BIRTH PARENT HISTORY

My birth mother was born and raisd in columbus OHIO she was raised by her mother and her step-father she reported of having good relationships with both of them. She said that she did not had any contact with her biological father. Her birth mothers mother was also said to be use legal drug. Birth mother complete hischool education. She did not have any employement but her source of income come from SSI benefits she reported started smoking cigarettes one pack a day since she was at the age of eight year old. She also started smoking marijuana at the age of sixteen and continue to smoke untail the year of 1996 she used crack and spend about $50.00 a week on it. She started to drink alcohol when she was 13 year old she continued with these habits for many year. She also used drugs such as cocaine and opiates.FCCS has help her to get drug treatment however the treatment was unsuccessful because she still continue to used drug inspite of involving in drug counseling. Birth mother had complained about pain in her lower abdomen. She had excision of malignannt tumor and removel of her overlies in 1990. She reported another abdominal pain in July of 1994 series of test were performed at the hospital and tumor was found . She started chemotherapy as an outpatient in July of 1994 for 5 day and was sent home but she was readmitted through emergency room due to more abdominal pain.In August 1994 she was admitted into a local hospital with diagnosis of common dust stone ,nausea,vomiting and dehydration. Tumor was found and it totally engulfed the intire right upper quadrant of the abdoment and extended into the chest And mediastinum. The liver was displaced into the center of the abdomen and was involved with tumor, both in the right and left lobes she went underwent surgery finding at surgery 15 cm right upper quadrant mass displacing the liver into the chest extending through diaphragm into the lung and growing into the pericardium. Her intire right diaphragm was removed.her ovarian cancer found in 1991 is in remission. She said that two of her causin had Brest cancer. Birthmother has criminal history in 1985 she serve in jail for 10 month for forgery’s. She also serve in jail for 10 month in 1990 for child endangering and in 1993 again for grand threft she has been just release from jail for grand theft pending July court hearing at which time she may have to go back for violating Her probation when it was this time when she gave birth to Monica at the age of 32 at a local hospital. Birth mother had initial case opening wth FCCS in 1989 when she was arrested at a crack house. She had numerous arrest and has serve in jail many time for grubs abuse, child endangering and threft. She seem to want to corporate with FCCS to complete case plan but she change her mind and got back on drug. She had problem providing basic needs for her children. She was not employed but she was collecting ACD and SSI. She was evicted and would turn to FCCS to provide her family. Birth mother Agread for drug counseling but she did not always complete in counseling that she agreed for drug screen. Most of the screens came back positive marijuana, cocaine, opiates and crack. FCCS tried to help her to stop using drugs and many referral were made for her. But no amount of counseling could help her stop using drugs. All of her children were tested positive drugs at birth and hence. She had long involvement with FCCS. The two children’s were given legal custody to their father.

Hi My Name is Monica Monique Jordan that was my birth name after I was born on Friday June/1/1990.I was diagnosed with bilateral, cleft palates, mild cerebral palsy, significant, hearing impairment and and legal blindness.I was born at a local hospital at Ohio State University weighing 4 pounds and 9 and a half ounces,I was also diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome.I was very small and difficult to feed.My first surgery I had was to currrect the clefts palate in September 1990. I wear hearing Aide and glasses. I also had erthodontic need I was also active withdrawal from the drug. I had tooth coming through of my mouth and needed to be pulled. I was also loosing weight when I was also living with my biological mother then I regained weight back when I went to foster care. I had nasogastric tubs and received the majority of my nutrition VIA NG-tubs feeding tubs at night. When I was a baby and when I ate most of the juice it would come out through my nose and I would quit drinking it. My birth birth mother name was Traci Lynn Jordan she was 32 week pregnant when she had me.they stated that my birth mother bonded very well when I was a baby when she stated that she wanted to care for me.my birth mother was sent back to work at work house.when I was discharged from the hospital my birth mother was not available to care for me cause she was sent back to jail and arrangements was made with children social services to release me to a foster family my birth mother still remain in jail. I never got a chance to know my biological father he died after I was born I was told he was shot and killed. I never know what kind of father he would be i also had other two biological siblings Maria Marcella Jordan.she was born on August 5 1988 she was taken to Franklin County social services due to our mother being arrested at a crack house.And my other younger sister frances jewell Jordan she was born on August 27,1991. I couldn’t remember much when I would be with my two biological sibling when I was very young. As a child my developmental,moto,speech and language and milestone were reportedly very delayed. I started to draw and make word except when I was two year old. I also had occupational and physical therapy evaluation and eyes and nose evaluation. I was fitted with eyes glasses and hearing aide and link with MRDD program. On March 9,1998 my doctor evaluation me and I was to be found gagging and choking,during feed. I had double aortic arch or right arch within aberrant left subclavian and the medication was given to fix the problem. I attend to MRDD at a young age. I was in the third grade but I was still doing second grade work in the vision impaired class. My foster mother said that my teacher her that I was doing very well in her classroom. My foster parents said that I was a very sweet girl and that I bonded very well with them. And that I was very sociable and got along with everybody. I have been at my current foster home for eight year. My foster parents told social worker that they love me so much and that they would want to adopt me. I also had two other biological siblings they were given custody to their father while my older sister maira would call me and that we would both usually have a good conversation. Due to me at a young age,preparation for adoption is limit however my adopted parents were interested on adopting me they wanted to share this idea with me and that I was happy to know that they wanted to adopt me.

Chapter one 1993

On December 25,1993 on Christmas morning I believe I was about Three or four year old I remember being with my birth mom and my two other siblings we were all excited because it was Christmas morning so we all ran down stair to see what our mommy has gotten us.the only gift that she gave us all was a baby doll and we got to name our baby doll whatever we want. I believe our grandma was with us as well for Christmas I don’t remember much about her. I do remember on Fourth of July I was probably four or five Was staying with my birth mother and my two other siblings and my mom girlfriend.we all went down to go see the firework and got to sit on top of my mom car. I was a little scare to tried to stand up and I was having trouble trying to keep my balance because we were so high up but we all had a wonderful time as a families.During the summer of 1994 my two siblings were taken to be with their biological dad which is My oldest sister maira biological father his name was Robert Thomas they both stay with him for awhile. I was still with my birth mother at the time in the summer. I always remember my birth mother doing my hair and always changing it up and braiding my hair sometime it would hurt as well. Sometime it would take her all day to get my hair done. I would remember being sick sometime and I would happen to take that pink or white medicine it was really nasty and gross I never like taking that stuff cause it didn’t have any flavor or sometime it would taste like I’m drinking spoiled milk or something. I remember my birth mother would be sick too and she would be laying down all day and taking medication to help her feel better. Sometime a social worker would come out and check up on me to see how things are going sometime I would be in my room crying with no bed to lay on their would just be a mattress. It would always be quiet in my mom house and no one to play with or talked too and that I would always wish that my two biological siblings would come back home and to play with me and to spend time with them. I remember always hearing knock at the door during the daytime and my birth mom would never open the door for anyone cause she was always afraid and thinking that it would be the social worker or the police officer and that they would take me away from her and they she would be sent back to jail and that I would never see her again. But every time someone would knock on the door we would have to be very quiet and not ever say a word untail someone leave the door step. I remember getting in trouble once for opening up the door for someone and I did but at lease it wasn’t the cop or social worker. My mom told me not to ever open up the door for anyone unless it was a family member or her girlfriends. Around winter time we were all back together again and both of my two siblings were back home with us with me and my mommy I sure did missed both my my sisters very much. One night I remember us all walking outside we were walking for a very long time It was very snowy and freezing outside and my feet and hand were really numb and my hand was hurting cause of the cold weather. As we finally got home to our apartment thank god though so my mom went into the kitchen and turn on the light and heat up the stove. My mom had me to stand close to the stove so I can warm up cause my hand were really hurting cause of the cold it felt like they were on fire.im glad we were all home where it was nice and warm.Few minutes late we saw someone in a black suite dressing up as a Batman either he or she was sitting in The living room and got scare and ran outside and never saw it again. Whoever was dressing up as an Batman was very creepy never thought a real Batman could ever exist in the world. We would always thought they are just acter like on television.movies or in a Halloween costume. I remember the time when me and my two siblings were having a late night movies night,snack and sharing fruit punch in one cup instead of dirtying up the dishes as we were sharing drink and passing them around to each other and taking little sip by little an as it was almost done I wanted to finish the rest of the juice and a pieces of chocolate candy bar and my baby sister frances started crying and I started calling her a cry baby cry baby.my older sister Maria gave her more juice to make her feel better I ask for more and she said no cause I call her a cry baby and that it wasn’t funny. I remember my aunt crystal babysitting us three while our mom was out running out doing stuff or out looking for a job.everytime before our mom walk out the door we always give her hugs and kisses she would always say give me some sugar.i never knew why she would always say that when giving our mom kisses my aunt crystal would say the same things as well. While our aunt crystal was watching us me and frances were inside playing together in our bedroom on a raining day and me and frances were looking at the window and I actually shut the window on her fingers so my aunt came in and to open the window to get her fingers out but she was okey and we went back to playing again. I remember when me,frances and Maria were inside by ourself while our mom and aunt crystal were our side smoking cigarettes.my older sister Maria let us tried to smoke one as well it tasted nasty. And when we tried it out aunt crystal came inside but we never got in trouble we were young and didn’t understand it at first cause we would see them be smoked a cigarette.i never knew this memory but my sister told me when we were little and we were all at a Christmas party she told me that I was really tispy and drunk she said that she believed that I was dranking some wine in a glass she said I was about two or three so I couldn’t remember that part during the time. I remember our aunt crystal would babysit us when we were little while our mommy was out looking for a job. When aunt crystal would feed my little sister baby food I would ask aunt crystal if I could have a bite because I was alittle hungry. She told me that I was a big girl now and that I didn’t need to eat baby food anymore it was good though. I remember on a summer night when I think we were alittle older when me and my two sister we were playing outside and my nose started bleeding out of no where and I started to cry so my mommy had to put tissue to help stop the bleeding from dripping down my chin. From beings separated from my sister for so long I wish I could go back and redue all the memories that were lost and some that I could remember when I was with them I was younger and I wish I could have gotten to spend alots of time with them and celebrate their birthday with them as well. I remember staying at a homeless shelter for mother’s who doesn’t have a home to provide their children’s yes their were lots of children’s, bed to sleep on, food to eat and friends to play with an a place to stay. My two sisters Maria and Maria weren’t with us at the time they were sent back to live with their biological father I got to see them most of the time when we were little.

Chapter two 1997

 During the year of fall season it was my first year of kindergarten school year i went back to stay with my foster parent Anna and Clarence. As I was heading to my first year of kindergarten at leawood elementary school I was actrually four year held back because I was too small to be with the other big student around my age and that my learning skill was low and that I was put in a special need class.i remember my very first crush at leawood elementary his name was AJ I did like him and I never told him that I had a crush on him I was pretty much In love with him even though we were too young to date or even fall in love at the time cause of our age..I did enjoy going to school everyday and seeing all my friends and teachers the reacher were very nice. I did get in trouble a few time at school or the time this kids behind me thought I smack him on the lip which I didn’t and he was blind or the other time I got sick and poop all over my pant and was sent home cause I had diarrhea cause I didn’t feel well my foster mom wasn’t very happy about that. I remember I had to learn a lots at school had to learn how to tied my shoe,know my ABC,color and number and practice writing our sentences. I remember we would have snack time everyone favorite was animal gram cracker and milk. and the school lunches were sometime good at most day..my favorite part of the holiday school event was the Christmas play.halloween and going out hunting Easter eggs and eating all of the chocolate we would walk across the school bridge. I remember going on alots of field trip to the punkin patch going on a hay ride to pick out punkin and apples. while I was living with my foster parents and foster brother he was a lots older then me. My parents were foster parents for many years now. They were two good parents loving peoples. As month gone by while I was in school and living with my foster parents I was just a child and young and didn’t understand why. I remember there were lots of arguments between my foster parents and my foster brother his name was Christopher but everyone call him Chris he was one angry man I remember him always be slamming things,screaming and yelling at my parents all the time. I remember the time he tried to push my foster mom to the ground or the time he tried to ran her over with his scooter. I remember the time he tried to break my foster dad arms off outside of the front porch and I ran inside cause I was scared and cried because he was hurting my foster dad and I had watch what had happened and I ran to go see my dad to give him a hug and he push me away not sure why. My foster parents would always sent him to jail cause of his mental illness violent angry issue problem. My foster brother would be telling me what to do or do stuff for him like make him a PBJ sandwich or take his dishes out and bring it into the kitchen or get him some milk or pop to drink or fix him some plate of food.he was too lazy to do anything for himself like all grown up would do and do stuff for them self. He also never tried to clean his own room and make me pick up his cloths for him. He would always threaten me alots and if I didn’t do what he ask he would be threatening me untail he would get what he want and sometime he would come into my room and sit on my bed and pick on me and bang his arms on my arms a bunch of time and elbow me while I was trying to watch tv and I never like that or him coming into my room for no reason boys should never be in girls room. their were day where we would have nice family time together like going out for dinner,making Easter eggs and going to church every Sunday morning and night and going downtown to see the Christmas light and going to Christmas party. My foster parents and my foster brohter would get in the argument in the car it is scary cause you can get in a car accident for arguing. My foster parents also had four other children’s of their own Jeff,bill,Terri and Darlene they were also my siblings on my foster parents family side.my foster sister Darlene also had six older children of her own she also had two foster children as well and her and her husband had also be foster parents as well for many year they were fostering a girl name kytaisa her birth mom burn her in a bathtub when she was just a baby and they were also fostering a boy name Marquan his mom left him. My other foster sister Terri she had two son of her own Justin and Erik they were a few year older then me Erik was older then Justin. Terri and her two kids would come over alots time and Terri would babysit me and my foster brother while my foster parents would go out to dinner,party celebration or even go on vacation for like a week or two. At the age of Seven my childhood was shattered and taken from me by my causein Justin he was Terri younger son we were like two or three year apart.I remember that very first night and waking up in the middle of the night while everyone was sleeping justin came into my bedroom and shut my door and wroke me up and started to make me do stuff with him and feel his penis and made me put his penis in my mouth and Made me suck on it up and down and put his hand on my head He also force me to pull my pant down and he would tried to put his penis inside my private part and also lay on top of me I tried to pull him off but he was to in control I felt really uncomfortable and unsure why he was doing this to me. I couldn’t scream or yelled for help I was terrified of what he did to me. He whisper quietly in my ear and told me not to tell anyone about this..I remember him always coming over alots while my foster sister Terri would stay over to watch us when my foster parents aren’t home. Justin would wait till everyone asleep and when it all silent he would sneak into my very quietly and shut the door get under my cover and the sexual abuse begin he would take all of his clothes off including mine And got on top of me and was trying to put his penis inside of me to have sex with him but it was hurting me I would not let him try to go inside me he would tell me if that feel good he kept wanting me to shake is penis to make him feel good and put his penis inside my mouth and go up an down. Sometimes he would pee tiny bit in my mouth and it was very nasty and gross. we would sneak out of my room at night he would take me into the restroom and lock the door and lay in the bath tub as he kept abusing me I was more traumatized then ever. My sister Terri would come over during the day or even come over for dinner and I always see Justin coming into my bedroom and shutting the door and start doing it again and putting his pant down and sitting on my bed and wanted me to shake his penis up and down and suck on it every now and then I was wondering when will this ever stop. I wanted to tell someone about this when it first started but I was too scare and that no one would ever believe me because I was just only a child. I remember one time he came over and we went outside behinde the shed he started doing stuff with me again. I also remember him taking me into my Foster brother bedroom he wasn’t home at the tim but Justin took all of his close off and my close we’re off as well and Justin was on top of me and I felt his penis on top of my private part and then a few minute later I look up and his mother came into the room and caught by his mother for doing what he did to me and he also got spank for it as well. Terri and my mom knew about what Justin did to me but they didn’t do anything about he still kept going for years. My foster mom wanted to take to see a doctor cause she wanted to know if Justin been touching my private part and I told her the truth and I was covered in tears.I was sexually abused for five year and I was just only a child no child should ever have to through of what have been done to them and the age dose matter even if your around the same age or one,two,three year apart it is still sexually abuse and wrong for someone to do. Sometime I wonder if this was my fault and that I didn’t do anything to stop it right away. My mom and Terri never told anyone else about it not sure why they would cover something up like this from everyone probly because they probably didn’t know what might happen or I might get taken away and be put into another foster family.

Chapter Three 2000-2004

When fall came it was the month of September and I was about ten year old around that time.Every summer my foster parents own a cabin we go their every spring and summer time for our mini summer vacation. My foster parents like to spend alots at the cabin all summer long it was pretty much like our second home. Sometime we get visitors and have a little get together and even go to church on Sunday.every now and then the fighting still kept on going between my foster parents and my foster brother but I sometime I would still think that we are one big happy family while we are surrounded by everyone on holiday or on special occasion. I remember the cabin was covered with green lady bugs they were everywhere the kitchen, living room, bathroom and bedroom we had to clean up the whole place to get rid of them they weren gross’s. On September,13,2000 it was just me,my foster brother my dad and my cousin Justin who sexually abuse me we were at the cabin while my foster mom went to the hospital to be with her granddaughter Stephanie to give birth to a healthy baby boy Tyler Michael Gilmore it was her third child. I remember being at the cabin and my foster dad was outside working in the yard that was his favorite things to do alots he always working on something around the cabin. A few minute later out of nowhere my foster brother pointed a Bebe gun at me and I just stood there and pause I couldn’t breath or move and I was really scared and I thought this was going to be the end of my life. My cousin Justin did stop him for doing something that he was going to regret for the rest of his life..finally my foster dad came in and saw me crying he ask me what was the matter I was too scare to tell him what had happen. I never told my foster parents or anyone else I was too scared or something worse could of had happen to me. for an hour I stared at the window and waited for my foster mom came to me cause I wanted to go home back to columbus with her. I didn’t wonna stay at the cabin anymore. Around fall time I remember my last visit with my birth mom and my two others biological sister I got to meet them at east land mall and my mom and sister got me all kind of early Christmas gift I was so happy to see them again for alittle bit because I miss them so much. I remember one year when I went back to stay with my birth mother and both of my sister and that when both of my sister were getting ready to walk out of the door I started crying because I didn’t want them to leave and they came back in to give me a hugs and told me that everything was going to be okey. Our mom wasn’t home at the time because she went out for alittle bit. I remember that summer time I was with my birth mom she took me to summer camp I remember she could come by and see me for alittle bit. I remember being with my two biological sisters again over the summer and that we got to spend most of the time with our causein and they would come over to play with us. I remember when we were all playing hide and sneak and I was behind the door and my sister frances smack my pinky by accident I believe that was a pay back when I called her a cry baby at the time when we were little. A year later came my foster parents ask me if I wanted to be adopted into the families and I said Yes I was happy to be apart of my adopted family cause they wanted me to and that I would fit right in and not because I was abuse they wanted to adopted me cause they were happy and wanted to care for me and give me the best in life. I sure did find this very interesting because I wasn’t safe enough. On November 26,2001 I was adopted at the age of ten year old at the courthouse my name was changed to Monica Jordan Newman that was my adopted name for now on. After I was adopted my whole families threw me a big adoption party because I was a new member of the family. I had lots of cousin,nieces,nephews and great nieces and nephews and the families kept growing. I was thinking in my head if I had made an mistake on being adopted into this family cause I wasn’t feeling protect enough or feel safe because of me being sexually abuse and traumatized cause I was to scare to say no and that I’ll hurt everyone feeling because everyone love me and was happy for me to be apart of the families And wanted to make my foster parents happy and everyone else’s and was scare to tell someone what been going on. Ever since I’ve was being adopted I was still being sexually abuse and everything was changing and their were lots of rules and that my foster Chris was still bossing me around and telling me what to do. Sometimes he would pointed a knife at me he also pointed a gun at me again. I never like him always coming into my room and be picking on me he never crosses the line like my causin justin did. I was also being verbal abuse and traumatized as well by my foster brother he also stole my childhood as well. He still had his anger problem and still be hollowing and yelling at my parents and be threatening them too and sometime he would threaten me if I didn’t listen to him or give him what he wanted and they would be calling the cop on him every three day a week cause of his violence and mental health issue he wasn’t a brother who I thought he would be I never had that special bond with him. Ever since I was adopted I would always thought that I would live in a safe loving home care invierment with a great families household and being care for. Isn't that what being adopted was all about was to be love,wanted and to be safe from harm,threat and abuse. I wasn’t not happy of how how I was being raise Or treated in the family I wish I knew what went wrong and why thing had to happen to good children like me who wanted to be adopted in a safe loving home and was supposed to be protected by their parents. In the year of 2003 I was still abuse by my causin justin after the sexual abuse stop he decided to abuse me differently by wrestling and punching me in the arms and giving me bruises I didn’t like that either so I just let him keep on doing it. One day during my third grade year I was on the bus on my way to school that morning at alvolen elementary school my bus aid saw something on my arms and she ask me what had happen and I told her that I fell off the bike a few times and I didn’t tell her the real truth because my adopted mom didn’t want me to tell anyone so I had to cover her track. I wish I could have told the truth but I was scared to tell anyone. I felt happier at school and me being around my friends and teacher it was like a second home to me cause I felt safer their then I did at home. Around my fourth grade year I went to abuary elementary school that was one of my favorite childhood school year and that I have met lots of wonderful great friends they were all so nice to me and made me feel welcome as a groups of friends we had and also we had lots of boys crushes on our classmate and we would chase them around. My favorite part was singing in the choir and we got to go too a nursing home and sing to them and also we got to do a community choir and we sang this land is your land. Gym class was also one of my favorite we play kick ball, Gage Ball , mini hockey game and others fun games. I remember our last day of school we got to have free day fun actually all day we got to play games, won prizes and eat some sweet trear and lunches I’ll never forget those year at aburary elementary school. I remember coming home from school every day some day my foster brother would be fighting with my parents and would be threatening them all the time and I would always be in my bedroom and shutting the door cause I was getting tired of all the fighting and threat that have been going on for a very long time ever since I was a foster child to adopted child and always be scared to come out and to see the worse could happen I would just stayed in my room and do my homework and get ready for bed for school the next day one time I remember it was spring time and my mom,dad and brother were fighting and my brother whip me with a belt and I was scared and shaking so I ran to my mom crying and I wanted my sister Darlene to come over so they call the police and they took him in over night for what he did I also told the cop he spank me with a belt and tauch my boob. During the season of winter time my mom would always be getting sick and be going to the hospital and I would always be at home with my dad and my foster brother and that Chris would still be bossing me around and be telling me what to do. He even still be trying to threaten me if I didn’t do what he was told me to do or do anything for him. He did once threw battery at me and pointed a knife at me as well and also tried to choke me once. I was like his slave and he was being so lazy to get up and wouldn’t do anything for himself. My dad didn’t really do anything about it he would just sit at the kitchen table and read the news paper everyday and every night till bedtime.my dad did get up to check and see what was going on because he heard a loud noises and that was it then he went back to reading his newspaper. My foster brother Chris would be threatening me to buried me to the ground, tied me to a tree or rip my arms off if I didn’t do anything for him.My dad was never had been a dad to me he was being himself and I felt abandoned and wasn’t care for enough I was just his little girl with a bowl of cereal and orange juice on the table before going to school and dinner on the table before bed. Sometime I would call my family members and tell them that I wanted to stay with them and that chris would be bossing me around and threatening me and they would laugh about it. I remember my dad he love taking a nap he always had his nap schedule and sometime he would make me take a nap which I never like to do so I just pretended to take one and sneak out of my room and get into things cause I was really bored so I would be really quiet to not to wake him up. All I know is that the only person in the household care for me was my mom but sometime I would get into trouble and sometime she would spank me or the time when I showed her the middle figure she bite my finger and I was really crying and jumping up and down and told me not to ever do that again.or the time I came home from school and she yelled at me for getting my clothes durty cause my pants were covered in mud sometime she would say things like that she would sent me back and that I’ll be in another foster home. Another time she spank me cause she though I hurt one of her great grandson he was about 3 or 4 he accidentally rub his chin on the chair but I never hurt anyone.or that one time I got in trouble cause I went to a next door neighbors cause when I got home from school no one wasn’t home and the door was unlock and everything was dark and no one was home I was scared to go in my mom yelled at me for no reason cause no one wasn’t home which I thought they wasn’t she said not to ever go to any neighbors again. She would always want me to keeps my room nice and clean she would yelled at me if it dirty or if I had too much junk under my bed. I felt like I wasn’t even allowed to do anything except for school and home and family occasions.I remember doing my homework every night at the kitchen table and my mom would want to see my homework before going to bed she would always make me start all over cause my writing wasn’t neat or my writing wasn’t perfect for her she would yelled at me because I would be rushing through my homework which I never did. I did my very best to write neat but it wasn’t perfect for her she would erase it and make me start over and I would cry because I wanted to be done and go to bed. Everytime when a family member would ask me how I’ve been doing I would just say find with a smile on my face and then I would stay silent cause I was the quiet one and never talk much because I was living under a rock full of secret and abused.so I had to pretend that I was feeling happy and love in the Household when being surrounded on every holiday or special occasion event I wish they could really tried their hardest to figure out what been going on. I have always thought my adopted parents would have more pictures of me together with my parents but instead when I was going through pictures their were alots of pictures of my foster brother Chris with my adopted parents then me which I knew why their were more pictures of him together with my adoption parents then me maybe I wasn’t the favorite in the household or something so I was very disappointed and threw all of his pictures of him always even the one with my adopted parents and wondering why their weren’t alots of pictures with me with my adopted parents it didn’t make any sense at all. There were only three or five pictures of me with my parents and he had a bunch of pictures and sometime that I would think that he was their favorite.

Chapter Four 2004-2005

During my sixth grade year I was in middle school at groveport Madison and things have gotten worse I was forthteen year old in middle school it was almost the end of my sixth grade year. One day I remember coming home from school and I saw my foster brother had a Bebe gun in his hand and he told me to stay in the kitchen and don’t look cause he was going to shoot my adopted mom I don’t know why he wanted to shoot my mom. I was really scared I wanted to go get help and call 911 it what your supposed to do when someone is in danger or being threat so I ran in my room. As month has pass it was almost the end of my sixth grade year and summer almost here something worse had happen when I came home from school I saw my mom and dad sitting at the table and I looked at my mom and asked her what had happen are you okey and she told me that your brother Chris shot me in the face because he refuse to go to work at a work shop and I ask her are you alright and she responded yeah I’m okey and I gave her a big hug and kisses. My foster brother Chris was put in the jail and was no longer apart of the families he was kick out for good and I was super happy about that and glad he wasn’t adopted. I never wonna ever see him again or ever forgive him for what all the cause that he had done to the families. Couple month later after my mom was shot things were finally getting back to normal and settle their were no more arguments,fighting or even being threat. I was finally free from being abuse,traumatized and threat by my causin justin and my foster brother who I no longer call him my brother my childhood life was taken by two male in my adopted family this will never be forgotten cause it will follow me for the rest of my life and that I’ll never be the same again for what they had done to me and that I was still living with secret and kept in the dark and no one to turn too and no way out. I was glad to be the only child in the household and being able to have some peace and heal from all the harm that was given to me. As month gone by my adopted mom started getting sick again and she would always be in and out of the hospital while my dad was taking care of me and making sure that I had food on the table and the care that I needed even though he didn’t seem like a dad to me and we never had that father and daughter bond relationship like all the other father and daughter would do together. One day when I came home from school my mom was still in the hospital and my dad was sitting at the table reading his newspaper as always everyday when I come home from school As I was walking into the kitchen my dad ask me to come see him at first I thought something went wrong with mom. So I ask him is mom okey so he said that she is find.so a few minute later my dad grab my hand and told me to feel his penis and made me feel his private part. I just stand there and thinking that this can’t be happening again why me why was I the chosen one. I couldn’t talk or swallow or moved. He told me to never tell my mom or anyone else.the another time it had happen before while my mom was still in the hospital. A few time he would had me to come into the living room and make me sit on his lap with my back on his chest and he would put his hand down in my pant and rub my private part. I tried to get off of him but he wouldn’t let me go so he pulled me back and made me rubbed his penis again. After the mild abuse by my dad had stop I was never the same again I would always be quiet and never socialize with anyone anymore I was a little not socializing much at school I felt happy being at school everyday. My life was never the same again I though that I would always be happy and being in a safe loving home and having the care that I needed and I wasn’t being protected enough. My life wasn’t supposed to happen this way. My childhood and teenagehood was torn apart. I never felt safe or love enough. I didn’t know what to do or how to tell someone my life was fallen apart. I was just that girl who was verbal abuse,sexually abused,traumatize and abondand. I never knew why this had happen to me or why was I the chosen one to be adopted in the families all I could think of was to find my birth mom and my two siblings and wanted them to rescue me or someone else outside the family to rescue me. I really did miss them very much and I would always thought if they would wondering how I’ve been and why they haven’t contacted me or look for me cause I lost contact of my two blood sister and hopefully one day that they would ever come looking for me. Few month later it was getting close to the month of October and my mom was feeling alots better to come home from the hospital and that she wasn’t getting sick anymore.. I have always been taking care of my mom for as long as I could remember since I’ve been adopted I would help her clean the house.help her with dinner.big holiday celebration and on special occasion. Would always help with groceries shopping and get some item that she need to get and sometime she would let me pick out what kind of food or candy I wanted. I would always get Reese’s cups cause that was my only favorite candy to eat. I would also help her with the grocery and bring them into the house for her and put them away and organize them as well. We’re always out doing somethings together so I always make sure that she always take her shot and bring them with her. And always make sure she had some candy on her and in the car because sometime her blood sugar will drop through the day and she would need to get something to eat her drink while we’re out shopping,going to the doctor appointment and other occasion. I would always take care of my mom when we would have the house to ourself. We would say I love you to each others everyday And night before going to bed. The day when we were having company over for dinner on Wednesday October 5 my sister Darlene and her two kids came over for dinner and we were having lots of fun that night and having ice cream for snack my mom love ice cream it was her favorite she had chocolate Icecream with sprinkles and whip cream on top that night when I came to the living room to check on my mom like I always do. I was also playing videos game with my nephew marquan and my niece kytaisa was playing with my toys. Few minute later my sister Darlene call my name so I went to go see what she wanted and I see her in the bathroom holding my mom so she told me to go get the phone and call 911. I Ran to get the phone for her.when the embelance arrived and came into the house to do CPR on my mom to get her to breathe and to respond. A few minute later they couldn’t get her to respond so they put her in the quad car and we followed them to the hospital. They weren’t speeding or using their siren as they normally do when it an emergency we weren’t sure why they weren’t going fast enough because that wasn’t a good signal. As we arrived to the hospital just about the whole family came to the hospital some were on my mom side and my sister Darlene side were all at the hospital.everyone was crying and we received the worse news ever and that my mom had died that night. On October 5,2005 my mom went to go be with the lord she was no longer suffering or in pain my heart was shattering and everything was just a blur I was cover in tear. It was the hardest night of my life and she was gone. She was the closest person to me she was also my best friend and she was all that I ever had I was 15 year old when she left me. A few minute later one of the doctors took a few peoples in to go see my mom and I was able to go see her and all I saw was just her body on the table and she has a white blanket on her and I just started crying. I did miss my mom very much she was teaching me alots of things like doing Lundy,cleaning the house,cleacning the kitchen.she also teach me how to do easy cooking,fold clothes and everything that she wanted me to be prepare for before she left on this day. I was taking care of her more then she was taking care of me. losing a mom was the hardest things that ever happened to me And now I won’t ever have a mom around anymore to talk too and do all the mother and daughter stuff like all the others and mothers and daughter would do. I wront be able to hear her voice anymore or hear her say I love you everyday when I come home from school and before Going to bed at night and she would always kiss me too. The funeral was really nice when I went to my mom showings everything was going find untail my uncall foster brother Chris who I no longer consider him as a brother to me. When he show up at the funeral I was wondering what in the world is he doing here after what he did to the family. I didn’t speak to him he came over and gave me a hug I didn’t hug him back because I choose not too he didn’t deserve to come to my mom funeral in the first place. After two month has pass since my mom left me. I wrote a dear letter to her. Dear mom in heaven you have been gone for two month now I’m still not over you leaving me when god took you to be with the lord. I am lost without you. I still felt like I was still kept in the dark and their were no other place that I could ever called home without you. I miss you so much I think about you every single day since you been gone. I never understand why god took you away from me you weren’t supposed to leave me here along in this world I was lost without you. That very last day when I saw you eating icecream and being happy until that very last moment you were fading away and took your very last breath. I wish I could had the power to do anything to bring you back to be with me. My life and nothing will will never be the same ever again. I don’t know how I’m suppose to do this or live without you. I wanted to let you know and honor you that you were the greatest mom that I could ever asked for you were the closets things to me and my friend. My heart was still hurt that you are gone. My life was falling apart without you. I love you mom you will always be forever in my heart and your spirit will live in me. I know you will be watching over me and looking down smil

Chapter five 2006-2007 part one and two

Alots has changed ever since my mom been gone.It was my second year at the groveport Madison jurnior high school my eighth grade year I would still be quiet in school I didn’t make very many friends in school it was very hard for me to fit in with the other groups of student. Some of my grade would be failing and sometime I would have trouble going to school it was hard for me to keep going and to get back on my feet. Due to my mom passing the school had counseling for me for a week but it didn’t do me no good with my grieving I was still that girl who would always quiet and felt lonely. My social skill was very low and I was having trouble engaging with others student I felt invisible and wasn’t part of any group or sport. When my teacher would help me get back on my feet my grade were starting to get better day by day and I started doing my homework every night and started going to school everyday. I Started doing alots better cause of my favorite teacher that I had her name was ms.Pillen she help me alots throughout the schoool year and then I started making new friends little by little it took me awhile to engaged with others. I wasn’t invited to anyone birthday party or go to he mall,movies or anything or being ask to hangout with anyone probably because I wasn’t good enough or be cool enough like the others. When school year was almost over for the summer and it was my sixteenth birthday and my sisters and my dad took me out to dinner at Olive Garden one of my favorite restaurants to eat at. As we got to the restaurant to be seated and waited cause it was too crowded and pack. A few minute later I heard screaming and crying so I turn around and my dad was on the floor when he fell to the ground he broke his leg. The quad took him to the hospital and follow them their. While we were wait in the waiting room the doctor told us that he was gonna be okey and that he would probably needed surgery cause he hurt his leg when he fell at the restaurant. My birthday didn’t turn out as planned. My dad had to used a walker cause of his fall he was still driving and still managed to keep moving around. A week later after my dad fall my sister Terri decided to move in with me and my dad.my sister Terri was diagnosed with Breast cancer back when my mom was still alive I never knew how much time she had left she did loose her job at the time I don’t remember when but Terri stay with us for awhile but I was also glad her son Justin wasn’t moving in with us. I felt a little better when Terri stay with us and felt A little comfortable but it didn’t help bring my mom back of all the things she done for me. Then after awhile my other sister Darlene and her two kids moving in with us we had a house full of peoples and we would always had company over just about every week and on the weekand.we always had a houseful of peoples and it would always be loud as well it wasn’t to bad and I wasn’t bored and would have someone to talk too. During the summer my dad decided to get his own place into an apartment of his own the families asked me to move in with him I just said okey but I wasn’t really happy about it and that I didn’t want to because of what he did to me before my mom died. A couple day later I went to have a meeting with both of my sisters they took me out for dinner while I had a meeting with them. I ask my sister Darlene if I could move in with her and that I would have to share room with her younger daughter kystisa and they except it. I didn’t tell them the reason why I didn’t wonna stay with my dad in a apartment I was afraid that they didn’t believe me or wouldn’t understand or what would it cause our family or be torn apart also I didn’t wonna tell them out in public cause we were surrounded with lots of peoples at the restaurant so I kept it a secret as long as possible and that my dad would come over for a visit or some holiday. Sometime I wish I could have told them but it wouldn’t change nothings about what had happen. It was around that time of going back to school again it was my first freshman in groveport Madison high school and I was in the ninth grade. We had split section first,secand and third split section I had first split section where school would begin at 6:50 AM and ended at 12:50 AM. I never like having split section exspectrually the first on I just had to go with it and go with the flow throughout the school year. During my first year of high school and I was in about 7 or 8 different classroom I was in math,English,science reading,art gym and cooking class I believe with all of the other kids. I would sometime be missing the bus cause of the early start of the school year and sometime I don’t hear my alarm go off and I’ll over slept. During my first year of high school year I was still in the struggle of fitting in with the others student and didn’t have very many friends to talked too or hangout with I was still struggling with my social skill and engaging with everyone throughout my first year of high school it was a hard year for me and I sometime couldn’t keep my grade up but I would always be doing my homework every night and be studying for quizzes and test every night they were very hard to do for me to remember but I had to study really hard. My first year of high school their would always be lots of fighting and threat at the building everyday and we would be on lock down just about every week. Their were also so much dramas everyday my first year was hard for me. During my of hischool year I was put in a special need education classroom low level classes I didn’t like it at first because I wanted to take different class with the others student like the rest of them. They told me being in a special need class would helped me achieve my goal after hischool and I wanted to do after I graduate when I finish. I stay in the special need classroom it was okey but it did took me awhile and process to be in the special need class. Throughout my sophomore year our classmate we did community job three day a week Monday through Friday my first job site was at the library in groveport I did like it on my very first day they had me to do multiple job task like cleaning the book,fixing the book on the selve and doing non-fiction book and others. While I was at my job site this Chinese lady walk towards me and told me that I needed to come with her to go outside. I didn’t know why she wanted me to follow her from the begin with anyway. I have always learned from my mom and that she told me what should you do if someone try to talked to you that you don’t even know or go in a car with a stranger with them cause you never know what they might do I learn that from the hard way. So she kept telling me that I needed to go with her and I kept saying no cause I didn’t know her or who she was. And then for a second she walk away to go find my teacher and when my teacher came to me and she told me that she was an mobilities specialist which I was never aware of that and my teacher could have been more responsible to tell me that their would be someone coming out to my job site to work with me. A few minute later I went outside with her and we walk toward the stop sign on Hamilton road.The first thing she wanted me to do to cross the street to the other side of the road which I couldn’t cause the car were flying by super fast and their were no traffic light to where I could across from either. I was thinking in my mind what is wrong with this Chinese lady is she trying to have me killed on this busy street she is crazy. I never crossed the street at all even though she was forcing me too. I didn’t like her or trust her cause I didn’t know her and I was terrified to cross the street from Hamilton road because it was the dangerous road or cross from and their were too many cars coming from both directions. We headed back to the library because it was almost time to head back to school and to get ready to go home I was glad today was over. She still continues to work with me throughout the school year I still didn’t like her cause I was still having issues with her. One time she came to work with me and we went outside and she wanted me to get in the car with her and I didn’t know why I told her no and told my teacher and the school told her that she wasn’t allowed to leave school property with any student cause she didn’t get permission too at all. And another time she came and we were in the school library and she getting frustrated with me so she grabbed my arms and I told her not to ever tauch me again. So I walk back to my classroom and told my teacher that I didn’t want her to work with me ever again. They did found me another mobilities specialists I did like her she wasn’t like the other crazy Chinese lady. The new lady was really nice and she work with me very well through my sophomore and junior year of high school. During my sophomore and junior year of school my grade were catching up and I was doing alots better then I ever did before. I started making new friends talking more and engaging with others student and I was feeling alots happier although I was involved in many different drama. I tried my hardest to stay out of the dramas but I kept getting involved with frew of my friends that I made friends with. I couldn’t wait to leave that school cause it was nothing but dramas everyday and stuff. I also did joined track and field team and I was also in choir class for two year as well and I even made frew more friends too.that was one of my favorite class and I was even in frew others different class as well. On my track team I didn’t get a chance to be in the team pictures with the rest of my teammates. I was doing pretty well during my three year of hischool. I like all my teacher that I had they were all very nice and helpful during my three year of hischool. During winter time my niece Stephanie was 5 month pregnant she was having a boy and they were going to name him Alexander jame Gilmore this is her fifth child after her last miscarriage she had it was very hard year for her she had a girl and they name her Rebecca ANN Gilmore I never got to meet her she died during birth cause she didn’t have enough fluted in her. I remember during her pregnancy and I was at her house hanging out with my others great neice katelyn,Jordan and jeorjia they were younger then me. It was a snowy winter and I was having a good time with my great nieces. A few minute later my nieces Stephanie came into the girls room and pointed to finger at me to get my stuff together and let go so she can take me home she didn’t say it in a very nice way and that she wanted me to leave. I don’t know I’d I did or said something to make her speak to me in that kind of tone way. When to she took me back home to my sister Darlene house to where I’ve been living at and on the way home she didn’t speak to me at all it was very quiet in the car. As I got out of the car it was hard to walk cause the snow was high and hard. As I got on the porch I slip on the ice and not once my neice Stephanie as me if I was okey or if I was hurt she just drove without a word. So I got up and went inside and took off my shoe I told my sister Darlene about it and she didn’t do anything about it I was upset and went to bed that night I know I didn’t do anything to her.

Chapter six 2007-2009

As month gone by it was the season of spring time on may 5,2007 my neice Stephanie went into labor and she delivered a healthy baby boy it was also my great neice Jordan birthday two double celebration and double the cake. On the day that he was braught home from the hospital and everyone went over to Stephanie house to celebrate both birthday and to see her new born son Alex. I once ask to hold my great nephew Alex that what we all called him instead of Alexander. While we were all their and having a good time not once I was able to hold my great nephew but I was able to sit next to my sister Darlene while she was holding him. Ever since the day that my great nephew Alex came home from the hospital I was not ever allowed ever to hold him or go near him or pick him up I never knew why I never get it. And when he was still a baby I was still wasn’t able to hold him or when we were at a family event,holiday or special occasion and other stuff and everytime I would ask and I still wasn’t able too. When Alex was about two or three month old he was still small it was me my sister Darlene and her two kids marquan and kystisa we went over their for lunch while we were their and I was in the living room I heard Alex crying for awhile now and I went over to him and pick him up because he was crying and Stephanie told me not to pick him up so my great neice Katelyn took him from me cause I was told not to pick him up. I don’t know what I did wrong or not being able to hold him or pick him up or to love on him like all aunt would do it just didn’t make any sense. Couple week later my neice Stephanie and her four children came over before we all went out to get get icecream Jordan and katelyn went and talk to me in the background they told me that their mom told them that I wasn’t allowed to come over anymore because she didn’t like it the last time that I went over their and that I pick her son up because I drop him which I would never do that. I would never dropped any baby and she would never want me to come over anymore because I would want to see him so I started to cried in tears and that really hurt me when they told me what their mom said to them. My neice Stephanie never trusted me or anyone else in her household but she trusted everyone else. I was never an aunt to him and it wasn’t fair. He will never know what kind of an aunt I was to him.I know on special occasion and when Stephanie wasn’t around I would see him or hold him before she come back inside. I don’t know what I did wrong or what she did not like about that because of her not to wanting me to be around Alex. I still continue to go over to my neice Stephanie house and went along and pretended nothing ever happen or said to me so I move on and let it go. I do know that he isn’t gonna know how good of an great aunt I was or if I ever hold him. Me and Stephanie never had a really good bond relationship she would always seem tense around me. Their would always be yelling at her house everytime I would come over to spend the night with katelyn and Jordan all she did was yelled at her kids for no reason and I would just stay quiet and always stayed in the girls room till it was time for me to go home the next day. It wasn’t an healthy bonding it wasn’t healthy for me though and when I’m at her house sometime I would go a whole day without eating I would wait till dinner or when I go home..I remember everytime either Jordan or katelyn would have friends over Stephanie would be a different person and be nice to them and spoil them and that she doesn’t do any yelling when the girls would have friends over or sleep over with them it always different when I come over. Sometime I would like to tell the girls that I don’t wonna come over or sleep over anymore cause of the yelling and that they would get in trouble all the time but couldn’t tell them that I wasn’t brave enough to do so..but I did enjoy the girl sleeping over at my house and having fun. A year later my neice Mandy who was pregnant with her very first child they name her mikaela Ann sounder as month gone by I was able to go see my great neice mikaela at the hospital and was able to hold her and let me to be an great aunt to her and I was happy to know that I was able to be around her and that Mandy let me be apart of it and she did trust me and I was able to hold her when she was a baby and that she didn’t push me away. Mikaela was the most precious little baby that I had ever seen. When mikaela was few month older I would help my sister Darlene babysit mikaela and I would play with her all the time and as mikaela started crawling and walking she would always want me to play with her sometime she would sleep over or come over for a visit. Matt and Mandy would always come over twice a week to watch America idol while mikaela keep me busy and company because she had so much energy inside her and I would take her outside to play and I would happen to chase her around and feed her I was glad to be an great aunt to her.

Chapter seven 2009-2012 part one, two and three

My senior year has finally came I was happy that this will be my last year of hischool and I was Glad. this year will bring in the best in me with no dramas or get into any situation that I didn’t wonna get into. This year I was in couple new classroom one was and English teacher with mrs.melick she was one my favorite teacher and it was my favorite subject to take I would still be quiet at most part and I also did one semester of Spanish class it was a little hard for me to take and I also had other classroom. My senior year was going pretty well and I still continue to do very well and doing my homework every night. Not once I would miss my bus ever since my first year of freshman. It was getting close to my graduation and prom was coming up before the week of graduation and I decided to go to the prom the prom that no one should ever forget of their live. I didn’t have date to the prom cause I didn’t have no one to go with it was just me and my friend Whitney Johnson we were best friends since freshman year. On the night of the prom we went to the prom together we also dance with two other guys we were having fun. The prom was okey after we left the prom we went to karaoke night and had pizza it was alright too their were lots of seniors student too we didn’t sing we just sat and watch and had pizza which it was cold and dry it wasn’t very tasteful. I was Telling my friend Whitney that we should have went to a fancy restaurant like Olive Garden or red lobster or something like that. My senior prom night didn’t really turn out as I thought it would be I wish it could have been a due over that night of the prom. It was the last final week of graduation and exams week as well I was super excited to be done with school and getting ready for graduation and finishing up my class. On the day of my graduation of my senior year of 2010 it was my graduation ceremony. Everyone was getting their group pictures with their parents,family,friends and teacher and I was left out their weren’t ny picture taken with me and my family that night of graduation I was feeling a little sad. When It was about that time for everyone to be seated for everyone name to be call to receive their high school diploma and as everyone name was being called everyone was clapping and cheering for their son,daughter or their grandchildren finally my name was being called and as I was walking across the stage to receive my diploma not once anyone cheer for me or clap for me it was very quiet it felt like I didn’t exited in that school or wasn’t heard. I was excited that my English teacher who I pick to give me my high school diploma and she gave me a hug and congratulate me. After my graduation was over I seen everyone was so happy and everyone was still doing pictures and stuff. My sister Terri and my brother Jeff and his wife Jeanie was their and that who all show their support to my to my graduation..I was happy to leave groveport high school I believe that I wish I could have gone to a different school to where I wasn’t being surrounded with so much dramas and that their could have been more that could have been done to help me through high school but I did and I still managed to keep going untail I graduated.. A year later around summer time my neice Aimee and my nephew keven were going to be adopting a baby girl who was born on July 22 her name was eden Rae Camden. It was also my neice birthday as well and that was her birthday gift that she ever had. They were also to except to adopt another baby. They were adopting a son he was born on Christmas Day his mane was Samaul Edward Camden. I was happy that they we’re going to be adopting two baby. I was glad to become an great aunt to eden and Sammy I was greatful that they let me hold and love on them like all aunt would do and I was glad to be apart of their live and not being push away ever since they were braught home. Ever since they were baby I was able to help out with feeding them.rock them to sleep,change diaper and when my other neice Mandy would babysat them I would help Mandy out and sometime she would always bring them over. And as they grow and started to crawl and walk and talk I would play with them all the time and chase them around and take them outside for a little walk. I would also help my sister Darlene out with them as well. I would always be taking pictures of them since they were babies I love them dearly and they both have put a special place in my heart. They mean so much to me and that I would be an great aunt to them. I couldn’t thank them enough when Aimee and Kevin would always let me be around them and help out and I love being an great aunt to them. After I graduate from groveport I got excepted to go to OSU for two year at project plus at transition program. I learn alots at osu was was able to regain some of my strength and overcome a few time..I got to learn how to used the street light and ride the OSU campos bus. We also got to take a tour at the Ohio state football statium and others fun stuff that we also got to do their.we also had to do two year of job skills to helped us after we graduate from OSU get get a real paying job and help us to look for a job..but the funny thing was I was the only girl in my class for two year at OSU it was also like that when I was in high school being the only girl in some of my classroom. One day when I was at OSU I receive a message on Facebook and I got the greatest surprise new ever that both of my real sister Maria and frances found me after I lost connection with them after I was adopted and never knew where I was at or where I was staying at I was glad to reunite with two of my blood sister and that I was happy to be a sister to them again and make memories.They told me that our mom died in 2007 from depression and that she died in her sleep I was very upset cause I never got to really know her after she got clean and got a really good job. Sometime I wish I could have gotten to go visit her if my adoption wasn’t close or if I would still been a foster teenager. They also told me that she was doing alots better and that she always thought about me and wondering where I was all this time I wish that I got to see her but I know that she been watching over on me and looking down smiling on me. They told me that our mom would send birthday card and that I never receive them I never knew anything about them. OSU really help me alots then it did when I was in high school. My teacher were really nice and they help train you alots and others skills that help me approve on. Being at OSU was the best two year of my life the best part was I got excepted to go their for free. On my last year of OSU four year agao my sister Terri was diagnosed with Breast cancer it was very hard on everyone knowing that she was getting sick but that didn’t stop her from doing anything she kept staying strong for all of us and was able to help out with her grandson Gavin and was able to spend much time with him as much as possible she love her grandson Gavin very much. As the month gone by on a cold winter year one day I took a day off from school to spend the day with both of my sisters and we went to my sister Terri kcemo therophy for her meditation to help her feel better. After she was done doing kcemo me and Terri sat on the bench outside while my sister Darlene went to go get the van for us so we wouldn’t have to walk so far. While I was sitting next to my sister Terri and talking to her and I ask her if she feel better and well enough to come to my graduation ceremonies in June cause I was almost done at OSU she told me that she will try her very best to come watch me graduation and walk across the stage to get my diploma. During the last several month she was able to spend Christmas,Easter and mother day with all of us while she was feeling a little better then she started getting sicker in the middle of may right before my week of graduation at the Ohio State University. On the day before my graduation my sister Darlene came into my room and told me that Terri doesn’t have much time and that she was getting more weaker by the minute she couldn’t hang on much longer and that she was ready to go and my mom have been calling her to go with her and my other brother bill who also died of cancer back in 2009. On the day of my graduation of June 1,2012 it was also my 23 birthday and when I came home that day to get ready for my graduation and that I was told that my sister Terri wouldn’t make it through the night she wanted to go but they wouldn’t let her go in the hospital so they took her over to my brother Jeff house to be with the families. I was really looking forward to have both of my sisters to come watch me walk across the stage but it didn’t happen. As the time was clicking it was almost time for my graduation at OSU I kept thinking about my sister Terri and was thinking about going to see her before I left to go to my graduation. I do know that my sister wouldn’t was me to see her fading away. She would want me to be happy and enjoy my graduation so I could walk across the stage to receive my diploma and I did it class of 2012 and I was proud of myself for making the best of it and making everyone proud including my sister Terri would be too. After graduation I was ready to go and leave so I could go see my sister Terri before it was too late. As I got in the car with my neice Jackie and her family came as well to support me at graduation while we were on out way to my brother Jeff house my neice Jackie told me that Terri had pass away. I kept quiet the car was very silent. When we pull up at my brother Jeff house Jackie help me out of the car and he walk me inside and I walk up to my other sister Darlene and we both started crying in tears. I turn around and saw my sister Terri lying on the hospital bed she was gone peacefully and not suffering anymore. She went to go be with my adopted mom,my brother bill and my other two great niece and nephew. I can’t believe that she was gone sometime I wish I hadn’t gone to my graduation so I could be able to say goodbye to her and tell her how much I love her before god took her.

Chapter Eight 2012-2013

A couple month later after my sister Terri had pass away I couldn’t wait any longer to keep my secret on anymore I was tired and it was messing with my head so I had to tell someone in my family. So I told my neice Jackie through a text message about what my dad did to me before my mom passing in 2005 seven year ago. She also told her two others sister Mandy and Stephanie and then my sister Darlene us four gather in the car for a ride and I told them everything and I told them everything what my foster brother Chris did and everything that my nephew Justin did to me as well. They didn’t believe me at first because I was telling them two different stories about my dad,Chris and Justin.A few day later my nephew Steve who was Stephanie husband he took me over to their house to have a talk with Jackie,Mandy and my sister Darlene they were still confused on two different stories I didn’t understand why they were confuse peoples don’t get confuse about what that person know what had happen to them. I kept telling them that all of this was the truth and I would never make anything up about my abuse. They didn’t believe me when I told my mom about what Justin did when I was younger they said if we did knew your mom and Terri could have said something to us and they really did knew. I wasn’t going to give up untail they believe me they thought that I was lying and making all of this up so I wouldn’t have to move in with my dad. I would never make up anything like that kind of situation when being abused by three male in your family. Later that night we all drove over to my dad apartment to speak with him and they wanted me to come in while they talk to him. My neice Jackie ask him did you ever tauch your daughter and that you force her to tauch you in a wrong inappropriate way and he told them no that he never tauch me in some kind of way. I look at him straight in the eyes and said yes you did. From the look on his face that I saw he felt guilty because he knew he was lying and was trying to cover his track for the past seven year till now. While me and my Stephanie went outside while my others two neice talk to my dad. While me and Stephanie were outside she mention to me and said that you do know if your lying about all of this and about not wanting to live with your dad it gonna be hard for us to ever trust you again. I pause for a minute and I was thinking in my head and wanted to say in her face how could you ever trusted me when you never trusted me your son Alex and never let me hold him or be an aunt to him or be apart of it you always push me away now explain that to me I wanted to tell her that but I didn’t have the gut to do so and I wasn’t strong enough. A few minute later Jackie and Mandy came out and said that my dad finally confess and told the truth for what her did to me. After that was all over with I haven’t felt release yet. The next couple of day or two I ask to report it to the police for what my dad and Justin did to me in the past. My two neice Jackie and Mandy came over to talk to me about it for a minutes outside of the front porch and waited for my sister Darlene came home from Jeff house.. when she pull up from the driveway she slam her door and started yelling at me and she was very angry with me because she didn’t want her dad to be put in jail. Isn’t that what your supposed to do is the call the police if someone or a family member abuse you in a wrong inappropriate way. And my brother Jeff was a cop so he didn’t do anything about it like it wasn’t a big deal to him. My sister was yelling at me and Telling me are you trying to get marquan and kytaisa away from me You should think twice about your great neice and nephews. While she was still yelling at me she said to me if you wasn’t safe then why did you say yes to be adopted into the families and if you don’t like it here then why don’t you call your service coordinator to look for you another families and are you trying to ruin our families apart why can’t you just move on with your life. I said in my head your families isn’t ruin my life was shatter with bunch of pieces that can’t be fixed alots were stolen from me. I was a child I was only protecting myself and that I wasn’t safe or happy and that I kept a secret for 11 year and I was living under the rock for a very long time into a dark secret for so long. I know I did the right things by telling them because no one should ever live for what they been through in their life. A few month later thing had settle down a bit my dad still continue to come over for a visit sometime I stayed in my room untail he left. He did spend thanksgiving with us but I was never in the same room with him. I don’t know how my dad could live with himself all these year for what he did and I don’t know how the rest of the family think it was okey for him to be around for a little bit. Alots were changing again and it didn’t seem better for me. I did ask to do counseling to help me get pass it but my sister and Jeff said that it wasn’t a good idea because it might sent him to jail I’m wondering how am I’m supposed to move on if I don’t get the counseling that I need to help me heal..they didn’t care all they care was their father and felt sorry for him. After the holiday it was the very last time that I ever saw my dad because he was put in a nursing home cause he wasn’t capable to take care of himself anymore and he would be falling alots. I did go visit him a couple of time in the nursing home and that was it and then I stop going to visit him he never did tell me that he was sorry for what he did to me I never spoke to him or even called him I had to let him go for me to move on without having counseling it didn’t do me any good for me. I was living with my sister Darlene and her family for six year and I agree to share room with kystisa we never once got along or bond with each other their were some day we would get along then a few minute later she started being mean to me she would never let me to have a turn to watch anymore we would always be fighting over the remote to who get a turn. I would have to wait till she falls asleep and I would stay up a little later to watch tv or when she was at school. I would watch whatever I want on tv when she wasn’t at home. Sometime she wouldn’t ask me in a nice manner way if she could have a turn she would come home from school in a bad mood and she would get mad when I tell her she would need to wait till I’m done watching my show. Sometime she will say mean things to me and be taking her bad temper out on me for no reason and sometime their is a reason for her to get mad at me when she shouldn’t have and doesn’t have her way. Every night when it a school night every night I would tell her that it is time for bed and that we needed to turn the tv and light off the light cause it was a school night and she would throw a fit and make her growling sound like and animals would do and she would want to stay up all night to watch her show no matter how nice I ask her that it was time for bed she would throw a fit and get mad at me about others stuff for no reason. She would always be talking to much and Too loud while I be trying to watch my show and whenever I tell her nicely to keep it down a little she will tell me no because your not the boss of me. I tell her how come I always being quiet when your watching tv and you can’t do the same when I’m watching tv which it was very extremely very rude of her when I’m trying to hear my show and sometime I would have to turn my volume up louder so I could hear the tv. We would argue about it everyday and night we never communicate well and never got along since I’ve stay with my sister Darlene. The boundaries in the household never went really well with anyone it was all unhealthy for me. Their were day where I sometime get long with my nephew marquan sometime he will make that evil look cause I would burp even though he never like anyone burping which he never burp which I am surprise by that. I do remember one time when my sister Darlene Terri out shopping while they were out I was in the room with kystisa things were going pretty well for awhile untail marquan came into the room like always and being saying stuff to kystisa and be making her mad and she would start making her growling noise and go after him. Their are days where they get along with each other someday not and sometime their bond don’t even last that long. That night they were fighting with each other and I was trying to break them up an a few minute later my brother in law Dwaune came in and heard me say something that I said and I got yelled at for what? Then he walk out of the room and shut the door. Then a few minute later my neice kytaisa walk out of the room for a minute and then my brother in law came in and said that kytaisa told me that you told her Tha,we didn’t want her anymore so I yelled at him back and said that I HAVE NEVER SAID THAT TO HER. I was accused for something that I never said. He yelled back to me and say DONT YOU DEAR EVER TALK BACK TO ME IN THAT KIND OF TONE Now you know that if your parents were here you know that they wouldn’t talorate you for talking to them in that kind of tone way and that they raise you right. I was telling in my head only my mom raise me right.In my mind I know I wasn’t raise in a good protected way only I was raising myself and my dad was never a dad to me he really didn’t raised me all he did was just put food on the table and to make sure that I had home to sleep in. After he left the room I didn’t speak to kytaisa for the rest of the night for something that I had never said to her and then I started crying and was thinking about my mom. I wanted to walk out of my room to run away and never come back cause of the way I’ve been treated in the household this was all very unhealthy for me and know good boundaries. An hour later when finally when my sister Darlene came home I was a little okey that she was their then I went to bed. While back it was the month of February and it was Valentine’s Day and my brother in law came in the room and started telling me and kytaisa that we needed to flush the toilet and I raise my voice at him and I told that I HAD NONTHING TO DO WITH IT cause I’ve learn how to flush a toilet ever since I learn how to used the toilet and flush it and I always have been flushing the toilet everytime I used the restroom. And then he raise his voice at me and said I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO IT IM JUST TELLING YOU TO FLUSH IT. Wasn’t sure why he would tell me to flush the toilet when I already know how too. He walk away and then I Slammed the door after when he thought I slammed the door on his face when he was halfway down the hallway from the door and he walk back and raise is voice at me cause I slammed the door which I never did. That night I wrote a disrespectful things about him on Facebook. The next day when I came home from OSU my neice Jackie came over and speak to me and got mad at me for what I said about her dad and she didn’t like that and that I slammed the door on him which I didn’t do. She said to me the next time you disrespectful to my dad again and that she will never let me have Facebook again. She also told me that if you aren’t happy to where you are at then you should pack your bag and gather up all of your things and live with your dad so I say anything at all. After Jackie left I started crying I didn’t eat or talk to anyone for a while and I also had an head aide as well and later that evening I went out in the living room and apologize to him even thought he wasn’t my dad it wasn’t like I would have a special bond after the apologies. I went and got something to eat then went to bed. I haven’t really had that special sister special bonding with my sister Darlene since I’ve live with her or after I told her what had happen to me in the past. But ever since I’ve live with her we didn’t do any of the sister stuff like all the others sister would do with their sibling like go to the movies together or go to the mall to shop or Black Friday or a mini vacation. she would be going either with her childrens or few of her grandchildren to the movies instead of me and I was never ask to go. I remember asking my sister Darlene once to have a sisters day together but instead she invited katelyn and jeorjia which I didn’t ask for them to come along I just wanted the two of us sister together. I remember one summer she went to Amish country with her three girls,my sister Terri and her two granddaughters katelyn and jeorjia and I was never even ask to go and I was always be left out or even bother to ask. I remember one weekand and my great neice katelyn told me that I don’t need to go everywhere my sister Darlene go out everytime or follow her around that really hurt me when she told me that night when she was sleeping over. Sometime I wish I could have live with my dad but I had the reason not to live with him in the first place because I would never know what he would do or abuse me again if I ever did live with him. If my dad haven’t done what he did to me yes I would have stay with him even though I grew up not having a special bond with my adopted father I still continue to live with my sister and her family although nothing has change around the household or anyone else it was all toxic unhealthy boundaries and relationship.

Chapter Nine 2014-2015

A year later around winter time I was expected to be on the levels one waiver and I got to choose which supportive living agency that I wanted to provide me service with my need and I chosen Upreach supportive living provider agency it was a very quick process for me to join the company and they excepted me not only that I also had a job at mc.donald at the time and looking into of getting my own apartment which it was the right time and the best thing for me to do and get out on my own and experience the world I stay in groveport for a couple of year to where I grew up at and to where I was abused and traumatized for many years. During the month of February and it was official that I was finally moving into my own apartment and being a part of Upreach at the same time on my move in date and I was providing with Upreach helping me buy all the furniture,cleaning supplies,kitchen stuff and everything else that I needed for my new one bedroom apartment and they helped me moved everything into my new apartment as well and that I also went grocery shopping. On my first night of living by myself into my new apartment at first I thought I was gonna be scare to be myself and that someone would break in. That first night I was okey and that I wasn’t scared after all It took me couple of day to process of me living by myself then after awhile I was loving it. I was able to make my own dinner.clean my place up whenever it got dirty and I got to watch tv and listen to my radio whenever I want. My apartment complex also had a fitness room I would go workout or go jogging around my apartment complex. Upreach provides me with staff to come out four day a week to help me with cleaning,cooking,take me places like movies,out to dinner,my doctor appointment,grocery shopping and all the fun stuff that I got to go and have fun on the weekand. I also got to plan my very first trip with Upreach next fall at Orlando Florida with them I was super excited that I was able to go to Florida for the first time and on the plane for the very first time as well the cost was very expensive but I was able to work through it to paid for my trip with my work money. For month I got used of being with the company here at Upreach and got to know everyone and make new friends and I was able to fit right in with everyone and I felt welcome and I was able to do alots of stuff that I never got to do and I also got to attend to young adults day program at learning never end as an consumer I was able to do more their doing fun activities and going out in the community and making friends. They also plan outing on Friday,have holiday celebration like Halloween,thanksgiving Christmas and valentines and Easter party for everyone they also performed a play and talent show. As winter and spring pass through it was the summer of August and I was on my way to learning never end talent show performance with my staff and another consumer while I was heading their I receive a call from my sister in law Jeanie she told me that my dad was in the hospital because he wasn’t doing too good and was having trouble breathing and that they had to do CPR on him to bring him back and also had his feeding tub remove she told me before they could do anything he coded and that they were able to bring him back. I don’t know why I didn’t know sooner that he didn’t have much time and that he was on the ventilator breathing machine and that he wasn’t doing too good. The next day I went to go visit my dad Saturday at the hospital I wanted to go see him before it was too late. When I got to the room to go see him his eyes were close I sat next to him and was speaking to him. He kept looking toward me and was trying To see where I was because he only heard my voice he knew I was there right next to him. I wanted to hold his hand but I couldn’t so I put my hand on his palms of his hand. He was really in pain because of his chest being crack when they did CPR on him to bring him back. When I was talking to him I told him that I forgive you dad for not ever being there for me and not being a dad to me and that we never had that special daughter father bonding relationship together and that I was sorry that I never took the time to come visit you at the nursing home and that I should had come see you more. I stared at my dad the whole time while I was there and hope that that he would open his eyes to see me and I know that he wasn’t gonna be here any much longer he was getting close to home to be with my adopted mom and his other two Terri and his son bill. My brother Jeff didn’t want him to go without seeing my sister Darlene. On August,14,2014 my brother Jeff that morning and he wanted to tried to bring him to his house but it was too late. I receive a call when my sister Darlene told me that my dad died this morning and that he was already gone. My dad was 89 year old when he had died at the hospital along. When I found out that week and that my dad wasn’t gonna be here much longer I was in a complete shock and that everything was happening so fast. My sister Darlene told me that he had written me a letter and hopes that I would ever forgive him. On the day of his funeral it was also raining and nasty outside ever since the day he died and that I felt relieve and not grieving I think it was because I was still in shock of him passing and that it didn’t hit me like it did when my adopted mom died in 2005 the funeral went well and my brother Jeff did his speech it went well too. While we were all at the cemetery to where my mom and Terri were buried next together. The troops people where their as well cause my dad was in the US army Marian Corp. A few minute later the troops worn us to let us know that they were gonna fire up in the air and that children’s would need to plug their ear if they get scare. As they fire up in the air most of us jump and my nephew flew backwards and Almost knock my neice Jackie doun to the ground and thought that he was shot be he wasn’t he was really scared when they fire up in the air. We were all laughing even though it wasn’t funny it was just that moment that we will never forget. I went back to work the next day and that some of the employees were pushing my but at work and stressing me out and it trigger and I was not having a great time at work and that I was doing too many multiple Task all at once and that they were over giving me to many things to do..Their were time where I just couldn’t go fast enough on preparing the salad,parfait, and others ingredients for lunch and rolling up breakfast burritos and it was too much for me and most of the employees were rushing me without helping me. Another time when one of the female employee told me to move without saying excuse me and she push me out of her way and that was very rude of her to do.. as month gone by I was stressing out alots everyday while I was working at mc.donald for Alittle over a year now and it started to get worse at work and I wasn’t getting paid enough and that I was getting taking advantage of at work. So I decided that it was time for me to start looking for another job because of the way I was treated and that I was giving too much multiple job task and I couldn’t do it anymore and I couldn’t wait to leave. I haded to have a job on the line before I could quite my job at mc.donald. Upreach was very supportive of me with my decision and that they help me with my bills and stuff and helped me to stay on my feet they also helped me to find another job that it didn’t have to do with any fast food service or restaurant because I was struggling big time and something had to be done and come up with another plan and that I wanted a Different job and more friendly base job.. let go back in the year of 2007 where I went to track camp at BSVI summer camp I met a guy name billy Peterson but we never really talk or hangout untail 2010 and that when we started being friends and started talking alots then when the year of 2014 we met again at Upreach that was my first year of being with the company so we kinda met three different time. We hangout a couple of time now and then and went to the prom at Upreach. A year later in 2015 things got out of hand between me and billy our boundaries wasn’t good cause he kept sending me mean text message and yelling at me through a text messages and accusing me of something that I didn’t do. He told me that I do thing to make peoples upset and that they were getting tired of me. He also told me that I had to deal with is mental anger and that he was from the country. That winter things were not working out between us two and that I told me that we shouldn’t be friends anymore and I choose to end our friendship and I also wanted to make new friends and set healthy boundaries and that I needed to go my own way to do what best for me. I told him that I can’t be friend friend with someone who gonna be sending me mean text and telling me that it was my fault and getting so mad easy. I was givin the wrong advice our friendship wasn’t healthy enough. The next day I tried to hurt myself with a sharp knife because he told me that it was my fault and that I did this. He told me this on Facebook and I block him on Facebook and I was getting my phone number change. I got really emotional and ran away and walk for three hour.then I was to danoto  pizza and I call the owner Beth and Melissa to see if one of them could come and get me and Beth the owner call me back and I explain her about what had happen and what billy told me. A few minute later They call my staff to come and get and take me home then Beth call Arkeeta To have her come over to my apartment to talk to me and I told her everything and I started crying. She told me that I never did anything wrong and that no one wasn’t getting upset with me and that it wasn’t my fault. Arkeeta took me to the hospital that afternoon and that only thing that I told my doctor that I cut myself and that I was upset I didn’t have to get stitched up cause it didn’t go through my skin or vein. After we left the hospital Arkeeta took me home my sister call me to see if I was okey and I said I was just upset and that I cut myself I didn’t really tell her what actually really happen. I was too tired to talk on the phone. When Arkeeta drop me off at my apartment their was a knock at my door and it was my neice Stephanie came to talk to me and wanted to know what happen but I never told her what actually really happen I told her the same thing that I told my sister Darlene that I just cut myself and that I was upset cause of some guy made me upset..my neice Stephanie gave me an option that I should leave the company and come home and I told her no because I’m no longer will be friend with him and that I block him on Facebook then she say that they will do it again I told her that I am find where I am at and that I’m gonna be okey..I was wondering in my mind what kind of advice is that she given me and that I should move back home I never did ask her for I ask for my sister Darlene so my neice Stephanie took me over to her place to sleep over just for the night I wasn’t exspecting to sleep over I still continue to stay with Upreach. A couple day later when I was at learning never end and I was feeling all upset and crying all day and that I wanted to talk to Beth the owner of the company and I felt a little better after she talk to me. A few day later it was on a Wednesday and that I went to the Upreach office and Melissa the owner wanted to talk to me and what had happen and I explained everything to her she told me that it was all a misunderstanding and that it wasn’t nothing that I did or said and that it wasn’t my fault and she explain to me to help me to understand and to make me feel better. Both the owner Beth and Melissa and Arkeeta all three of them told me that I didn’t do anything wrong and that it wasn’t my fault. Beth and Melissa got me into counseling right away to help me set good boundaries and healthy relationship and also helped me with my childhood and teenage abuse and others stuff that I’ve been through in life. It was a very long four month of recovering but I got through it with lots of help and support by my counselor, service coordinator and Upreach. Ever since I have live out on my own for two year not one single of my family came over for a visit or check up on me to see how I’ve been doing or even called or ask me if I wanted to go out to dinner with them,go shopping or to a movies or something like that on a special occasion even though I have always been busy with working and stuff. They could at least pick up their phone and called me or do a swing by to visit me and make plan on the day or weekand that I’m advilable. I would only see them on most holiday I guess that what family is all about. After all I am going to do is stay strong and stay positive and do what best for me and not too worried much because I still had lots of support systems. As month gone by I found out that my nephew Justin who the one that sexually abused me live with my sister Darlene she took him in because he didn’t have a place to stay instead of living out on the street which I didn’t care because he was no longer in my life and that I didn’t want anything to do with him or what he been doing. I’m not sure why she took him in probably because she felt sorry for him after his mom died three year ago. I don’t know how can everyone okey with that. I stop visiting my sister for along time because he was there and that I didn’t wonna face him or hear his voice and sometime I’ll called my sister Darlene and she will bring up his name or my foster brother Chris name and I wanted nothing to do with him either im I would always wondering why she kept talking to me about them.I wish that they were both in jail which they should have been from the Began with.the only time I would visit my family on few holiday and that was it and that I was spending alots of time with my company here at Upreach to where I call it a home and family for me.

Chapter Ten Upreach is a blessing as life changes

Ever since I have been apart of Upreach supportive live company agency I have been so bless and greatful of how far my life was turn around and Made me to become a better person then It ever was before. Upreach is like a second family to me and that I have met such a wonderful great peoples and that they have put joy in my life and put a special place in my heart. I couldn’t ask for a better place and everyone else here at learning never end they have also been great to me as well. I am so glad that I made a decision and chosen to be apart of Upreach because it had help me to become a better person and get to know other peoples and learn from them and making new friends. Upreach also helped me learn how to set boundaries and bonding well with them. The best part about this company that it become a family it didn’t matter what age or who you came from or who you are and that they helped you live a better life and make you feel welcome and belong. Upreach help me grow into a better person it did took me awhile to get to know everyone and being able to fit in with the crowd of wonderful loving peoples. Everyone at Upreach know their way of making others happy and putting a smile on their face and making them feel better. I don’t know how they all do it but I do know that they all have a big warm heat who love helping others and supporting and change their life around. The best part of Upreach is that I go up to the office once a week and everytime I go up there everyone is always happy to see me because I’m always brighten up their day and light up the room and that I always have a big smile on my face and that I always put a big smile on their face.. I am so greatful to be apart of Upreach family it mean alots to me I can’t even amagine of all the great things that everyone at Upreach done for all of us you guys make us happy and being able to have a good experience in life and learn from another. I thank you guys for all of your support,caring and loving peoples. You all have tauch us all in so many way. Upreach had helped me so much and knowing how much this company had change my life around and the change of who I am today and getting me out in the community alots and keeping me busy. You guys also helped me to overcome and getting me out from being shy and to communicate more and that I have learn alots from you all. Thank you all so much for giving me that care and support that I needed and helping through the rough time and always giving me good advice on alots of things. And thank to all of the programs managers and all the of staff members for being there for all of us consultants for your care and support and that you all have giving us. I thank you all for giving me the the better life that I deserve.

Beth hunter OWNER

I’m am so greatful that I had met you. You welcome me to become apart of Upreach supportive living agency. I was nervous and shy to meet you at first. You had a special place in everyone heart and know how to make others happy. You had helped me to get to know others peoples and help me to learn how to let others get a change to know me. You have always find your way to make me stay positive and strong. You helped me to become a better person and being able to help me find in with everyone here at Upreach. I enjoy seeing you at the office every week and other holiday celebration event and even at the Upreach dance. Thank you for always being there for me and helping me to get through a rough time and helping me to stay in my feet. You know your way of making me smile you are one of the greatest peoples that I have ever met. Thank you Beth for your service and providing me here at Upreach.

Melissa Gourley OWNER

When I first met you I was shy and nervous at first for awhile when I first started her at Upreach. I am greatful that I have met you. And that you had welcomed me to come here. You Have such a big heart and love helping others with their needs.You have put a special place in many peoples life including me. I thank you for helping me to become a better person. You help me learn to get to know another’s peoples and helpings me to let others get the chance to know me. You taught me alots and learn from peoples personality. You also help me learn how to set boundaries because you told me a few times that setting boundaries is very important and helping others to get them to understand about each other. I enjoy seeing you at the office and Upreach spend holiday event and birthday outing and party and the Upreach Friday night dances.. thank you for always being there for me and helping me stay strong and positive. You always have your way of knowing what to say to me on good advice. You know your way making me feel happy. You are one of the greatest people’s that I had ever met. Thank you Melissa for your service and providing me here at Upreach.

Arkeeta smith PROGRAM MANAGER

I’m am greatful that I have me you through your sisters hon disease hear at Upreach. You two are like twisted sister. I was shy to meet you when I came. The first thing that I said to you was that I love your hair. You have such a warm heart and that you enjoy helping others and always have a smile on your face and very socialized and always full of energy and fun to be around. You always stay on top of things and making sure everything get done and organize. I enjoy seeing you at the office and other special event and Friday night Upreach dances. You are the funniest person that I have ever known. I think we all know who the funniest. I enjoy your laugh and jokes. You always have your way of changing others peoples and that you have put a special place in other peoples life including me. I thank you for always being there for me and helping me to become a better person and helping me know how to set boundaries an I did it all on my own while it took me some process for me to get to know everyone and giving others a chance to know to know me. You are one of the greatest peoples that I had ever met. Thank you Arkeeta for your service and providing me here at Upreach.

Mollie Dixon PROGRAM MANAGER

I am glad that I had met you here at Upreach it did took me awhile to get to know you because you were new to the company here at Upreach. You have such a bug heart and loving caring person. You always have your way of making others peoples laughs and even at your joke when you always say funny things to everyone and crack everyone up. You always have full of energy and very talkative. I enjoy seeing you every week at the office and other special holiday Upreach events. You always enjoy helping others and making their day become brighter and that you always have a smile on your face. Thank you for all of your support and your care and helping me get through rough time. You always giving me a pet talk and keeping me on my toes. You always know your way of giving me good advice when needed and knowing what to say. You always make me feel happy. You been one of the greatest person that I have ever known for everything’s that you done here at Upreach since you first started working for us.

Diana Slayton FINANCIAL PAYEE

I’m glad that I got to know you here at Upreach and I met you. Thank you for always helping me with my bills and budgeting. You always kept me on my toes and giving me a pet talk and pushing me through and achieve. I enjoy coming up to the office every week or see you. Thank you for caring for us all here and making sure that we are getting everything taking care of with our budget and saving money on important things. Thank you diana for serving and providing me here at Upreach.

Jessica bergamann recent PROGRAM MANAGER

Thank you for working here with all of us here at Upreach. You had a warm hearts and always enjoy helping others and making us all laugh.you were fun to be around. I am glad that I got to meet you through the owner Beth and Melissa. Thank you for working with me as your program manager and helping me to grow into a better person. You helped me bring out my shyness so I can meet new peoples. I have learn alots after you left the company here at Upreach and that you helped me move on so I can be happy and help me to become stronger. Hopefully someday that you will come and visit us all again. Thank you for all that you have done here at Upreach.

Jeanne Hearlthy and Jennifer Martin And Everyone That I Made Friends Here At Upreach

I am glad that I met you both here at Upreach. You both are the most hilarious people that I have ever met and knowing your way of making others laugh and telling jokes that is so funny. I’m glad that I have become friends with you both even though you two are alots older then me which is okey. What I enjoy about you guys is that you two always fight over me even though I’m always the favorite because we all have our favorite peoples. I have learn alots from you both. You guys have shown me how to become a better friends and have healthy boundaries and learning from you guys. It took me awhile to catch up and being able to fit in with everyone else. I enjoying seeing you both and hanging out and everyone else at Upreach and learning never end. Thank you all for those who have become my friends.

To all of the staff members and all of the rest of the program manager

Thank you all for doing all you can do for supporting us and giving us the care that we need. Thank you for your kindness,caring and loving heart and to help us to have a better freature in our live. You all have put a special place in our heart and that you all care for your consumers because we are all like a families in so many different way and we make each others happy and laugh and ,ale us all feel welcome and belong. We all know that their are always a challenge between staff members and consumers and that we work our way through it and helping each others out because we all go through rough time in our life and that their will always be someone there for us. Thank you all for putting into your hard work and providing us here at Upreach.

REACHING MY GOALS

My goal is to get a good paying job so I could finish school at Columbus state For rehabilitation specialist assistance aide, someday in the near feature I wonna help others change their life and helpsing them make their way to a better feature for them. I wonna be able to help those who are in need of more support,care and loving and let them know that they are never along and to reminde them that they are being love by so many support. I also wonna helps those who are struggling in their life and those who are having trouble fitting in and need someone to talk too. My next goal is that I wonna move to gahanna to get a fresh start and to create a new life for me and create new memories and heading up to the next level of challenge in my life. I also wonna save up money and travel and adventure the world and to go on vacation to Florida,Paris, Hawaii and myrtle beach. I also wonna keep working on my boundaries and open up to others peoples and being more confident. I also wonna find out my biological father who I never got the chance to me and find my others side of my blood families.

MY OLD PAST LIFE

My name is Monica Jordan Newman and I am twenty five year old. I was born on June 1,1990 at OSU hospital I was diagnosed with cerebral palsy mild disabilities,significant hearing impairment,legial blindness,fetal alcohol syndrome and charge syndrome which it effect everything with my body and health. My childhood was stolen at the age of seven I was sexually abused,traumatized, verbal abuse and abandoned. I thought I would be safe in a invierment home and be happy with my adopted families but it turn out to be a screw up and my childhood life wasn’t perfect or safe I was ruined. I have lost my boundaries,communicating skills,and healthy relationship back then and also my confident. I struggle with trusting others peoples. I wasn’t close to any one in my family only some of them that I was a few of my great neice and nephew that I was close too. Over the year it was very hard for me and I have struggled to regain all that back of all that have been broken. Sometime I wonder who I am right now and what kind of a person that I am today and knowing how much I was growing over the year. God had help me achieve my goal and that I had made lots of good choices in my life and that I have chosen to make a decision in my life and do what best for me and change of who I am and not the person that I was before. Many of you may not know of what kind of a life that I was living in the past or what I’ve have been through. I know that god sent me here for a reason and experience life that I been living. Sometime or if I was good enough to be adopted into a families that I was adopted too. I though being adopted was being love,care for, and keeping them safe from harm and abuse and that they didn’t belong. I thought that being adopted was all about because I was different from others and being treated differently. Not many of you know that I have a big heart who is kind by so many peoples that I have put a special place in their heart and make their day better because I am that girl who brighten up their day and make them happy to be around and joyable. Not many know of what kind of a person that I am today. Most of you guys don’t even know me well or even try to know me or understand. I still got a long road a head of me in the near feature. I am so greatful of the woman I have become. I was able to regain my strength,being more confident,accomplished and achieve. I made alots of improvements in my life. I am the strongest young woman ever who keep pushing through and doesn’t give up on anything and not let anything get in my way or let anyone one tell me different by bringing me down or telling me that I am wrong or making the wrong choices in my life or let anyone stand in my way. I am always gonna stay positive no matter what and the life that I created for me. Because of Upreach company my life is in a much better place and that I am greatful for those who have always been there for me and look up to me and that I have met such a wonderful great peoples and friends that I made here at Upreach and learning never end.

Chapter Eleven 2015-2016

As month gone by it was almost spring time my life started getting better for me. I made a decision to go back to school I got an offer to go to columbus state community college for human service resources/ disabilities studies. I was so excited that I got excepted to go back to school again and being able to start my career, making achievement and heading out there. I was still working at MC.Donald at the times and about to start a new seasonal job at lows for awhile untail I got back on my feel and that my bills start up and running again. I like my job At lows and glad that I wasn’t doing fast food anymore. At Lowe’s everyone at my new job we’re very nice and friendly and that they helped me alots. I mostly just water flowers and organize the flowers and took out lots of dead plants that needed to be toss..It took me awhile to work through the hours I handed to work 39 hours a week it was just only seasonal hours which it really helped me alots and was able to get alots of money and that I was able to do more things then I ever did for awhile. I still continue to work at lows, three month later I was officially a college student here at columbus state community it was also my twenty six birthday too. My first day at columbus state went really well I met lots of wonderful peoples in my classroom I even made new friends too. I have already know that this year was gonna be a great year for me at columbus state making new friends, getting ready to start my new internship for my career and reaching my goals and learning new things. I am forever greatful on how much things has change for me and being successful hard working by keeping myself together and that I have such a wonderful support system. Couldn’t have done all of this by myself and going on the biggest step of my dreams to come true. As summer was just about too end and my seasonal job at Lowe’s almost over and I was still in school. My job was offering to do a cash register and that they would train me on for two week I was doing good at the most part but some were a little tricky because I wasn’t really good with money or being a cashier I did good at the most part. A few week later when I told my manager that I was getting ready to start school again here soon at columbus state in September. So my manager wanted to fill out an application and work around my schedule between work and school a few day later I receive a call from my boss told me that I was suppose to come in today which I though they said that I could take Friday off because I went to go spend the day at OHIO state fair with learning never end Day program everything was getting alittle confuse and overwhelming. When the next week came my assistance boss wanted to talk to me and that they said that between work and school wasn’t gonna work around my school schedules so they had me to choose between work and school and that they would had made an decision to let me go or not. As week gone by my program manager, the owners my payee and my service coordinator all made a decision that I should keep going to work and drop out of college for awhile untail I got back up with my bills because I was running out of money again. I was so upset when they told me that I couldn’t go back to school so I was crying at home and almost tried to cute myself again but this time I didn’t have to go to the hospital because I call my program manager all upset and that she told me to throw anything sharp in the trash can because I was using a can lid to used a sharp cut on me it was just only temporary that I couldn’t go back until I found another job on the line everyone at Upreach help me get through this it was a struggle and very hard on me. The next day or two I receive a call from Torrey slayton he offer me a job at learning never end I didn’t know it at first because the owner Beth forgot to call me about it before Torrey did so he got to me first. I took the offer at Learning never end to work part time and I was so excited that my support system was able to let me go back to school again which I’ve been waiting for. I wasn’t even out of school for that long which I was very happy about that. On my first Day at showdowing at learning never end I was nervous and not knowing what all I needed to do. But the good part was that I was already a consumers their at learning never end and everyone already know me..I was able to showdow with some of the consumers and do activities and learn and help out with the consumers too. Couple day later they excepted me to to work part time job two day a week Thursday and Friday while I was in school three day a week Monday through Wednesday after a while school and my job started to work out alots better then it did before because they both fit in with my schedule. My bills was catching up and I was able to receive money coming in and that I was able to have money on me I was very happy that things were starting to get alots better and that I was able to get back on track and things were going back to normal. Ever since I started working at learning never end I was doing a pretty good job at work and learning everyone name and doing all kind of different activities and going out on different activities out in the community. Everyone enjoy having me there at work I learn alots real quick. I had everything down day by day I was also an intern their and employee their at the same time it did took all of these consumers to get used of me being an staff member and an intern while I was in school. I was enjoying my job when I first started working here at learning never end. I also had lots of helpful staff members helped me with some challenges and others stuff that I was struggling alittle for they were all very friendly and loving. I was so happy that this job fit in with my work and school schedule. In the month of November I made a decision that I decided to put my 60 day notice at the end of November to get a new fresh start new beginning to move to gahanna in three month with a roommate and that I’ll be moving closer to my job,school,friends and everyone at Upreach who I call family. I will be moving out of groveport for good to where I grew up under a rock and now I am ready for the next step and new experience in my life and new changes it was time for me to start fresh. I know that I will do well because I will still have my support system here at Upreach and my service coordinator an a roommate to talk too. An be able to do lots of good things and opportunities and have fun. 2016 year will be here before you know it. 2015 has been a long road recovery for me I did struggle alots I was able to do alots better with lots of support. I know that god as been with me this whole intire time never left my side and that I kept being stronger then ever and not giving up on anything. I wonna tell myself of how greatful of how far I’ve become and how my life has change and how I’ve been doing so well with my life and how I enjoy it everyday. I was ready for this year to be over with an for 2016 to get here with no looking back on the past. I just gotta keep on moving forward because It was almost a new journey for me and new goals that I wonna accomplishment and finish my goals and start a new life for me. It was the December of winter time and getting close to Christmas when my sister call me if I was gonna come over for Christmas morning and I told her yes then she ask me if I wanted to sleep over and I told her that I would think about it because of someone living with her who abuse me when she told me that he move out and that when I texted my neice Jackie and Mandy and ask me them is Justin is still living with my sister Darlene and they said yes so then I call my sister back the next day and told her that I will sleep at my place tonight. Not sure why she was doing to cover her track but I wasn’t fallen for that and that I didn’t wonna see him or have him tried to talk to me. I come over for Christmas morning for alittle bit and after we all ate and open presents everyone was just getting ready to leave and I did the same things and that I wanted to leave because I didn’t wonna stay all day. We also had Christmas dinner at my neice Stephanie house it was okey and everyone had a good time. It was finally the year of 2016 and I always share my new year revulsion on new year day. Before I began saying my new year resolution for 2016 I just wonna thank the peoples from Upreach for being there for me during 2015 it had been a struggle throughout the year and that it was a long road for me and that I got through it with lots of support. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t know where my life would be and I was able to talk to someone here at Upreach whenever I get upset before I tried to hurt myself or needed to be reminded that I have peoples in my life and that I am not along. I was able to keep strong,turn my life around and to become a better person. I was able to learn how to set healthy boundaries and relationships. I am glad that I had met these wonderful incredible peoples while making new friends. I know I have been doing such an amazing job about everything and making sure that I I stay on track and on my feet and feeling happy about myself. I wonna thank everyone here at Upreach for putting a special place in my heart and thank to everyone here at learning never end for allowing me to come work for you guys so I can finish school at columbus state. Being here help me to become more confident,learning about others and being at learning never end help me get through day and staying positive when I’m at work and that I’m always be getting good comments about how I’ve been such a good helper and a very hard worker and always have a smile on my face. I love my job here at LNE and that I took this job offer. I also wonna thank a few of my family for understanding of what I’ve been through. My 2016 revelation goals is that I wonna move to gahanna in February get back into of working out again, finish school at columbus state to receive my certificate when I graduate and hopefully to become an employee at learning never end as an rehabilitation’s assistant aide. I Was planing my twenty seven birthday celebration dinner or plan a minute weekand vacation after graduation. My heart want me to keep moving forward staying strong and achieving my goals.,not ever giving up or looking back . Now I can finally make new memories because 2016 it officially here. It gonna be a good year for me and being able to do so much things in my life. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. It was finally the month of February and that it has been officially and that my dreams had come true and that I’ll be moving into gahanna with my roommate on February six and that we will be getting our key this morning because today is our moving day. I can’t believe with all of the help that I put into this pass couple of week by getting things ready,set up and pack up to move into gahanna into my new apartment and I have done so much. Not only that but I also had Upreach helped and that they worked really hard to get this all done for me with my moving process I mostly help too and that I should be very proud of myself and that I did such an wonderful job. I just wonna thank the owners Beth and Melissa, my program manager Mollie,my payee diana here at Upreach for all of their helps and support it really mean alots to me and that I wouldn’t be able to do all of this shout you guys. I can’t wait to get all done packing which is the hardest part ever. In the next couple of month or so were gonna plan an House warming party all unpack and settle into our new apartment and organize. We will post more pictures once our place be all organize and decerated. That evening on my move into my new apartment the owner Beth came over to see our new place and she braught us pink roses with red vases. Thank you Beth and everyone for the gift for me and my roommate marci. That night my roommate marci got really sick and she went to the hospital and had to had emergency surgery whole I was getting my new place all set up,unpack and organize I was enjoying living in gahanna and that I was able to go out on alots of places like movies,dinner and Easton mall and other shopping center. As few month has pass my roommate marci was still in the hospital and that she handed to had three diffent brain surgery she was getting very sick and I was still by myself at two bedroom apartment and doing all the bills and payment by myself even though I had help support from Upreach who help pitch in because me and my roommate marci was supposed to share our part together and split bills as well. But it never happen as month gone by when marci was finally getting better and had to do physical therapy to help her to get all of her strength back and moter skill and be able to walk again because she was in the hospital for almost a year. Two month later around spring time my roommate marci was able to come home from the hospital she was able to move in with me for awhile then she went and stay with her mom to take care of her cause she was getting sick as well. Marci wasn’t completely moving in with me and that I was still doing the payments bills in two bedroom apartment. When March came I couldn’t believe it in two month ill be graduating from columbus state in secand week of may and receiving my certificate from columbus state and hopefully to become a full time employée at learning never end and to be able to make lots of money.I cant believe how much from last year to this year has taugh me and that I have become along way for a better feature and a better life and i am more proud of the person of who i am today and very greatful where life take me that i am almost done with school and cant wait to be finished. May will be here before we know it. My roommate marci came to stay with me for the weekand so we can hangout and do stuff for awhile and go shopping together. She also wanted to decerated her room because she never go to finished to bring the rest of her things or unpack. But she still stayed with her mom but she would still come over for a visit now and then. She was still able to do her part of the rent which was a good thing the two bedroom apartment was really expensive to almost $990 dollar a month so she was still doing her part even thought she wasn’t staying with me and that it was agreement to splits any bills. It was finally getting to to graduation I couldn’t believe it that today is my last day of collage at columbus state Community collage. in five day ill be graduating and earning my certificate for Community rehabiltaion assistant aid..cant believe that i made it and about to finally about to have a career job with good pay check..I cant believe how much collage has changed my life into a better person with confidnt and acheivement in my goal I have learn alots through out the school year..im feeling so blessed because of all these support peoples that helped me keep going and helped me to become stronger then ever I also been hearing alots from peoples that ive been doing such a wonderful job and how far ive become and doing so well and how proud of they are to me and getting good comment cause ive been imspire to alots of wonderful great peoples and that mean alots to me. The only thing that I wish to have here to watched me graduate from highschool,OSU and Columbus state are my parents to watched me graduate and ill never get to have that momment with them and saying how proud of me and that I did it. I know that they will be there in spirit and watching me graduate and receiving my degree I know they would have been very proud of me and how much ive change and how much I have accomplish in life over the year till now all I know is that ive been doing so well and have been doing great thing with my life,right now and doing better things in my life and doing what best for me..and I am very bless of the person That I am today and how much ive done and awsome job. Few day later I receive good news I have been officolly Hire on at Learning Never End as an Habilitaton Aide I would be retrain again and taking CPR classes I am glad that they are wailing to keep me on..and work with such a wonderful nice co-worker and consumer. I am more happier then ever and that I finally have a career and finally make more money cant believe this all exciting for me this mean alots to me and that i did it and finally done with school and about to graduate. A few week later I was planning a graduation party and that I was sending out invitations to my adopted family, my family on my birth mom side a few of my friends and also my favorite peoples here at Upreach I was very looking forward for everyone to come and celebrate by graduation party with me.

Chapter Twelve part One,Teo and three

Graduation day may 6, 2016 

I did it I graduate from columbus state today. I am very greatful to be done with school..and I am very proud of myself. I am very please by everyone good comment on how they are all so proud of me and how ive work so hard and i am very proud to finally have a career and be and emplyee now and make more money..If this wasnt for columbus state,learning never end and upreach I wouldnt be standing up on stage to recieve my certificate and graduating with the rest of my class thank you all so much for all of your support and helping me thank you all so much for everything that you guys all have done for me.Thank you everyone that came out to celebrate with me for dinner at Bj Restaurant brewhouse. Thank you to my Aunt Crystal Jordan-Harris My blood sister Maria Jordan and my old bus driver Rebecca Swartz for coming to my graduation cereomony and also i want to thank one of my closes friend Deborah Stearns for coming out to celebrate and thank for offering to pay for my dinner for me im glad that i got to see you again..thank you all for coming out to celebrate with me couldnt thank you guys enough.I had a really good time with all of you guys and thank for all of the graduation gift I love them.. I was very disappointed when none of my adopted family never show up to come support me at my graduation ceremony it really hit me because they said that they would make it when I sent out the invitation three month ago and to be able to request day off from work they didn’t take the time to do so or some an excuses.At first my sister Darlene said that she would come and promise me. I tried to explain it to her that they had wheelchair whiling for those that can’t use the stair . On the day of my graduation my sister Darlene never show up or the rest of them..but most of all I was so great that my biological sister Maria and my aunt crystal were able to attend that made me really happy about that and that I was very lucky for their support.

On the may eleventh I couldn’t believe it what I finally had found. Through my whole life I was told that my biological father died after I was born.He passed in 1991 and I was born in 1990.. and the only thing I got was his name Dwayne lamont galloway and all my life I have always wondering about my biological dad and what he look like and if i could ever find my biological dad side of his families and I never gave up and I kept looking till now it took me probly about 12 years to search and looking up name..only thing i know for now is that my biological dad had other three children which I never knew and that I have two brothers and another sister. I was told that they all look like me on my biological dad side this is pretty big news and shocking momment but i am glad that I was able to locate and reach out to my biological dad side of the families this was a long jurnery for me to find them. God had help me through it all. After week as past of finding my biological dad side of the families I was able to finally meet them and both of my biological siblings that I never knew I had. I had lots of anunt a few uncle and a ton of causin that I needed to meet and a grandma that I never knew I had. They explain to me what happen to my biological father and what he was look like and that he was a good father and that he look just like my biological brother dwane Galloway but everyone called him Nuudles. I got to spend time with them on special occasion and was invited to spend thanksgiving with them next fall on my sister and brother mom side of the family and to meet them. One of my aunt told me how my dad died and that the gun didn’t killed him she said that he had peoples over and they were all drunk at the time fighting and someone came in and shot him in front of his children when they were very little and the tv fell on him wasn’t sure what to believe the tv or the gun that killed him. They never found the killer who shot my dad.They told me that they knew my biological dad had another daughter which it was me and that they never knew my name or where I was. They were confuse about how did I came in the system when they found out. My birth mom traci never told me about him when I was younger and was with her at the time.

A month later it was getting close to my graduation party and keeping up with all the RSVP to see who all gonna be at my graduation party and asking around who all gonna come I was hearing either yes or maybe or that they had other plan or have to work and hopefully everyone would requested a day off from work. It was almost the weekand of my graduation party and I was getting all the party stuff and ordering my cake and picking out a park to have my party. On Saturday June 11 it was the day of my party I got up pretty early to get ready and set up before everyone came and to pick up my graduation cake. As everyone was arriving to my party I receive a call from my sister Darlene and that she told me that she wasn’t able to make it was was a little disappointing I just said okey and then I went back to my party to have fun with the peoples that show up to celebrate with me. I was glad most peoples from Upreach that came and my blood sister Maria and my aunt crystal that came as well because they kept their promise and that they wouldn’t miss it and one of my neice Aimee,Kevin and their two kids eden and Sammy I was happy that they were able to come celebrate with me. I enjoy my time at the party with everyone Melissa the owner ask me if I wanted to say something but I was to shy to thank everyone all at once and to say a few word but I was too chicken out so we went and cut the cake which it was really good and nice and fresh the party was amazing. Thank to everyone that came out to celebrate my graduation party im am so blessed with all of the support and love by each and every one of you who took the opportunity to show up it mean alots to me it made my day im glad it turn out great and was fun..and thank to the owner beth and melissa for coming out and help served food and to joined me..and thank for my two friends,aunt and my blood sister and everyone from upreach that also came out and also one of my co-worker. plus thank for all of the money for my graduation gift I counted the money total of $170 dollars im gonna save it for my New york Trip next month.

Five day later my roommate has officially move in with me after almost a year of her being sick in being in the hospital. Now we can finally do stuff together hangout,watch movie and others things and hopefully we can start splitting bills again and that she was gonna have Upreach be her payee. During the summer time I was excepted to go for the track and field special Olympic game at OSU campuse for the weekand. As you all know me I love to run and stay active. I was having a wonderful time for the weekand and got to spend time with my teammate,be in the parade and got free gift and to see the movies and dance I didn’t dance I wanted to go se a movies while the others went to the dance. My very first spécial olympice summer game 2016 Gold and Silver Gold metal..

1st Place 4x100 relay Final

2an Place 100M dash run Final

1st Place in softball throw Final. I was enjoying my summer and spending time with everyone including my biological families on both side.

As summer was almost coming to an end things was starting to go down again with me and my roommate and that my roommate decided to move in with her mom for awhile to take care of her. She wasn’t still able to split any bills with and I would be stressing out alots cause she never stay the whole time and that we didn’t see eye to eyes and we didn’t agreed on certain things. When fall came around September and that it has been really raugh time for me for the past couple of week or so but this is what life is all about and dealing with challenge and stuff I did had my feeling up and down at most part. I did try again to cut myself again because I was having a hard time with my roommate situation.but today ive been feeling alittle better im getting there it just taking me time and staying positive and focus on good thing that been going on in my life. It always feel good to have someone to talked too and letting It out it is okey as well instead of holding it in..getting a pet talked always helped too And we all go through a hard time in life it part of growing up and we learn from challenge and others things that can bring you down before it can bring you right back up and feel better and happy..I do thank god for watching over me and for those that been helping as well and giving me a pet talked and that i come for help an knowing that it gonna be okey and it will get better at some point and just gotta be paition..an I know that I have been doing such a wonderful amazing job and doing great things in life..just gotta keep going and make the best of it. As month gone by things wasn’t working out with my roommate because she never did her part it was really hard for me. My roommate marci would come stay with me for a week and then leave and wouldn’t come back for five week I was confused and didn’t understand it. It was still the month of October and I was writing a dear letter to me saying

Dear monica

When I first met you two year ago. You were very reserved and quiet. It appear to me that you have blossomed into an outgoing young woman. You have opend up from a closed flowers to an open blossomed flower, from a bud to a rose of course.you have much to learn about being a woman and being more open and being vaunerable with people but I have seen you grow and as you continue to be open and honest with yourself first not be afraid to share youself with others especially whom you love and care for you.You will learn more confident and you will be able to help others who were just like you who was afraid to opend up,shy and reserved.

From everyone that know me well thank you I really appreciate it.This is all true about me..I know from my heart that ive been hearing alots of great word and thought about me from you all im not saying name but I know who all I hear this from. It was thanksgiving day and that I decided to go spend thanksgiving with my biological siblings Nuudles and vianca side of their mom side of the family at first I was nervous to meet everyone that I never met when I came i we very welcome their my got to meet vianca and nuudle mom,causin and their aunt as well I had a really good time and their food were delicious everyone was very loving and caring and it was a healthy relationship that I’ve have seen in them and enjoying their time. Every year on thanksgiving day I always do what I am thankful for and this year was different the way I said my part.

Happy thanksgiving everyone I be blessed and thankful of who you have surrounded you in your life.

1. I am thankful for god waking me up every day with a smile on my face and giving me another year in life and looking out for me.

2. I am very thankful of my two biological families for being apart of my life and always taken the time to be there for me and check up on me as well you guys have changed my life around I love you all and that I am glad to reunited with you guys.

3. I am truthfully thankful for my company here at upreach you guys have been so great to me and always been there for me. you guys are like a families to me and I really appreciate for everything that you all have done for me and all of your support that I have been receiving.and I am glad to have you all in my life and to be apart of upreach family and that I am forever thankful that god has put me in the right place with good hand and to be around with such a wonderful great peoples like you guys . I couldn't asked for a better place like this cause you guys have helpes me turn my life around an made it into a better place and that I have grown to become a better person and open up more and with all the achievement in goal that I put into my life.

4. I am also thankful for my job at learning never end I love what I do here and that I get to work with such a wonderful hard working peoples and I am very thankful to be apart of their company and they are all like a families to everyone..I enjoyed being around them and seeing them every day an working with these wonderful great consumers and that I am glad that I have choose this job.

5. I am forever thankful of how far that I have come along way in my life and how much it has changed me and all the good positive things that I have been doing in my life. I have learn alots over the year and that I had made it this far and if it wasn't for all the support that I was giving I wouldnt know where I would be today couldnt have done it all by myself because my life have been growing better then ever before.

After I wrote this on Facebook I recently receive a comment on my statue from my neice Aimee she ask me where I was and that are you greatful for us. I told her that I never got a called or text from anyone and that I was spending thanksgiving with my biological brother and sister side of the family. I explain to her how am I’m greatful when I was being sexually abuse,traumatized and verbal abuse when I was younger and that I wasn’t being protected and how was that being greatful and that you guys weren’t there. Her response was yes we know about what had happen and that we are sorry but you are still apart of this family and yes family aren’t always perfect. We wish that we could have known sooner or we could have took you in but remember we still love you no matter what you do. A week later I told my sister Darlene that I wanted to share my feeling with you and bring my attention to you and hear what I have to say to her. I wanted to tell her that it really hurt me that you didn’t come to my graduation even the last two graduation that I had which I understand the one in 2012 of the day of Terri passing but that was a different stories. You keep telling me that you found dad letter then lost it and found it again that he wrote to me. Ever since I got my own place everything was different you all never took the time to come visit me or even call even though I’ve always been busy but still you could have had least make time and schedule a weekand to do somethings and that this is all unhealthy for me. The next day my sister Darlene message me back on Facebook on messenger she told me that I am glad that you told me about your feeling and let get this one straight for you to better to understand I have been taken care of you ever since mom left and if anything ever happen to them I would took you in and that you didn’t wonna leave the house to stay with dad so I took you in fed you food got you clothes and took you to all of your doctor appointment and went too all of your ISP metting. I don’t know what you want more from me. I couldn’t come to your graduation ceremony because you told me that their were stair that I couldn’t climb and that I couldn’t come to your graduation party because it was too hot for dwuane to come out in the heat because of him being in the hospital and because of his breathing. I did everything for you making sure you had money and a place to stay. You should of told them no that you didn’t wonna be a adopted if you wasn’t safe.The letter that you are talking about was that dad never wrote you a letter I just said that because he wasn’t there to say I love you to you all the time. You always saying that your life is a better place.God Monica was it really that horrible living with us. Dwuane never said anything about us not wanting to do anything with you.I give you my blessings of ungrateful you are. I reply back to her and said that I appreciate for the love that I was given but I wasn’t talking about that. I said I tried to explain it to you that they had wheel chair whiling for those that can’t climb the stair and that you wouldn’t listen to me. I didn’t say that you guys didn’t want anything to do with me I said that he said that you didn’t want anything have to do with paperwork. Yes it was alittle unhealthily living with you guys if you could say that because their weren’t any good boundaries and always be fighting and that marquan and kytaisa would always be mean to me for no reason..I can’t believe that you lied to me about dad writing a letter to me and that I wront ever know what he said you know why I couldn’t stay with dad in the first place..but this wasn’t all I was talking about. I was only addressing my feeling about my adult hood ever since I got my own place you all never took the time to call me or check up on me to see how I’ve been doing and I’m always happen to be the one to call and that wasn’t my job to do anymore. My life is in a better place because I’ve have such a wonder people in my life because they change my life around for me and doing what best for me and that I made the right choice to move out on my own and moving to gahanna was the right choice for me as well and that I was giving lots of support. Couple day later I receive a message from my great neice katelyn she wrote to me saying I’m gonna bring my attention to you that no one didn’t show up to your graduation ceremony or graduation party because everyone was busy and working and that it was too hot for grandma and grandpa to come out in the heat..I didn’t have a graduation party after collage or did bj having a graduation party either it just isn’t a thing anymore. It not our fault for what had happen to you in the past your mom should have been the one to protect you we had nothing to do with this cause you never told anyone. You chose to live with grandma and grandpa so I don’t know why you said yes. They are getting old now and can’t do anything with you anymore and that they don’t need to be dealing with all of this stress that your giving them and attacking them I am very mad at this right now and that I am getting sick and tired of this and this is all in your head and childish you never come around anymore because you are always busy and rather be with your friends and your other family I’m glad that you found them but still you are still apart of the family. I reply back to her and said that I’m not attacking anyone. I was only a child of what had happen to me I didn’t know what to do. No one protected me only I could protected myself. You don’t know what went on in that household or what happen. You know nothing about my life or what I’ve been through..this had nothing to do with you and I don’t understand way you came in the middle of this when all of this had nothing to do with you. Not because you didn’t have a graduation party or Bj didnt doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have one either cause I’m not you guys and that it doesn’t matter if you didn’t or not. It was very important to me for you all to show up because I never had any of you to support me and that none of you guys took the time to request off to attend. It wasn’t about you. I suggested you to stay out of it. This wasn’t what I was talking about in the first place I was only Addressing my adulthood and that none of you don’t take the time to call me or to see how I’ve been doing and stuff or ask me if I wonted to do something with everyone. It is my life now and you or anyone else isn’t gonna bring me down. I’m not the person that you knew before I have change and I started a new life for me and being around wonderful positive peoples I don’t need no negative in my head this all I’m gonna say to you and that I did my part. My neice katelyn responded back and said you listen here I’m not gonna have anyone be attacking my family I have every right to be upset with you and that I am sorry that you don’t think none of us where there for you or care about you. I have always know who have been there for me and who hasn’t in my adopted family because it was mostly toxic and unhealthy I knew what I was talking about and that I would never make any of this up because of all of this that I’ve been saying is the truth and that I wouldn’t make any of this up or lie about it..before Christmas I told my sister Darlene that I wasn’t gonna come for the holiday because of katelyn for getting in the middle of this when all of this had nothing to do with her and that she shouldn’t have braught herself into this and that she had no right too. I know I did the right things to address my feeling to them and how honest and confident I was to tell them and that I was sticking up for myself and I did what was right because I am stronger then ever and I wasn’t gonna have anyone take that away from me.

How I describe 2016? Last year I had so much accomplished on when having a roommate was a challenge,went to college,made new friends,graduating at Columbus state to received my certificate got a career job with good paycheck, Finding my biological family,traveling to new York. I did had a great year some were up and down at most part it has been a long road for me I got through it and I kept staying strong and positive I may be a handful but I know what my mind set me through but I am greatful that I still have support and choices making and those that been there for me. I am so proud of myself of how much my life has changed I was able to become more confident more outgoings sticking up for myself it did took me along time to do so and have some clozer of certain things last year did teach me alots. I am glad that I have made it through another year of 2016 and now 2017 is finally here and where this year going to take. My New year 2017 revulsion is to stay in Gahanna move back to one bedroom apartment at the end of February or the beginning of march,Go for a long jog once it start warming up again go on vacation,do track for the special Olympic and run for 5K and keep on eating healthy stay in shape and keep on exercising more.moving forward and no looking back staying strong and positive and keep on being happy.

Happy New year everyone.

Chapter thirteen 2017-2018 part one two and three

This will be my 3rd year being with Upreach.I cant believe how much it has change and how fast it went. I am glad to be apart of Upreach they are a family to me I’m glad that I have met such a wonderful incredible peoples here and different ages and got to know them and being apart of it..over the year and being with Upreach it taught me alots with friendship,relationshipboundaries and communication skills and experience and challenge out in the world. It also taught me how to become more out going and more confident and being able to make choices and changes too and let go of certain things. I have grown alots I’m glad that I have chosen this company.I am very grateful of everyone who have been there for me and keep me on my toes and keep me going and stay busy. Some were ment to leave at a short period of time for a reason it also helped me to learn when peoples come and go their the reason I kept staying strong and positive and keep on going and learn from it.I know what god did he put me in the right place and he knew what he had planned for me and to be in good hand..I am very grateful how much my life have changed and not giving up and staying strong and made me the woman who I am today not everyone may not see it but I know who I am and I just wonna thank everyone from Upreach for all you have done for me and love you all. Few month ago I decided that I wanted to move back into one bedroom apartment which I had done it already it wasn’t working out between me and my roommate. I call her one night to tell her that we needed a talk she also said the same things and that it was best to talk in person. She came over Friday after work and that we sat on the couch together and I told her that I decided to go back to one bedroom apartment and that you never stay or help me split any bills. I understand that that you were sick and in the hospital for a very long time. But it wasn’t fair for me to do this all by myself in two bedroom apartment and that I was struggling alots and it put on alots of stress on me for so long. And everytime you kept saying that you were gonna move back in you never did and kept making up excuses. My roommate marci told me that she decided to move back home with her mom cause it wasn’t working out for her either and that she wanted to take care of her mom because she was sick. She thought that I was pushing her away and that I told her that she had a month to come and get the rest of her food and get the rest of her things. I remember one time when marci call me and that she put her mom on the phone and started raising her voice at me for telling my roommate that she didn’t need to come and get her things and that she will get it on the day of my move out date so she kept repeating herself over and over again and that marci doesn’t need to do anything and that you don’t need to tauch anything or pack any of her stuff. When her mom gave marci back the phone to her I hung up on her for the way that her mom talk to me in a very tone way. The next day I told my program manager and a few other and that they would handle it. I didn’t talk to marci for like three week or so. Marci did told me that she needed someone to stand up for her and that why she put her mom on the phone.We both both agree to still be friends and work things out for the both of us and still hangout sometime. Around the month of February it was getting close of my move in date on the 17 of February as week gone by I was getting all pack and ready to move back to one bedroom apartment. It was the best thing for me to do and less stress everyone told me that I did the right things to live by myself again the best part of I got to stay in the gahanna area. I was able to get Friday the 17 off because it was my move in date. A day later it was finally Friday and I was getting everything ready and move into my new place it took me three day to get everything into my new place it was alittle struggle but I had a ton of help and I was getting tired and exhausted. I just wonna take the time to say thank you to beth,melissa,mollie diana and everyone else at Upreach for getting everything ready for me to moved into my new apartment this weekend and letting me to used the Upreach Stonebridge van on friday and that my staff that helped me as well I am also gonna thank my good friend deborah for using her van to get most of the bigger stuff yesturday to my new apartment thank for all of your helped as well I really appreciate it..and I am also gonna thank beth the owner and her husband jeff for offering me to use their trailer this morning to get the rest the last final things out of my old apartment into my new apartment I really appreciate it as well. I got a lots of my stuff unpack already and settle into my new apartment. Going back to one bedroom will be good for me and once all the payments is all settle and my budget being on track ill be able to start saving a lots and have more money as well and go on vacation..Thank you everyone for all of your hard work and putting this all together for me and helping me to make the right decision I appreciate you all could have done it all by myself. Thank to everyone at Upreach for helping me with all the bills and payment when I was living at two bedroom apartment it was alots of challenge for 12 month and got through it..once I'll get everything decorated into my new apartment I'll post pictures little by little:) glad this is all over with the moving process it was alots and along time to do. This will be the last move for awhile.glad to get to stay in the Gahanna area.

We may never understand why parents leave their childrens behind but we learn to grow up without them and I was one of them the only person that I never got to meet was my biological father after I was born wish I could know what he was like and what kind of a father he would be. I was sent here on earth to expirence of where I come from and how I know that my birth mom wanted to do what best for me to have a better life and feature I was only 9 that last time that I ever saw her and never got to hear or see her again. I am going to honor her because I was glad back then that I was able to spend sometime with my birth mom at most part and still remember some part that we did together and she did a great job and she did her best to keep me safe she will always be in my heart I wish I could have gotten to know her more and see her again is she was still here. they will always be with you in spirit now matter where you are or what you been doing in life but god had a plan for her. I was a foster child at birth all the way up till I was 10 year old then I was adopted with my adopted mom and dad.I was too yung to understand why god were taking my parents from me he wanted me to experience it.the good part is that I got to spend 15 year of life with my adopted mom and what it was like to have a mom like her she did so well raising me,taught me alots of things and prepare and experience before she left the world and wanted me to be ready and didnt want me to worried and knowing that she will always be with me in spirit. I will honor her because she was the best mom that could ever asked for she did her best to take care of me and making sure that I wasnt left out on things. She has been gone for 11 year and cant believe how far ive become I wish that she could tell me how proud she is of me and how much I have accomplished and making her proud and smiling down on me.I thank my adopted dad for trying his best to raise me and did all he could ever do to protect me he was still a great dad and wanted a better life for me even though he was never a dad to me he still love me no matter what and I will forgive him.I know god had plan for me and wanted me to experience the loss of my parents but this is what life is all about and growing up and your life change forever it never easy losing someone you love and never get to see them again.I will never forget these experience that I had with a few a of them and always carry and cherish these memeries in my heart and will never forget the good or the bad..I know how much they all love me and wanted what best for me in life I know im making them all proud and that I have become along way and life changes for me and I am forever greatful for the woman who I am today they are the reason that I am standing here and growing up without a parents around. I’m not sure how I made it this far but I did and couldn't imagine for 26 year of experience..I want to honor my parents for trying their best and giving the care that I needed and want what best for me and giving the love of both set of parents.

 A month later it was Easter Sunday and I decided to go spend Easter with my adoption family even though I haven’t been really close to anyone since alots has change for me. When I went to my neice Aimee and Kevin house for Easter when I walk in the door everything was still the same as always everyone did say hi to me all at once. all I got was from few peoples was hey Monica how have you been or where you working at or living at and that was it. It always the same question .No one communicate with me or ask involved me in the conversation while I was their I felt advisable i hardly ate anything because the food were almost gone and cold that I didn’t eat anything that was on my plate so I threw it away. I sat on the couch with my sister Darlene for awhile and she ask me a few questions what I’ve been doing and where I work at which I been telling them all over and over again that I’ve been doing good and I live in gahanna and where I work. A few second later my brother Jeff katelyn came over and they only talk to my sister while I sat between and kept silent cause they were talking about graduation to Katelyn and that my brother Jeff ask her if she was gonna have a graduation party after graduation it bother me when they were talking about graduation when none of them came to mine. A few minute later when everyone started to leave everyone was giving my sister a hug except me while I was sitting right next to her it did bother me and I was ready to leave and go home I only stay a couple of hours. As I was leaving not once anyone gave me a hug or a goodbye so I just left feeling down I thought it would be different when I came.As I was heading home to gahanna that where I was living at now as I was alittle down I was able to talk to someone so I wouldn’t try to do anything to harm myself then I felt alittle better. I was given some advice that I should spend less holiday and special occasion with my adopted families so I made the right decision to not to come around or make any contact with anyone of them or even on Facebook and whenever I would get an invite invitation to like graduation or birthday I would ignore them and not come also it didn’t make any different because It wasn’t fair when I try to plan a celebration to my graduation party none of them came. I decided that it was time for me not to keep going on with this situation and that I want to be happy for me. I know we can’t change anyone or change them of who they are it just part of life growing up and learn from it. I know in my heart I did the right things by removing toxic,unhealthy relationship out of my life and being around healthy relationship with others who always been there for me through it all and knowing that I will still be in good hand by the peoples surrounded me everyday. I decided to create new life for me and stay connected with both side of my biological family and being around everyone here at Upreach because they are like a family to me and that they treat me like I’m one of their own. When making a decision can leave you less stressed dont allowed others to take aways your happiness,you do what best for you..Don't ever feel bad for making a decision that will upset others peoples,your not responsible for theirs happiness you are responsible for your happiness,dont be afraid to make choices in life sometime you just have to go above and beyond and be brave enough to listen to your heart,do what you feel inside your heart.remember to focus on good things that you have in your life and keep moving forward and dont let anything's hold you back..only god know what best for you and what you need to make yourself feel happy and stay strong. As month gone by things were starting to get better for me and being back to one bedroom apartment again and settling into my new place. I felt better ten before and wasn’t feeling down or feeling stress out. I was also able to get more sleep then I ever did before because I used to not be able to sleep everyone night. My primary care doctor discribe me with melatonin to help me stay asleep through out the night and it help alots and I was able to feel great everyday. I was able to spend time with my sister Maria most of the time because she been a sister to me and and we would plan to do stuff together on the weekand and we still do. My other biological sister frances she live in North Carolina she also have a son name Ayden sometime she would try to come down and see everyone and me,Maria would plan to do something with frances before she head back home. I always keep in tauch with her and I am very proud of the woman she become. I would still see my biological siblings on my dad side and go to special occasion and spend couple holidays with them and the best part if that I was able to do more around Upreach. I did alots of things now then ever going to party,playing sport and working hard over the summer and I was also saving up for the next Upreach trip to go to universal Studios in Florida next winter in January.When my twenty seventh birthday came I plan a small birthday dinner with Upreach and we went to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday it is very pricing though but I had alots of time. Before my actual birthday I planned my early birthday mini road trip on Memorial Day weekand. For my birthday trip I went to Cincinnati,Kentucky and hocking hills I had a really good time for the whole weekand I deserve it and it also help me to refresh my mind. My birthday weekand was fabulous especially hocking hills. I just wonna thank to everyone who came out to celebrate with me and Carolyn birthday for this wonderful dinner lastnight food and the cheesecake were delicious, thank you Melissa and beth for put this together and paying everyone meal and celebrating with us too,thank you all for the wonderful gift and card, I had a wonderful time and got to celebrate with such wonderful great peoples and friends as well. I am very lucky to have you all in my life, thank you guys so much love you all. On July 5 some of the consumers at learning never end went down town to hear about the save Medicaid and save live speech we made a poster as well to show our support it was really fun and got to hear what some of the peoples had to say to help peoples with disabilities to keep medicad alive. Few day later I wrote something in my thought that was really good of what I said. Everyone with disabilities deserve a quality of life we deserve better,our service and community need to be save, without Medicaid what would our live end up with if we didnt have no doctor to go to or med that we need to get better,surgery and physical therapy,school with disabilities for those that need help with learning skills,service and day program, and assistance support,we need these things and everythings else it what keep us going. We were born to have Medicaid and god has givin us a gift to live better and to have a better feature and being out on our own in our community that we live in. Between franklin county and Medicaid we wouldn't be here because of them they helped us come along ways and thousands of us has gotten this far to make our live dream come true cause we speak from our heart and we still aint givin up. As we know I have been with Upreach company for three year now it is wonderful family's company agency being with Upreach has changed me alots and made me to become more open up to others, independent and giving the care and support that I needed, I know Beth Swegheimer and Melissa Gourley have done such wonderful job with each and everyone of their individuals consumers that they serve here and they have put a special place in our hearts and they have been so great to all of us and providing us with our need and support. They are one of the strongest peoples that I have ever known and I am greatful to be apart of Upreach,how could they cut Medicaid when we have the best company and service that we are provided with good hand like Upreach!!!! And also LNE that they provide with these heart felt warming consumers that we see everyday five day aweek . No one should ever take anything or cut anything from us LNE is also families to all of us and us employee that I work with everyday and am am great to be apart of this work opportunity.

SAVE MEICAID, SAVE LIVES!!

On August 27 It was my youngest biological sister frances birthday even though I don’t get to celebrate with her but today I get to wish her a happy birthday to her. I wish there was a time machine to go back in time when us three were all together before we got separated.I dont remember much but this first picture I only have of us as a kids cherish me and that ill forever keep in my heart. I wanna wish a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my baby sister Jewell Jordan Sorry for all these year that I wasnt there for your birthday to celebrate with you or give you a gift. I am forever grateful that you reach out to me 7 year ago to reunited again an make new memeries and tell stories and talk just about anything.I am forever greatful to be apart of your life even if we are mile away nothing or anyone cant stop us from being sister again, I am very proud of you to where your life is headed and that you are an amazing yung strong woman and wonderful mother to your son ayden I know how much he mean to you and he get to celebrate your day with you. You are all grown up now and enjoying life and taking a big step responsibility. I love you frances. I am very greatful to a sister like you. I hope to see you again soon to come back an visit again or we would all have to come and visit you,I love and miss you soo much Happy birthday hope you enjoy your birthday weekand and many more year to come. Hope it a good one.

As fall came I was able to finally go visit my biological grandma again. Saturday September,16 I went over to spend the day with my grandma I had really good time with her. She told me stories about when I was very young that one of her daughter Geneva but everyone called her aunt cookies took her down to franklin county to visit me because she never new about me or that my dad had another daughter or how I ended up In the system. When she told me that when social worker ask my grandma to take me in she said that she wouldn’t provide me the care that I needed cause she couldn’t drive at the time cause she hurt her leg at the time and that she wasn’t able to take me to all of my doctor appointment and others things so they took me back into foster care. I was hearing two different stories of what had happen but it took me a while to lean and understand and to process everything. She also told me from her stories what had happen to my biological dad and that they never catch the guy who shot my dad. When they took my grandma and my aunt cookies down to the station and by the time they got their they let him go. My grandma ask me how did you find us I told her that I’ve been searching for a very long time for six year it was a very long process and that I went on several website and on ancestry I couldn’t find anything after awhile so I took a break for awhile and then when I went back on to look again that when I was able to get more information and my dad whole name on ancestry then a month later I got on Facebook and tap his last name in and is first name and I seen other name pop up that was related to his last name and it pop up Nuudles Galloway so I went to his profile and message him and ask him if he was my biological father son and that I was looking for his families side and wanting to get information and that he told me that he was my brother that I was talking too and that I had another sister and I had two brothers. I had other sibling that I never new about because my birth mom never told me or talk about my dad when I was little when I was living with her. My grandma told me that I have lots of family now and that I should be proud of myself and what I did to reach out to them. My grandma invited me to spend thanksgiving and Christmas with her so I could meet everyone else in the family in person too I also told her that I was also spending Christmas with Nuudles and vianca for Christmas as well and that I will do bother to spend time with them. I said to her that I will come visit you more and call you as well. I never knew what it like to have grandma in your life I have always wonder what it like to have one cause I have seen other peoples around spending the day with their grandma or grand parents and telling stories and sharing memories with them and now I am able to do that and that I am glad to have a grandma that I can come and visit her anytime..I had a wonderful time spending the day with my grandma today and hearing her stories and that she told me some stories about my biological dad who I never met and some others funnies stories too she had to remember my name a few time lol. im glad that I get to call her my grandmas and shared memeries with I love her already. I was happy to see her again for the second time..and I also got to meet my causin Scooby Alexander for a few secand before I left grandma. next time ill be able to come visit I was forever greatful to reunited both of my biological side of the family.

MY STRENGTH

Compassionate: I am someone who show kindness,caring and willing to help others.when I feel compassion for someone I always want to help out

Caring: I am a very caring person who always has a kind word for everyone.

Helping: I always do the right things for other. By helping those in need and being with them as equels.

Intelligent: I have ability to learn or understand or deal with new or trying situation.

Responsible: I should never feel bad for making decisions that will upset others peoples. I’m not responsible for their happiness.I am responsible for my happiness.

Thoughtful: I always have the power of being thoughtful and kind.

Trustworthy: the People that I build up trust with when they look out for me when they are there for me when they need someone most, and knowing when everything is going OK.

It was thanksgiving day and I was looking forward meeting the rest of the family on my grandma side I had a really good time meeting everyone and met the rest of my causin and was able to finally meet my other aunt Geneva everyone was really nice and enjoying there time it was pretty loud though but I enjoy myself it gonna take me sometime to get use of being around them and getting to know everyone. It was that time again to say what I am thankful for. I am very thankful for this new life that have been created for me and going above and beyond to experience and what I learn from over these past couple of year had help me over come my struggle,my strength and I was doing the work not only that but with god help he protected me all the way with his guidance, I am also thankful for my job here at LNE ,my friends and circle of families that have been apart of my life. Most of all I am truthfully thankful for my company here at Upreach they have been like a family to me and treated me like im one of their own.they all have put a special place in my heart and made a different in my life I am forever thankful for all they have done for me. I love you all thank you all for always being there for me!! Glad to have you all in my life. I had a really good time spending thanksgiving with my biological grandma and her family. The food were really good thank you grandma for inviting me. Happy thanksgiving everyone hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving!!

I started going back to counseling for a little while to help me more to get past my childhood abuse life and others things in general. I told my counselor about my childhood teenagehood and my adulthood He discribe me to watch this movies call Antwon’s Fisher and wanted me to write down and take note during the movies of how he become from being abandoned,abuse as a child and when he got older he join the navy he would always get into fight and go through counseling to help him get through is past and that he been through alots over the year. It took a few time for him to speak up to talk to hi counselor about his past at some point and Antwon finally speak out about his past. He was able to talk about his biological father and how he was shot an killed by his ex-girlfriend while she had her first born with Antwon. His mother was never clean and that he never did find his birth mother. Antwon was taken the age of two year old and was put into foster care. As an young child he and his younger brother were beaten by their foster mom and she would tried to burn them down in the basement. As we was a teen his foster mother tried to beat him with her shoe then he took that shoe away from her. At the time when he joined the navy he met a beautiful girl name Sheryl they both had really good interest in each other Antwon always had feeling for her. Antwon didn’t understand why he was being abused,molested many time by his foster mother. As a teen he had to develop his social skills,he went back to me an orphan because no one was interested on adopting him as a teenage boy. He stay somewhere in Phinex and his social worker took him to an man shelter and gave him money he was only their for a couples of day. When Antwon was in counseling his counselor told him that he needed to go find his Natural family because he wasn’t being honest with himself and that he was abscessed because he feel that his biological family never game to rescue him. In order to find the answer from them it is for him to forgive and free himself and move on with his life. He also felt abandoned when his best friend got shot and killed. While Antwon has become along way while he was still in the navy. After he graduated he finally continue to look for his biological families and to let his counselor know that he found them. He went to go back to his foster abuser to where he grew up To find the answer from miss.pessy he only come for one thing to find the answer about his real families. It was finally his time and that he was still standing and still strong and that he was always will be. Antwon was finally abloento locate his biological families and he was talking to his aunt and that she never knew that her brother had a son. His father didn’t know he had a son before he was killed. Finally Antwon went to go visit his birth mom for the very first time. He ask him mom why she never came looking for him or wonder where he was all this time,still alive or if she even miss him. At the end Antwon finally got to meet his whole intire biological family be he was heading back to the navy with his girlfriend. After watching this movies it help me understand of what Antwon fishes been through and how he was struggling in his life. His situation almost compare to my situation of what I’ve been through in my whole life. This movies was perfect for me for m to watch and that it didn’t make me cry during the moving I kept strong and didn’t get emotional actually I never cry during a movies. After a few more sections of counseling my counselor ask me if I still need to keep on doing counseling because he said that I don’t need to do counseling because I’ve been doing so well and that I’ve been doing the work and staying strong as possible and been feeling better about myself.

On December 25 it was Christmas day and I got to spend both side of my biological family for Christmas I had a really good time I went to my sister vianca and Nuudles side of the family first because they live out east and my grandma live out west. I enjoy my time spending time with my siblings mon side I stay for a couple of hour then I went to my grandmas for a couple of hours as well and to spend time with her. I finally got to meet one of her son manning for the first time he was my uncle. My uncle ask me a few question and he also wondering how did I find them and I told him the exact same things as I told everyone else. Before my uncle manning left he gave me $100 for Christmas I never know anyone who would give me that much I have always known of either getting $20 or $50 dollars for Christmas or for my birthday. A few minute later I gave grandma a hug and told her goodbye and that I love her I was ready to go home. Thank you to everyone who wish me a very merry Christmas today. I had a really good time spending Christmas with both side of my biological families today and to see my brother and sister again and to spend a couple hour with my biological grandma. Not only that with a really unexpected Christmas gift that I got tonight and earn it by a surprise.I think god was really watching over me and I got something good..thank you everyone for making Christmas great for me ????.MERRY CHRISTMAS 2017!!

Four year being with the company where as the time go and many more year to come

I am very honor to say how truthfully bless to be apart of Upreach. This will be my  fourth year being with the company agency’s to where I have met these wonderful, incredible, loving caring peoples that I have ever known.being with the company had made a different in my life in so many different way and it made me the person that I am today. I am greatful that I have chosen to be apart of Upreach not only that but this company has been like a family to me in lots of way. I have learn alots over these past four year with lots of new challenge, experience and overcome lots of things and that I have gained alots of the year and that I have come along way. Most of all I wonna thank everyone who have been apart of my life and made me the person that I am honor on how much my life has change. I couldn’t ask for a better place like this and wouldn’t trade it for the world. I am truthfully wonna thank Beth hunter and Melissa Gourley you guys have been so amazing, loving and caring for others. You both have a big heart and I am very greatful to have you in my life and everyone else. I wonna thank you both for always taking the time for always being there for me whenever you can. You both have helped me through alots and always inspired me to me going and so much that i was able to achieve, accomplished, approved and it had made a different and many ways and all the strength that were given to me over the year. You both have put a special place in my heart and it had made a different. You both have been one of my favorite peoples that I have ever met. I don’t think their will be someone out there in the world who would be like you two. You both have been so great to me. Your like a family to me in so many different way. I’m glad our special bond still continue to grow and many more year to come. You both mean alots to me an I appreciate for everything that you both have done for me. I am forever greatful to have you both in my life no matter what.

JANUARY 21-25 2018

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS

FLORIDA

UPREACH TRIP

On the day of our trip we haded to be at the airport by 7:15 to get all check in before we got on the plane some had to go to the bathroom and I haded to use the restroom as well. As we were getting all check in and getting our ticket we sat and waited to be next to get on the plane. As we were getting on the plane to be seated and to put our seat belt on. Few minute later we were talking off to head to Florida to the warm weather that we will be at. This will be my second trip to Florida and my second time being on the airplane I wasn’t scare or nervous this time. I was really sleepy so I slept all the way their I didn’t get any sleep last night because I was up almost all night probably because I was getting so excited for my trip today. As we started to lane to Florida my ears were popping and my toes were numbing as well. As We landed to get off the plane to head to the universal Orlando resort hotel. The hotel were very beautiful it like design of Hawaii and the view were beautiful colors. As we all check in and settle at the hotel and check in we went to go the universal studios park to explore and go have lunch too. After we all eat some of us splits into two groups one groups went to go see the Harry Potter world it was pretty cool and it look like we were actually in the real Harry Potter world we got to look around. Some wanted to go on the new Harry Potter roller coaster train I didn’t want to get on I don’t like roller coasters.. later that evening we all went to go get something to eat before we all headed back to the hotel. When we all headed to the hotel we got our suitcases and went to our room and got all settle in and getting ready for bed for the next day. Room was very pretty and the design were very cute too and I love how the bathroom were made. I was rooming with Erin she was new to the company and that this was her very first trip with Upreach that she went on. She was really nice and pretty cool and Carly was rooming with desi who is the owner Melissa daughter everyone love her and that she is no stranger at all. The next day on a Monday we all got up and ready to go down and catch the private coat bus and go over to the discovery cove dolphin swim and to go eat breakfast. As we finally got to the discovery to go get breakfast and as everyone was finishing up eating and taking their medications we all headed over to the sand daller to get our swim suit. As we were putting our swim suits on it was very tricky to get them on and it was funny too. Melissa had to help me to get them on and it was hard too but it was funny thouse and we were all laughing trying to get them on we also put on sunscreen as well. A few minute later we were splitting up into groups to head to our section I was in the groups with Melissa, desi, Jennifer, Carly, Harold, Jeff and frankly we were all going to our section to the sea river it was half of 4 and 8 feet deep of water. As we were starting to walk on the sand some of the sand were uneven and tricky to walk on because they were different. Desi had to help me walk over to the water because I was having trouble keeping my balance. As we got into the water I was still having a little trouble walking and keeping my balance desi still had to help me but I was still having a great time few minute later Melissa wanted us to go swim around the ocean river. So Melissa grab a light jacket for me and wanted me to put them on and when I told her that I didn’t know hoe to swim she said that I’ll be okey and that I’ll just be floating I believe her because she always inspired me to do something new. As I was getting close to the seep my light jacket were covering my face and I ask desi for help and that we went and got me a small X for a smaller side. Desi stay close to me as I started to swim deep and that I was doing okey and started moving my feet’s and arms I was getting alittle nervous for a minute then I wasn’t scared after all. Melissa was right and that I would be okey this was my very first time ever swimming that deep. Everytime we got to the waterfall a few time desi took my hand and help me go under real quick and then I started to swim by myself again. A minute later I was alittle away from the groups cause I was trap in another groups and desi helps me over to get back to our groups we were in the water for awhile now and I was doing absolutely pretty good. As we got to the end to finish as we got out of the water I was so proud of myself that I swim that deep for a long time around the ocean river. I was able to over come my fear cause I didn’t like deep water because I almost drown when I was younger at the red center. I told desi that I think I should do swim lesson because I never did swim lession before and that I would like to do it. As we were done with swimming we went and got lunches and I had orange chicken and it was pretty good. While we were eating desi ask me if I wanted to go into the water and see the fish so she talk me into of going so I said yes after I didn’t like fish at the point. As we got in the water to see the fish it wasn’t so bad after all they had all kind of fish. As one of the sealion came close to my feet I was alittle freaking out but it was funny every time it tried to come near my feet and desi heals on to my hand the whole time and I was enjoying my time and laughing about it. A few minute later their were two sealion coming from both directions torward my feet and I kept ketting alittle freak out again and that I went behinde desi for a minute were were in the water for probably about twenty to thirty minute we were finally done being in the fish water I enjoy my time and it wasn’t to bad well at least at the most part. We got to relax for awhile before we got to go see the dolphin for an hour and had alittle snack and drink. As it was time to go over to go see the dolphin as I was walking I fell alittle while I was holding my cup it was funny when desi ask me what I’ve been drinking and I said vanka and wine which that was a joke because these sand were tricky to walk on. As we finally got to the dolphin an into the water the ground were alittle slippery and so everyone was holding everyone hand so done of us fall under the water but one of the consumer TJ did he slip and was freaking out but he was okey and then Jennifer fell into the water on her but but she was okey though and that no one got hurt we were trying so hard not to laugh about it but it was that funny moment Jennifer also laugh along with us to. We were all having a wonderful time swimming with the dolphin they also took photos of us swimming with them. We also got to feel them and kiss them and feel them as well. They also told us about these dolphin and they told us which on was are girls and which one are boys dolphin and how they can track our single and voice. After we left and got out of the water we were on our way to get change to head for dinner and when we were in the changing room desi had to help me take my suit off because I kept getting stuck throughout the day a few time when I went to go used the restroom we were both laughing about these swimsuit. I was glad to get these swimsuits off. I’ll never forget this day and how mush I experience at the discovery cove dalphn and overcome my fears. When we left the dolphin swim we went and got something before heading back to the hotel and getting all clean up before the next day and getting ready for bed. On Tuesday we were going to exclusive themes park we all got to split up because some don’t do ride and that Carly went with the other groups for those that doesn’t do the rides. I went with Melissa and desi Jennifer and the others were going on the ride. I was able to try on all of the ride the very first ride that we went on was the Harry Potter ride the one where it in a movies and it take you up in the sky and your flying that was really scary for me I’ll never do that ride ever again. We also went on the cat in the hat ride but we got stuck a few times. We got to go to this fancy restaurant and had dinner and when shopping afterwards.we went on a ton of 3D ride on Tuesday and Wednesday a few were a little scary for me like the mummies and the jungle. We also went on the Simpson, man and black, manian, ET, shriek, a reader to New York, Jurassic water slide park, we also did the Harry Potter train ride and on Wednesday when we did the train and when we got off the train and we haded to go back on the train again to go back to universal studios where we came in this morning as we were done with the second train ride and Melissa as us should we all go back around again and we all shouted NO!!! It was funny too every time we would put our finger on the scanner to get in the park or the train Jennifer would always put her figure where she had her ring on and we would start laughing about it cause she kept wanting to used her ring finger it was too funny.For four day while we were on our trip we all had a fabulous fun and with the boat ride as well. Wednesday was our last day and we got to enjoy it plus With all of the ride that I went on to help me overcome my fear. That evening after we ate we wanted to check out the chocolate factory as we went inside it wasn’t really a factory it was a restaurant we were still able to get chocolates and I got the chocolate covered strawberries it was good and it wasn’t too bad. Our final last night together with our groups that we were in as me, Desi, Jennifer Melissa and some couples others continue were walking to head back to our hotel we were also laughing and enjoying our time walking. As we sat at the pool for awhile and ate our treat desi had a chocolate carmal covered apples she was having trouble cutting her cause it was hard it was pretty funny. We were now getting ready walk back in the hotel to get ready to pack and go home the next day back to the cold in Columbus OHIO. This adventure fun Upreach trip was amazing to go on.not only that but this trip was fill with lots of excitement, memories, stories to tell and their were lots of laughing too and fun time with these wonderful groups we had. Most of all I just wonna thank Melissa and desi for encouraging me and talking me into going on almost all of the ride that we went on a few were a little scare but I was still brave and having alots of fun time and also swim 8 inches feet at the discovery cove dolphins swim for the very first time and I did pretty well by myself at some part thank you desi for stinking close by me and also encouraging me going into the fish section these memories ill never forget the moment that I had overcome my fear on this Fabulous trip..

Who I am today

Hello my name is Monica Newman. I’m currently 27 years old. Through my experiences I’ve grown to be a strong women. I’ve been in many situations that seem to have no clear way out. Fortunately by the grace of god I’ve grown to the women I am today. I’m a young, powerful and confident women. I know with very little doubt that I’ll soon be able to reach out and help other young women. I’m very strong, kind hearted, courageous, independent and smart young women. I’ve come along way growing into the person I am today. I’ll always glow inside and out, and will always SUCCEED no matter what I choose to do!

To all the young children’s and all the young woman out there!!!

Don’t ever be afraid to reach out to someone who could help you find away out of bad situations. It is never alright for anyone to be abused at a young age. Your childhood gets ruined and your life changes forever. You should never accept being sexually abused. At the age of seven these incidents happened to me. It left me feeling stuck under the roof. Sexual abuse and verbal abuse can lead to feeling traumatized as you get older. Often it leaves its victims to be less confident, confused, have a lack of social skills and untrusting of a lot of people. Please allow yourself to open up to other people who has your best needs at heart. Do not allow it to hold you back from relationships in your future. No matter what your experience of childhood abuse was, you must always remember that the future can be a lot brighter. Stay optimistic, focused and purposeful. Please remember with the right support system you can never be alone.

How did my sexual abuse and verbal abuse effect my life and how I over come it to survive.

As a child I didn’t know something like this would ever happen to me but it did at the age of seven I was sexually abuse by my causein justin on my adopted family side he was about two or three year older then me at a young age. I was very silent and kept a very dark secreat since 1997-2012 sometime I think this was my fault and that I should of told I was just a child and I wasn’t brave enough to tell or no one would believe me because I was told not to tell anyone. I wasn’t safe and that I wasn’t being rescued. My life did change forever it effects me alots my abuse effected me from enjoying life in the near feature, engaging with others, socializing, being confident and trusting others around me, meeting new peoples and setting boundaries and getting out in the world and also abandoned issue. I was also being verbal abuse by my who I no longer considered him as my foster brother Chris to where I was being threatened alots and traumatized at a young age it effects me to where I wasn’t able to make my own decision, being able to stand up for myself, and that I would always be nice to say no to anyone and let others take advantage of me and let others tell me what to do and peoples skills. My childhood and teenage hood was stolen by three male in my adopted their were one person Who was supposed to protected me and be there for me he was my adopted dad and that he tauch me in a wrong inappropriate way at the age of fifteen.I felt abandoned and wasn’t care for or protected enough I was just his little girl with food on the table and a home to sleep in wasn’t sure what was I to him. He wasn’t a dad to me we never did had our special bond. What cause my life effects me even more was not being able to speak up for myself,talk to others peoples, getting to know them and have self esteem or being around others peoples or make new friends. Back in 2012 is when I let my secreat out to certain members of my adopted family I didn’t felt fully recovered or relieved because I wasn’t allowed to report it to the police or get counseling treatment to get the helped that I needed to help me move on with my abused past which no one will ever move on because it will Follow you for the rest of your life. I also have a brother who was a cop. They wanted to keep having my adopted dad around for some holidays I didn’t understand it and why they kept someone who did you wrong and having them around.I would never recovered from what had happen to me. When I found out that my causin justin who sexually abused me live with my sister Darlene I wasn’t allowed to report him either I wanted too so bad to put him in jail that what your suppose to do when a family members or a stranger did you wrong. So I haded to act like nothing ever happens and pretend to be happy. Family members are supposed to protect you too they are supposed to know these signs if children’s or teenagers are being sexually abused or verbal abuse in the families they should of tried harder and I was one of them and felt unprotected from harm. No one in my family members didn’t wonna help me to recover or get the help that I needed from them and the answer was moving on was never the answer I didn’t understand why they didn’t wonna help me from the first start when I told them about it. At some point I thought I could never get the help that I needed to recover and being able to get out in the world. I was able to find a clear way out by moving out on my own instead of living with my in a home to where I grew up at to where I was sexually and verbal abuse I didn’t wonna stay in groveport in 2016 I decided to move to gahanna be closer to school and my job and most of all my company agency’s Upreach Suportive living to where I was able to regain and overcome alots of things and I was so greatful of that and I made the right choices to leave my childhood past to where I grew up at even though my memories will never be erased. I was able to get counseling and the support that I needed in 2015 and still am with all of the support system that I have. I was also greatful that I choose the life that I wanted to created for me and build new relationship, feel confident enough to make my own decision and speak up for myself and not let others decide for me or that I made the wrong decision in my life and talk to my counselor and others peoples about my past and that I felt confident and comfortable talking to them about it. I was able to regain all my strength and compassion on life. I had alots of accomplishment in my goals, set healthy boundaries, make new friends and most of all I was able to enjoy my life that I never got too before and feel happy around other peoples and my self. I was very bless to have those peoples from my service coordinator,Upreach and my counselor who helped me through it all. I was able to remove all the unhealthy relationship, bad boundaries and toxic peoples out of my life and let go of certain things. I am one of the strongest person that anyone could ever known and that I am one of the victim who survived her childhood sexual abuse and verbal abuse who struggle to find her way out of many situations and was able to overcome to have a better life in the features. Over the years I have always wonder where have god been at almost all my life I didn’t know if he was there to guide me all the way through life. I remember as a child every night when the light are off I would see a shodow all in white as a person it would just stand in the middle of my room watching me sleep but I would be afraid to shut my eyes so I just always put a blanket over my head and keep my bedroom light on or the halllight on but it would still come back and I would stare at it. I don’t know if that was god or a guardian angel or a ghost in my room every night. I would go sleep in my adopted mom room she would tell me that their Is no such things as ghost. I felt something inside me and didn’t know who I am and why things happen to good children like when I was little.Everyone has a stories to tell even if your heart isn’t strong enough to put it out there in the world for peoples to hear and knowing that your never alone their is someone out there who are going through in their life is always hope to helps others to share their side of the stories. Don’t let your stories stop you from showing the world how strong and how far you become. We all have the power in our heart and we should follow our heart. Everyone has a stories to tell even if your heart isn’t strong enough to put it out there in the world for peoples to hear and knowing that your never alone their is someone out there who are going through in their life is always hope to helps others to share their side of the stories. Don’t let your stories stop you from showing the world how strong and how far you become. We all have the power in our heart and we should follow our heart.

Growing up without a parents is never easy. 

I always never thought that I wouldn’t be able to live without a parents. After my adopted mom passs when I was fifteen year old in 2005 my life change forever and not knowing what am I’m supposed to do without her or who to say I love you too or who to spend mother day with, go shopping for or to the movies with like mothers and daughters would do go out for dinner together I’ll never get to have that. I never get those changes to talk about mothers and daughter stuff or when I’m feeling down and that she will be the one to pick me back up on my feet and wipes off all my tears. I’ll never have a mother to help me with my decision making, talk to on the phone everyday and night or come to visit her I miss all of that. I do enjoy seeing all the mothers and daughters out there enjoying their time with their mom or their god mothers and spending times with them and saying kind word to them. I don’t know how I am still standing here and being strong but I know that I have two mothers up in heaven watching over me and gauding me in spirit. I wish I could hear them say that they have been so very proud of me and how far I’ve become. The best part is that I get to talk to other mothers from my company about girls stuff and being able to talk to them about anything. I know my adopted mom did her best to take care of me she provides me with food,toys, clothes and a home to live in even though I wasn’t safe and that I was just a child. I wish I could tell her one last time thank you for all you have done for me and being a mom to me and teaching me alots of things and being prepare before you left me. My birth mother I never got the change to get to know her more I wish I had and got to spend time with her. I know after your adopted your adoption are closed until you reach the age of 18 and then you have the right to locate your real family and wanting answer from them. In 2011 I was told that my birth mom died in 2007 from depression. I know she was very good to me when I would stay with her when I was younger I know she did the best she could tried to give me the care that I needed she wasn’t a bad mother she was just struggling alots and needed helps I wish I could do anything to bring her back and to see her one last time and give her a hugs and kisses and tell her thank you for trying to be my mom and giving me a better feature in life. I will honor both of my mothers for trying their best for giving me a better life and features that I should have gotten before. But I know that I have been doing pretty good without them and that I am in good hand with lots of support system and with in god hand he had been with me every step of the way and to help me to have a better life and feature because he knew what he was doing all this time and that he had planned for me and I am going to honor him as well.

My mild depression story

Three year ago I develope mild depression to an unhealthy relationship to certain peoples here at Upreach and that they were no longer working for us. I had become obsessed with some individuals to the point to where I used to be sending numerous Facebook and text messages to several different administrative staff regarding several individuals. I did cut my self and ran away and walked for three hour due to me being so upset and confused over the situation. I had to get counseling right away so I would benefit from learning how too develops appropriate, healthy relationship as well as learning still to work on my feeling regarding several individuals. It took me almost a year or two to recovered and being able to regain healthy relationship and boundaries with individuals here at Upreach it was a very long road recovery for me at some point I would contact several individuals or my program manager if I’m feeling down so I wouldn’t have any thought on cutting myself again and I work through my feeling and emotional moments. While I was still receiving counseling and working through healthy relationship my counselor helped me work through my childhood abuses, abandoned and other general stuff that I was struggling with and being stressed alots. I was always having trouble sleeping through the night and I would not go to sleep every night so my doctor discribe me with melatonin to help me sleep through the night and it been working ever since my doctor put me on it. Sometime on a Friday after work or on the weekand I would take a nap as well it would help me release stress and my emotions. I would also workout in the gyms or go for a jog to get negative things off my mind and I have always been feeling great. At several time I did tried to cut myself again because I was stressing out alots and being emotional. I was told that if I ever feel emotional or have any thought I would write in my journal or talked to several administrative staff they would helped me and give me good advice and I would talk to my counselor about it as well. I also gave them a promise to not ever cut myself again or have any others which I haven’t been for the past two years and that I’ve been doing pretty good job and not giving up and I should be proud of myself how much process that I had put into and overcome alots of things. I was able to work through my childhood abuse past even though no one get ever forget about it because it follow you forever and certain others situation that been going on in my life and that it took me awhile to find my way out of it. It always good to seek helps from your counselor and others peoples here at Upreach I was so greatful that i had alots of support system that helped me stay on my feet and push me through the daughter time in my life and now I am stronger then ever and feeling alots better then I ever did before till now I am no longer feeling depressed, emotional or have any thought on cutting again or have any others thought. I gotta say that I have come along way to a recovery and I am one of the survivor and I should be blessed.