'John Scwartz,'

It came over every able receptor and speaker worldwide. Caressed either side by white noise, it boomed itself around the world. Filling the ears of anyone who cared to hear it, and a lot of people who didn't.

'John Scwartz,' it said.

The world stopped for a moment, eyes locking on devices, cars crashing and no-one noticing, all waiting for something more. For what would come next. 

'John Scwartz,' it said. 

The name heard round the world. 

'Your order is ready,'

And that was mostly it. 

Everyone waited for something more but it never came. Or maybe it did, but it was for another table and we just didn't hear it. This left many people very agitated and a lot of others very annoyed, and then a small portion of the population who didn't really seem to mind at all. However in hindsight it appears that they may have been suffering hearing loss. 

And while most people began to clear up the mess created or start cults or watch Game of Thrones, the John Scwartz-es of the world were afflicted with the sudden and irrevocable need to be very very high up. Most ignored it. 

However one man made it his duty to get to the very top of the world and find out exactly what this was all about. This man's name was John Scwartz. He spent several months training, learnt a great deal many things, re-kindled his marriage, lost weight, and learned how to apply hard butter to warm toast without ripping it to shreds. He was truly a remarkable man. 

And when his time came to climb the great Mt. Everest, he almost felt that he didn't need to. But he did it anyone because he had spent a large amount of money on this climbing stuff and it wasn't going to sit in his garage forever. 

When John Scwartz arrived at the very highest point he could reach, he looked into the face of God.

'I'm here to collect my order,' the words drifted off into the mountains. 

And God came down and handed John a Cheese sandwich on Rye.

Legend has it that God said something to John up there, however no-one is quite sure what it was and John is one of those annoying guys who just sits there and smiles and nods and looks dreamily out at the sunset from his 3 story beach home he bought with the royalties from a book he wrote about the whole adventure. 

John's book 'It would have been warm if you got here on time,' never tells you what God said to him all the way up there, but I guess we just weren't meant to know.