Documents of a teenage girl (perhaps pretentious and crazy)


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Stars & Smoke

 i often find myself questioning why sadness is a part of life


why would such a cruel design

such a cruel force

be projected through us

tainting us with cruel intentions 

and cruel desires 


making us slowly self-destruct


and causing hurricanes in our hearts


why would that be?


it may seem supernatural, but 


you are never emotionless 


you may have gone through heartache after heartache

cigarette box after cigarette box

razor after razor.

feeling like running to the edge of this terrible, terrific earth and calling out 


hoping for a hand

to reach out and guide you


you may have. 

you may not have.

but you have your own feeling of darkness

know that familiar feeling of 




even so


is it actually emptiness? can a person ever truly be empty? 


do these scars and broken hearts make you empty?


ask yourself the question 

are you ever emotionless?

could it simply be



vicious, fierce sadness crawling through you and nestling in your bones?


that same sadness, that we need in life and yet do not quite understand the mechanics of? 


to me,


life without sadness


is like reading without imagination 


like tea without sugar


like the galaxy without stars 


you see, my darling 


skies don't shine without stars 


your eyes do not shine without sadness


learn to smile through that sadness and then your constellation tears will dance much more gracefully down your face. 


we need sadness in this world

to keep us afloat 

and remind us every once in a while


that we aren't empty beings at all.

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Instincts & Armageddons

 screaming days 


days where you want to tear down walls and fly to another planet


days that you can physically feel draining your energy and devotion to anything on this earth


shitty days. 


days where you knew deep down that your subconscious was right


a wise woman told me that “instinct is a fabulous thing”


days where you realise just how right she is.


days where you look in the mirror and tell yourself that you’ll always hurt and it’ll always sting no matter what happens


days where you would cry into the abyss forever and ever until you felt something again


but then

there are these days of clarity

days where you realise 

that it’s just a teenage boy being typical

or a teenage girl 

being typical

a stupid, confused boy with no mind other than the one that chases any equally confused girl willing 


a naive girl with no mind at all


another teenager, like yourself, that you have the misfortune of wasting time on.


only, is it wasted time? 

if you think about it, this time you’ve spent on this is all a learning curve


a wise woman told me that much, too.

this isn’t anything profound or poetic

it’s a learning curve.

a lesson.


this was just a fragment of your life that you’ll forget about any day soon

when a new problem arises

and your memories of any heartbreak you may have happened to feel

will float away

like just another rock in the river.


screaming days, it seems, are just normal days


days that will knock you for six and rip you up and then have the audacity to laugh at you


just for good measure. 


days that you are strong enough to get over 

because you know that much, you know you will get over it

you just need to learn how.


how does one get over their own little end of the world?

their personal armageddon?

it comes back to the fact that instinct is a fabulous thing


because you see

if you already knew about your armageddon,


you were very much prepared for it too.

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Royal Lights



the lights are too bright in this house. 

and my head is spinning round


round and round 



endless migraines forming

like a woodpecker hammering 

on each one of your brain cells


the lights are too bright in this house.


but I'm scared of them turning off.


what if they turn off


do they represent life - but - 

is anything really that deep?


can lights represent each being

surely not


we are all bulbs

blinking slowly


indicating help is needed 


the king is a bulb

the queen is a bulb


do the evil in this world have bulbs?


are we all just dead bulbs

waiting to be replaced


with new hope and love each day

it can't be,




the queen is a bulb 

and so are you.


blinking to fight on another day. 



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Aqua Elements

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Logic & Smiles

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