I was really good at my job.  Money was the only thing I cared about and I made a ton of it.  The fact that I was a selfish and dishonest son of a bitch was probably the main reason I thrived in that self-serving workplace, but I have to give some credit to the fact that I had a bad childhood and never loved anyone in my life...blah, blah, blah.

So imagine my surprise when I died young and no one wanted me "up or down".  I guess you have to have some ability to love and be kind to impress the good guy, and the really bad dude said I was no good for business because I wasn't quite evil enough. I wandered a bit and then found a hopeless, homeless nobody to possess.  With nothing better to do, I figured I could convince this miserable piece of human crap to perform dishonest, disgusting deeds and impress the one with the horns and the pitchfork.

Rubbing my hands together in a purely demonic gesture, I figure this guy needs to steal money so he can eat.  As we're walking near Central Park to pick someone's pocket, this angelic little girl walks toward us, and as she pulls a Kleenex out of her coat pocket , a $20.00 bill  floats to the ground.  I encourage "Gutless Gary" to grab it and walk away, but instead he hesitates as he picks it up.  I'm screaming at him to run, not walk, while reminding him how hungry he is.  Suddenly he turns, catches up to the child and returns the bill. Fuck, no!  Smiling, she says, "If you meet me here tomorrow, I'll give you some food."  Now I am on demon duty, so I re-group and see this an opportunity to scam a "do-gooder" and begin to plant the seed in the "no-gooders" brain I'm hooked up with.

Next day, same time, she's there with a bag of food and sweetly shares, "I'll give you this but only if you promise to come to work in the homeless shelter so that you can earn money to buy food."  If I was still in human form, I would have puked, but "gutless" gets all teary eyed and takes the address, barely mouthing his appreciation.

Hard as I tried, "Gutless Gary" became "Grateful Gary" and works regularly at the Mission of Mercy, or as I refer to it, mission impossible.  I go along for the ride each day, providing the most negative and adverse thoughts I can inspire, but Gary seems to have bought this whole "love thy neighbor" bullshit and appears to be almost happy.

I'm becoming restless, wondering about this love angle.  Could there be something to it?  No, I doubt it.  I couldn't have made all that money if I would have given a crap about anyone but myself.  Why the hell am I even thinking this way?  After all, I'm a demon and we're a hateful and nasty bunch.  Right?