To write a novel you obviously have to get inspiration from somewhere.I have been lucky enough to have met a lot of inspirational ,eccentric ,crazy,compassionate people in my life.Some who think outside the square some who's thought are in the stratosphere and some who are happy to take refuge in what society preaches to be normal.One thing is for sure every single one of them has made me laugh made me cry. Made me question my own existence challenged me but most of all allowed me to be who I am.

For this I thank you.............

For those who ask is this novel bare any resemblance to them my answer is

"Everyone Is My Muse"

"Blessed are the weird people........ poets , misfits ,writers , mystics ,painters and troubadours.For they teach us to see the world through different eyes " - Jacob Norby

Midlife crisis with night sweats to prove it...............tick

Has - been author who hasn't published a book in a decade and is not likely too ever again......tick

Grown up children that don't give a fuck and think your their personal ATM machine ....tick 

Soon to be divorced from gambling stoner that can't keep his dick in his pants and blew our life savings..............tick

Moving back to  my home town (to live with my parents) because I am a middle aged,washed up loser.That has nowhere else to go so has to sponge off her parents and listen to I told you so............. Double tick........ 

Charlotte Thomas stared intently into the bathroom mirror.Her grey T-shirt that she preferred to wear to bed outlined her sagging  swinging 14DD breasts matched perfectly with her dull grey sweat pants.Her dark brown hair fell into a tangled mess just below her shoulders.Dark circles formed under her lower eyelids,a result of watching marathon episodes of Orange is the New Black on Netflix.
Charlie as she was affectionately known pulled her T-shirt over her head removed her pants and turned on the shower.The warmth of the water caressed her body.Thoughts consumed her and just like the last three weeks tears started to flow freely down her cheeks.She slid down the wall tiles to the bottom of the shower floor and the little voice inside her head confirmed what she already knew.
Her life was a disaster.Forty three years old and for the first time since college on her own.
Her soon to be ex husband Ben was a self diagnosed serial sex addict.He had told Charlie "I love you babe but I get urges you know and just like people that collect things I need to have sex with other woman." Charlie could not figure out the comparison between collecting things and collecting woman .
Who the fuck did he think he was ? Hugh Hefner........
Just like that after twenty one years of marriage it was all over but that wasn't the only confession her son of a bitch  soon to be  ex husband had made.
Ben had gambling debts and had not paid the mortgage for months so the bank was foreclosing on the house.The same old house that she had raised her two children in and had done mostly on her own because Ben lets face it wasn't even capable to look after  goldfish let alone himself.
Charlie managed to pull herself up from the floor she turned off the faucet and stepped out of the shower.
She dried herself  and noticed yes there it was another stretch mark on her rear.How the hell does that happen ? Understandable if I had rough sex , a bit of bondage  but reality is there had been no fifty shades of grey in this little barren babes world ......No sex  whatsoever hadn't been on the menu for quite some time and the reality was the drought was not going to end anytime soon.Charlie rummaged through her neatly packed suitcase and found her favourite bra.
Push up bras were such a great invention Charlie thought .You can go from your ladies down south to pointing firmly out west in seconds.The black lace was her choice for today and the spandex would pay homage to her size14 figure.She slid on a oversized jumper and slipped her jeans on .Like always the coat hanger had to be slipped into her zipper.She laid on her bed breathed in and pulled the coat hanger as hard as she could.With a little luck the zipper fastened.Time for a little lippy and then the long drawn out drive ahead.Yes the time had come to go back to the future................

Suzy Cook glanced at her rear view mirror."Need to powder my nose again.It's standing out like a bloody neon sign " Suzy could not understand how the spider veins in her nose became a deep purple.Must just happen to woman over forty she thought.
The drive through liquor store attendant gave Suzy a  wry smile and spoke in a sarcastic tone "The usual Sue...z"
Suzy starred at him with blood shot eyes "Is the sky blue" she replied.
Suzy stared at the bottle shop attendant as he took care of her order.His name was Steve and she had vivid memories of a night she had slept with him.
Way too many tequila shots that night and the bar was pretty quite so there wasn't a lot of choices.Steve it was and Suzy had huge regrets ever since .After all he wasn't that good and he was a post scratcher.Yes his bed post had lines in the wood that Steve had deliberately scratched out.One line for each of his conquests and he made sure everybody in Driftwood knew about it.Steve spent his spare time at the gym pumping weights and dealing the odd steroid or two.Steve loved himself and fancied himself as the next Arnold Swarznegger though he did have one small doubt in his head.He couldn't get it up lately and it didn't occur to him it would have anything to do with the over use of steroids.Instantly a thought crept into his head .Maybe a couple of viagra might help.Yes that would fix it.Must be just a little overused he chuckled to himself.
"Anything else I can do for you sues? Cause you know I'm good for it  and I must say your glowing right now" as he handed her the two litre wine cast.
Sues gave him the death Stare "Fuck off Steve" then cranked up the radio to the belting noise of Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones planted her foot on the accelerator and sped off out of the drive way...................
Ten minutes later Suzy was sitting out the front of her run down rented shack sitting on her favourite outdoor chair staring out at the river enjoying her first glass of wine even though it was eleven am in the morning it was five o'clock somewhere and it was Saturday of course she had worked hard all week she deserved a drink or two.Suzy knew she was kidding herself .In another few hours the wine cask would be empty and it really did not matter what day of the week it was.For a minute she felt guilty maybe she did have a drinking problem but everybody has a crutch don't they.No one goes through life without some skeleton in there closet.Fuck it she thought no one knows what a stressfull job she had.
Twenty three years she had devoted her life to wiping dribble cleaning bedpans putting up with verbal abuse and wiping backsides and even been groped in the hallway by a ninety seven year old eccentric dirty old man who still thought he had something to offer .
It wasn't all bad she had met some wonderfull elderly people in Driftwood Nursing Home.She had got close to a lot of residence and treated them like they were her own family but just like her own family they had left her.
Susy had vowed she would not get close to anyone ever again.Don't get close and you don't get hurt was her new found philosophy.She would just continue on as usual it was not like she had nobody.She had her little mongrel mixed breed dog Malcolm and she had a handful of close friends.Suzy even had something to celebrate.Her best friend was moving back to town.Good old Charlie.There would be no more holiday visits .Charlie would be moving back to Driftwood permanently.Suzy picked up her wine glass and saluted to the sun."I will drink to that " she yelled out loud and downed the glass in one gulp.....

Bambi Reed fixed herself a herbal tea of chamomile and sat down on her swing chair and gazed out at the river.Such a beautiful summers day and quite a lot of organising to do yes Bambi had busy days ahead.Her daughter was making her way back to Driftwood.She couldn't contain her excitement and of course there was a party to prepare for.A welcoming home party for Charlie.Poor Charlie she thought.If only she had never met that no hoper Ben.What a poor excuse for a man he was.If only Charlie had listened.It was in the cards after all .The tarot never lied .Bambi had known that more than most.The cards were her calling and she managed to even give the willing pensioners a free reading every Tuesday at the local bowling club.Most of the time it was a positive experience but every now and then Bambi had pulled the death card.Not that the death card meant meeting your maker .Sometimes the death card simply meant renewal and having a fresh start.Most of her clients though were over seventy and when Bambi pulled the death card it was only a matter of days before the grim reaper came knocking at the door.Coincidence maybe however there was only the odd few at Driftwood Bowling that had decided against her free offering.Bambi was determined though even when old Cobber Martin had challenged her and told her " What could you possibly see in my future Bambi? Im seventy years of age.Is a hot blonde going to sweep me off my decrepit old knees and make wild love to me.No course not cause I wouldn't be able to give her a standing ovation ........I'm going to die! your going to die !The whole bloody Bowling club is sitting around waiting to die.So stick your cards were the sun don't shine!!!  Bambi found cobbers words offensive but Bambi did believe in freedom of speech.
No she had found her calling and could see into the future and she intended to share her gift with all of Driftwood.
Bambi's gaze drifted toward the river.Her eye sight wasn't what it used to be but she could see two silhouettes in the distance.The pair looked like they were sitting on the bank enjoying the view.Then a smell filtered through the air right from where the couple were sitting.Bambi knew what the scent was immediately.Marijuana.They must be smoking a joint.Half there luck Bambi verbalised to herself .....Wish it was me.Then the memories started flooding back of her and Cobber when they use to be an item and he wasn't such a grumpy old bastard.

Yes the  Pschycadelic era young and free.  Peace rallies  protesting about the Vietnam war . Festivals of free love and smoking copious amounts of weed. Daisy chains and mini skirts ,beehive hairdo and knee high boots .Janice Joplin  Jimmy Hendrix and who could ever forget Jim Morrison .Those were the days.Bambi gave a wry smile.Time to belt out some Bob Dylan on the turntable  and have a tipple of gin an tonic she thought.

Bambi made her way into the kitchen to pour herself a refresher.Barry her husband was sitting in his usual spot at the dinning room table building one of his motorised helicopter models.It was Barry's hobby and he had a collection of twenty so far.Bambi didn't care to much for his hobby but at least it kept him out of her hair."I have finished it Bambi" .......Barry spoke In an excitable voice."I have finally finished this bird . Now to test her out." Before Bambi could say anything Barry turned on the remote control.The helicopter  with cutting propeller blades that would put Edward Scissor Hands to shame rose up from the table.All of a sudden it ferociously made its way to the ceiling.The blades smashing the kitchen down lights one by one.Bambi screamed "Turn it off Barry for fuck sake!!! Shattered glass fell like raindrops on a stormy night."I can't .....I can't there's something wrong with it."Bambi dropped to the floor and commando crawled to Barry who had made refuge under the dining  table.She snatched the control out of Barrys hand.Pulled the back cover of with force and pulled out the battery.The helicopter crash landed onto the slate flooring.Barry had the look of defeat in his eyes.Bambi with shards of glass in her hair stood up surveyed the damage of the broken down lights and made her way back over to her bottle of gin.Instead of pouring a glass she picked up the bottle and downed a swig and made her way with bottle in hand back out to the porch.She sat on her belovered swing chair and thought What the hell was I thinking?What did I ever see in that idiot and then she downed another swig of gin.

Barry still in shock over the nightmare that had rained down on him stared intently at the smashed what once was a helicopter.Broken pieces adorned the flooring.Three months to build and seconds to destroy.Sadness turned to frustration.Barry was due at Driftwood  Model Planes and Helicopters Association in a hour time.Today was suppose to be the day he would debut his new model but it was not to be.Ted Kershaw Barry's nemisist would have the last laugh at Barry's expense of course.Yes Ted  the tosser would be triumphant and Barry as usual would have to put up with gloating once again.Barry secretly despised Ted.How the hell could he be the mayor of Driftwood.Underhanded steal the shirt off your back narcissist that he was.Barry already knew the answer to that.Ted Kershaw had money and lots of it .He could persuade anyone to do anything.Ted liked everyone to believe he was an honest businessman.Barry knew better.Ted Kershaw the property developer /mayor was nothing but a lowlife gangster.Barry could smell trouble and his suspicions were that Ted was right in the thick of it..........

Tanya and Tina sat comfortably on Tanya's new mandala throw blanket upon the river bed.It was there weekly catch up ritual.Six pack of Jim Beam bourbon cans to quench their thirst. Vance Joy blasting from the iPhone and the accompanying marijuana joint.Basically together they could solve the worlds problems well maybe not but they had a good go of it.They had been friends forever and both had a laid back approach to life.Tanya had spent most of her years travelling and had at one stage ended up married to a game hunter in Africa.It had only lasted a matter of months and when broached about the subject she would casually reply with a hint of sarcasm that she got sick and tired of polishing his gun.Now days she had more of casual acquaintances and the latest was her boyfriend Heinz a  German national that spoke very little english that Tanya was sponsoring.She was okay with the arrangement at present because Heinz loved water sports  and very proficient in kayaking a passion they both shared. Heinz was also very largely blessed or in Tanya's words hung like a donkey.Yes nothing foreign in that department.His gun fired up but luckily for Tanya it shot blanks because children were out of the question now that she had turned forty.

Tina  on the other hand had two very robust seventeen year old twin boys that spent more time at the local police-station than eating hot dinners.Tina's husband worked away and by the locals knowledge had no intention of working in town.It wasn't that Kyle didn't love his family on the contrary.He just never had the inclination to settle down.Not completely.Part time would do.At least for now and Tina was better handling the boys than he was.At Least Tina  had her work to keep her busy.Working with Suzy and Tanya kept her busy and soon she would be reunited with Charlie.Yes the awesome foursome would be back together and not before time.

Tanya started giggling uncontrollably."That is some good weed you scoured there Tina.Will have to get ourselves an ounce of that baby"

"Yeah  it's not bad for bushies at least it is natural not like that hydroponic shit "Tina  replied through blood shot eyes.

"Did you here that Charlie is comming back to town and good old Bambi is throwing a party for her.Cant wait to see her"

"Yeah I can't wait to see her either " Tina replied through a mouthful of smoke.

"By the way did you want to come to yoga with me this week ?"

"Yoga Tanya ! The closest think I've ever done to the downward Dog is retrieving ice from the bottom of the Tuckerbox freezer.That yoga gear also freaks me out.Its not as if I could wear bloody Lorna Jane or Running bare.Im not any walking advertisement for either of the two."

Tanya looked at Tina with a very stoned grin and burst into laughter.

"Well what about the meditation side of yoga Tina.Its suppose to be good for your mind."

Tina looked in disbelief " I'm fucking meditating  right now you crazy bitch " again they burst into fits of laughter layed on there backs and looked up to the sky."Have you got anything to eat.I'm so starving right now" as Tina handed back the joint."There is some chia seed and sweet potato gluten free muffins in my backpack" "Are you kidding me Tanya , haven't  you got some real food." Well  how about we make our way down the pub for a counter lunch .There doing ten dollar meals . I could do with a salad and you could have yourself a steak" " Best idea I've heard Tina replied.Its a good day for it." Yes, today was a good day they agreed . Especially when you were looking through stoner eyes.....

Charlie glanced at the road sign .Five kilometres to go and she would be in Driftwood.She reached for her cigarettes that were in her centre console. After  a seven year hiatus Charlie felt guilty to be taking up the habit again but for now it felt like she was reacquainted with an old friend. Cigarettes were filling the void in her life.Right at this moment they were her company and that was a whole lot better than lonely.Besides she needed to have a nicotine fix before she arrived at her parents house.Good old mum and dad what would you do without them.Her eyes were off the road little than a few seconds she glanced back up and without warning a kangaroo had jumped onto the road.The screech of the brakes was piercing.The steering wheel over corrected veered the car into the embankment.The force of the front end hitting the giant Kari tree triggered the airbag which smacked Charlie in the face full force.There she was pined between the airbag and the driver seat unconscious but through the grace of God alive. 

Steve had just finished his shift at the liquor store.He jumped in his car and thought about the small trip ahead.The marijuana plants were due to be checked on.He had found the perfect spot less than five kilometres from town.Hidden amongst the Karri trees were the crop and it was just about ready to be cultivated.There was only four matured plants.Not much in the big scheme of things but enough to to get him a huge fine or at worst a few months jail time.The risk was worth it he figured.Marijuana wasn't bad at all.It had been known to cure cancer and help with pain.Steve liked to think of himself as more of a natural healer.He had a steady clientele.A few old people who used it to ease arthritis and help them relax and few that were into it for the spiritual side of things and then the ones who just wanted to get stoned.Yep a range of people who needed his help.According to Steve it was only illegal because the government had not worked out a way to tax it.Steve didn't think of himself as a drug dealer.Pharmaceutical companies they were the real dealers.Yes Steve was just providing a service for a plant that was grown naturally in the ground.A herbal plant and one which would afford him the deposit for the new ss ute he had been eyeing off at Driftwood auto.....

Steve could not keep the grin off his face.Stoned was the best way to be in this world and then you didn't have to face reality.Having so much dope in his possession was better then anything he could imagine.Even sex but he had to admit he did like sex a lot.Dope sex and music who could want more in life.Well maybe there was a couple more to add to the list beer and football and Steve couldn't wait for his favourite team West Coast Eagles to play this afternoon.Yes he was on a role.Later on he would go and say a hello to Charlie at her welcoming home party.She was one hell of a chick and Steve had always had a little crush on her but had never had the opportunity to get her in the sack.Charlie was one woman he would like to mark off on his bedpost.Every time Charlie visited Driftwood in the holiday season Steve had thought about asking her out but she had been married.Steve had made a promise to not ever get involved with married woman.However now she was no longer hitched maybe he was in with a chance.Once Grant Dawson was out of the picture.Grant Dawson was going to cause Steve a few problems especially now that he wanted a percentage of the crop.Hopefully ,Steve thought to himself that old Ted Dawson might be able to sought it out.Ted was going to be severely pissed off with Steve because of Grants involvement but there was nothing else he could of done.Ted Kershaw wasn't the only one losing out.Steves visions of owning a ss ute would be now put on the back burner.A thought that for a moment depressed him.Only one thing to fix a sad moment he picked up the smoking implement and had another cone.Feel better already he chuckled to himself.

Charlie could feel Grants hand sliding down to her bottom.She was trying hard to focus on her mothers speech but Grants hand movements were such a distraction.

Penelope pulled up in front of the party in her brand spanking Mercedes Benz.Doing her final check in the rear vision mirror she puckered her lips and placed her favourite lippy on.She opened the car door and stepped on the pavement in her signature stilettos.Penelope was intent to make an entrance.After all she was the the wife of Ted Kershaw and she knew she was envied by the woman in this backward town.Walking into the party she noted that the decorations were tacky to say the least.No class whatsoever but unless you were Penelope Kershaw you had none.Bambi was making her way towards her.Penelope plastered on her fake smile and greeted Bambi with a hug and a kiss on both cheeks."Darling lovely to be here and the decorations are just devine"Bambi was quite well aware of the sarcasm in her voice but Bambi being the down to earth woman that she was brushed it off and offered Penelope a glass of wine.Penelope responded with "I have bought my own bottle of bubbly darling.There was no way she was going to drink the cheap and nasty vinegar Bambi was offering."No

worries Penelope I will get you a glass" Bambi replied and under her breath she said drink your cats piss cause that's what your expensive wine tastes like.

Retreiving a wine glass Bambi asked Penelope if Ted was coming."You know Ted, he is such a busy man but I'm sure he will be here soon."Wonderful "Bambi replied but Bambi couldn't help but think he would be getting his rocks off somewhere with someone after all it was common knowledge he was a cheat the only person that wasn't aware of it was Penelope....

Steve couldn't believe his luck he had managed to convince Tina that a quick fuck wasn't out of the question he hadn't realised though that the viagra had other ideas.Both himself and Tina had managed to sneak off from the party to have their rendevou down by the river and had even managed to score a picnic rug that must of been left there by some other cheating hearts.

Tina was quickly starting to loose interest."For fuck sake Steve,we had been going for it for twenty seven minutes just come I need to take a breath.

"Must be the viagra,I can't seem to blow "Steve replied in anguish.Tina exhausted pushed Steve off her perspiration get body "I've had it, go find some other chick or better still get yourself a blow up doll."Steve stood up and proceeded to pull his underpants up and noticed an object floating in the water."what's  that"Tina peered over to were his eyes were focussed."It looks like a body.Tinas eyes widened."It  is it's a dead body.Both stared at each other in disbelief.The body was laying face first in the water and close enough for Steve to wade his feet in the water.He pushed up his jeans and grabbed the lighter from his pocket.He waded next to where  the body was placed and managed with force to turn it over.Hands shaking and feeling apprehensive he flickered his lighter in the face of the corpse."Who is it "yelled Tina from the river bed.Steve couldn't belief his eyes.He stumbled back from the body.With a stutter in his voice he yelled "Its bloody Ted Kershaw....