THE TALE OF ARCHIBALD, WHO ATE WHILST FEVERISH AND CAME TO REGRET IT

The subject of this tale, a youth

Of sturdy health, but quite uncouth

When dealing with his ancient Mum,

(In his teen-aged opinion),

When she advised him on his health:

Of such advice she had a wealth,

Dispersing it quite liberally,

Though Archie, being young, thought he

Knew better; and would tell her to

Desist! and did what youth will do

When he did catch the 'flu one day:

Ignored his Mum when she did say

"You feed a cold, but starve a fever;

Fast, dear son!" But Arch, an eater

Who, though quick to help himself,

(In that sense) could not help himself;

He set out, not to just ignore,

But flout his mum's advice before

The day was done;

That foolish son

With friends conspired a fast-food jaunt;

Retiring to a favorite haunt

To feast on fat and salt, a slew

Of it, not telling them the 'flu

Was in his system, fully rampant!

Suffered doubly, Arch, the errant;

Friends and he dispersed with lots

Of 'flu and Arch now has the trots.

Leonard, it is sad to say,

Unfortunately liked to play

At pulling dreadful faces when

Observed, or not, by kith and kin,

Who, though they loved the little chap,

Desired much his face to slap!

And this not in revengeful spite;

Their professed aim? His face to right

Before a change in wind should come.

For they were taught one would succumb

To Gurner's syndrome, faces wound

In hideous knots, if they were found

By change of wind with face distorted!

But in vain this fact reported

They to Leonard, who retorted,

"Humbug! Nonsense! What a load..."

He then began to cross the road

To leave their presence and their nagging,

As he saw it, with a cracking

Grimace set upon his face;

So, he could not see the pace

Of traffic coming; but he felt

The change in wind they made: one spelt

A coming Nappy Service van,

Which changed, forever, our young man!

THE TALE OF MONTAGUE, WHO LICKED A KNIFE: THE CONSEQUENCES LEFT HIM SPEECHLESS

When Monty was a little lad

His habits drove his parents mad,

Especially that of licking knives!

The stress would give his mother hives!

She treated this with ginger, Tabasco

And chilli soaked in vinegar! Oh!

The smell would quickly travel far

And set one weeping! But a jar

With screw top lid retained this mess

Quite well ... I fear I do digress.

Our Monty did survive childhood,

Despite the doom his parents would

Describe to him: "You'll cut your tongue,

Right off!" Young Monty was not stung

By these rebukes, he'd just persist

With all his woeful ways. The list

Remained capped off by licking at

The cutlery. Even that

In use by others at the table!

Change the man? No one was able.

Mother had got over hives

Some years ago. Now other lives

Were blighted by this Montague,

His most of all

For he appalled

The people he would like for friends.

He saw his need to make amends

So asked his favorite aunt for aid.

Aunt Bertha knew his Mum had made

The hives concoction. One jar left

She found, it was of smell bereft

And looked like jam, but Bertha knew

That after years the taste was true,

Condensed,

Immense.

She did not tell what was her plan,

She just invited our young man

To morning tea and toast.

A treat he loved the most!

Montague had marmalade

On his toast, Bertha: "jam she'd made",

Then put her knife down on her plate.

Monty later married; many

Happy years ensued, merry

Times, he and his wife enjoyed

And hard times, where they both employed

A skill an aunt had taught years hence:

Be speechless; listen to the sense

The other has. Be speechless; think

A lot and long, before you link

A few words, chosen very well

Only what's important tell.