face.
“Really, motorcycle rides now?” Reina says. “He showed up at my house Rein”. I say snapping back in response. “Whatever”. She says with a huge grin on her face. “You like him”. Says Reina, I roll my eyes in response. “Likes who?” James says eavesdropping on our conversation. “Likes no one”. I say snapping back at James. “Jeez kiddo, don't go all harsh on the adult,” James says. “OH MY GOODNESS STOP!” I say while walking backwards away from them. I turn around and see myself falling on top of Arthur. He's on the ground on his back while I lay on top of him, almost too close but he doesn't seem to care. He brushes a piece of hair from my ponytail and tucks it behind my ear, I feel the whole school's glare on my back as Arthur and I are having a moment. Suddenly I get up so fast I stumble. James catches me before I fall again and I mumble “Thanks both of you”. They smirk, then frown at each other. Maybe Reina's right…They both like me.
I head towards my locker and see every boy and girl stare at me with smirks. Ugh, it's so annoying to be stared at. When I reach my locker I see James coming over towards me. “What do you want?” I say in an annoyed tone. “Um, can I talk to you privately in the library?” He says. “Uh, sure?” I say confused about why he wants to talk to me. James walks me to the library and we sit on the beanbag by the bookshelf. “Um, I don't know how to say this but…” I raise an eyebrow at what he's about to say. “Basically…I like you”. I raise my eyebrows in confusion, then all of the sudden James rushes his hands on my cheeks and kisses me like there's no tomorrow, I rush to pull away but it's too late. “Uh, I'll come back another time…” I gasp at the sight of Arthur, he saw us kissing and somehow that affects my feelings so much.
Arthur walks out the door and I follow him out. “Arthur, what's the problem?” I say rushing out the door. “The problem is you kissed him!” He shouts. “How is that a problem, why does it matter to you who kisses me!?” He pauses for a second, he turns around to face me and yells “Because I'm in love with you!” I go speechless by the words that run out from Arthur's mouth, he feels it too? “A-Arthur I-". He stops me and says “No stop, save the speech for your James.” I shed a couple of tears by the words that had just been spoken. “But he kissed me!” I say quietly. I put my head in my hands and let a few more tears roll down my eyes…And that's the moment I realized, I'm in love with them both.
I head back to Ms. Mendeses's class for math, today's gonna be hard to get through considering all that's happened. Arthur doesn't even look back at me today but Ms.Mendeses's next announcement has everyone shook.
“You'll be working in groups of three for your math project about fractions”. She says. “Rosetta, Becca, and Reina. Arthur, James, and Lauryn…” Ms.Mendes announces more names but I don't even dare to bother who's in them, out of everybody in our class ME, ARTHUR, AND JAMES! This is going to be bad. “Everybody go to your assigned room and begin your project.” Ms.Mendes says to the class. We head for the student hang out in complete silence, Arthur is making it way more awkward than it should be.
“I'll do the illustrations”. I say “I-I'll do the writing”. Arthur says “I'll do the research.” Says James. We all work away in different corners of the room until the periods finished. I'm in love with you he said. I just feel terrible for him now. And terrible for myself too.
It'a the end of the day and I walk out of the school building. I walk towards Arthur who's getting on his motorcycle, I see him frown when I walk towards him. “Are you still driving me to get my license?” I say feeling really awkward by the circumstances were in. “Uh, yeah sure.” He says. I can tell he feels awkward. I hop on his motorcycle and we drive in silence.
“Here we are.” Arthur says slowly with a deep sign. “Thanks Arthur.” I say “No problem.” I walk into the city hall doors to get my license.
I walk back out the doors with a huge grin on my face. I got my license! Theres a whole bunch of motorcycle shops right near the city hall, so I walk over a pick the one with the orange seat. I've been saving up for a motorcycle all my life, and now I can finally buy one.
I pay the dealership and head out with my new bike. I jump on and go for a ride, I pass the few turns and feel the breeze of my face. The wind is washing my hair back and just letting it flow. I slowly start to think about James and Arthur…And I start to cry. For some reason I cry so hard, not just for them but for myself. What have I gotten myself into? I say in my head. It just keeps swirling around my head, on and on and on. Until suddenly I don't watch but then see myself taking the turn to the dead end…and CRASH!
My head is blank and all I can hear is BEEP BEEP BEEP. I don't know where I am and I'm scared. All I see is black, I hear yelling and screaming and people whispering to one another. Is this hell? I think about my past and nothing comes up. Where am I and why am I here?
“Lauryn…Lauryn… If you can hear me squeeze my hand!” I can tell that's my mother by her voice. I yell to her “YES, YES I'M HERE! MOTHER!" I say…But no one responds. I try to squeeze my hand but nothing happens. I'm scared...I don't know what's happening and it's freaking me out. I dose off into a huge sleep that feels like forever…and I don't wake up.
I rush up from where I was laying and I gasp. “What, Where, Who, Why am I-” I say confused. “In the hospital miss.” A girl says while looking at me. “Your name is Lauryn O'Lyn You live in Darman Falls and you crashed your motorcycle and went into a coma plus sprained your two legs.” I gasp, then it all comes back to me…The fall the thoughts the reasons…It was all because of me…I start to sob and see my mother and sister rush into the room while giving me a huge hug. I smile from their warmth and share the hug back. I see Arthur standing in the doorway with a bouquet of flowers, I smile. The smile suddenly turns to a frown when I see Becca coming over towards him and kissing him passionately. Is my rival dating Arthur? I think for a moment, no that's not possible…He doesn't like her. Arthur and Becca walk into the room holding hands, they ARE together. For some reason I get this feeling in my chest that hurts…Is this heartbreak?
“Hey Ryn, I'm really sorry”. He says sounding really upset. “Why are you sorry? This isn't your fault”. I say out loud lying. “Yea it is. I left you while you were getting your license…It is my fault,” Arthur says, I shake my head no but he keeps denying it. “C'mon Arthur let's go”. Becca says stealing Arthur away from me. He plops the flowers on my bed while walking away. He winks before he leaves and that leaves a smile on my face.
It's about a day after I've woken up and I'm ready to go home. I feel terribly sorry for my mother and sister because all I've left them is pain…
I get home and see a big sign that says “Welcome Back Lauryn!” I smile at the kind gesture. I walk in with my crutches because I'm not able to walk. Luckily my thigh on my left leg is sprained and my ankle on my right leg is sprained so I don't have to go in a wheelchair. I see Emily, Rosetta, Reina, Arthur, Mom, James, and unfortunately Becca all sitting on the chairs and couches in our living room. I smile once again but head up to my bedroom.
“Where are you going?” Mom asks. “Up to my room”. I say sounding upset and tired. “No, we have guests and your not leaving." She says all demanding. “Well I didn't even say I wanted people over ma! When did I say I did!? I want to go to my room so leave me alone! Your welcome to stay but I'm leaving,” I say all upset. I get to my room and slam the door, I lay my crutches on my wall and I lay on my bed. I face the opposite direction of my door so I don't have to face anyone.
“KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!”. I hear on the door. “I don't give permission for whoever wants to come in,” I say yelling louder than I probably should have. I hear the door creak open and I sigh. “What you don't even want Arthur to come in?” Arthur says. “I don't know”. I say, he sighs. “What's the matter with you Ryn?” “Are you dating Becca?” I say, snapping back at him. “Yea, why?” “I don't know just curious”. He chuckles. “You liked me back?” I shrug my shoulders in response. “Ha!” He says. “If only I waited a month…” I smile. “Yeah, you should've”. He strokes my hair as I still am looking away, then he whispers in my ear…"Your beautiful…" I blush at the words coming out of Arthur's mouth, I feel special around him and when I am around him I don't let my horrific thoughts consume me…because I need Arthur…And he needs me.
After Arthur and I talk a little bit he heads out of my room. I ask Emily to grab my pj's from my closet and lay them on my bed. She does what I said and lays them there. She gives me a huge hug and leaves with some tears coming from her face. I hate that I bring them pain…But soon I won't leave them any.
It's the next morning and I head to school. My mother drives me because I can't ride my bike. “No more motorcycle rides!” She says. “But ma!” I say all sad and upset. “Yes, no more till your sixteen!” I sigh “Fine”. After our conversation, we drive in complete silence. We arrive at the school and everyone is saying to me “I'm so sorry”. And I HATE IT! I walk inside the school to grab some stuff from my locker, I head to the bathroom and see something terrible. James and Becca are kissing. I gasp at the sight but they don't bother to look at who's there. I try to run out of the bathroom but Becca follows me right out.
“Hey!” Becca calls out. “Uh, what?” I say trying not to sound like I saw anything. “I know you saw!” She says. “You won't tell Arthur”. “Oh and I am and I will tell Arthur!” “Haha, he won't believe you!” I limp away trying to find Arthur. I keep calling out his name until I hear him say “Yep, that's my name”. I sigh in relief, I speak “Arthur…I'm really sorry!” “For what?” He says. “I-I saw James and Becca kissing…!” I say sounding all sad for what I witnessed. “Really Ryn! Your upset because you and I couldn't be together so now you're trying to ruin my relationship! Wow for someone so kind-hearted this is some next-level shit!” I cry I drop my crutches and head for the rooftop, my legs hurt so much but I ignore the pain.
I'm on the rooftop and all I can hear is Beccas words repeating over and over again…"He won't believe you!" She said I cry even more. I crouch into a ball and just let it all out. He doesn't believe me! How can he not! Why would I ruin his relationship! I see James run up the rooftop stairs and smile.
“You finally got what you deserved Kiddo!” He says all mean and fierce. “What do you mean?” I say while still sobbing. “You have played with my feelings ever since I showed you how I feel! Do you know how that feels!” “No…I don't” “Yeah, that's what I thought!” “J-Just leave me alone!” “No” “Yes” “No” “YES!” He pauses for a second and turns around, I stand up from sitting and stand on the edge of the rooftop. I face my chest to James and say “James I'll leave”. “What do you mean…?” He turns around to face me then speaks. “HOLY SHIT RYN! GET DOWN FROM THERE!” I see Arthur rush up from the staircase everything he says is a blur as I begin to slowly fall…