It all started in the first grade when I first met him. He had short light brown hair and hazel gold eyes. His skin was tanned and he was just a bit taller than me.

My heart fluttered every time I saw him. If only I could speak to him.

 He would usually be playing kick ball with his friends at the oval. It was the perfect time to watch him play from a distance. 

He was really energetic and enjoyed sports. He was a bit shorter than the rest his friends but he worked twice as hard at what he loved so he could shine brighter than all of them.

It was hard to believe that someone like him roamed the earth. As over dramatic as it sounds, to a first grader, he was the dream crush. 

I wanted to approach him so bad but there were many things standing in my way. 

Was it my anxiety? Was it his friends? Or was it the fact that he wasn't in my class? 

Yes okay, I admit it. I didn't know who he was, but whenever I was near him it felt as though I was flying high. It was exillirating and I could not have enough of the feeling. 

As I waited in the canteen line I noticed him approach the line from a distance. My heart began to pound instantly. My palms began to sweat and my hands began to shake. There he was looking so perfect and he was heading my way. I tried to calm myself down by counting backwards from ten. 

I felt my heart beat begin to steady and as I took a deep breath I felt a hand fall on my shoulder. I turned my head to look at the hand gripping my shoulder and then tilted my head slightly upwards to see who it was.

 It was him. His eyes glowed brighter than the sun and his lips were moving. I noticed the subtle pink of his lips and the shape of his Cupid's bow. I was dumb struck with facination. His happy face turned to irritable as he waved his hands in front of my face. In an instant I snapped back to reality.

"Hello" he said as I gazed at him in awe. 

I couldn't speak. All the words I would've said, could've said, should've said; none escaped my mouth. 

"Can I cut in front of you?" He asked pouting in irritation.

I nodded my head and watched his irritated facial expression change to glee. He jumped in from of me and waited his turn. 

That was my only encounter with him in the first grade. It was only until fifth grade, did we end up in the same class.

  I was in my fifth year of primary school. Nothing had been working out for me for some reason but I told myself that this year would be the year I became someone. 

I couldn't believe my eyes, there he was standing by the bag rack. He was speaking to two other guys and he was smiling. I don't know how but he became even more wonderful than he was before. 

I was going to do it, I was going to approach him and speak to him!

Days went by before I even got as close as one meter from him without it becoming uncomfortable for him. He seemed to be troubled by my presence but I did not know the proper ways to convey my feelings without being awkward. 

My chance had finally arrived when a seating plan had been arranged. I was not sitting directly next to him but I was sitting next to his best friend who was also sitting next to him. I figured that was as close as i would get but it didn't bother me in the least. I could feel his essence near me and it burned a fire in my heart. 

As I completed my English paper his best friend, David, tapped me on the shoulder. I looked over to him in confusion.

"Hey, over the holidays I watched Alvin and the chipmunks in cinema. Have you seen it?" He asked.

"Yeah i saw it as well!" I yelled excitedly at him. 

He was a bit taken back but shrugged and turned to my crush. He asked him the same question and then they began discussing how amazing the movie was. Before I could join in the conversation the teacher, ms grayn, called my crush over to the board to write down an answer. As he wrote on the white board I noticed his friend David shift into my crushes seat which left his seat wide open.

I did not really focus on it until my crush approached the table.

I watched in horror as I saw what looked to be a passing look between the both of them. As I pretended to ignore the situation I heard my crush groan.

"David, no. Move back" he whined as he bit his lip. 

"Nah" David said as he giggled in delight. 

What the hell was going on?! I felt my heart in my throat. What did this mean? Was was this situation? 

Finally giving up he sat down next to me. I didn't know whether to celebrate or cry. 

Did it mean he liked me? That maybe he and his friend had already spoken about me and his friend moved in order to force the two of us to sit together? The thought of that made my heart jump with joy. I wanted to say that was it but there was the possibility that it was the complete opposite of that. 

Maybe it was because he found me irritating and annoying that his friend had found it funny to move over and force him to sit next to me. As he groaned in defeat he finally decided to sit next to me because he desperately needed a place to sit as his friend had sat in his spot. 

The very thought of it burned in my brain. I was too consumed by it to even notice that the teacher was standing at my desk trying to speak to me. 

 You may have noticed that i call him my crush and I do not use his name. It's a long story so I'll only say that I will refer to him as "Dj" only because I had used that as a cover up name to be able to speak about my crush to my friends in public without it being known. 

A few months into the year, early April, The teacher had planned to put us in pairs for a colouring project. The thought of me and my crush being paired was about zero to nothing. Each of my friends were seperated and put with someone else and I sat their waiting my turn to be paired. The teacher read the names aloud.

"David, you're with Jesse. Diane, you're with Aisha. Sarah, you're with Dj." 

I nodded in agreement but it took me several seconds to process what had just happened. We had been partnered. I lit up with joy at the thought of it.

As I stood up from my chair to approach the teacher I took the sheet from her hand and looked over to Dj. He smiled and approached me. 

"We're gonna take turns colouring in. You do that side green and red and I'll do that side blue and purple" he said as he guided me where to colour with his hand.

From that moment it was a complete blur. I do not remember what happened. I only remember what came after.

It was as though my mind had been temporarily switched off and yet my body moved regardless. 

As I snapped back to reality I heard yelling. My vision began to re focus and I saw Dj standing beside the teacher arguing with her. I waited for my ears to properly absorb the sounds that escaped his lips.

"She coloured out side of the lines!" He yelled aggressively. The teacher sighed. 

"What do you want me to do about it? Rub it out" She responded. 

I watched as they argued back and forth, my head turning to look at each of them as they said something. 

"It's your fault! You wrecked the colouring sheet!" He yelled towards me. 

My mind had gone blank and I was unable to speak. I felt my eyes fill up with tears and I felt my chest sink to the ground. I became hot and began to shake.

He tore up the sheet into pieces and threw them at me before he pushed passed me and walked off. As I stood there dumbstruck I turned to look at the teacher for a brief moment. She stared at me as she saw the tears roll down my face before rolling her eyes and walking away.