Slim Pickins
Slim Pickins- The accidental terrorist
Based on (some) true events
INT MADRID- BARAJAS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT DAY
A nondescript, thin looking man, Simon Pickering aka SLIM, thirties, tired, haggard from a long haul flight checks in through customs.
Underscored by something plaintive, something a little Ennio Morricone he goes through the motions, queuing behind tourists, uniformly interrogated, his passport stamped.
He looks sad. He is sad. But he has a plan.
Security is OTT. Garrisons of armed SWAT teams patrol the interior. Slim takes in the Television Monitors showing live footage in the centre of MADRID.
EXT. MADRID GRAN VIA DAY
The image from the TV pulls out to a motorcade travelling amid flanks of military down the street. ARCHIVE FOOTAGE of Palestinian leader shows YASSAR ARRAFAT waving to crowds banked along the road side.
SUPER TEXT: MADRID CONFERENCE 1991
A JOURNALIST'S VO covers the event.
marks the most significant attempt to
date to bring about a peaceful solution
We’re back on SLIM, staring at the TV report. The queue is long and slow and a disgruntled ENGLISH COUPLE say as much. As he queues, we cutaway to..
CUT TO:
EXT BEACH CARPARK DAY
SLIM with a FILM CREW MATE, next to a fully loaded and battered Stand-by Props truck is haggling.
CUT BACK TO
INT MADRID- BARAJAS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT DAY
A CUSTOMS OFFICER gives SLIM the once over.
CUSTOMS OFFICER Anything to declare?
The CUSTOMS OFFICER rifles SLIM'S conspicuously small piece of hand luggage. Inside he checks clothes, some laxatives, dental floss, a copy of Shakespeare's Hamlet and a small rough cut ruby.
SLIM looks at the CUSTOMS OFFICER looking at the ruby.
The CUSTOMS OFFICER checks his passport and entry Visa.
No exit date? SLIM shakes his head.
The CUSTOMS OFFICER presses a button under the desk.
On the screen, SLIM'S details are tagged. Through the two-way mirror, uniformed OFFICIALS look over SLIM with practiced suspicion.
Act I
INT HOSTAL PERSAL DAY
A HOTEL in the tourist district of Madrid on the Calle Del Angel.
'Slim Pickins' A hand scrawls the name on a register.
The CONCIERGE wheels the book around. He sizes up Slim in a heart beat.
INT HOTEL CORRIDOR DAY
A uniformed BELLBOY exits the undersized elevator and ushers SLIM along, following behind carrying SLIM'S one bag. SLIM wants it back. No luck. He’ll have to tip him.
The BELLBOY is circumspect.
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT FILM SET DAY
SLIM in the centre of film crew in Australia, holding a broken prop, berated by the 1st AD.
CUT BACK TO:
INT HOTEL CORRIDOR DAY
The BELLBOY physically presses into SLIM.
INT. HOTEL ROOM DAY
The room is basic with a view over the PLAZA and a small bathroom with a free standing bath tub. The tap drips.
He picks up a remote and switches on the small TV set. Footage of the Madrid Conference fills the screen. GEORGE BUSH SENIOR speech making...”we seek peace..real peace.”
SLIM is all ears.
The BELLBOY switches channels to a REAL MADRID game.
SLIM Switch it back.
But the BELLBOY is all eyes on the game. He laughs.
There is a moment’s awkward silence. Then SLIM peels off a modest AMERICAN BILL and waves it at the BELLBOY.
Before he can take it, SLIM draws it back. Cloak and dagger,
The BELLBOY plays along, checking over his shoulder. SLIM produces a letter from his pocket.
The money changes hands. The BELLBOY exits.
Alone finally, SLIM takes a slug of duty free tequila, lights a cigarette and stares out of his window.
INT HOTEL CORRIDOR CONTINUOUS
Walking, the BELLBOY reads the letter.
CUT BACK TO
INT HOTEL ROOM CONTINUOUS
INT Slim drinks.
INT ELEVATOR CONTINUOUS
The elevator descends.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY EVENING
Elevator doors open to reveal SLIM heading out. He notices a film unit van loading lighting gear into the lobby.
He steps into the street towards the PLAZA.
CUT AWAY TO:
EXT PLAZA CONTINUOUS
The MADRID evening is taking shape and envelops SLIM.
He weaves in and around gathering crowds, taking it all in.
He is attracted to the wail of police sirens. He steps up onto a park bench to see over a wall. He angles for a better look and climbs up.
On an arterial road below, a cavalcade passes.
His actions have caught the attention of two Men in Suits. They follow.
The PLAZA is humming with crowds. Among them is SEGUNDA 30’s, dark, attractive, not dissimilar in looks to Vanessa. She drinks rioja, studying a map in the dim candlelight at a bar.
SLIM stops and orders a drink at a hole in the wall some meters opposite and is suddenly witness to a bag snatch.
The THIEF has SEGUNDA’S bag and fleets across the PLAZA toward SLIM.
For a moment SLIM is in pole position. His eyes lock onto SEGUNDA. The THIEF runs. She vaults a barrier and hurls after. SLIM muddled, hesitates, stepping out only in time to stop SEGUNDA flying in pursuit.
Colliding..
SLIM tries to help her, hindering her instead. She frees herself and is away.
SLIM stares after. The Men in Suits observe.
INT HOTEL ROOM LATER
The BELLBOY is at the door, armed with fresh towels.
MATCH CUT TO:
MOYEZ, in dark clothes with vaguely similar looks to SLIM but more height, weight and stature steps out of the elevator. The BELLBOY tries to take his bag but one look from MOYEZ is enough. The BELLBOY lets him pass.
EXT LANEWAY NIGHT
The THIEF is rifling through SEGUNDA’S stolen bag.
One of the SUITS steps around the corner. A Flash of pistol. Some money changes hands. The THIEF hands it over.
INT HOTEL BATHROOM EVENING
SLIM soaks in a tub, drinking the last of the tequila, smoking. Clint Eastwood he is not. His copy of Hamlet is getting wet. A razor sits conspicuously on top of it.
In his mind he is back at the bar. The THIEF runs toward him again and this time he casually places his drink to the side, clicks his tongue to attract the attention of a conveniently tethered burro, mounts the burro and races across the PLAZA at speed to the offending thief and retrieves the bag.
Under a haze of applause, he scoops SEGUNDA,(now dressed in the white folkloric bodice of his earlier VANESSA fantasy) onto his noble beast. She leans to kiss him but instead, she knocks on his head.
The moment shattered, actual knocking at the door.
SLIM drapes a towel around his loins, covering a small tattoo of a butterfly on his back.
INT CORRIDOR CONTINUOUS
He opens the door to the Men in Suits; ALEJANDRO and BENICIO, Spanish Intelligence Officers- CNI. They wave ID.
Their entrance and presence in SLIM’S room is pure magnetism.
SLIM nods no.
SLIM shakes his head.
They laugh.... as if SLIM isn’t present.
SLIM knows the word for ‘balls’ and reacts.
SLIM pulls his towel closer around his waist.
SLIM nods ‘no.’
ALEJANDRO appraises the room spying SLIM’S pathetic travel bag sitting on the bed.
In English, politely.
SLIM, dripping...
At this BENICIO smiles. Pulls back his jacket, exposes his glock pistol.
Now BENICIO holds it up to the light.
They look blankly at him.
BENICIO pulls out SLIM’S clothes, some dental floss, condoms, laxatives. His look to ALEJANDRO speaks volumes.
BENICIO grabs him by the shoulders, gives him a manly hug and a slap on the back.
BENICIO gives him a poke of affection. He laughs again.
SLIM follows them apace out the door.
Down the corridor, BENICIO waxes on about his love of all things Australian.
SLIM, in his towel and in his fantasy calls after them...
SLIM is holding two six shooters. Steely eyed, a cigar gripped between his lips. He shoots them both, bang bang. They go down like bags of cement.
Down the corridor, Moyez’s door opens a crack, eyes peer out. They see Slim and his smoking shooters and scurry back inside, slamming the door.
Act II
He hands the photos to BENICIO for another look. BENICIO waves it away. He is drinking a coffee, smoking furiously and filling in a form.
drive her to Aragon. Then
SEGUNDA sits on the steps under a statue of King Philip. She takes in the scene before her; locals going about their business, tourists wandering around, families, buskers. She is surrounded by people but utterly alone.
Two little girls, well dressed, play tag in front of her. The elder of the two is bossy, she pushes the smaller who falls and hurts her knee. SEGUNDA looks about for the parent, then steps forward to help until her mother arrives.
INT HOTEL PERSAL BASEMENT/BAR EVENING
The film crew are setting up for a TV commercial. Slim watches with professional interest as they begin to dress the place to resemble a Spaghetti Western saloon.
The Bartender slips SLIM a free carafe, an apologia for the inconvenience.
SLIM is comfortable with Bartenders, waiters, street sweepers. He feels an affinity. He gestures for the man to join him. The Bartender checks to the see if the CONCIERGE is watching and sits down. He drinks a little quickly and lets SLIM light his cigarette.
SLIM points to the ART DIRECTOR.
The DIRECTOR, an effete but commanding presence with large hair and a vague similarity to the great ALMODOVAR is unhappy with a member of crew and berates him in front of everyone. The man has SLIM’S sympathy.
The CONCIERGE appears at the door. He speaks briefly with the DIRECTOR then spies SLIM.
He sidles out from the gaze of the crew and motions upstairs, rubbing his fingers together to suggest he has the money upstairs.
SLIM nods and his hand reaches for the place his Passport usually is. But it isn't. Slim slides along the walls and out the door, taking the exit stairwell instead of the elevator.
It’s dark, the exit sign throws a thin light over the concrete shaft. AS SLIM takes the stairs he hears the distinctive sound of boots on concrete descending. Ever paranoid and unhelpfully intoxicated, he climbs with trepidation. Who is using the stairs? The atmosphere intensifies, the mood heightens. We hear the sound of spurs on gravel. The Morricone-like score underplays.
It’s MOYEZ, darkly dressed, moustache and hat. They draw guns, six shooters. A bullet ricochets off the metal railing. But.... It’s just SLIM’S mad fantasy again. In the real world, MOYEZ passes SLIM without a word and exits into the night.
SLIM falls out of the stairwell into the street. He is breathing heavily, sweating, he makes up his mind.
INT JEWELLERS NIGHT
SLIM banging on the door. A small light is glowing in the rear of the shop and Slim is determined to get in.
The JEWELLER appears, unimpressed and suitably nervous.
He pulls out the last of his bills trying to shove them into the hands of the JEWELLER.
SLIM starts searching the premises. The JEWELLER hastily finds the small gemstone now set in a cheap necklace and shoves it back into SLIM’S hands.
INT BAR PLAZA DEL ANGEL NIGHT
SLIM enters the smoky bar from earlier and takes a seat in a corner. No sign of Raphael...or any more free drinks.
CUT TO:
INT LANEWAY CONTINUED
Behind the bar, a dodgy looking van pulls up sharp.
CUT BACK TO
INT BAR CONTINUOUS
SLIM nurses his fears, drinks.
The SFX rings out and
SUPER on screen reads : US$78.20 ...and twenty-three pasetas.
SLIM fingers the ruby on its chain.
INT LANEWAY CONTINUOUS
The TWO AGENTS sit in a surveillance van listening to SLIM via a bug planted in the necklace.
CUT BACK TO
INT BAR CONTINUOUS
In the corner sits SEGUNDA, also alone. She's lost her, wallet, her driver and her enthusiasm. She's drunk. She notices SLIM at the bar.
CUT TO:
INT SURVEILLANCE VAN CONTINUOUS
The AGENTS listen.
ALEJANDRO serves him look.
The dancing and singing has started, it’s impossible to hear what’s going on.
INT BAR CONTINUOUS
The tourists sing badly, the Spaniards dance well.
SLIM and SEGUNDA alone in their respective corners knock back more and more hard liquor.
CUT BACK TO
The Spaghetti western refrain merges with the tourist- oriented Flamenco.
On the dance floor, two locals entice blonde British girls onto the floor and dance exceptionally well to the girls’ parlous attempts at a Paso Doble.
SLIM imagines one of the girls is checking him out.
Feeling empowered, he clutches the ruby necklace, stands and knocks the table sending shot glasses flying. To Slim, he thinks it looks powerful and seductive. To the observer it just looks clumsy.
SLIM advances on the dance floor. He thinks he draws a BLONDE TOURIST into his hypnotic gaze.
The girlfriends get the giggles.
He thinks he has the Spaniards on the back foot.
They give him space, just enough rope to hang himself.
SLIM starts clapping and stamping the Paso Doble. He's terrible, but compelling.
The music reaches a crescendo. Then the BAR TENDER passes a tray shot glasses over to the acoustic guitar duo who simply stop, mid piece and down their drinks.
CUT TO:
INT SURVEILLANCE VAN CONTINUOUS
The silence in the bar has the AGENTS on high alert. ALEJANDRO is twiddling dials trying to get a better fix.
INT BAR CONTINUOUS
The silence leaves SLIM alone and exposed on the dance floor. He stamps and claps once more. It's time for his well-planned last ditch grand gesture, the only thing left that might save his life.
(In a very horrible moment we watch as SLIM steps forward and presents the blonde BRITISH TOURIST with his ruby necklace.
In her corner, SEGUNDA watches the train wreck unfold.
INT SURVEILLANCE VAN CONTINUOUS
The MEN listen incredulously. Is he about to detonate a bomb?
CUT BACK TO
INT BAR CONTINUOUS
The BRITISH TOURIST looks at it, shows it off to her giggling girlfriends.
She drops it in her hand bag and the girlfriends move as one, giggling, toward the main entrance spilling into the street in sight of the surveillance van.
SLIM mortified, knocks over chairs to flee through the back door.
INT SURVEILLANCE VAN CONTINUOUS
The AGENTS scan the crowd. Coming through the headphones we hear.
BENICIO rolls his eyes.
ALEJANDRO bursts out of the van, calling behind him.
EXT. TEATRO ESPANOL CONTINUOUS
A show has finished and audience pour into the streets. SLIM is lost in the throng and heads back to his hotel.
EXT LETRAS DISTRICT CONTINUOUS
SEGUNDA has followed the TOURISTS. She slips in behind them as they merge into the famous Madrid nightlife.
Behind at a distance, ALEJANDRO is still searching in vain for SLIM.
SEGUNDA slips in and around, in front of the drunk tourists.
She suddenly lurches into the BLONDE TOURIST, staggers, grabs her shoulders and pulls herself up.
She smiles at the woman, kisses her on both cheeks, then a third time. She pats the face of her friend and the tourists enjoy her drunk fun.
They part, calling back.
But they haven’t noticed SEGUNDA has lifted the TOURIST’S handbag. She fishes and retrieves the ruby necklace.
INT HOSTAL PERSAL NIGHT
SLIM re enters the hotel via the basement exit, trying to avoid detection from the CONCIERGE. It’s very late but the film crew are still setting up for the TV commercial. SLIM habitually sandbags a light-stand in danger of toppling over.
He carefully avoids the BELLBOY, unaware he is reading SLIM’S letter to VANESSA aloud. Two CREW MEMBERS members laugh at the prose.
CUT TO:
INT HOTEL ROOM CONTINUOUS
SLIM slips into his room. He allows himself one single light bulb. He flicks the cord and it swings, a pendulum over his head as he collapses on the bed.
In his head he is the High Plains Drifter, a Sheriff in a one horse town, tumble weeds blowing, shutters slamming on an old log saloon.
Up close we stay on SLIM'S face, moody music building suspension. A creak of wood, a door slams somewhere and SLIM spins, a quick draw and fires, taking out a sexy looking VANESSA in a full black cowgirl outfit. She flies backwards into the air and lands with a thud.
SLIM runs to her collapsed form, she raises her head.
He throws SLIM roughly against a wall.
SLIM, hard pressed against a wall, his face squashed, his words muffled.
ALEJANDRO slams him again.
Then he kicks SLIM hard. Dropping him to the floor. He kneels down, close to SLIM’S face.
ALEJANDRO(CONT’D) Who do you know in ETA?He stammers uselessly..
ALEJANDRO hauls him up, throws him down on the bed with his arms behind his back. He sees the butterfly tattoo on SLIM.
INT. ADJACENT HOTEL ROOM CONTINUOUS
With his ear against the wall, MOYEZ listens with interest.
CUT BACK TO
INT HOTEL ROOM CONTINUOUS
ALEJANDRO hauls SLIM up and onto the bed. He pulls out a long handkerchief and shows it to SLIM:
He starts to shove the kerchief into SLIM’S mouth.
SLIM starts gagging, twisting and writhing.
INT HOTEL ROOM LATER
BENICIO arrives to find ALEJANDRO standing over a semi naked, unconscious SLIM.
INT ELEVATOR LATER
The two AGENTS stand astride the now conscious and poorly dressed SLIM. The elevator is as usual, achingly slow.
ALEJANDRO clicks his tongue- typical.
He presses the elevator buttons again and again.
BENICIO
Leave it alone.
Instead of travelling down to the LOBBY the elevator continues down to the BASEMENT.
INT HOTEL BASEMENT CONTINUOUS
The elevator doors open and the AGENTS find themselves in the middle of the night shoot in full swing. The FIRST A.D. is shouting orders. The place is populated by costumed EXTRAS.
Among them is the midget, TON TON.
As they step onto the set, dragging SLIM with them, ALEJANDRO spies TON TON.
ALEJANDRO pulls his weapon. CAST and CREW scream. BENICIO calls for calm but pulls his weapon also.
SLIM alert, sees an opportunity and lifts a wig and moustache from a nearby props table. He slips behind a passing wardrobe trolley and into a stairwell.
EXT GRAN VIA DAWN
SLIM has slept rough. Barefoot, he crawls out of a MEN’S public toilet wearing the ill shaped wig and paste-on moustache.
SECURITY line the streets, crowds are gathered on either side.
He nudges an OLD MAN and tries his best to be understood. The OLD MAN is peeling an apple with a paring knife and making an average job of it.
The OLD MAN is too preoccupied. He gets nothing. SLIM tries again in his limited SPANISH. He wants to say- what’s going on?
Still nothing from the OLD MAN. He’s deaf but SLIM thinks he has the pronunciation wrong. Instead he tries..
The OLD MAN motions he is hard of hearing. SLIM tries again, louder this time.
The OLD MAN ditches his knife. SLIM pockets it. The younger MAN moves off in search of muscle. SLIM moves along, seeking an exit through the throng.
In the near distance the concerned MAN informs a POLICE OFFICER who immediately signals her superiors via audio surveillance.
The OFFICER takes initiative, moving in on SLIM from behind. Through her coms, we can hear a SPANISH voice issuing instructions.
The parade is all bells and whistles; three black limousines decked with flags, US Presidential CIA staff running alongside, a cordon of police motorcycles flagging front and back.
SLIM sees the approaching POLICE OFFICER. No time to hang around. He scarpers.
EXT TEMPLE DE DEBOD MINUTES LATER
Running, SLIM seeks shelter in the Debod Temple, trying again to merge with the tourists, straining to see if the POLICE are still after him.
Waiting and listening he stares at the patterned walls of hieroglyphics and inscriptions; Isis, Osorus, Anubis; a dog, a crocodile, a vulture.
A toddler hovers close to the water feature at the monument. His mother is distracted by her older child. No one sees the baby edge closer to the water. One more step.. Splash, he’s in, but all eyes, including the mother’s are cast toward the presidential cavalcade.
SLIM runs. He runs for the baby, scoops it out of the water. It wails. The mother turns. She screams, the crowd turns.
It doesn’t look good. SLIM bolts.
EXT. HOSTAL PERSAL DAY
The HOTEL is a crime scene. Hostile FILM CREW wait around. The CONCIERGE is upset. Cast loiter in western costumes. It’s like a cowboy convention. The midget TON TON is sitting, cuffed to a chair in a cafe outside the HOTEL.
ALEJANDRO receives a signal through his coms. He motions to BENICIO, who stuffs SLIM’S letters into his pocket and runs after him.
EXT MUSEO DE AMERICA LATER
Running, SLIM notices the word ‘America’ on the Museum sign and runs for it.
INT MUSEO DE AMERICA CORRIDOR CONTINUOUS
SLIM finds a large circular stairwell and descends.
He tries a few doors along the way but nothing opens. Then he reaches the basement. He sees a lit sign ahead.
CUT TO:
INT MUSEUM BASEMENT CONTINUOUS
Inside the room is long, cold and cavernous.
SLIM enters, illuminated by a bank of flickering lights.
He sees a long span of shelves, old display casings, signage, books, boxes. A few tables are squeezed in between the tracks. There's evidence of a recently abandoned card game.
Feeling quite alone, SLIM takes a moment to exhale.
He’s cold. Very cold. Body heat from his flight expels and he begins to jump and clap his arms to keep warm.
He trawls through the storage clutter. Opening boxes he produces stone-age paint daubs, a map, a mummy!
Time ticks by. No one is coming and he's just getting colder.
He takes the pot of daub over to a wall and in large letters writes something we can’t quite see in the dim light.
He drags the mummy case over to the wall and with the plastic knife cuts it open.
He hauls open the mummy case, is relieved to find nothing in it then lies inside it, pulling the case over his head.
SLIM lies in the dark.
He starts to cough. It stinks. He climbs out, pushes it aside.
He hears voices in the stairwell. He panics. He snakes his way through the maze of storage shelves and crams himself into a tiny ball in the dark.
His eyes adjust and SLIM comes face to face with the beady glass eyes of a stuffed vulture.
A man and woman enter. It’s dark, hard to see. SLIM quakes and strains to listen.
SLIM can't understand. But in the half light it looks a lot like SEGUNDA?
She leaves, the door clicks behind her. SLIM can hear the man moving around the basement. He hears a case opening, the click and dial of machinery.
MOYEZ steps into frame as he finishes assembling a high powered rifle.
SLIM exhales audibly, alerting MOYEZ who spins and aims.
MOYEZ fires, a bullet ricochets and SLIM leaps into the air, knocking the shelves which domino, crashing toward MOYEZ so quickly and unexpectedly that MOYEZ is crushed under their weight. In the Dummy case.
Silence.
SLIM travels north in a fruit truck. The DRIVER chews on a cigar, spitting occasionally onto the floor at SLIM’S feet. He swigs regularly from a can of coke.
SLIM is fixated by the plastic cactus that hangs from the rear view mirror. Staring at it, we hear a voice- over of his letter to VANESSA, but the voice is not his, this time, speaking in fluent English we hear..