Menopause and Men


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Author's Notes

To write a novel you obviously have to get inspiration from somewhere.I have been lucky enough to have met a lot of inspirational ,eccentric ,crazy,compassionate people in my life.Some who think outside the square some who's thought are in the stratosphere and some who are happy to take refuge in what society preaches to be normal.One thing is for sure every single one of them has made me laugh made me cry. Made me question my own existence challenged me but most of all allowed me to be who I am.

For this I thank you.............

For those who ask is this novel bare any resemblance to them my answer is

"Everyone Is My Muse"

"Blessed are the weird people........ poets , misfits ,writers , mystics ,painters and troubadours.For they teach us to see the world through different eyes " - Jacob Norby

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Life Down The Toilet Bowl

Midlife crisis with night sweats to prove it...............tick

Has - been author who hasn't published a book in a decade and is not likely too ever again......tick

Grown up children that don't give a fuck and think your their personal ATM machine ....tick 

Soon to be divorced from gambling stoner that can't keep his dick in his pants and blew our life savings..............tick

Moving back to  my home town (to live with my parents) because I am a middle aged,washed up loser.That has nowhere else to go so has to sponge off her parents and listen to I told you so............. Double tick........ 

Charlotte Thomas stared intently into the bathroom mirror.Her grey T-shirt that she preferred to wear to bed outlined her sagging  swinging 14DD breasts matched perfectly with her dull grey sweat pants.Her dark brown hair fell into a tangled mess just below her shoulders.Dark circles formed under her lower eyelids,a result of watching marathon episodes of Orange is the New Black on Netflix.
Charlie as she was affectionately known pulled her T-shirt over her head removed her pants and turned on the shower.The warmth of the water caressed her body.Thoughts consumed her and just like the last three weeks tears started to flow freely down her cheeks.She slid down the wall tiles to the bottom of the shower floor and the little voice inside her head confirmed what she already knew.
Her life was a disaster.Forty three years old and for the first time since college on her own.
Her soon to be ex husband Ben was a self diagnosed serial sex addict.He had told Charlie "I love you babe but I get urges you know and just like people that collect things I need to have sex with other woman." Charlie could not figure out the comparison between collecting things and collecting woman .
Who the fuck did he think he was ? Hugh Hefner........
Just like that after twenty one years of marriage it was all over but that wasn't the only confession her son of a bitch  soon to be  ex husband had made.
Ben had gambling debts and had not paid the mortgage for months so the bank was foreclosing on the house.The same old house that she had raised her two children in and had done mostly on her own because Ben lets face it wasn't even capable to look after  goldfish let alone himself.
Charlie managed to pull herself up from the floor she turned off the faucet and stepped out of the shower.
She dried herself  and noticed yes there it was another stretch mark on her rear.How the hell does that happen ? Understandable if I had rough sex , a bit of bondage  but reality is there had been no fifty shades of grey in this little barren babes world ......No sex  whatsoever hadn't been on the menu for quite some time and the reality was the drought was not going to end anytime soon.Charlie rummaged through her neatly packed suitcase and found her favourite bra.
Push up bras were such a great invention Charlie thought .You can go from your ladies down south to pointing firmly out west in seconds.The black lace was her choice for today and the spandex would pay homage to her size14 figure.She slid on a oversized jumper and slipped her jeans on .Like always the coat hanger had to be slipped into her zipper.She laid on her bed breathed in and pulled the coat hanger as hard as she could.With a little luck the zipper fastened.Time for a little lippy and then the long drawn out drive ahead.Yes the time had come to go back to the future................



Suzy Cook glanced at her rear view mirror."Need to powder my nose again.It's standing out like a bloody neon sign " Suzy could not understand how the spider veins in her nose became a deep purple.Must just happen to woman over forty she thought.
The drive through liquor store attendant gave Suzy a  wry smile and spoke in a sarcastic tone "The usual Sue...z"
Suzy starred at him with blood shot eyes "Is the sky blue" she replied.
Suzy stared at the bottle shop attendant as he took care of her order.His name was Steve and she had vivid memories of a night she had slept with him.
Way too many tequila shots that night and the bar was pretty quite so there wasn't a lot of choices.Steve it was and Suzy had huge regrets ever since .After all he wasn't that good and he was a post scratcher.Yes his bed post had lines in the wood that Steve had deliberately scratched out.One line for each of his conquests and he made sure everybody in Driftwood knew about it.Steve spent his spare time at the gym pumping weights and dealing the odd steroid or two.Steve loved himself and fancied himself as the next Arnold Swarznegger though he did have one small doubt in his head.He couldn't get it up lately and it didn't occur to him it would have anything to do with the over use of steroids.Instantly a thought crept into his head .Maybe a couple of viagra might help.Yes that would fix it.Must be just a little overused he chuckled to himself.
"Anything else I can do for you sues? Cause you know I'm good for it  and I must say your glowing right now" as he handed her the two litre wine cast.
Sues gave him the death Stare "Fuck off Steve" then cranked up the radio to the belting noise of Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones planted her foot on the accelerator and sped off out of the drive way...................
Ten minutes later Suzy was sitting out the front of her run down rented shack sitting on her favourite outdoor chair staring out at the river enjoying her first glass of wine even though it was eleven am in the morning it was five o'clock somewhere and it was Saturday of course she had worked hard all week she deserved a drink or two.Suzy knew she was kidding herself .In another few hours the wine cask would be empty and it really did not matter what day of the week it was.For a minute she felt guilty maybe she did have a drinking problem but everybody has a crutch don't they.No one goes through life without some skeleton in there closet.Fuck it she thought no one knows what a stressfull job she had.
Twenty three years she had devoted her life to wiping dribble cleaning bedpans putting up with verbal abuse and wiping backsides and even been groped in the hallway by a ninety seven year old eccentric dirty old man who still thought he had something to offer .
It wasn't all bad she had met some wonderfull elderly people in Driftwood Nursing Home.She had got close to a lot of residence and treated them like they were her own family but just like her own family they had left her.
Susy had vowed she would not get close to anyone ever again.Don't get close and you don't get hurt was her new found philosophy.She would just continue on as usual it was not like she had nobody.She had her little mongrel mixed breed dog Malcolm and she had a handful of close friends.Suzy even had something to celebrate.Her best friend was moving back to town.Good old Charlie.There would be no more holiday visits .Charlie would be moving back to Driftwood permanently.Suzy picked up her wine glass and saluted to the sun."I will drink to that " she yelled out loud and downed the glass in one gulp.....


Bambi Reed fixed herself a herbal tea of chamomile and sat down on her swing chair and gazed out at the river.Such a beautiful summers day and quite a lot of organising to do yes Bambi had busy days ahead.Her daughter was making her way back to Driftwood.She couldn't contain her excitement and of course there was a party to prepare for.A welcoming home party for Charlie.Poor Charlie she thought.If only she had never met that no hoper Ben.What a poor excuse for a man he was.If only Charlie had listened.It was in the cards after all .The tarot never lied .Bambi had known that more than most.The cards were her calling and she managed to even give the willing pensioners a free reading every Tuesday at the local bowling club.Most of the time it was a positive experience but every now and then Bambi had pulled the death card.Not that the death card meant meeting your maker .Sometimes the death card simply meant renewal and having a fresh start.Most of her clients though were over seventy and when Bambi pulled the death card it was only a matter of days before the grim reaper came knocking at the door.Coincidence maybe however there was only the odd few at Driftwood Bowling that had decided against her free offering.Bambi was determined though even when old Cobber Martin had challenged her and told her " What could you possibly see in my future Bambi? Im seventy years of age.Is a hot blonde going to sweep me off my decrepit old knees and make wild love to me.No course not cause I wouldn't be able to give her a standing ovation ........I'm going to die! your going to die !The whole bloody Bowling club is sitting around waiting to die.So stick your cards were the sun don't shine!!!  Bambi found cobbers words offensive but Bambi did believe in freedom of speech.
No she had found her calling and could see into the future and she intended to share her gift with all of Driftwood.
Bambi's gaze drifted toward the river.Her eye sight wasn't what it used to be but she could see two silhouettes in the distance.The pair looked like they were sitting on the bank enjoying the view.Then a smell filtered through the air right from where the couple were sitting.Bambi knew what the scent was immediately.Marijuana.They must be smoking a joint.Half there luck Bambi verbalised to herself .....Wish it was me.Then the memories started flooding back of her and Cobber when they use to be an item and he wasn't such a grumpy old bastard.

Yes the  Pschycadelic era young and free.  Peace rallies  protesting about the Vietnam war . Festivals of free love and smoking copious amounts of weed. Daisy chains and mini skirts ,beehive hairdo and knee high boots .Janice Joplin  Jimmy Hendrix and who could ever forget Jim Morrison .Those were the days.Bambi gave a wry smile.Time to belt out some Bob Dylan on the turntable  and have a tipple of gin an tonic she thought.

Bambi made her way into the kitchen to pour herself a refresher.Barry her husband was sitting in his usual spot at the dinning room table building one of his motorised helicopter models.It was Barry's hobby and he had a collection of twenty so far.Bambi didn't care to much for his hobby but at least it kept him out of her hair."I have finished it Bambi" .......Barry spoke In an excitable voice."I have finally finished this bird . Now to test her out." Before Bambi could say anything Barry turned on the remote control.The helicopter  with cutting propeller blades that would put Edward Scissor Hands to shame rose up from the table.All of a sudden it ferociously made its way to the ceiling.The blades smashing the kitchen down lights one by one.Bambi screamed "Turn it off Barry for fuck sake!!! Shattered glass fell like raindrops on a stormy night."I can't .....I can't there's something wrong with it."Bambi dropped to the floor and commando crawled to Barry who had made refuge under the dining  table.She snatched the control out of Barrys hand.Pulled the back cover of with force and pulled out the battery.The helicopter crash landed onto the slate flooring.Barry had the look of defeat in his eyes.Bambi with shards of glass in her hair stood up surveyed the damage of the broken down lights and made her way back over to her bottle of gin.Instead of pouring a glass she picked up the bottle and downed a swig and made her way with bottle in hand back out to the porch.She sat on her belovered swing chair and thought What the hell was I thinking?What did I ever see in that idiot and then she downed another swig of gin.


Barry still in shock over the nightmare that had rained down on him stared intently at the smashed what once was a helicopter.Broken pieces adorned the flooring.Three months to build and seconds to destroy.Sadness turned to frustration.Barry was due at Driftwood  Model Planes and Helicopters Association in a hour time.Today was suppose to be the day he would debut his new model but it was not to be.Ted Kershaw Barry's nemisist would have the last laugh at Barry's expense of course.Yes Ted  the tosser would be triumphant and Barry as usual would have to put up with gloating once again.Barry secretly despised Ted.How the hell could he be the mayor of Driftwood.Underhanded steal the shirt off your back narcissist that he was.Barry already knew the answer to that.Ted Kershaw had money and lots of it .He could persuade anyone to do anything.Ted liked everyone to believe he was an honest businessman.Barry knew better.Ted Kershaw the property developer /mayor was nothing but a lowlife gangster.Barry could smell trouble and his suspicions were that Ted was right in the thick of it..........



Tanya and Tina sat comfortably on Tanya's new mandala throw blanket upon the river bed.It was there weekly catch up ritual.Six pack of Jim Beam bourbon cans to quench their thirst. Vance Joy blasting from the iPhone and the accompanying marijuana joint.Basically together they could solve the worlds problems well maybe not but they had a good go of it.They had been friends forever and both had a laid back approach to life.Tanya had spent most of her years travelling and had at one stage ended up married to a game hunter in Africa.It had only lasted a matter of months and when broached about the subject she would casually reply with a hint of sarcasm that she got sick and tired of polishing his gun.Now days she had more of casual acquaintances and the latest was her boyfriend Heinz a  German national that spoke very little english that Tanya was sponsoring.She was okay with the arrangement at present because Heinz loved water sports  and very proficient in kayaking a passion they both shared. Heinz was also very largely blessed or in Tanya's words hung like a donkey.Yes nothing foreign in that department.His gun fired up but luckily for Tanya it shot blanks because children were out of the question now that she had turned forty.

Tina  on the other hand had two very robust seventeen year old twin boys that spent more time at the local police-station than eating hot dinners.Tina's husband worked away and by the locals knowledge had no intention of working in town.It wasn't that Kyle didn't love his family on the contrary.He just never had the inclination to settle down.Not completely.Part time would do.At least for now and Tina was better handling the boys than he was.At Least Tina  had her work to keep her busy.Working with Suzy and Tanya kept her busy and soon she would be reunited with Charlie.Yes the awesome foursome would be back together and not before time.

Tanya started giggling uncontrollably."That is some good weed you scoured there Tina.Will have to get ourselves an ounce of that baby"

"Yeah  it's not bad for bushies at least it is natural not like that hydroponic shit "Tina  replied through blood shot eyes.

"Did you here that Charlie is comming back to town and good old Bambi is throwing a party for her.Cant wait to see her"

"Yeah I can't wait to see her either " Tina replied through a mouthful of smoke.

"By the way did you want to come to yoga with me this week ?"

"Yoga Tanya ! The closest think I've ever done to the downward Dog is retrieving ice from the bottom of the Tuckerbox freezer.That yoga gear also freaks me out.Its not as if I could wear bloody Lorna Jane or Running bare.Im not any walking advertisement for either of the two."

Tanya looked at Tina with a very stoned grin and burst into laughter.

"Well what about the meditation side of yoga Tina.Its suppose to be good for your mind."

Tina looked in disbelief " I'm fucking meditating  right now you crazy bitch " again they burst into fits of laughter layed on there backs and looked up to the sky."Have you got anything to eat.I'm so starving right now" as Tina handed back the joint."There is some chia seed and sweet potato gluten free muffins in my backpack" "Are you kidding me Tanya , haven't  you got some real food." Well  how about we make our way down the pub for a counter lunch .There doing ten dollar meals . I could do with a salad and you could have yourself a steak" " Best idea I've heard Tina replied.Its a good day for it." Yes, today was a good day they agreed . Especially when you were looking through stoner eyes.....



Charlie glanced at the road sign .Five kilometres to go and she would be in Driftwood.She reached for her cigarettes that were in her centre console. After  a seven year hiatus Charlie felt guilty to be taking up the habit again but for now it felt like she was reacquainted with an old friend. Cigarettes were filling the void in her life.Right at this moment they were her company and that was a whole lot better than lonely.Besides she needed to have a nicotine fix before she arrived at her parents house.Good old mum and dad what would you do without them.Her eyes were off the road little than a few seconds she glanced back up and without warning a kangaroo had jumped onto the road.The screech of the brakes was piercing.The steering wheel over corrected veered the car into the embankment.The force of the front end hitting the giant Kari tree triggered the airbag which smacked Charlie in the face full force.There she was pined between the airbag and the driver seat unconscious but through the grace of God alive. 



Steve had just finished his shift at the liquor store.He jumped in his car and thought about the small trip ahead.The marijuana plants were due to be checked on.He had found the perfect spot less than five kilometres from town.Hidden amongst the Karri trees were the crop and it was just about ready to be cultivated.There was only four matured plants.Not much in the big scheme of things but enough to to get him a huge fine or at worst a few months jail time.The risk was worth it he figured.Marijuana wasn't bad at all.It had been known to cure cancer and help with pain.Steve liked to think of himself as more of a natural healer.He had a steady clientele.A few old people who used it to ease arthritis and help them relax and few that were into it for the spiritual side of things and then the ones who just wanted to get stoned.Yep a range of people who needed his help.According to Steve it was only illegal because the government had not worked out a way to tax it.Steve didn't think of himself as a drug dealer.Pharmaceutical companies they were the real dealers.Yes Steve was just providing a service for a plant that was grown naturally in the ground.A herbal plant and one which would afford him the deposit for the new ss ute he had been eyeing off at Driftwood auto.....

Charlie's eyes flickered for a few seconds before opening up to see the disaster in front of her.The airbag had hit her in the face full force.Dazed and confused she attempted to open her driver side door.After a few seconds of struggle it finally opened and Charlie fell out of the opened door onto the ground.She felt dizziness but in the distance she noticed a car coming towards her.She rose to her feet.Stumbled up the embankment and waved her arms furiously above her head.The car slowed to a halt and thankfully the driver got out of the car and walked towards her.
Charlie's eyes began to focus 
"Steve is that you?"
"Charlie what the fuck are you ok"
"I have crashed my car and I think I blacked out for a few minutes."
Steve looked over towards the damaged vehicle that front end was embedded into a huge Karri tree.
"Here let me help you into my car Charlie.Better get you checked out at the hospital ."
Charlie agreed her face felt sore and her body ached all over.
"Steve i need to report it to the police "
"The police " Steve said anxiously.Charlie affirmed "Yes the police .I have had an accident it needs to be reported.Especially for insurance purposes."
Steve agreed reluctantly but there was going to be one thing he needed to do first.
His prize marijuana plants were not far from were Charlie had crashed her car and Steve new dam well that if he reported the accident too soon the place would be crawling with police and that would be disastrous for his crop.First things first to pull the plants and transport them in his car.He just had one small problem.He had to convince Charlie first......
Suzy had just finished off the last drop of wine in the cask and decided to venture down to the local pub.Saturday afternoons were always are memorable time at the local.Know  doubt she would catch up Tanya and Tina.The walk would do her good and let's face it she was too inebriated to drive. 
A fifteen minute walk seemed to take a life time.Maybe she had too much to drink because normally the walk didn't seem so long and the fire engine red stilettos Suzy had decided to wear played havoc on her size seven feet.Finally she had made it to Driftwood Bar and Gritll. It was time to check out the talent and may even find a one night stand to keep her company .Suzy was feeling a little horny and her vibrator wasn't satisfying her like it use too.She had two options buy the latest model sex toy that even came with recharchable batteries and the feature to glow in the dark or pick up the real deal at the bar.She had thought about on line dating at one stage and had even put a profile page up at a popular dating site but found that most of the responses to her page were either old men that would be lucky to get it up or middle age men that were cheating on there long suffering wives or sleazy pricks that would make sticking your fingers down your throat and heaving a better option.Pics were often photoshopped and the reality was you could be whoever the hell you wanted to be online.At least when you met someone in the real world you had a fair idea of what you were getting or not getting.
Suzy stumbled into the front door and made her way up to the bar.Hotel California cranked high on the juke box.She glanced around and spotted Tanya and Tina propped up at the bar chatting away oblivious to her presence.Suzy made her way over.....


" I can't believe I let you talk me into this Steve.I have had a bloody car accident.I am aching all over.My head feels like a freight train has driven through it and here we are pulling out your marijuana trees and stashing them into your car."
" I'm sorry Charlie but as soon as the coppers knew about your accident , they would have found the plants because they were not far from your car.I couldn't afford to take the risk as soon as I am finished I promise I will get you checked out at the hospital.You have only got a slight bump on your nose.I think in the big scheme of things your going to be ok"
"Ok ? For fuck sake Steve............I could have internal injuries for all you know.If I fucking die I am going to come back and haunt you.
Steve continued to stuff his prize plants into the boot of his car.He tried to close it abruptly  but realised that four plants were not all going to fit .There was only one other option .To put them in the back seat and cover them with a blanket.It didn't matter how hard he tried to squash them down.They took up all of the space and the smell could knock you off your feet.
"Come on Charles it's time to get out of here"
Charlie reluctantly climbed into the passenger seat.Steve turned on the engine and gave Charlie a sly smile.
"I owe you one Charlie"
Charlie glared at Steve with a look of distaste.
"Yes you do Steve.Yes you fucking  do !!!!!....
Senior Constable Grant Dawson checked himself out in his brand new pursuit car mirror.He admired how good looking he was.A younger looking Robert Redford he had been told on more than one occasion and he had the ego to go with it.Traffic Policing was his thing.He had wanted to be a copper since he was a child.The thought of high speed chases exhilarated him and the power to pull someone over and book them in his own words were better than an orgasm.
The Driftwood locals had there own opinion about Constable Dawson.Behind his back he was known to the Driftwood community as dickhead Dawson.
Grant on the other hand thought he was a local celebrity even though his Sargent didn't agree.Grant believed that his Sargent treated him poorly because he was jealous of Grants popularity.Grant was somewhat delusional.Sargent Bluey Smith had a reputation for being a no nonsense but approachable man.The town respected him and he knew it took time to build community trust.He had achieved this over a number of years and believed that Grant Dawson had a lot to learn in regards of community liaison.
Sargent Bluey Smith agreed with the rest of Driftwood.Senior Constable Grant Dawson was a dickhead and a legend in his own lunchbox and Sargent Bluey Smith had no intention of letting this Egotistical tosser become  the next Sargent of Driftwood.Over his dead body.The hierarchy would have to carry him out in a box before he would let that happen.........
Grant Dawson decided he would take his brand new police car out onto the highway and break it in.Yes it was time to see how fast this baby could go.......
The Sargent had told him to make sure drivers on the highway felt a police presence and speed was the target area for the next few months.Speed Grant Dawson chuckled to himself.He had no problem booking people for speeding.
I wonder how fast I can crank this car up he thought to himself.He put on his seatbelt.
This was going to be one hell of a ride.
A few minutes later Senior constable Grant Dawson had put the pedal to the metal and was cruising along the stretch of highway passing slowing motorists one after the other.In a flash he spotted a white Toyota Camry speed past in the opposite direction heading back towards town.First one for the day Grant thought to himself with a sense of excitement.He spun his police vehicle around and put on his siren and the good old flashing lights.Time to catch up to this law breaker.He planted his foot on the accelerator and imagined himself on a formula one race track...................
"Fuck Charlie "Steve yelled loudly as he peered at the revision mirror.
"It's the coppers I'm screwed!."
Palpitations of sweat started to pour down from Steve's forehead.His hands started to shake violently as he tried to control the steering wheel.
"Pull over Steve" Charlie screamed.........
Steve obeyed Charlie's request ..........reluctantly.
Too easy Grant Dawson thought to himself.He got out of his patrol car a tad disappointed because today would have been a great day for a car chase.Especially after watching his favourite movie Fast and the Furious the night before.....
Bambi was starting to wonder if Charlie would ever arrive in Driftwood.She had managed to contact all of Charlie's friends and her own about the welcome home party that would be held tomorrow evening.Bambi had left tonight open for her and Charlie to have a couple of quiet ones on the porch.It had been an eventful day.The electrician had come over to see what he could do about the smashed down lights.Thankfully power was still be able to be used in the kitchen bathroom and bedrooms just not so in the dinning room Barry and his bloody helicopter.Well at least it would be completely fixed tomorrow morning.
Bambi's landline began to ring.She made her way briskly to the phone.
"Mum it's Charlie I'm in the hospital"
Bambi could feel her heart palpitations.
"Charlie !! Bambi replied with a shaky tone.Oh my goodness are you ok.What happened"
"I have had an accident mum.Im okay except for a few bruises.They are going to keep me in for observation"
"Your father and I will be right there Charlie"
"Ok mum see you soon."........
Steve couldn't believe what had happened.Grant Dawson the copper had pulled him and Charlie over.Seen the plants in the back of the car and instead of arresting Steve he had made a deal with him.Steve was to sell the plants as Steve would have done anyway but now Steve had to give Grant Dawson half of the money.That was not all.Charlie had to go on a couple of dates with him.Either they both went along with him or they would be taken back to the police station and charged.A no brainer really.Do as they were told with a shonky copper or end up either with a huge fine or jail time.Steve wondered to himself had he just made a deal with the devil.Only time would tell and Charlie the innocent person in all this would have to pretend she liked him and agree to be seen in public with him a thought that made her want to gag.Everybody in Driftwood knew he was a dickhead and now they were going to think that Charlie was just as bad.Charlie had only been in Driftwood for less than a couple of hours and already she was starting to regret it.Driftwood was the sought of place that your reputation was everything.Her mother always told her it can take a lifetime to build and seconds to pull down.Charlie knew she would be the centrepiece for gossip already with her failed marriage.Now she would be giving them more to talk about with her pending dates with Grant.Charlie looked around her designated hospital room.A four bed ward when in a perfect world she would be sleeping by herself.She glanced over an noticed the lady in the bed next door was sleeping and then the noise of a trumpet filled the room.The woman was snoring so badly she could have sucked the bedsheets into her nostrils.Charlie stood up and pulled the curtain closed. Laid on her white sterile sheets and put the pillow over her head."This can't be happening " she said in an abrupt tone."Maybe I can smother myself or maybe even better I can smother her".......................
Suzy stumbled in to the pub ladies toilets.Her bladder felt it was going to burst and at her age she couldn't take any chances.One smokers cough out of the blue and she would be urinating in her knickers.Her pelvic floor needed more than a bit of work.She had often laughed at the advertisement that was played regularly on the television of a woman over fifty wearing incontinence pull-up panties.Lately the joke was on herself.Sitting down to relieve herself she noticed a moaning sound in the cubicle toilet next to her.Curiosity got the better of her.After all someone could be dying right next to her.Obliged to lend a hand to one of her fellow pub patrons she stood up and put the seat down and placed her feet up on the toilet seat.She peered over the top.Her eyes grew wider."Fuck me "she screamed out.Without giving it a moments thought Suzy pulled out her phone from her pocket and flashed the camera.Ted Kershaw the mayor of Driftwood caught with his pants down with a girl no older than eighteen.Suzy started to panic she had to get out of there in a hurry.Lucky for her Ted Kershaw was still in a state of shock.
Suzy ran out of the ladies and hightailed it to Tanya and Tina.
"I have got to get out of here"
"What is going on ."Tanya asked perplexed.
"I have just caught Ted Kershaw shagging some young chick in the toilets"
Shit............Tanya and Tina replied in unison.
We're coming with you ..............................
Steve sat in his rental property shed staring at the plants he had pulled from Mother Earth.It was time to hang them up to dry out a bit before he could bag them up ready for sale.He was feeling a little bit defeated.He was not going to make as much money as he thought.Not when he had to share it with bloody Grant Dawson.At least he dodged having to spend time in the lockup that was one gamble he had won.There was one other minor issue though.One he had chosen not to think about.Ted Kershaw the dodgy mayor of Driftwood had allowed Steve to do business in town just as long as Steve gave Ted  a 25 percent cut and Ted remained a silent partner .Steve was pretty sure that Ted wouldn't appreciate a police officer having a share. it meant less for everybody and it also made for risky business.Ted Kershaw would stop at nothing to protect his reputation.Ted had at one time sent a couple of henchman Steve's way as a little reminder not to ever rip him off.The two burly looking guys had not done any physical harm to Steve but they had given him a very intense warning.One that Steve would not forget in a hurry.Ted Kershaw was not a man to fuck around with unless you wanted to be hog tide and left in the bottom of the river.
Steve grabbed himself a cold one out of the beer fridge and turned the radio on to station triple j .Time to chill with a little of his favourite music artists and a joint or two.
It had been a long day and a whole lot of shit to do tomorrow.He thought about what his mother always said to him."Some days are diamonds and some days are stone" Yep your right mum he said out loud.This is one of my stone or stoned days.He then burst into fits of laughter and started singing along to Bernard Fanning on the radio.......
Penelope Kershaw sat on her Chesterfield white leather lounge with a glass of bubbly.How relaxing she thought to herself.Time out from a very hectic day.She flicked through the latest edition of vogue magazine and cuddled in next to her was her Pomeranian pooch jasper.The  pink floral display of roses scented the room.Flowers was one of Penelope's favourite things in the world so she had them adorned in every area of the home.Ostentatious for sure but Penelope Kershaw never did anything by halves.She had been happily married to Ted Kershaw for over thirty years and was not only blessed with a happy marriage but also blessed with two wonderful grown up children.Twins James and Jocelyn.Penelope could not believe her lucky stars.Herself and Ted had made there home in Driftwood over twenty five years ago and built the most exquisite property in Driftwood.The house was built upon top of the highest Hill in the town.The views were to die for and it cemented the Kershaw's standing in the town.Yes they had money and lots of it and Penelope liked to let everyone know it.Her days were filled with keeping an eye on her Restaurant FLEUR which she designed and managed along with fifteen staff and organising charity functions and of course entertaining and having dinners with her husbands clientele.Ted was such a successful  man not only a property developer but the mayor as well and Penelope loved the attention it bestowed upon her.It was all about image and she had no intention of letting her darling husband down and that is why she had Botox injections every other week.Penelope also liked to bleach her hair platinum blonde and she had even had a breast enlargement or cheeky Ted would say a boob job.Poor Ted he was so busy but they had together made a pact that Saturday night was date night.So underneath the White robe Penelope had on some raunchy pink satin and lace  lingerie with the accompanying suspenders and stockings.The candles were lit and the porno movie was ready to load.Penelope gave a slight giggle to herself.If any of the ladies knew that her and Ted watched porno movies they would be shocked ...........but Penelope believed you had to keep the spice in the marriage and Ted was such a loyal and devoted husband that she knew that as a wife she was dam good at it.She glanced at her watch 8.30 she said to her pooch Jasper.Daddy will be home soon he must be working so hard.Then she turned the next page of her magazine and took another sip of her bubbly........
Ted Kershaw sat in his Mercedes and slapped the steering wheel in an anger induced rage.
How could I be so fucking stupid he yelled out loud."Ten minutes with that little tramp and now I'm going to pay big time for it.Fuck.........." A million scenarios were coming into his head."That bitch that took the photo Suzy fucking whatever her name.That drunken bitch has the power to destroy me.I could loose everything because of her."He glanced up to his sunshade mirror and ruffled his fingers through his hair.He was beginning to sweat profusely.He loosed his tie and turned on the engine.He had to fix this.What would that bitch want? Did she intend to blackmail him? Money? It had to be about money.What if she goes to the media? Teds thoughts were getting very jumbled in his head.He slammed his foot on the accelerator.He had to get home and fast.He had to make sure his wife had not got wind of it.Then he would sort out the money hungry bitch.
Fifteen minutes later Ted Kershaw parked his car in his garage and opened the adjoining garage door.He could here the music of Andrea Bocelli  filling the house.A Faint voice could be heard.It was his wife.He got closer to the main lounge room.
"Ted, Teddy.My Teddy bear is that you ?
He walked in to find his wife adorned in pink satin and lace lingerie with stockings and suspenders.Wearing black stilettos staring at him seductively.
"Fuck could this night get any worse he thought to himself.Yes Ted Kershaw had forgotten it was date night but Penelope was ready and waiting to remind him ......
Tanya ,Tina and Suzy sat quietly together on the riverbank.The lights from the houseboats flickered on the water.Driftwood river was spectacular to see at night.The full moon lit up the sky and the place had a meditative aura about it.
The girls were together soaking up the atmosphere especially after the drama at the Pub.Suzy was slightly panicked after taking the photo and somehow they had all managed to end up at the river smoking a joint for relaxation purposes or to take the edge off as Tanya had explained .Charlie had made contact phoning the girls and giving a vague rundown about her accident.They would catch up with her in the morning.Fingers crossed the doctor would release her from hospital and then together they could celebrate her homecoming.Poor Charlie having to deal with a car accident and Steve all in one afternoon.Suzy flicked through the photos of her phone.Ted Kershaw and his conquest.Large as life.Now what to do with this photo.Should she delete it and forget this ever happened.Or should she keep it just in case.Ted Kershaw was known to be a bit of a heavyweight but what extreme could he go to.Surely he wasn't the type to harm someone.Or maybe he was exactly that type.What was Ted Kershaw truly capable of.Suzy felt a sense of paranoia and having a toke of Tanya's joint didn't help matters.Suzy was not not what you called a season smoker.Suzy was more of a special occasion type of girl but tonight she had made an exception and she was already starting to regret it.
"Should I forget this photo and delete it Suzy spoke in a panicked voice."
"No fucking way Tina said in a serious tone.You have to keep it.It could give you a whole lot of leverage and besides Fuck him he's an asshole anyway.I reckon you should print out a couple of copies though.Just for your own safety and maybe text the photo to us just so we have your back."
"Yeah your right Tina.I will do it now"
Suzy pulled up the photo again on her phone and text it through to Tracey and Tina.
"Done bitches.You too can be involved in this drama"
"Drama "Tanya replied with a laugh."We can screw this bastard over for thousands and it couldn't happen to a better prick."
"I hope your right girls.I really hope your right."
Suzy then stared out to the river.Living alone never really bothered her until now.She felt a sense of discomfort with the whole Ted Kershaw saga but maybe the girls were right.
Show us the colour of your money Ted.Then Suzy's mind wandered off to thoughts of a vacation to Bali.A vacation she could afford if she just played her cards right......


Charlie was more than ready to finally go home.She had barely slept in the hospital due to the woman next to her that was snoring so loudly the windowsills shook.She also farted so intensely multiple times and groaned in her sleep like she was having some kind of an epic orgasm.The woman had also asked for more bacon at breakfast time and complained her eggs were not runny enough.To over cooked she had said.Charlie had wondered if this woman could possibly be married and If she was Charlie pitied her poor husband.
As luck would have it the doctor had been in and said that she could go home however if she had any sign of headaches or nausea she was to return to hospital immediately.Finally she was able to go home to her mothers place and get her life kickstarted again.Brandi was picking her up soon but not soon enough.Whilst packing her toiletries in the floral bag Brandi had provided her the night before she felt a hand on her shoulder she turned around and couldn't believe her eyes.There staring at her with a big grin on his face was Grant Dawson holding a bunch of carnations.His smirk briefly reminded Charlie of the cat that got the cream and for an instance Charlie recognised the cream was well and truly her.He moved his lips towards her and planted a kiss on her lips.
"Hi girlfriend , looking sexy enough to drive me wild."
Charlie hated the way he spoke to her.It made her blood run cold.He would never be her lover but she had agreed on a few dates under duress.A deal was a deal and as much as Steve pissed her off she didn't want him getting done for the dope.Charlie had not agreed to sex that was one constellation , but she had to be seen out with this idiot and her reputation was going to take a nosedive.That is if it hadn't already.
"Thanks for the flowers.What are you doing here?"she asked curious.
"I thought I would see how you are doing.I seen your mother at the shop early this morning and she said she was taking you home today and she has organised a party for you tonight.So I thought we could get together at your party.Let everyone know we are seeing each other.Couldn't happen at a better time.Most of Driftwood are going to your welcoming home."
Charlie wanted the ground to open up and swallow her.She clenched her teeth and replied.
"Ok I will go through with this Grant but just so you know i have no feelings for you what so ever and there will be no sex.The thought of actually fucking you makes me want to heave"
Grant was shocked at her candid response but he was sure that she would change her mind about him.It was going to take a little time and a little effort but seriously who could resist a guy like him.........A lot of woman apparently.The only person that didn't know it was Grant himself.
Suzy awoke to find that her stomach was doing somersaults.She claimed out of bed and took a quick glimpse of her bedside clock.Ten am at least she had a sleeping for a Sunday morning.Stumbling to the toilet Malcolm her little dog did what he always did.Got in the way and as usual Suzy tripped over him she managed to correct her footing and gave the same response she did every other morning.Get out of the bloody way Malcolm. Her pooch looked up with the sad doggy eyes that reminded Suzy she hadn't taken him for a walk for a couple of days.Guilt set in "OK Malcolm I will take you for a walk this morning but let me have a coffee and a shower first."Malcolm wagged his tail as if he understood what she just said.She made her way to the toilet.Yes she had a hangover and before she knew it she was throwing up in the toilet bowl.After vomiting for a few minutes she managed to pull herself together and made her way into the shower.Whilst the water felt somewhat therapeutic  the doorbell managed to disrupt her shower ritual.She stepped out and wrapped herself in a towel and made her way to the door.Who the hell could this be she thought to herself.She unlocked the bolt and opened the door and to her dismay standing there as large as life was none other than Ted Kershaw.A moment of panic set in and Ted Kershaw spoke in a quite arrogant tone."Hello Suzy I think we have something we need to talk about don't you."Suzy's whole body started to shake....."Okay "she said with a stammer.
Ted pushed past her and made his way into the house uninvited.
Following him into the kitchen she wondered if she should of just ran from the house and away from Ted but she realised that she would have to face him sooner or later.
Standing still with her towel wrapped around her she felt quite vulnerable.
Ted stared intensely thinking to himself what a pathetic cunt she was.
"What the fuck do you want Suzy? Money.How fucking much?Have you still got the photos?Have you fucking shown anyone else?"
The barrage of questions was making her extremely uncomfortable.Her nervous system was in overdrive without even thinking she blurted out a figure."Ten grand.I want Ten grand and I will delete the photo."
"Ten fucking grand "Ted Kershaw replied in disbelief.
"Who the fuck do you think you are......"
Ted Kershaw lunged forward and grabbed Suzy around the throat.
"I have no fucking intention of paying you a cent.Im going to give you one warning and one warning only.Get rid of the photo or I guarantee you that you will have to watch your back 
I don't take kindly to being blackmailed and if you still want to live in Driftwood and I emphasise live you will do what I fucking say."
Ted Kershaw removed his hand from Suzy's throat and gave her a shove into the wall behind her.He made his way out of the kitchen and out of the front door were he shut it with force.He was not going to let some drunken slag destroy his life.He had an image to protect and he would stop at nothing to protect it.
Suzy in a state of shock could not believe what had just happened.Shaking uncontrollably she grabbed her phone and deleted the picture of Ted Kershaw and the girl having sex in the pub toilets.Then she sat down at the kitchen table and cried until there was no more tears left in her.How stupid she yelled out loud.How stupid to think I could have something over Ted Kershaw.Then a realisation entered her head.She wasn't the only person who had a photo.She had text it to her girlfriends Tina and Tanya the night before.Suzy started to feel anxious.She knew what she had to do.Convince the girls to delete the photo otherwise Suzy could be in jeopardy.Her life could be at risk and as far as she was concerned she was too young to be pushing up daisies just yet.


Ted was feeling pretty dam happy with himself.He had managed to scare the shit out of the drunken slut.Yes now she knew who was in control and he was pretty sure that he would not be having any trouble from her again.Bloody woman he snickered to himself.They are only good for one thing.He reflected his mind back to the night before.Penelope on all fours and the new addition to the Kershaw bedroom the rabbit.Yeah the rabbit.The Mercedes Benz of the dildo world that Ted had gifted to Penelope last night.One hundred bucks well spent.Hopefully the plan was that Penelope would become so obsessed with her new found vibrator that she would leave Ted the hell alone.One can only hope he thought to himself.
Penelope as far as he was concerned was well past her use by date.Woman were like cars he often told his friends at Driftwood Model Planes and Helicopters Association.There motor becomes seized and they run out of gas.Time to trade them in on a new more efficient model.Ted laughed at his own sense of humour but reality was he had know intention of getting rid of Penelope.No way.He could have the best of both worlds.A wife and a root on the side.Besides he had no intention of having to give Penelope half of his estate.It was his money as far as he was concerned divorcing  Penelope was out of the question.


Now he had taken care of the thorn in his side Suzy Cook.It was time to get back to business.Time to pay a visit to the idiot bottle shop attendant Steve and check out how he was going with the business venture.Steve had let him know that he had pulled the plants and was into the drying stage but he thought he would pay him a surprise visit all the same.You could never trust a druggie and Ted had to keep an eye on Steve.He had never stuffed up in the past but that what's to say he wouldn't in the future.


Steve could not keep the grin off his face.Stoned was the best way to be in this world and then you didn't have to face reality.Having so much dope in his possession was better then anything he could imagine.Even sex but he had to admit he did like sex a lot.Dope sex and music who could want more in life.Well maybe there was a couple more to add to the list beer and football and Steve couldn't wait for his favourite team West Coast Eagles to play this afternoon.Yes he was on a role.Later on he would go and say a hello to Charlie at her welcoming home party.She was one hell of a chick and Steve had always had a little crush on her but had never had the opportunity to get her in the sack.Charlie was one woman he would like to mark off on his bedpost.Every time Charlie visited Driftwood in the holiday season Steve had thought about asking her out but she had been married.Steve had made a promise to not ever get involved with married woman.However now she was no longer hitched maybe he was in with a chance.Once Grant Dawson was out of the picture.Grant Dawson was going to cause Steve a few problems especially now that he wanted a percentage of the crop.Hopefully ,Steve thought to himself that old Ted Dawson might be able to sought it out.Ted was going to be severely pissed off with Steve because of Grants involvement but there was nothing else he could of done.Ted Kershaw wasn't the only one losing out.Steves visions of owning a ss ute would be now put on the back burner.A thought that for a moment depressed him.Only one thing to fix a sad moment he picked up the smoking implement and had another cone.Feel better already he chuckled to himself.

Charlie was finally home and her folks Barry and Bambi were over the moon to have her there.Bambi was busy cooking up a storm for the welcome home party and Barry was in his element chatting away to his daughter whilst he tried to rebuild his helicopter.
Charlie sipped on her herbal tea and gazed out at the Driftwood river.A beautiful Sunday morning watching the kayakers and stand up paddle boarders.There was also quite a few people going for their morning run and It did enter Charlie's mind about taking up the sport.She would have to get herself a very supportive bra of course.She did not want to be running with her breasts bouncing up and down  in the breeze.She had decided to make some major life changes and exercising was at the top of her list.Charlie had even thought about writing again.In the past she had managed to have a book published so why not try again.Yes she thought to herself maybe she would write about a fictional town and the dirty little secrets it has.Charlie let out a chuckle.Driftwood could be her muse.
Bambi walked out on to the porch and Charlie could tell by her mothers expression that she was pretty pleased with herself.
"You look pretty happy with yourself mum"
I am Charlie.Everything is organised I just have to put up the gazebos and a few decorations and then it's all about enjoying the night"
"How many guests are coming mum"
"Oh a couple of hundred.Everyone is so excited to see you back but not as much as me and your father.Have you thought about what your going to do for a job yet.Ive heard they need staff at Driftwood nursing home.Suzy,Tina and Tanya work there so you would have your friends around you.
Charlie was more than happy with her mothers suggestion.
"I can work during the day and write my story at night"
"Write? Are you going to write again?That would be wonderful Charles.
You always had such talent."
Charlie stood up from her chair and gave her mother a big bear hug.
"Thanks mum,Thanks for everything"
Charlie's eyes began to water.It had been tough lately but maybe things would turn out alright.She was looking forward to catching up with her  friends especially Sues.Unfortunately though Grant Dawson was on the guest list and there was nothing Charlie could do about that.
"Mum I'm going to go over Sues house and catch up with her before tonight.I will see you back here in a couple of hours."
Charlie was super excited to see her best friend as she strolled along the riverbed.She had so much to chat to Suzy about.The two had been friends for years and there was no secrets between them.Suzy was her rock and when Charlie wasn't living in Driftwood they would talk and text every other day.Charlie arrived at the front door of Suzys shack and noticed the front door was open.Charlie yelled out through the fly wire door and couldn't help but notice the hanging pot plants needed more than a little water.Still no response Charlie thought she would make her way inside.She strolled down the passage way and then she looked in the kitchen.Suzy was on the kitchen floor in the foetal position and next to her was a half empty bottle of pills.Charlie checked her breathing and pulse.Panic started to overcome Charlie.
"Suzy? Wake up.Charlie pulled Suzy up and rested her unconscious body on her lap.Frantic she slipped her mobile out of her pocket and dialled for an ambulance.
Her voice shaking she told the recipient on the other end of the phone"I need an ambulance I think my friend has overdosed."...........
Steve was nervous in the presence of Ted Kershaw.Ted had decided to call in on Steve to discuss business.A non schedule surprise that rattled Steves cage and Ted was well aware of that.Ted was in a volatile mood and did not like the thought of having a cop involved in his business dealings.He stared intently at Steve and knew he was stoned out of his mind
"When will this shit be ready for sale ?" he spoke in an angry tone.
Steve was trying his best to focus on Ted but he was off his face and through his drugged out eyes he answered "As soon as it is dry we can get the deals done."
Ted looked confused."How come your so fucking stoned then if it's not ready yet"
Steve replied with a slight smirk"I dried some out in the microwave,not ideal.Just have to wait until it dries naturally .Usually takes a couple of weeks give or take.
Teds patience was waining"By the way.You know that slag Suzy don't you.."
"Yeah I know Sues well I screwed her once.She wasn't bad either.Why do you ask.?"
Ted wasn't going to let Steve in on his altercation with the bitch he was simply asking Steve out of curiosity."No reason thought you might"
Charlie sat in the hospital emergency waiting room .It had only been a few hours since she had been discharged herself.She couldn't imagine Sues wanting to end it all.She wouldn't just want to check out like that.In all the years they had been friends no matter what happened Sues had always been the strong one.Sues had even said herself suicide was for the selfish.Charlie noticed there was a vending machine across the hall.She could do with a Coca Cola she pulled some loose change from her pocket.Noticing it wasn't enough to buy what she wanted.Defeated she proceeded to walk back to her seat when the resident doctor called out to her.
"Is she ok.Charlie blurted out in desperation."I can tell you she is stable and she is going to be fine.She knocked her head but she will recover."
Charlie couldn't help but notice how hot this doctor was.Jet black hair and olive skin with the most piercing blue eyes she had ever seen."I'm Charlie by the way."
"I know I'm doctor Tim Harris nice to meet you.I believe you found Suzy".
Yes I did in her kitchen collapsed.There was a bottle of pills.Did she.....Charlie was finding it difficult to ask the question.Did she try to...Doctor Harris knew what she was going to say so he butted in.No she apparently was taking the last of her prescribed tablets and fainted hitting her head.Suzy has given me permission to disclose this information to you.She has you down as her next of kin.
Charlie felt less anxious."yes I am she has no other family....
I thought she had overdosed......Tim Harris placed his hand on Charlie's shoulder.She is going to be fine.She suffers from anxiety and she must of felt very overwhelmed by something and she has fainted and that is when she hit her head.This must of been very scary for you Charlie.Charlie nodded her head in agreement.
She could smell Doctor Tim Harris cologne and dam he smelt good.Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a gleaming gold wedding band.Dam she thought to herself all the good ones are taken.
"Can I see her now.?"
"Sure "Tim Harris said with a smile "Come this way."
Kayaking with Heinz on a Sunday was Tanya's idea of heaven on earth.The weather was perfect and whilst Heinz rowed Tanya could look through her binoculars and discover the pristine wildlife that driftwood river had to offer.Feeling a little warm she decided it was time to row over and park the kayak and do a little skinny dipping.Heinz being a foreigner didn't mind being in his birthday suit.He often frequented nudie beaches and found the experience liberating.Stopping on what was thought to be a secluded spot Tanya removed her top parked up her kayak and entered the cool water.Her breasts that were her biggest asset sat like buoys on the top of the water.She called them her flotation devices.She cheekily washed Heinz enter the water and his manhood stood firm.Going to be a good day she thought to herself.She wrapped her arms around Heinz neck.He pressed up against her and she could feel he was hard.Time to get it on she thought.Just as she was about to let him enter her there was a shout out from the river bank.Two boys were laughing and pointing in her direction and worst of all were dangling her and Heinz clothing in front of them.
"Fuck ,Heinz those two little shits have our clothes."
Heinz stared in the direction Tanya was referring to and yelled at the boys in his foreign accent "Put them down and go on your way.
one of the boys yelled back"Fuck you Nazi.Were going and were taking your clothes with us."  Tanya realised who the delinquents were.Bloody Tina's seventeen year old boys.
In the blink of an eye they were gone and so was Tanya and Heinz clothing.
"Frustrated Tanya turned to Heinz and said "What the fuck are we going to do now."
Heinz replied "Finnish what we started "with a seductive look in his eyes.
Yeah ,Tanya thought.Bad enough we are going to have to row back naked let alone Heinz having a huge boner for all the towns people to stare at. So Tanya and Heinz carried on were they had left off.She would worry about her clothing dramas in fifteen minutes.Why spoil a good moment and with that thought she opened herself up to Heinz.......................
Suzy was slightly annoyed and a tad embarrassed as she lay in her hospital bed.The thought crossed her mind to just discharge herself and go home.The only thing stopping her was she got to perve on doctor Tim Harris and he was a sight for sore eyes.Not to mention when he put his stethoscope on and asked Suzy to lift up her top she felt a tingling sensation run through her body. Suzy was busy fantasising  about Tim Harris walking into her room with his doctors coat on and suddenly opening it up to  reveal a huge hard on until Charlie snapped her out of it.
"If you need anything Sues let me know."
Sues opened up her eyes to see her loyal mate sitting on the chair next to her bed.
"Yeah Charlie will do,enjoy your party tonight.Wish I could be there but the doc said it would be better to stay in for the night.Just to make sure.
Charlie smiled "Hot looking doctor you got there to Sues.Pitty he's married"
Suzy looked a little confused and replied "He was married but his wife passed away a couple of years back."Charlie could tell Suzy was serious."Oh that is sad.How I mean....
"Car accident.Out on the highway.Wasn't her fault.Drunk driver apparently"
Charlie felt sick."How sad"
"He still wears his wedding ring."
Tim Harris felt like he had interrupted something as he walked into Suzy's room.There was silence and both woman seemed to be staring at him with sad faces.
"Are you guys alright ?he said with the million dollar Colgate smile.
"Charlie quickly responded"oh,we are fine just having a chat that's all.
Tim Harris had a sneaking suspicion they might have been chatting and he was the topic of conversation.It wouldn't be the first time.He had walked in on a group of nurses on there morning tea break and the room had gone silent.He wasn't born yesterday.He knew it had to be about Saras accident.Beautiful Sara.He thought to himself.How I wish you were still here as he stared intently at his wedding ring.
Charlie sensing a uncomfortable silence made the decision it was time to leave.She stood up from her chair.Gave Suzy a kiss on her cheek and they said their goodbyes.
Charlie could not look Tim Harris in the eye she felt embarrassed of being caught gossiping.Hope he didn't here me she thought.She brushed past his arm and headed for the door.She couldn't get out of there quick enough.Suzy on the other hand was quite happy she had him all to herself.Hopefully he would use his stethoscope on her again.
Cobber Martin was soaking up the Rays on a lovely Sunday afternoon in Driftwood.Sitting comfortably in his fold out camping chair smoking his pipe tobacco and waiting patiently with his beer hoping to catch a fish or two off his prized fishing rod.Binoculars by his side.Life was pure bliss.No woman to nag him.Not that he didn't like woman he had a few over his many years on the earth.Never settled down though it just wasn't for him.The wrinkles on his face told a few stories.He had endured many ups and downs.These days he was happy to live the quiet life.His dog Brutus kept him company and he attended the local every other Saturday.To be honest he much preferred his own company and living in his cabin on the river to him was like heaven on earth.Cobber took another drag on his pipe and Brutus stood up and moved towards the rivers edge.Bellowing out a bark that would scare the pants off a priest,Cobber looked around to see what the commotion was.His eyes squinting and trying to focus on the object coming down the river.He picked up his binoculars and couldn't believe what he was seeing.Two naked people rowing a kayak.Not a stitch on.The occupants of the kayak moved there boat towards Cobber.He was tempted to leave and go back to his cabin.After all he hadn't seen a woman naked for quiet awhile and this was making him hot under the collar.Then he realised who they were.Bloody Tanya and that German bloke of hers.The kayak pushed up against the bank to were Cobber was sitting"Enjoying the sunshine are we "he said with a snigger.Tanya could tell she was going to be the talk of Driftwood for the next few days let out a giggle and replied."We have lost our clothes Cobber couldn't spare us some could you.Cobber was finding it increasingly difficult to focus on Tanya's Face.She was known to have the biggest tits in the town and now he got to see them in full glory and Heinz well he was certainly no amateur in his department."Yeah come up to the cabin I'm sure I can russell up something."
Tanya climbed out the kayak and Cobber took a quick glance down below.Not like the seventies he thought to himself.Woman used to have bushes back then.................


Tina noticed her boys had come home in a jovial mood.She wondered if they had been up to no good as this was a common occurrence in her household.It was hard bringing up two twin seventeen year old boys on her own as most of the time her husband worked away.
Tina was feeling hugely depressed as she had gambled a lot of money away on the horses in the last twenty four hours.Having a race net app on her phone wasn't the best idea.She had blown sixteen hundred on what was suppose to be sure things.Kyle would literally kill her if he found out.Tina needed to make some money and fast.Flicking through her messages she noticed the photos of Ted Kershaw getting it on with some young chick.Suzy had messaged her and begged her to delete it.Maybe Suzy was wright ,blackmailing Ted wasn't such a good idea but maybe  there was another way.Ted was the mayor of Driftwood so surely the media would be interested in a juicy story of him fucking a girl in the pub toilets and maybe Tina could make a little money selling the story to the media.
Check book journalism was what she thought it was called and hopefully she could remain anonymous no one needed to know she was involved.It sounded like a solid plan.Her thoughts were interrupted as she could hear her boys Travis and Tom belly laughing from there bedroom.........
Tom was sitting on his brothers bed flicking through nude photos of Tanya and Heinz that he and his brother had secretly taken.It had been a good day for a laugh and the boys were recalling how they had placed the stolen clothing high up on the branches of a eucalyptus tree."Funny seeing a pink g-string take pride of place along with a 16 DD bra..Flapping in the breeze Travis chattered excitably........For an old duck like her she is defiantly in the Milf category and spying on her getting it on with her nazi boyfriend all I can say is hot ,smoking hot."Tom agreed however he was unsure what Milf meant."What does MILF mean."
Travis shook his head how could his brother be such a neanderthal.
"Mum I'd Like To Fuck" 
"Aww that's what it means"....................Yeah I suppose I would let her wrestle my snake" 
Both boys burst into laughter and turned there attention back to the nude photographs.......



Guests were arriving one after the other at Bambi and Barry's residence.Fairy lights were placed around the top of the free standing pergolas.White coloured tables and chairs set out perfectly on the lawn area.Balloons and streamers strategically placed added to the celebration feel.Bambi ever the perfectionist.
Barry had also organised a fire drum for anyone feeling slightly cold to sit around and have a yarn.
The place looked spectacular and the full moon lit up the night and Bambi was more than happy with her personal catering."Along as there is enough food" she had conversed to Barry throughout the day.Barry had shaken his head in disbelief."You have enough food to feed the free world"he joked.
Charlie was pleased with her mums effort.What would I do with out you old girl she thought to herself.Charlie was about to pour her first glass of champagne when she spotted Tina and Tanya.Excited she walked over and together they group hugged and planted kisses on each other's cheeks."Charlie it is so good to see you we have missed your cheeky ass"Tanya said with a smile."Bout bloody time" Tina relayed.
"I know it's been to long and I have so much to tell you.Sues is in hospital.
Tanya and Tina were taken back by Charlie's news.Tanya was desperate to hear what had happened."Is she ok......What happened.....We need to go see her."
"She's ok.The doc said she fainted and hit her head.He seems to think she may have been a little stressed out about something.You girls wouldn't know what ......would you."
Tina swallowed her drink in one gulp."We spent time with her yesterday.Something happened at the pub to do with Ted Kershaw.It might be what she is stressed about."
"Ted Kershaw" Charlie asked perplexed."Whats he got to do with anything."
Tanya and Tina stared directly at each other.It was time to fill their friend in.
"Charles lets go pull up a chair and we will grab another bottle of champers while we're at it.We need to have a chat."Tanya clasped Charlie on her arm and together the three woman walked through the building crowd and found a spot that they could talk without anyone being able to eavesdrop on the conversation....
Grant Dawson spotted his babe straight away and decided this was the time to go in for the kill.He strolled over to were Charlie was seated and tapped her on the shoulder.Charlie turned around and before she could speak a polite hello Grant had put his lips to hers and proceeded to put his tongue in Charlie's mouth .Tanya and Tina were in a state of shock.
"Your kidding me , you and Grant."...Tina said slightly dismayed.A million thoughts were going through Charlie's head but she was doing this for Steve.A deal was a deal and as much as she wanted the ground to swallow her up she knew what she had to do.She answered as authentic as she could "Girls,Grant and I are seeing each other."Tanya burst out laughing and asked "Since when?" Charlie felt that her cheeks were on fire."Since yesterday.He helped me with my accident and ".......Charlie was running out of things to say when luckily she could here her mum yelling her name and waving in her direction.Bambi was going to give a speech and Charlie was the centre of attention.Only trouble was Grant was stuck to her side like chewing gum on the sole of a shoe.
Cobber Martin starred intently at Bambi.She was still to him the sexiest woman he had ever known.Pain in the ass but sexy.He watched her speak about how much her and her husband Barry we're excited to have there daughter back home.Everyone at the party showed interest in Bambi speech.She certainly was an entertainer.She could hold a crowd with her sweet seductive voice..........Cobbers mind wandered off to the time when Bambi was giving a protest speech about the troops  in Vietnam.Love not war she had said in her white mini skirt and knee high boots.She was the spitting image of Bridget Bardot back then and he had given her exactly what she had asked for....Sex or in her words Love ....Down by the riverbank with a joint or two to liven things up a bit.
Cobber took another swig of his beer and looked over to find Tanya giving him a wave.He waved back and remembered about what he had seen of her today and still insisted to himself , he was a bush man through and through.


Charlie could feel Grants hand sliding down to her bottom.She was trying hard to focus on her mothers speech but Grants hand movements were such a distraction.

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a newcomer to the party.Her heart skipped a beat.It was the doctor from the hospital and he looked as sexy as hell.Tim Harris how I wish you could park your shoes next to my bed Charlie thought.Tim caught sight of Charlie and decided he would go over and have a chat.There was certainly something attractive about her however Tim was still hesitant about putting him self out there and dating again.His wife was gone but he had loved her more than anything in the world and had honestly thought he would never be able to get through the grief of loosing her.He recalled the time he had been sitting  on his own at the dinning table and he had felt so lost and alone.Tim had drank excessively that day and it was the First anniversary of his wife Carmen's death.The dark thoughts consumed him.He wanted to be with her.He just didn't want to live without her anymore.He sat staring at the pills.After all he was a doctor and his medical bag was full of grown up lollies.Lethal ones if abused.He took the contents out of each plastic distribution box.The whiskey would be the liquid to chase them down and then he would be with Carmen.He put the array of pills in his mouth and picked up the whiskey bottle.One last swig he thought and then his mobile started ringing.Should he answer it.He hesitated looked at his iPhone screen and realised it was his mum calling.Tim answered and his mother spoke frantically."Tim,it's Dylan.I know you were having time to yourself today but Dylan is running a temperature.I need you to stop by I'm worried about him.At that moment Tim realised how wrong it would be if he carried out his intention.Dylan his two and a half year old son needed him.He had a responsibility to his son and he had a responsibility to his late wife.He spat the tablet cocktail into his handkerchief and wiped his lip."Ok mum I'm on my way"Tim had promised to himself from that moment on Dylan would come first no matter what and he would never again consider such a selfish act





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Teddy Bears Picnic

Penelope pulled up in front of the party in her brand spanking Mercedes Benz.Doing her final check in the rear vision mirror she puckered her lips and placed her favourite lippy on.She opened the car door and stepped on the pavement in her signature stilettos.Penelope was intent to make an entrance.After all she was the the wife of Ted Kershaw and she knew she was envied by the woman in this backward town.Walking into the party she noted that the decorations were tacky to say the least.No class whatsoever but unless you were Penelope Kershaw you had none.Bambi was making her way towards her.Penelope plastered on her fake smile and greeted Bambi with a hug and a kiss on both cheeks."Darling lovely to be here and the decorations are just devine"Bambi was quite well aware of the sarcasm in her voice but Bambi being the down to earth woman that she was brushed it off and offered Penelope a glass of wine.Penelope responded with "I have bought my own bottle of bubbly darling.There was no way she was going to drink the cheap and nasty vinegar Bambi was offering."No

worries Penelope I will get you a glass" Bambi replied and under her breath she said drink your cats piss cause that's what your expensive wine tastes like.

Retreiving a wine glass Bambi asked Penelope if Ted was coming."You know Ted, he is such a busy man but I'm sure he will be here soon."Wonderful "Bambi replied but Bambi couldn't help but think he would be getting his rocks off somewhere with someone after all it was common knowledge he was a cheat the only person that wasn't aware of it was Penelope....

Steve couldn't believe his luck he had managed to convince Tina that a quick fuck wasn't out of the question he hadn't realised though that the viagra had other ideas.Both himself and Tina had managed to sneak off from the party to have their rendevou down by the river and had even managed to score a picnic rug that must of been left there by some other cheating hearts.

Tina was quickly starting to loose interest."For fuck sake Steve,we had been going for it for twenty seven minutes just come I need to take a breath.

"Must be the viagra,I can't seem to blow "Steve replied in anguish.Tina exhausted pushed Steve off her perspiration get body "I've had it, go find some other chick or better still get yourself a blow up doll."Steve stood up and proceeded to pull his underpants up and noticed an object floating in the water."what's  that"Tina peered over to were his eyes were focussed."It looks like a body.Tinas eyes widened."It  is it's a dead body.Both stared at each other in disbelief.The body was laying face first in the water and close enough for Steve to wade his feet in the water.He pushed up his jeans and grabbed the lighter from his pocket.He waded next to where  the body was placed and managed with force to turn it over.Hands shaking and feeling apprehensive he flickered his lighter in the face of the corpse."Who is it "yelled Tina from the river bed.Steve couldn't belief his eyes.He stumbled back from the body.With a stutter in his voice he yelled "Its bloody Ted Kershaw....




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