I miss him you know. A worthless no good fucking criminal, and I’d do anything for one more day. You I hate that statement. “I’d do anything for one more day.” It’s bullshit. We all say it but what does it really mean when we know there’s nothing we could do to have them back. I saw a video of him the other day. You know you think you’re over it. You think you’re strong like you should be by now. You see a picture and it hurts. You see a picture of the two of you together and it burns. You see a video of the two of you together on opposite sides of th room in different shots. You can’t help but sit there and let the tear roll down your face. You start yelling at that younger brighter version of you who you were just laughing at, because he won’t just introduce himself. “Just go you damned idiot. Who knows you might like it!”

People look at me funny when I defend him. I see them going over the stories in their heads adding up the years. Trying to remember the wretched thing’s obituary.  I mean he was just a kid when it happened. He wasn’t even that at the start of all of it. But they didnt see it that way. He was just a dumb kid who wanted to change the world. 

I don’t mean to be condescending but most people don’t understand that they can’t change things. No one can. Even I still have that silly glimmer of hope in my heart that I can change the world’s mind about him. Things change when they want to, not when anyone decides its time to change. Any change that does happen because someone tries to force it is either a coincidence, something that backfires, or it only worked because it was trying to a different forced change. World War One was an attempt change that backfired. The end of WWI was a change that tried to balance a previous change. As was WWII and it’s end. Just changes to end a changes, and only once equalibrium was reached could we see the true difference, the changes change had wanted. I’m told America dissolved that way, as did many others of the time. It was slow and understood. Something change had wanted. I wonder if it wanted this, the war, the lies, the hate. I wonder if some day after I’m long dead, abandoned in a ditch somewhere, will that cruel mistress change clear his name. Some day will people think of him fondly. I’m the future with someone smile when they say the name of Crew Adler, the anticrist.