Nothing in the world could have prepared me for the facts I was about to witness, and if anyone wants to hear about it I suggest they do so with an open mind. To imagine the following you need to be open to the possibility of pure dread and anguish to be bestowed upon you. It all began on a seemingly bright and beautiful. I was out with my friend Mia. Mia Jacobs was a woman who I had known for five years since the start of college. We had become instant friends through our shared love of manga and Japanese anime. We had both taken art design together and often created new images and such- like. On this one day in June we were at an art fair. There was a lot of stalls with hand- crafted clothes, rugs, pillows and other similar items. Mia and I had been living together for two weeks and we were looking for décor for our shared flat. I had decided Mia and I would get on well and out of all my friends she'd be the one who'd be the easiest to live with. So far it had been fine, but it was early days. I was glad we still enjoyed doing the same things together as we used to.

So, here we were at this art fair. I was looking at this art fair. I was looking at this pillow- case made from beautiful green silk which had on it lovely embroidered sequins in the shape of twirls and diamonds.

"How much for this?" I asked, looking up to see a familiar face. It was Roxanne Flaxstone.

"Hi Tahlia."

"Roxy, it's been ages," I replied, somewhat unorthodoxly. I had never really got on with Roxy.

"What you up to?" she asked.

"I'm just here with Mia looking round for whatever really."

"Oh yeah," Roxy pretended to sound interested. "Where is Mia?"

"Oh, she's around somewhere." She probably ran for miles as soon as she saw you is what the real truth was. Mia had been getting close to this guy when Roxy had swooped in and taken him from under her nose. "You still with Casper?"

"Yeah, kind of, casually. Oh, hi Mia," she greeted, as Mia as suddenly appeared.

" You getting that cushion?" Mia asked me, ignoring Roxy completely.

"No, I don't think I will."

"It's £7," Roxy undulated.

"It's very nice but I don't think it will go with our sofa," I hastened as I knew it really would. It would look gorgeous,

"I'm going to get on now," Mia ensued.

"Bye Mia, good to see you."

"Yeah, bye," Mia wandered off.

"See ya," I added, following Mia.

I knew Mia would be upset and was unsure whether to mention our encounter. That's when she told me, " She was looking happy. I guess she would be."

I knew what she meant. She meant Roxy was happy because she had stolen Casper from her. Mia looked like she wanted to kill Roxy but I know it's her nature to ignore a situation rather than confront it. And just when I thought I knew Mia inside out, she marched off and went over to Roxy's stall. "Hey, here's £7." She cried with explosion, grabbing the pillow. She took out her penknife and demolished the pillow. "This is what I think of your design and this is how you and Casper will end, in pure destruction." Mia threw the inside of the pillow in her face, feathers flying everywhere and scurried off, leaving Roxy speechless.

Mia reappeared with a crazed smile on her face. I simply stared at her in astonishment. We walked alongside one another in silence. Mia was revelling in her glory and I didn't know how to respond to what had just unveiled. It was so out of character for Mia. I had known that she'd been torn apart by the fiasco and I had known her feelings for Casper as she had relayed them to me every step of the way. I myself had been friends with Roxy since school and seen her do similar things to the other girls and even me a couple of times. I had accepted it as part of her genetic make- up and so had the boys. In college, very few people were aware of her antics so I suppose Casper could have thought she was for real unlike the others. I had consoled Mia throughout the episode and hadn't told her the truth about Roxy as I thought it would hurt her more. Also perhaps maybe a part of me had been convinced she'd changed and was genuinely into Casper and not just turning her old tricks. Nevertheless I remained diplomatic, in an attempt not to split loyalties. I soon realised my loyalty to Roxy had just become a tie which I soon broke in order to tend to Mia who had become a true, close friend. To protect her I did some digging coffee, dinner, wine, whatever Roxy would agree to and masqueraded as a friend splitting loyalties, hoping neither Roxy or Mia would be any the wiser I had thought my method brilliant and my plan was going swimmingly. I hadn't factored in the possibility that Casper was using Roxy to get close to me. This had been an unexpected turn of events. It was one I wasn't too sure how to deal with as it really did come as a complete surprise. I thought Roxy was the manipulative, conniving one who I had to keep at bay I hadn't realised that Casper had been scheming to get nearer to me. He didn't strike me as the type who would use other people to supplement his drives, motives, or desires. It had been Roxy's birthday and she would invite anyone who she thought would bring drama. She would indulge in the flavour of the month. Casper came to keep up appearances, as the role of the boyfriend. I came as the friend of Mia and Mia came to get as much Casper action as humanly possible. Casper would give Mia the jolt needed to keep her happy and wanting more, so I would arrive at her side as her friend, rather than Roxy's. It all seemed that we all had our parts to play in this little show and it seemed our characters were as happy as could be on the face of it. Really, the truth was we were anything but. The real truth had become so convoluted and dissected that we were all lost in an array of our own making. It was this night, the night of Roxy's birthday that Casper had revealed to me his dark, gloomy secret. I had thought Mia was in love with Casper, Casper had fallen for Roxy and her act, and I was a caterwaul for this whole scenario to play out in. I hadn't thought that I was holding that I was holding any more significance than that. I hadn't realised I had been anyone but a manikin, and I was happy to do that for Mia. I was in costume as the friend of Mia, maybe even the misguided friend of Roxy. It seemed that there was actually in fact more to this. A lot more.

Chapter Two

Roxy was ridiculously insecure. Everything with her was so manufactured and maybe this was clearer to me than Mia or Casper as I had known her longer. I thought I had Roxy pegged as a surly, superficial, put on type. The type who made the scene but never let on anything about herself. She was always there where everything was happening but nobody knew who she was or why she was there. Nobody asked or dare questioned where she had come from. She just eased into the picture like she was camouflage. She was some sort of chameleon. She was the party. Sometimes, even I wondered who the hell she was. Somehow we had all remained friends since college but we saw less of Casper and Roxy. Neither me nor Mia really knew what the score was with them.

It had been Roxy's 19th so it was after college that we all came together to celebrate. There was the four of us and some other people who blended into the furniture; they really just magnified our show in High Definition, making the foreground more colourful, and our characters much, much brighter. Mia would never let her true colours be known. She suffered in trepid silence just to be close to the one she believed her heart was singing for. It didn't matter if anyone else believed it, it was true to her, and that was all that mattered. She even feigned interaction with Roxanne, the one whose ascents incandescently broke her heart into a million more pieces than before. It was Mia's strength that made her so beautiful and this was what I had been s stricken by. There was also a deep contrast in her which revealed something so delicate and fragile that made me feel I had to protect her with all my heart, this creature that could tear at any moment. Although Mia would not always show it just one glance at her face and I would know when she had just been broken. She would always pull through with such grace, that words were not necessary to describe the pain she'd endured. I could see it in her eyes, the war she had waged, the battle she had lost. She would never speak of it again. She would just pour it onto a blank canvas and splash some paint at it and she would be over the worst. There was something so evocative about her inner peace that made her so obvious, yet so pain- stricken. She yielded this naked truth that was also so mysterious and self contained. It was like she was hiding this transparency within a glass lining which shielded her from everyone around. She was so nude yet so untouchable. She was in pain constantly but with sensations of euphoria running through at the same time. I had been rooting for her happiness all along, hoping that Casper or someone would whisk her off her feet as if she were a damsel in distress as she displayed such fervour. Others may see a beautiful woman and attribute all kinds of fallacy to her. I saw Mia; the real Mia.

The real Mia was drinking herself stupid as Roxy bended her ear about her plans to open a gallery. I was sat in the next room speaking to some geriatric briefly rendezvoused with at college, called Xavier. Casper sat beside Xavier and leaned across to hand me a drink of champagne cocktail.

"Ooooh, my favourite," I revered, even though I would have said that about any drink I had just been handed as I didn't actually have a favourite.

"Who's this?" Casper motioned to Xavier with his eyes before fixing them directly on mine.

"It's Xavier. We were at college together."

"So were we," Casper replied.

"Yes, so you may recognise each other," I counter-acted.

"Maybe. Though I think I'd remember some preppy, Abercrombie and Fitch wearing android," Casper provoked, angrily.

"Look, I'm just going to get a drink," Xavier quipped, before getting up and veering away from the sofa, and me and Casper.

"Thanks for the drink," I smiled, gratefully.

"I knew you'd like it," Casper leaned in quickly grabbing my shoulders and smacking his lips against mine. I pushed against him before our mouths touched as he fell back.

"What on Earth are you doing that for?" I asked, incredulous.

He just looked at me without saying anything.

"I know you're drunk so I'll just write it off as a mistake."

"No, what's a mistake is you saying I'm drunk. I'm not," he seemed adamant.

"OK. Well, stop being a dick. You're with Roxy."

"That's a mistake."

"What?" I questioned. "That you're with Roxy?"

Roxy was ridiculously insecure. Everything with her was so manufactured and maybe this was clearer to me than Mia or Casper as I had known her longer. I thought I had Roxy pegged as a surly, superficial, put on type. The type who made the scene but never let on anything about herself. She was always there where everything was happening but nobody knew who she was or why. Nobody asked or she was or why. Nobody asked or dare questioned where she came from. She just eased into the picture like camouflage. She was some sort of chameleon. She was the party. Sometimes even I wondered who the hell she was. Somehow we had all remained friends since college but we saw less of Casper and Roxy. Neither me or Mia really knew what the score was.

It had been Roxy's 19th so this was after college that we all came together to celebrate. There was the four of us and some other people who blended into the furniture; they really just magnified our show in High Definition, making the foreground more colourful and our characters much, much brighter. Mia would never let her true colours be known. She suffered in trepid silence just to be close to the one she believed her heart was singing for. It didn't matter if anyone else believed it, it was true to her, so this was all that mattered. She even feigned interaction with Roxanne, the one whose action incandescently broke her heart into a million more pieces than before. It was Mia's strength that made her so beautiful and this was what I had been so stricken by. There was also a deep contrast in her which revealed something so delicate and fragile that made me feel I had to protect with all my heart this creature that could tear at any moment. Although Mia would not always show it just one glance at her glance at her face and I would know she had just been broken. She would always pull through with such grace, that words were not necessary to described the pain she'd endured. I could see it in her eyes, the war she had waged, the battle she had lost. She would never speak of it again. She would just pour it onto a blank canvas and splash some paint at it and she would be over the worst. There was something so evocative about her inner peace that made her so obvious and yet so pain- stricken. She yielded this naked truth that was also so mysterious and self- contained. It was like she was hiding this transparency within a glass lining which shielded her from everyone around. She was so nude yet so untouchable. In pain constantly but with sensations of euphoria running through at the same time. I had been rooting for her happiness all along, hoping that Casper or someone would whisk her off her feet as if she were a damsel in distress as she was displaying such fervour and others may see a beautiful woman and attribute all kinds of fallacy to her. I saw Mia; the real Mia.

The real Mia was drinking herself stupid as Roxy bended her ear about her plans to open a gallery. I was set in the next room speaking to some geriatric I had briefly rendezvoused with at college, called Xavier. Casper sat beside Xavier and leaned across handing me a drink of champagne cocktail.

"Ooh, my favourite," I revered, even though I would have said that about any drink I had just been handed, as I didn't actually have a favourite.

"Who's this?" Casper motioned to Xavier with his eyes before fixing them directly on mine.

"It's Xavier. We were at college together."

"So were we," Casper replied.

"Yes, so you may recognise each other," I counter- acted.

"Maybe. Though I think I'll remember some preppy, Abercrombie and Fitch wearing android," Casper mused, angrily.

"Look, I'm just going to get a drink," Xavier requited, before getting up and quickly veering away from the sofa, and me and Casper.

"Thanks for the drink," I smiled, gratefully.

"I knew you'd like it," Casper leaned in quickly grabbing my shoulders and smacking his lips against mine. I pushed against him before our mouths touched as he fell back.

"What on earth are you doing that for?" I asked, incredulous.

He just looked at me without saying anything.

"I know you're drunk so I'll just write it off as a mistake."

"No, what's a mistake is that I'm drunk. I'm not," he seemed adamant.

"OK. Well, stop being a dick. You're with Roxy."

"That's a mistake."

"What?" I questioned, "That you're with Roxy?"

"Yes," he confirmed. "I mean no, I mean I am with Roxy but I shouldn't be. I should be with you."

I sat stunned for a moment, trying to take in this new development. A thousand thoughts were going through my head. I was feeling bad for Mia, even Roxy a little bit. I didn't know how to react. It had been the last thing I'd been expecting. In fact it was so off my radar I hadn't been expecting it. If I was made to write a list of things to expect from Casper it would not have even made an entry. It wouldn't have been anywhere. As I was thinking all this Roxy appeared and came out with, "Instead of cake, there's vodka jelly," as she placed a lead of jelly shots on the table in front of Casper and I. She downed a few, screaming, "Yay, me! Happy birthday me," before sucking the face of Casper and walking off, shouting, "Bye, honey."

"I love you," Casper whispered in my ear.

I rolled my eyes before whispering back, "I don't love you back," and getting up to leave. Casper grabbed my wrist and set me back down. I fell drunkenly onto the sofa again. b

"Don't go. Why can't be this be? Just tell me Tahlia