Do you want to know what I feel? Do you want to know what fills my soul and gets me going through the day? 

Nothing. 

Nothing gets me through the day in fact I'm not exactly sure how I get through the day. I don't remember most of it but somehow I'm always at the end of it wondering how I got there. 

My memory is not the best I must admit. From walking into a room and forgetting what I needed to get to forgetting who I was. I have my days, honestly it is not as bad as you think it would be.

If only my memory could surpress the humiliating moments I've had the utmost displeasure of having. No please by all means destroy and throw away all my happy and precious moments but keep the ones that made me feel as though a pistol in my mouth was a heavenly idea.

What happened to me to make me like this? I'm not sure. I don't remember. Haha. Get it? 

In all seriousness though, my life sucks. There was no way of sugar coating that or using a better word to try and sound more sophisticated about it and look like I don't care in the least. I do. That's another bad trait I have. The anxiety on me is a piece of work. When im not forgetting things in the oven and almost burning down my house I am also excessively worry about minor things that feel like wrecking balls tearing through my brain. 

 My hell on earth. My never ending spiral of despair. How could they have known though? Known what lurked in the darkness of my mind. 

But they saw me didn't they? 

They saw me at my lowest point.

They saw me and they looked away. 

They pretended not to see just so it wouldn't inconvenience them. 

I couldn't do anything about the situation I was in. I was living in a body that was weak and small and of no use to me. If anything it felt as though my body was the chains that bound my soul down to earth. It was trapped and there was no escape... Or so I thought. 

I want to tell the older people. I want to tell them about my mind. I want to tell them about what I think and feel. But everyone thinks and feels, "why was my mind any different than theirs?" Is what I thought.

I didn't know. I didn't know there was a difference. I didn't know in the slightest. I still believed I was equal to them and yet I was still treated differently. "Even if they treated me differently we were all equal before god" is what I thought. I didn't know that some were more fortunate than others. 

To me the good people always prospered and the bad got what they deserved. I did not know that in this world my title had already been decided for me. I was the bad, despite how the hero bullied and broke me down, nonetheless were a hero. I had already become the antagonist of the story, I had become the bad guy.

Life is unfair. 

 I guess every decision I've ever made comes back to haunt me. From the big things to the little things, if I've done it its come back.

These are things that I would not even need to take a second to think about because they are choices that each person is allowed to make on their own. It's free will is it not? So why did everyone make me feel bad about my own free will?

Everyone did something. They lived. Why was it that when I lived it was unforgivable? Why was it the talk of the town? 

People have started looking down on me. Was it so bad? I must admit I myself did find it at the time to be a bit worrying but the reason I was worried was because it affected me. My life hung in the balance. The disruption of my life would be based on my choice. It only affected me. 

Humans are strange creatures though, they know that the sun is the centre of the universe and yet they still believe that they are.

Somehow, they had made it all about them.