Follow the daily account of a father, who endeavored in building his home.

January 1, 2006

It's the very first day of the New Year, which is the Year of the Dog!

Another year has come. It means another hardship is about to be burdened, another war against life is about to be battled.

Last night, it was 11:45 PM, when the surrounding became noisy, I quietly took a plunge to bed and started missing my daughter, Hanna Margaret. I wished I'm with her and we're celebrating the new year in our own house, in our own special way.

Honestly, I welcomed the New Year sadly. Maybe, it was the saddest new year I have ever experienced. However, I'm optimistic enough to face the new challenges of the newest year. I thanked Him instead, for he continually blesses me and my loved ones, through the year.

Though Matthew 19:23 says, "That a rich man shall hardly enter into kingdom of heaven", I'm still wishing for a bit of wealth which is enough to gladden my families.

"Pardon me, Oh God for I have broken my promise.."

Because of complexity of the story and lack of time and bond paper, I haven't finished yet the script, which was due on December 31, 2005. Nevertheless, I will finish it as soon as possible, so that I could start another story.

The weddings of my brothers are just around the corner. I wished they will send me money for fare so that I could join them with their once-in-a-lifetime memoirs.

I didn't go to church, though it's a FMBC reunion, because I wanted solitude. When they were gone, all I did was sew..sew...sew.. and sew all day long. I've finished two pillow cases, a blouse and a "bestida" for Baby Marge.

That's how I celebrated New Year.

Because of tiredness, I was not able to pray. So I apologized to God. Thanked Him for he gave me a sound and tight sleep.

January 2, 2006

The day after New Year's Day..

I swept the dried leaves and other mess in the yard as if I own it. Then, I ready myself in going to Polot.

"Lord, God, Please provide the roofs for our house so that we (I, Hanna and Mary Jane) could live happily and united in the same house."

A home is not a house. Our roofless house will not be a home until it is not dwelt by united family. "God, I want home."

All I can do now is hope and pray, while doing the best I can, for "I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me (Phil. 4:13)"

I have not visited my house because Kuya Bambi escaped the bike. So I just sew and sleep afterwards. When I woke up I prepared our meal.

After eating, I start writing the script which was temporarily stopped due to the hardship of its possible ending. And now, I am out of bond paper. I do not know when can I buy another 25-pieces because I'm penniless. I only have P84.25 on my wallet.

Before I close my eyes, I ask God for the happiness, success, safety and blessings of my loved ones. I also asked Him for financial blessings.

January 3, 2006

Five-thirty in the morning, I rose and have a cup of coffee. Then, rushed to Polot through bike so that I could clean the surroundings there..

When I was sweeping at the front yard, I saw Bolodoy's wife, wearing maong jacket. I remember the robbed jacket of my wife. I think, I'm sure, she robbed it.

Then, I found out that our casserole was gone. It was robbed though our door was shut. It made me annoyed. I knew the culprit is Federico, my uncle. Thus, i jotted down a note on a piece of paper: "Sige, magnakaw ka pa. Mamamatay ka rin!" Then, I posted it on the door.

Though, I'm hungry, I rushed home happily. And when I get here, I ate contentedly. Then, watched Lifestyle Channel.

Sisters Gina and Nelly come for a Bible Study. They tackled "perseverant prayer" using Luke 11:9 to as a text. According to them, God is so kind that before you ask, He already knows what you would ask Him. All you need to do is knock and hear His voice, according to Revelation 3:20. So, don't wonder if sometimes our prayers still unanswered. We have to persevere.

January 4, 2006

It's a rainy day! I could smell a very gloomy day..

When the rain has stopped temporarily, I bought this notebook, bond paper, alambre dulce and needles.

After lunch, I sew a gown for Hanna. But the rain has stopped again. I quickly dressed up and rushed to Polot..

There, I swept in and out our house. I thanked God that He took care of the house, which is not concrete and free to external bad elements. But a carabao or carabaos have entered the garden. I suspect someone is letting his carabao/s enter/s the garden of mine. It irks me.

I go home after cleaning because the weather is not good and i don't have something to do there. I had time to watch lifestyle channel because Ate Jennilyn is at the shop. Then, I continue sewing but it is not yet finished, the machine is malfunctioning.

After dinner, we attended prayer meeting. Brother Rodel spoke about "death". He defines it as "separation" and enumerates three kinds of death: physical, spiritual and temporal.

They asked me what is my prayer request, I said nothing. But they insisted that "health and loved ones". Really I wanted to request for job or my house to be roofed. Anyway, I prayed for it, too.

"God, I already have accepted that it's my life."

An unknown person quotes "I asked God for all things so I could enjoy life, He gave me life so I could enjoy all things." I could relate on this. I do not have abundant earthly materials but I still enjoy life. Life and being alive are what make me happy. The new life, in my baby's personage is enough to be thankful for. Birth of Baby Marge is the most appropriate reason to enjoy life --- a life that is gift of God.

January 5, 2006

I rose up gladly..started to work usual chores--- dish washing, cooking, sweeping, etc..

Then I took the opportunity to go to Polot when Kuya Bambi arrived, it was 8am.. There, I did the usual things, too. Afterwards, I roamed around Lolo Aton's "kalubihan" to look for fern nests or nest ferns. Fortunately, I have seen four "balete" trees, two cacao trees and I-don't-know tree. I made them bonsais, except the cacao trees and one "balete".

But before planting them, I read first one feature in a Decision Magazine. It's about the story of a childhood trauma that put her to pain until womanhood. But according to her, she has recovered from it through Jesus Christ, because God says, "Be still, and know that I am God.." (Revelation 46:10). It is applicable too in disappointments, hopelessness, frustrations and gloom. It is true that God strengthens us when the going gets rough. All we have to do is "Be still" and Have faith."

Honestly, I do not feel the presence of Ate Jennilyn here. I could not do nothing, but to face the fact. Now that she's here, I could not often view Lifestyle Channel if I want to and many more reasons, like doing household chores and eating issues. How I wish she and Jing-Jing would go home to Polangui soon.

I re-cut the gown--I supposed to be, into a pillow case. I have completely finished it. It is so cute and wonderful!

At night, I sew the cloth cover of this journal to protect it from tear and scratches. It is not made perfectly, but it's so nice.

Sia's Family had a property problem. Gonzales' is pressuring them to pay a rent of P350 per month. Gonzales' changed the verbal agreement they had made months ago that they are giving Sia Family one year to pay them a lump sum. They tried to contact Evelyn Diokno but she didn't reply.

My chest is aching again. I felt it last two days, if I'm not mistaken.

Tonight, before I sleep, I will ask God to heal it and take it away from me.

"Lord Jesus, I want job. I want to work at Bulan Municipal Hall. Please, Lord!!"

I prayed for Ate Jennilyn's recovery--what I mean is that may her illness be healed, because it affects their life, so as it made her lazy.

January 6, 2006

After doing the usual chores, I went to Polot and did usual things there. It was quarter to eleven when I arrived in Iraya.

Without a rest from biking fatigue, I started to cook 'tahong' for lunch. it was delicious, but I ate less because I don't really feel like eating it. A couple of minutes later, my stomach craved for solid food...

I remember Yaya Impang's command which is to tell her the exact number of coconut trees that are bearing fruits, that she might redeem it to Roty. The truth is I haven't counted it yet. But I wish she would realize what she'd said so that I could ask for another P10,000 as additional pawn. If that so, I could use the money for our house renovation. I am really tired of living in with relatives! They're nice, but the time, chance and effort are what I think about.

I have sewn a 'bestida' for Hanna, but it is not yet finished because Ate Jennilyn took over..

Four-thirty PM, I prepared the dish of the night, which is Beefed Fern. During dining, Mama Leling complimented me. though it was her first time to eat that menu, I know, it's true. Imagine, rice was ruptured!

I've read a quotation from a bookmark, saying "When God gives, it is always what we need, what helps us grow, what draws us closer to Him --- only what is best for us." (Miriam Grace Go). Now, I understand why God didn't give me wealth, that I might turn away from Him and live earthly. God has purpose in everything, to everyone. God really loves us. It never ceases, said Lamentations 3:22 "Steadfast love of the Lord never cease. His mercies never come to an end."

"Pardon me, Oh, Lord for I don't feel Jing-Jing.."

She's so naughty, so bad! She hasn't touch my heart, really..

Tonight, I will pray for the following:

1. My loved ones

2. My health

3. A job in Municipal Hall

4. Forgiveness of sins

Tomorrow, I will go to Polot as early as I can.

January 7, 2006

At the very early time of the day, Dasok annoys me. Hmp! He is really a "commanding officer" , who can't work without extra hands. I wish he would have another two hands, so he couldn't rely on someone when he's working.

Bambirto, also, is reliant (too much). He neglects household chores.

So, after I've eaten the "nilusak na saging", which is the instrument of my irritation, I biked through Polot. There, I would brighten my day and cool down my head.

I saw Reno Fortes and he said that Mama sent, cared of Elek, P500 for my fare. He confirmed that only Taiwan is scheduled to be married. He also told me that he will give it to me soon, because Elek have used the money.

10:30 AM is my arrival. Minutes later we ate our dinner. For the first time, I ate without guilt. I don't care!

Jing-Jing expectorated my face so I crumbled her mouth. She cried, and my body trembled. I was so upset really to this girl. She's not disciplined well, I reckon.

I pity Eking when he was beaten by Ate Jennilyn. Although, Eking is really a hard-headed boy, he deserves not that treatment. Will she beat Boboy as well when he's mistaken? She's unfair!

All day, I was almost gloomy. I didn't know why. Maybe because it was started by irritation.

In Polot, I sought my copy of Ways On How To Have Happy Marriage, instead, I've found this:

25 Ways To Be Happy

1. Change your thinking.

2. Keep a journal.

3. Get some perspective on things.

4. Don't let the small stuffs bug you.

5. Do any unpleasant/difficult chores that need doing.

6. Change your routine.

7. Don't try to keep up with "withs".

8. Have a big clean out and divert yourself of useless stuff.

9. Learn to say "No".

10. Remember to love your partner for who he/she is.

11. Don't familiarity breed contempt.

12. Tell your partner, family and friends that you love them.

13. Are you always a shoulder to lean on for troubled friends?

14. Phone, e-mail, even write to same old friends.

15. Enhance your mind with greenery.

16. Go to the beach.

17. Create something.

18. Breathe fresh air.

19. Go for walk.

20. Rent a funny video and have a good laugh.

21. Move your furniture and ornaments. "A change is as good as holiday."

22. Give yourself something to look forward to.

23. Invite friends for dinner.

24. Smile.

25. Make someone else's day happier.

Starting tomorrow, I will do at least one of the following ways. It is better, if all of them.

I also have found the quotation of Ginger Rogers, I have taken note. It says "When two people love each other, they don't look at each other, they look in the same direction." It is a wonderful and meaningful one. I'm gonna give it to TaiJhen on their wedding day.

I thanked God for the blessings--- fare to Antipolo, strength and continual gift of life.

January 8, 2006

It is a Lord's day!

Very early in the morning, Dasok cuts down dried langka tree. I helped him with a happy heart. I realized that 'initiative' is needed to have rather than being directed and commanded.

I will try to put no grudge in my heart. James 5:9 says, "Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned . 1 Peter 4:9 states, "Use hospitality one to another without grudging." In Leviticus 19:18 it was commanded, "Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbor as thy self: I am the Lord."

I went to church with willingness..I'm too early to a Sunday school, But it was ok!

Bro. Lelong taught us about Nehemiah. I have learned that he is a prayerful man who prays for his neighbors day and night.

Pastor Groyon tackled the last reunion theme, " I am resolved to follow the Savior. " He had explained it very well although it seems to be impromptu.

Then, I realized that me too is resolved to follow the Savior. There are many ways to follow Him. Philippians 1:29 is one of them --- "To suffer for His sake." Now, I will be more stronger to the trials.

Before I forgot, I have read also this day about weaning and dedication (1 Samuel 1:22) Now I understand when a child is to be dedicated to the Lord. It is "until the child be weaned".

I went to Polot even though the weather was not good, it was past 12. But when I was in Somagongsong, rain started to fall. I retired to stop over in a "kamalig" along the way. I think I consumed an hour there. so, I sang the two lullabies, composed by me:

A MOTHER'S LULLABY

Na Na Na Na Na Na

My baby, quit crying

In my arms you're lying

Enjoy the warm feeling

My love is never ending

I'm here while you're sleeping

Safeguarding....Protecting

Na Na Na Na Na Na

My baby, hush baby

Close your eyes immediately

Sweet dreams, sleep tightly

You need to be healthy

And gain strong body

So sleep now deeply

Na Na Na Na Na Na

Baby sleep now please

Take a rest be at ease

I'll never leave the premise

I'll stay, that's promise

Na Na Na Na Na Na

ANG HELE NG INA

La La La La La La

Ang batang malusog,

Heto' natutulog

S'ya naman ay busog

Upang di makabog

Sa himbing ng tulog.

La La La La La La

Ang batang mabait

Humimbing, mahigpit

Kelangang pumikit

Mga matang marikit

Upang di sumapit

Sa pagkakasakit.

La La La La La La

Ang batang maganda

Ay matutulog na

Upang lahat sumaya

Buhay, lumigaya

Ng buong pamilya

Lalo na ng ina.

La La La La La La

I really missed my baby, Hanna Margaret..

When I was cleaning the yards, Efear arrived. I have thought we would not see each other. After cleaning, we went to their house to cook "pinakro". It was perfect to the rainy weather.

Five-thirty when I go home. I was holding a pants (I have requesied to have from Efear), to my left hand, while the rain is falling. I wished to God that I would not be sick.

Ate Jennilyn told me that someone texted on her cp, telling that I must go to Antipolo enable me to help them in their nuptials. Papay Benson asked how much would it take to go to Antipolo. I wish he give me money so that I could go home whenever I want to...

I will pray tonight for (1) TaiJhen Nuptials' success, (2) Pardon for my sin of lying that I don't have yet a fare, (3) Good health and presentability, and (4) Sia Family problem.

January 9, 2006

Early to bed, early to rise!

After the rain, I could see the sun beneath the clouds. It was perfect for my visit in Polot today.

Eking used the bike, so I commuted through Polot. There,I went to Nono's house and he handed me a letter of MJ so as the money. I told Elek about the jacket. I saw her anger.

I was destructed by the fact that I've lost my wallet, so I rushed home. Good thing happened was I saw it beside my poo.

I prepared the mini-drawer loaded with MJ's things and a little bit of mine to be kept in Elek's room. It is better this way to secure the safety of our things from robbers.

I read MJ's letter again. The end part of it is the greetings, "Advance Happy 2nd Year Anniversary". Frankly, I forgot it. It was late. I almost lost it in my head. It's maybe because I'm so excited to see Hanna Margaret again.

I bought viand and went to the library there. I told Auntie Leny about Taiwan's wedding. I borrowed a pocketbook entitled, the Soul of the Silver Dog, by Lynn Hall.

It was a story of a 14-year old girl, Corraine and blind Bedlington Terrier dog, Sterling. Sterling is a sheep-like dog, with glaucoma. He was once a champion but disqualified because of his disease. Cory loved and taught him tricks and fought in agility. In the end, Cory realized how painful a death is.

Past four when I arrived at Sia's home. Ate Jennilyn told me and showed me the text of Mary Jane. I decided to leave tomorrow with or without the money insinuated by Papay Benson. I asked forgiveness to God.

Then, Ate Jhen let me reply the text. Me-Ann told me that they request daing and saging.

After I have done my after-dinner rituals, Papay Benson asked me if I will be leaving tomorrow. I nod. Then he said "O, ito ang pera." I was afraid. So I said, "Mayroon na," those sent by MJ through the care of Elek. Mama Leling closed my problem when she said that the money is as good as help for Taiwan. I thanked them. "Thank you, Lord!"

I have learned today that "God permits us to tell white lies, but be sure that it would be for good's sake."

Prayer concern for tonight: My trip tomorrow.

January 10, 2006

I was really excited, that I rose so early--- 5:30 AM. And 0, I went to Polot. There,I brought the loaded mini-drawer at Reno's house, so as the laundry basket.

Elek made a letter for her mother and gave the cp requested by Me-Ann..

I gave the saba to Efear and at the same time, told him that I'm leaving to Manila. I could see his sadness. I couldn't assure him that I'll be back soon.

I returned the book I borrowed at the Polot Library and rushed home. I arrived at 8:30 AM. Then, pack my things to be carried and to kept. I also managed to sew a maroon pajama for Baby Marge.

Ten o'clock, when I bought ticket to Cubao. I, then stopped by in the shop to tell them that I'm leaving and to show respect. Then, I bought tuyo and choco loaf.

My colds is unripe. It makes me irritable and uneasy. It affects me badly. So, i took Neozep.

Mama Leling gave me P200 for tuyo but I only consumed P125 because tuyo is out of stock already. Another thing is that I have bought already beforehand.

I'm handling the letter of Elek, letter of Mama Leling and letter of Papay Benson. I'm with a medium-sized travelling bag with shoes, two pants, baby dresses, employment requirements, jacket, photo album, dried fishes and blazer for Mama. I'm riding on a Mega Bus Lines with a bus number of 329Y.

"Lord God, in a few moments, I would be leaving Bulan. Please take care of our house. Please keep it away from bad elements, especially to the Federico Elizaga and Family, who know how much I care for our future home. I'm just leaving it for a while, in a reason, but I long to settle my family there. Oh, God, keep us safe to our trip. Give the drivers active mind and protection. Amen."

I think, it was 3 when our bus geared up to Manila. My excitement grew faster.

My colds loses my appetite that I never eaten all the choco loaf so as the Nova. I didn't even help to watch the movies shown in the bus. I couldn't also managed to talk to my seatmate.

Anyways, the bus went through no problem. It feels like the speed is only 40 kph but it was so speedy rather.

January 11, 2006

Three-past when the bus arrived at Alabang. It was also the time I have gained myself from sleepiness. Then, I prepared my self...

Exactly 4 AM, I arrived at MJ's house. I wondered if it was Hanna who is sleeping. MJ was under the blanket. I didn't recognized her at first because she has no hair compared to the last month when I'm with her. But the "jump-of-blood" told me it was Hanna. So I woke MJ up. I kissed Hanna lovingly on her cheek. I tried to wake her up but she just changed position.

After taking coffee, Hanna woke up. I was so happy to see her smile again and to see that she's now so "malikot" and knows how to handle her bottle.

I tried to sleep but I couldn't. I'm at ease looking at Hanna sleeping.

After lunch, me, Hanna and MJ went to Bautista, though I have fever due to colds. In Gate 2, we bought Bonna for Hanna's stay until Saturday. I have not buy diaper because my money is just for our fare. "I am sorry, baby."

Taiwan's day off today. I knew something about their wedding. They also knew something about what's happening in Bulan.

Prayer Concern, tonight: Tai-Jen Nuptials

Jano and Gie arrived. They told MJ about job. Tomorrow, MJ and Gie will go to Sta. Mesa for an interview.

January 12, 2006

Three AM -- It's so early to wake up. Hanna couldn't sleep. She just played and played till Mary Jane left. I could now see how hard to babysit Hanna is. She has a slight fever.

It was five when Jeng left. Then, Hanna took her milk then had fallen asleep. She then woke up past 7, when Gie ws already gone to meet MJ at Santolan-MRT Station.

Luckily I have P500 so it was used by Mary Jane. I wished and prayed to the Lord for her success. I'm so hopeful that she can make it.

Nine AM, Hanna and I watched "Barney &Friends". I noticed how happy she is watching them singing and dancing. I realized too why she is raising her both hands often. (She's raising it up and down as if she is doing an exercise.) It because she saw it oftentimes with them.

She fell asleep at 9:45. Thanks, God! For I could do chores.

I remember our house in Polot. this is the second day I am far from it. I'm worried. There are so many valuable things, still, there.

Hobee woke up after a few minutes of sleep. She was uneasy and her "nose was running". Mama wiped her body with lukewarm cloth and Hobee started to cry. She took her milk then stopped crying.

Hobee is so sensitive with noise and becomes irritated. she makes us worried, because she cries all day long. She could not even sleep tightly.

Mj arrived at 6 PM. According to her, Geraldine's employer told her to get transcript. It made me frustrated. I thought she will be hired. But, she said she passed personal data sheet to Antipolo City Hall through he help of Tito Jun. Wherever!

After few moments, Hobee looks happy compared to the whole day she spent without mommy.

January 13, 2014

Quarter to two, Hanna woke up us all when she cried because of her sicknesses--- colds, cough an slight fever. Jano is worried. I could feel his fear that we might lose Hanna. Of course, it will not happen. She is so dear to us. We do not want something happen to her that will sadden us.

Honestly, I was worried then. She's coughing. I'm scared that she might not breathe. However I have fallen asleep again and left MJ took care Hanna.

Hanna woke up happily. We're so happy too seeing her happy face.

MJ and Hanna are supposed to be left today but due to Baby's wellness, it was postponed. It was favorable to us that we would be with Baby Marge for long.

It is Friday-the-Thirteenth! According to them, it is a dangerous day. Hmp! I don't care. I'm with my baby all day-long. There is no bad luck to be happened.

I've learned to Game KNB that fear of Friday the 13th is PARASLEVIDECATRIAPHOBIA. Huh! It's so tongue-twisting, but needs to be memorized.

I read FHM Magazine. I have read there about other terms of masturbation: flying solo, wanking, jerking and beating the meat. These are helpful, although nasty, so that I will not be ignorant in sexual lingo. It is not bad, right? So, I will 'fly solo' tonight! Lol.

Anyways, I watched Porkchop Duo CD. (It was 9 AM, after we watched Barney.) It was really funny! Green yet funny. It made my day happier. At least I realized one of the "25 Ways to be Happy", not to mention the happiness of being a father of smart, beautiful and hyperactive Hanna Margaret.

I cut my own hair. It turned out nice. I became baby-faced again. And, the best thing is.. my resemblance to TJ of "Only You", remained. Angal ka?

Mj and Hobee will go home morrow. I'll stay here because Mama and I will cook the halaya for the wedding day reception. "Please God, protect them from their trip. Make them safe. Please also give Nanay and Tatay an understanding why I can't go with them, Thank you!"

January 14, 2006

Good morning! That was the greetings of all of us to Hobee She really makes everybody happy. She inspires us, I mean, our day.

All our attentions were given to her. Even when I was working with ube I wanted her to play with me, to talk to me.

Since, I am here.. I must do something. So, I brushed the rusts out of the drum, which will be used in wedding preparation. Then, I mashed the ube.

As a result, my chest ached.

It was 2, when Hanna and Mj went home. I could see on my baby's face the sadness of being temporarily separated to me. I felt that way too, but they have to go home because tomorrow will be the cramming day for all of us.

My money (P500) is now only P150.. I wish I could go home early as possible..

Few minutes after Mj had gone, Mama blew up. I was scared and worried that she might not do her obligation on the coming wedding. I asked Him to heal her.

Six-fifteen, Taiwan arrived and asked me why was he looks sad. Why? I asked. He replied, "Hindi kami sumuweldo, e" Huh? What will happen to his wedding reception?

Everyone of us thought Jano won't go home tonight because it was already 10 PM, but a couple of minutes later he and his fiancee, Geraldine Aban, arrived. They've got a lot of bags on their hands. I thought these were food but I was mistaken.

What was happening to him? He didn't give Mama even a centavo for budget. He is really a reliant person. Maybe because he knew and saw that I have P500 on hand.

We fried dried fish for ulam but they don't like it. So, they borrowed trike and bought ulam. Guess what they have bought.... Red eggs!

That is the result of being not considerate..

Because I'm so tired, I closed my eyes to sleep and did not care about them, although they were both (Jano and Tai) problematic.

Thanks, God, I had a good night sleep. I dreamt of a fantasy dream...

January 15, 2006

Mama made me awake, it was past five AM. But it is OK. At least she's well now. The wedding preparation will be okay, if she is in good condition. Frankly, our life is destabilized if she is not present. So, she must have good health always, forever.

"Thank you, Lord..Lola Alice has been understanding and considerate to us. Taiwan's worry has gone. And, now please give us patience, clear minds and hearts to realize the goal. Help us in budgeting the money. Guide me in my marketing task. Thank you, Amen!"

Going to market is not an easy task. That was what I realized when I did. Although I've been exposed to marketing since then, marketing nowadays had been so tiring, difficult and mind-puzzling.. I had P2,500 on my pocket for groceries and vegetables. I consumed P1,700, thinking I have bought all. On my list, I completed it all, and bought I thought necessary. However, it turned out incomplete. But the best thing is I have P800 change. I kept P500 on my wallet and gave back P300 to Taiwan.

Then, I went to Rancho to borrow 555 pots and to confirm the deal of Mama and Tatay about being a cook of Tatay. Four o' clock when I went home with only pots on my hands. Mama's brothers asked where's the cook. I said he couldn't come. Tito Boy asked again. He's drunk. It irritates me. So, I disrespected him. Jano, as his favorite nephew, was annoyed, saying who are me and I'm not on the right position. I don't care! I knew I'm right.

Tiredness and sleepiness are what I felt on the preparation of their nuptials. Although, Tito Sam assists us, Mama and I almost took the hardest part of the work/goal.

I slept from 2 to 5:30, Mama didn't. "Thank you, Lord you healed her and strengthen her for a 24-hour preparation..

I have no complaint because I set my self to help. At least, through this, they would be glad.

I made, by request, nuptial banner of Tai-Jen. Though it was rushed, its result was so nice, as if it was made beforehand.

January 16, 2006

Wedding day of Jenny and Taiwan!

Arrival of Lola Alice woke me up. So, I started to assist Mama. I'm the one who took over the cooking of menudo. It's hot and tiring. I told myself that I must not take a bath.

All is set! The dishes --- menudo, estofado, chopsuey, calderata and asado. The rice was cooked by us. While waiting for a vehicle to come to be used as our service, we do picture-taking.

Past 8, when the owner-type jeep of Lola Alice came. I rode their with Tito Zaldo, Flor Rhina, Tito Ben and others. The rest would wait for Elsie's Adventure.

We fetched Mj (with Hanna, of course) and looked for 'Overlook Resort'. We're gone astray, but saw the venue ---at 10.

Past 11 when they arrived in the resort. Aileen and Jasleen were there. We took 1 table.

Chris and his family were there. Nanay, Tatay, Me-Ann, Michelle, Akisha and Neiczel were there, too.

I could see on Taiwan's face a satisfaction, joy and gratitude. I noticed Jenny's family's strong tie and support.

The menus we prepared were adequate to feed all the guests. Some took out. I gave Tatay a bowl of caldereta.

Past two, when we arrived in Bautista. Mama started to cook "guisadong gulay" and "adobong pig faces". I washed the dirty dishes and pots. Then, I refreshed myself.

Primetime.. All I did was wash! I prepared the fruit salad, Aileen helped me.

Roy has annoyed me when he invited me outside and said "Anong pinaggagawa mo dito sa loob? Lumabas ka naman, 2006 na!" I wanted to tell him that I'm not meant for that kind of enjoyment. I'm happy if someone is happy especially when I had helped him.

Something bad happened. Taiwan walked out, forcefully, pulling her bride. It was after he didn't like the attitude of Mama, who only wants to rest.

I, too, was so tired and I wanted peace and to rest but they continue their merriment. They sing-a-long until 11 PM.

Dirty pots and dishes are still there. But, I was thankful that the wedding is successful..

Tomorrow will have a party for Hanna. I had prepared fruit salad awhile ago.

January 17, 2006

Dawn. Hanna coughed soundly. Maybe it was due to the coldness of the dawn. She is so pitiful, when she is coughing.

It's Hobee's 6th month birthday today. She can now speak syllables like pa--pa. She's now eating Marie biscuits. She's now starting to sit. And the most important--- she can now notice me as her handsome Daddy.

Eight AM, I started washing the dishes left dirty by the drunkards and the pots used in wedding. I was inspired because of Baby Marge's birthday.

After lunch, I started preparing spaghetti and pancit canton, with the help of Aileen.

Winston was here.

Past one I had cooked the spaghetti. I thought it is pale but it's perfect. It was my firsf time to cook spaghetti on my own taste.

Past two, Nanay and Tatay were not yet around. I worried. So, I didn't cook yet the pansit. Thanks God they arrived at

past 3 o'clock with Me-Ann, Akisha, Art, Michelle, Tethel and Tyo Boy. Then, I quickly sauteed the vegetables and pork for canton.

They complimented my spaghetti. It's yummy, according to them. But my pansit canton is quite salty.

Mama told Nanay about her wedding plan..

Taiwan arrived. He went to Belleza's piggery to full pay his debt.

Espinosa Family went home at 4. Then I slept. A few minutes later I enticed myself to take a bath.

While talking to Taiwan, with Jano, I was dusting the divider and the rack.

What had happened last night between Mama and Taiwan has been disregarded, without dramatic scene. It just happened!

After 2 days of working, I was really tired and sleepy. I thanked God for the wedding success and Mama's good health.

January 18, 2006

I was scheduled to go to Rancho today!

Aileen and Jasleen went home (Ermita) with me. We parted in Cogeo. There, I bought Bonamil for Hanna using my P500 supposedly as fare. I wanted her to buy Cerelac but I couldn't because I want to go back to Polot early.

Ten o'clock, I accompanied Mj to Health Center for Marge's vaccine. Quarter to 1 when we got home.

I bought airmail envelope so that I could send the letter of Papay Benson to Auntie Belen. I saw coincidently at a store nearby, Analyn Fano-- my former secondary classmate at Antipolo National High School. She' s still beautiful but unlucky woman. She was left alone by our batch mate, Archie, with two kids. However, I could see her strength and fighting spirit.

Fever starts to fill Hanna's body. She becomes irritated. But she's still active and jolly.

Anyways, she was scaled and weighs 7 kilos. I hoped her weight is appropriate to her age.

Prayer Concern, Tonight: Continual guidance to our house in Polot.

January 19, 2006

I wanted to go back to Polot but I couldn't because I've spent my money for Hanna's diapers. Anyways, I'm with Baby Marge.

Hanna became irritated. She's so hard to cuddle up. However, I've been so patient. I love her so much.

I could still remember our house in Polot, so as my bonsais and my valuable things there.

They owed P30 from me for lotto. I, too, bet, wishing and hoping to hit the jackpot of P122 M. I used the numbers ---- 05, 06, 17, 19, 31, 48. Five (05) is the birthday of Mj. Six (06) is our anniversary. Seventeen (17) is Hanna's birthday. Nineteen (19) is my birthday. Thirty-one (31) is the sum of our birthdays. And, forty-eight (48) is the number that is meant to be included, because I've written it incorrectly, twice.

"Lord, Jesus, please let us win the lotto jackpot. Please, God! It's for your glory, promise! Thank you!"

I promised that 22M will be given away to my loved ones and relatives.

January 20, 2006

I was so excited to know the lotto result. I woke up early. I assumed I'm the jackpot winner. I've even planned who are to be blessed with the money and what to do with it.

Unfortunately we have only get two numbers. The result was 04, 05, 24, 36, 40 and 48. I wished no one wins the jackpot, so I could aim to win it again. If it's God's will, why not?

Mj blamed me for I incorrectly summed up 05 + 17 + 19. It is not 31, it's 41. But she expects me to add 17 and 19. If that was so, we would have won P60.

However, I don't lost hope. I'm still hoping that I will win it.

"Jesus Christ, please let me win it. Give me a sign if you will make me a millionaire. Thank you!"

I set my sign. If Aileen call me before January 29, 2006 that is the right time to bet in lotto.

We have already prepared numbers, which was chosen by Baby Marge. These are: 03 12 26 30 45 46.

January 21, 2006

Going-to-Boso-Boso was postponed. Alas! I might earn money there, for Hanna's Bonamil and diaper.

Aileen called me. It was the sign of my being millionaire. I thanked God immediately.

According to her, they will go to Bautista tomorrow. She will call again if it sure. She also insinuated that she will pay my fare to Bulan. It gladdens me truly, I expect that.

Because what we prepared yesterday was not applicable to 6/42, I prepared another numbers. These are: 05 06 17 19 31 41. The same as the last time I used 31 again because it was the number we'd mistaken. And, 41, because it was the real and correct sum of our birthdays.

Aileen confirmed the trip to Antipolo with Kuya Jape. I asked her if I could go with them so that I could save money for fare she would call again tomorrow morning.

Mj packed Hanna's things excitedly.

January 22, 2006

Seven AM, Aileen woke me up by her call. I was disappointed by her bad news. They could not leave because Kuya Jape would do driving for his boss.

Anyway, there is no reason to be sad. I'm expecting a victory today. God has showed me a sign of winning the lotto jackpot.

I was so excited to know the result. Eight, when Tyo Boy showed us the winning numbers. I was disappointed by it. Nineteen (19) was just the lucky one we got.

However, I understand God's will. There is another day to come. Maybe tonight I will win it.

I wanted to go home in Bautista. But, I couldn't due to Mj's 'pleases' and of course due to Hanna.

Hanna has diarrhea. She's poopooing from time to time. Maybe it was due to her new milk.

I watched dedicatedly Morales2Pacquiao--The Battle. It made my tears-of-joy fall.

Three, Tyo Boy ran to the lotto outlet to bet. I used the numbers pointed by Hanna last Friday. Those are: 03 12 26 30 45 46.

I know God will give it to me. It's His will! I kjow lotto is a gamble, and gamble is an evil thing, but God knows how much I longed to win on it and He knows how could I use the prize . Here's the budget for the following:

Flor Rhina/Mama 2M/200T/10T

Jano 1M/100T/10T

Taiwan 1M/100T/10T

Lolo Candoy 1M/100T/10T

Lolo Aton 1M/100T/10T

Lola Alice 1M/100T/10T

Auntie Belen 1M/100T/10T

Tito Boy 1M/100T/10T

Tito Ben 1M/100T/10T

Tito Zaldo 1M/100T/10T

Auntie Vangie 1M/100T/10T

Auntie Emol 1M/100T/10T

Tito Sam 1M/100T/10T

Papay Benson 1M/100T/10T

Mamay Gaya 1M/100T/10T

Nanay & Tatay 1M/100T/10T

FMBC 1M/100T/10T

Bethel Temple 1M/100T/10T

The following above are my priorities. But of course I should not forget the following persons who had been part of my life somehow: Efear, Frenel, Amy, Ramon, Glenn, Hilario Family, Batch 1993 of SFES, de Leon clan and whosoever helped me, loved me and respected me...and Aileen Motilla (Sia) -- as she was the instrument of God's sign, I will help her to have their own house.

God is so kind. In return of this promise, I will share my winnigs to the said persons and churches, because according to the Bible, "Charity is the greatest among the virtues."

I have also planned to franchise Jollibee trademark. I will rise a building in Bulan for a Jollibee chain. I think, it will hit there.

These are my craziest daydreams. It's funny, but who cares? God is faithful in His promises. Impossible is nothing to Him.

Nine PM I watched lotto draw. Unluckily, I didn't win the jackpot. I got nothing even a single digit. It frustrates me.

Anyways, there's another draw. I might win the next time..

January 23, 2006

It was Mj who told me that there's a jackpot lotto winner and it was from Camarines Sur. I lost my chance of winning P150+M.

Few minutes later I have recovered from frustration. I could still win, anytime, because it's God's will.

Hanna's diarrhea is striking still. We spent too much for her diapers. In this reason, I'd rather use my few peso in buying diapers instead of betting in lottery. But I wished I could bet again.

Thanks God, Tita Ning donated Alactamil and medicine for Hanna's diarrhea, when she had known my baby's condition.

Mj insinuated that the Alactamil given by Tita Ning is not enough. It's good for one day. I knew it, but what can I do? I have given up my trip to Bulan, and I only have P45 on my wallet.

"God, please help us! You know what we need beforehand. Please don't make it hard for everyone of us. Thank you!"

I hope our trip to Bautista tomorrow to buy pig for Tito Danny's wedding, will not be postponed.

January 24, 2006

I waited for them to tell that we're going to Bautista, but they don't. Alas! I could have bee home.

This day seemed so gloomy. I was so sleepy and feeling tired. It's maybe because Hanna has been so disturbed last night.

Good thing happened to Hanna today. Her frequent poopooing has stopped and her poopoo becomes solid. Thanks, God! It's due to Tita Ning's kindness. I also thought, Alactamil is better than Bonamil.

Lola gave P500 to Meann and the latter gave P150 to Nanay and Nanay gave P100 to Mj for Hanna's milk. It made me glad. Sincerely, I only have coins in my wallet and these are good for 2 or 3 diapers.

Seven, something tragic happened to Hanna. She had bumped her forehead in a wooden sala set while Nanay was cuddling her up. I heard the loud sound. I pity her. I wished I was the one who had bumped the forehead.

Prayer Concern, Tonight: More financial blessings for Espinosa Family and stoppage of my chest pain.

January 25, 2006

Past twelve AM, we're awaken by a very loud cry of Hobee. Her face turned red due to bumping on a metal. I pity her, again. Why do thing like this happened to her? She might not bear the pain.

Nine, we ate our breakfast..

It's raining today! I remember my roofless house in Polot. I wished rain there is not day-long.

Hanna's coughing soundly. It is a pitiful condition of a baby. I could feel her hardship of breathing. Good thing is that she's still hyperactive and happy. She only cries when she is hungry or there is weewee or poopoo on her diaper.

Frequently, we battle on each other. Mj is always insinuating that I'm valueless ---that I didn't want to work. I tried to let her understand my point but it (always) turned out useless.

"Lord Jesus, You know me well. I love to make someone happy, especially my own family. But I could not do it because I'm sick. I want Your help. Please change my physical attributes so that I could have superiority."

I know God will not let me down. He will make a way so that I could reach my dreams. I only wish that I'm always near a church where I could fellowship with often.

January 26, 2006

I woke up with three pains in my body--- severe chest pain, mild appendix ache and slight backache. What is happening to me, Oh, Lord? The two aches were gone and chest pain remained. It is bearable but unstoppable. "Lord God, I know it is my second life, however, is this my last? I don't want to pass away yet. I'm not afraid to die. What I'm scared of is leaving away from my loved ones without heritage. Please, heal me and give me my dream work I really love."

Moneylessness makes everyone irritated. That was what I've noticed to Mj and her family. That's true that money makes the world go round, but it doesn't mean that you would go around with it.

I have only P1.00 on my wallet. Hanna Margaret has no diaper. She's only wearing 'lampin'. It hurts me seeing and knowing their condition, which adversely affects everything, including Hanna, my baby. In addition to their problem, mineral water is out of stock. Haay! What a sad thought!?

Again, they sought help. Michael went to San Isidro. Luckily, Lola gave him. As the result, Hanna have had an Alactamil and diaper.

I read dictionary and found there a new word ---ephemera. As a person who loves to collect, I memorized it. It means "collectibles not intended to have lasting life." Its examples are tickets or posters. Ephemera is in plural form. I also have seen its adjective ---ephemeral, which is synonymous to : short-lived, passing, fleeting, transient, evanescent and transitory.

Around seven, I read some chapters of the book, Building Vital Health. I took notes which are vital to me as a writer and as a person with inferior quality. I have learned there the reason why I'm coughing whenever I'm in Espinosa's home ---it's because I'm lack of exposure to sunlight. I have also learned that the best time to drink water is when stomach is empty--- in the morning, just after rising and before or after meals (half hour).

Reading is such an intelligent activity. It provides knowledge, really. That's why I'm taking notes during reading.

January 27, 2006

The morning seems so gloomy. I can't understand the surroundings. My housemates had been so problematic.

Hanna, too, is 'cryingful' today. She has an annoying actions. She really affects my mood, which result to annoyance of Mj over me and vice-versa.

Mj and Michelle, of course with their babies, went to San Isidro. Today is Tito Dan's wedding with woman named Alon. Mj wanted me to come with them but I declined. I, myself, don't understand why I'm ashamed to go there. It maybe due to Lola's goods deeds to Family Espinosa, so as to Hanna. Although, I could see their kindness towards each others, I can't afford to mingle with them. It is a shame for me.

Past 4, Hanna arrived. My hot flaming head lowered and cooled down, it was not due to the bihon they brought and stuffed toy Teddy my robbed for Hanna. So, I and Mj had a nice conversation about things. We tackled the exaggerated treatment for Manny Pacquaio. The government and the Filipinos called him hero. Why? He only won over Erik Morales and his prize is not be given all to the Filipinos. He must be called champion as what he was called --- The People's Champ. The real hero fights for his country enable to gain governmental changes such as freedom, peace, etc. Yes! He has changed the Filipinos' outlook but its just temporary.

I started to read a book of Irving Wallace and Amy Wallace due to TV news' exaggeration of Pacquaio welcome and treatment. The book is entitled "The Two". It is the biography of the original Siamese twins -- Chang and Eng Bunker.

Then, Aileen called me. She and Jasleen will go home on Sunday. She didn't tell me that they would pay my fare to Bulan. I expect it, so I didn't fret. What for? Besides, when, I get there I have no allowance.

Because of the wonder of the "The Two" story. I asked Mj the book. She declined. We just ended up in a photo album, she kept in 'baul'. We fight against its security. I shut my mouth.

Before I fall to sleep, I pray. I asked God to continually bless Lola and Lolo so as their siblings. I also asked forgiveness to our sins, mistakes and lacking.

January 28, 2006

Kung Hei Fat Choi!

But, I couldn't feel the warmth of Chinese New Year's welcome..

I still don't talk to Mj. My pride is acting again. I will let her make a first move.

Chinese New Year seems so scanty. We lunch sardines, that no one wants to eat. However, I'm accepted the fact-of-life.

Michelle and Bernie (with Tetel, of course) packed their stuffs up. It made me happy. I really don't feel their presence. I don't know why, yet it's the truth. "Forgive me, Oh, Lord."

Today, Hanna showed crucial improvement in her body. She could partially sit. Someday, she would sit totally, freely, never mind the bumps!

Few minutes to 3, client, I mean, regular client of Tatay came with his vehicle, with mechanical problem. I thanked God for it. It's an answered prayer! Really, it is a blessing. At least, we could have a bountiful viand tonight, not to mention the 'handa' for Nanay-Tatay anniversary today.

Then, at last, Mj talk to me. She asked me if I want to bet in lotto. "Of course".

I used the numbers --- 05 06 17 19 31 41. I hope we hit the jackpot. "Lord God, please give it to us now.We need it badly. Thank you!"

Four-thirty PM, we watched "Wish Ko Lang". One of their featured common people was "Big Boy". He has a group named Luneta Boy Acrobat. Their story and breath-taking acrobatic skills touched my heart. Good thing is that they were blessed through the help of the said program. However, my kind side craved to help in my own way. I promised to help them too when I have the chance.

We will going to Boso-Boso tomorrow. At last I could go home. I'm sure Mama would be surprised to see me again. She thought I have got back home in Bulan since I left Bautista last January 18.

January 29, 2006

The plan of going to Boso-Boso was postponed due to Tatay's aching tooth. He has no sleep within 24 hours thus driving might be affected.

Six thirty-five AM, while Mj is sleeping, Hanna is playing. She saw Mj's wrist watch. She crawled to get it. I covered it with her sweater. I was delighted by her perseverance to look for it though I changed her position. She has also a good memory. I kept it again under my pillow, then she looked for it tirelessly. She's a smart girl, really!

Past 7:30, I put her to sunlight. I've learned that morning sun ray is good for cough. We're there for more than 5 minutes.

"Kung Hei Fat Choi!" Jeng greeted me. What? I thought yesterday was the real day of Chinese New Year... Hmp! Nothing is different!

Hanna's sickness alarmed me. She has fever and her frequent poopooing came back, not to mention her cough. Thus, she's crying frequently and not in the mood to play and to laugh.

Mj recounted her last night dream about winning 5 digits lotto. Reverse is no one, even a single digit matched our bet. It frustrates me!

I'm sad, for Hanna has almost no milk to drink. "God bless us. Provide her milk.She doesn't deserve to starve. You know I couldn't do nothing right now but to hope and have faith with You. Amen."

Though, one of the Feng Shui experts advised not to take a bath during New Year, I still did. What's the connection of bathing to fate? Hmp! They were just fooling the Chinese people and Buddhists. God didn't ban doing so.

Hanna's fever is so alarming. Her temperature turned 39. She had taken up Cefalin and Mj continuously wipes her with damped cloth. I wish she would get well and started to smile again. I'm willing to disregard my thrusting chest pain just to see her fine.

In exhaustion and sleepiness, I fell asleep without praying to God, as usual thing before abed. Yet, I didn't forget it. I still prayed when I woke up for night usual habit. I asked Him for Hanna's healing and everyone's blessing.

January 30, 2006

Due to Hanna's sickness I have had a bad and disturbed sleep. However, it's okay. Mj was the one who must complain because she had almost no sleep taking care of her.

It was past six when someone disturbed my sleep.,When I opened my eyes it was Hanna, playing. It made me happy I thought she's well but when I touched her forehead --she's still feverish.

Nine AM, Michael was directed to go to Lola's house, of course to ask and seek financial help. I expect that when he came back he'd bought Alactamil for Hanna. Thanks, God! I have guessed it!

All day long, Hanna has been so sensitive to noise. She became nervous even in a beep of vehicle. She also has been mother's warmth seeker. She always cried out for Mj. Good thing, she has now pronounced the crucial word "Mama".

Past five, I have no idea where couple Ann-Art going. I was startled by the fact that they came from a 'mangtatawas', when they came back. They brought red melted-and-formed candle. According to them, Hanna has "pilay" in shoulder and was scared or has been scared of chicken or bird. The 'mangtatawas' prescribed bird's egg.

Espinosas are, now I know, very superstitious and traditional healer faithful. Nanay, eventually, crossed Hanna's forehead, hands and feet using the queer red stuff. She told me then not to kiss Hanna temporarily.

I don't know how to react on this matter. There is no chicken here, bird as well. I told them that a chicken stuffed toy is the only chicken Hanna could see. But she enjoyed the massaging feeling whenever I pull the string on it and put it on her chest or stomach.

"Mangtatawas" might have been mistaken it. Mj has "pilay" on her shoulder.

Frankly, on January 28, I have mistakably curved Hanna's back when I put her on a push scar she fancies much. Beforehand, Mj blamed me for this. Besides, being "pilay" was not only, supposed to be, the factor to be considered of her fever. She has also cough and phlegm. I really don't believe the findings how did he know since Hanna is not known to him and never leave the house for his "pagtatawas" work? Hmp! It's a work of devil! I only believe God.

"Lord, forgive them for they don't know what they are doing. I believe on you. I know there's a purpose on this. But please don't let us very down, to the point that all of us would suffer much on the consequences. Thank you!" 

January 31, 2006

Thanks, God, Hanna's fever has lowered down. She could now smile. Her being cryingful was reduced except when she's poopooing.

Eight-thirty, my sister-in-law, Elek called. I expected from her a bad news. According to her, the rain has just stopped today. But the worse news is the fact that our makeshift door is open. It made my emotions mixed. I'm angry but I don't know to whom. One thing I'm sure of, Federico and family robbed in our house again.

God is really great! He blessed Tiyo Boy today. The latter got four digits in lotto, winning P600. He, initiatively, bought pork and gave Tatay some of his winnings. Therefore, we have a nutritious meal this day.

Hanna could now pronounce the syllable 'ba'. She could already speak both 'Mama' and 'Papa' plus 'ap-ap' when she wanted to be cuddled up. Nice, baby!

After watching Wowowee, Mj and I found out he cause of Hanna's frequent crying during her poopooing. It was the swelling on her anus. There is a blood on her diaper, together with the poopoo. I pity her. What's happening to her? Thus, immediately, my brother-in-law, Michael was commanded to go to Tito Jun. When he returned, he had P500 on his hands for Hanna's check-up.

My baby's check-up was supposed to be now but he doctor was already home. Instead, Mj and I brought her to Tiya Estrella, a manghihilot sister-in-law of Tatay. There, she declared that Hanna got "pilay" on her back.

We're supposed to go to Boso-Boso tomorrow but due Hanna's illness it would be postponed again. Anyway, she must be healed first instead of clearing the property in Boso-Boso.

I'm so thankful that Tito Jun and Lolo are so financially supportive to Espinosa Family. They never disappoint everyone of Espinosa's help-seeking. "Bless them always, Oh, Lord!"

Prayer Concern Tonight: Hanna's good health and our house-in-Polot's security and safety.

February 1, 2006

It's the first day of month--- month of hearts. I'm afraid to stay here until the last day.

Nanay told me to stay here in Rancho for no one is capable of cooking rice. Nanay and Tatay would go to Boso-Boso today. Hanna's check-up was postponed for unknown reason.

I wanted to go with them and it disappointed me. But, being with Hanna, in her condition, is what I would prefer than going home in Bautista, although I could pray for her. Wherever, we're apart, my presence is needed too. I love her so much. I don't want something bad happen to her.

Since, Michael, Mj, Akisha, Hanna, and I are the only people left in this house today, I have had time to describe my in-laws:

Tatay. He's kind. As an ex-abroad, he's responsible, although he has no source-of-income today. We don't talk personally, but through Mj and Nanay. And, since we have something in common, in wealth and in health, we understand each other.

Nanay. Like, Tatay, she's also kind and understanding. She always wanted Mj, Hanna and I to have a wonderful life in Bulan. She always on the go and never been ashamed in seeking help to her Nanay, brothers and sisters just for her family's sake.

Me-Ann. Though she's partly dependent to Nanay, she's open-handed. If she only stops lending money, she and her husband, Art will have a nice and abundant life. I could communicate with her. As an eldest child, she contributes on family problems, especially in money matter s. I could see her love towards Hanna.

Michael. He's an easy-going type but dependable. He's a runner (e.g. lending money, buying milk). Though, we don't talk to each other, I know, he is kind and he respects me for who I am.

Elek, the second child, is soon to be home. She was sent money for fare. She will be added to Nanay and Tatay's dispositions. Though, we're close, I don't want her and her daughter, Nicole to stay here if I'm here because the house will be crowded and I'm having a hard time sleeping. It's so hot when the room is filled. Thanks Michelle lived away. She doesn't help in here. She has no household chores know-how.

All in all, my in-laws are good to me. The only problem we have today is the hardship of earning money for our daily consumption. Everybody has been so supportive to each other.

Past three, when they arrived. Lola called, after few minutes. I have heard that Tita Lo and Ka Sonny's comeback from USA was postponed. They would be here instead, by February 22. It disappoints me. Then, I realized... why I was anticipating them? For what? For chocolate? Never mind… I told Mj that I wanted to go home in Bautista for I might have a fare there.

I thought Hanna's anus was already fine, but when we're washing her, we found "nana" outside. The lampin used for wiping her reddened anus. We're alarmed by it. She really needs check-up. Immediately, Nanay contacted Tito Nick in USA. He said, he has no money but he will call again. Nanay, then started to make possible cause of Hanna's anal infection, while I was so sad.

"O, Lord Jesus, please provide our financial need. We need to bring her to a pedia. Please, don't make it hard for every one of us. Thank you, Lord!"

Mj and I had a fight over a tissue paper. I wanted to save the diaper from Hanna's poo, so I put tissue paper on it. But she insisted that it is not good, especially when it's wet. I was so, overly, angry with her. Thus, we sleep with anger in our hearts. I know I'm right and she's wrong with her opinion. I just wanted to economize.

February 2, 2006

I rose up with anger still lingering on my heart. Since I'm has the most "pride' in the world, I still don't talk to Mj even when we're taking our breakfast. And, I would not ever talk to her again unless she changes her attitude. She's always on a high pitch and trying to henpeck me.

As she promised, I asked her to give me the P20 she would give me for my fare to Bautista. She tried to decline but I insisted angrily. After few minutes, I got off. I kissed first, of course, Hanna lovingly. Nanay, startled of my leaving, was worried if my money would be short. Without further ado, I left their house. It made me sad. I wanted to cry. I really don't want to leave, especially if Hanna is sleeping.

Mama was eating when I arrived. I confided everything happened to me and to my angel, Hanna. We talked also about everything-about-me. I have known that Taiwan has been here yesterday, and he's willing to give my P500 request.

I read Geraldine's book ---"What the Stars Reveal About Men Your Life". I knew, at first, that it is a girl's stuff but it interests me. I also partly believe in constellations but I wanted to know if it is true or not. Thus, I found out the following:

*Ability to Love a Woman

---Expects prospective wife to have a very high morals

---Considerate of every female

---Home and family mean more

---Very conservative man

---Loves art and music

---Very idealistic and tends to put woman on a                                            pedestal

---Can't be criticized

---Tender

*Relatives

---Admire relatives

---Love family gatherings

---Mother's opinion is of the utmost importance

*Money and career

---Likes finer things of life but not too ambitious

---Likely to retreat in silence

---Does very well working with people on a one to one

    basis

---Like children

---Capable of great loyalty

---Careful about money

---Has a very analytical mind

---Thrifty with himself, but not with loved ones

*Health and Diet

---May suffer indigestion if works too hard and

    becomes upset

---Liquor hates him or don't drink too much

---Illness made him more ill

---Chronically tense and nervous

---Stomach seems to be the spot where illness strikes

    him

*Friends and social life

---His friends adore him

---Loyal, faithful and true to all friends

---Remembers special events much to the delight of

    friends

---Deeply wounded if a friend has been disloyal, cruel

    or unethical

---Likes to entertain at home

---Keeps friend/s for years, some for a lifetime

I have also learned that once a crab marries he has achieved his goals. I'm possessive, jealous and bit dictatorial. As a father, I'm warm and loving to my child/children.

February 3, 2006

I rose up early to start blissful new day. Yet I felt something gloomy in my other side. I was searching something I really don't know what it was. It seems that there's lacking in spite of a beautiful morning. Though, I cleaned up displays, I read few pages from the "The Two" and I watched TV, still I ain't happy. I tried to accept that I'm temporarily again to Hobee. She's not the cause of my sadness. Then, I looked around Mama's wonderful garden. It covers somehow my emotional scar. Then, I resorted in turning on the tv set, seeing apparently "This is Your Day" program, I usually watch. Finally, the joy and bliss I'm looking for were found. Sincerely, this program made me cry-in-joy always. God touches my heart and fills my soul with His words, whenever I watch Benny Hinn's program.

While I and Mama were watching "Game KNB?", Tito Boy called out. I hid myself, because Mama had told me so. He started to look for a male figure he had seen. I don't know if he suspected that I am here still. I have to hide myself until I'm truly home to Polot just to keep Mama away from shame of telling a lie, she really doesn't mean.

I have written two comedy skits today, entitled "Pakakasal Na" and "A... E…"

February 4, 2006

Morning breeze is so cold. I couldn't help to rise up and throw he blanket out of my body. Though, I wanted to sleep again due to hardship of last night sleeping, I get up and started to prepare my breakfast.

I have eaten bun-hotdog with mayo and catsup and I was watching TV, when a tragedy at Ultra broke out.

I was saddened and shocked of the stampede of audiences, who wanted to watch live "Anniversary of Wowowee". Mama was shocked too. She commented that it would not have happened if only they preferred to join Franklin Graham Festival at Luneta. That's true. People are really materialistic that they don't want to or they neglect spiritual life. Thus, 60+ died and some were wounded.

All day long, I was just watching TV while the blanket was wrapped around me. The wind was so strong. And, it's so cold and dusty outside. Besides, I can't go out. I'm a prisoner here.

February 5, 2006

The morning breeze is so cold yet I rose up and fried eggs for Jano's breakfast. Then I started to hide myself because Rodea, my chatterbox cousin is here. I wrapped myself with blanket in the room. When I almost fell asleep, someone tapped my shoulder. She is Mj. Hanna's here.

I was so happy seeing my daughter yet sad due to the findings from the check-up last Friday. She has amoebiasis.

Baby Marge could now sit alone, though for the short time only. I also noticed her dry skin due to dehydration. Then, she lost weight. What a pitiful condition?!

I gave an unpaired golden earring to Mj. She could sell it for Hanna's milk. Thanks God I have given it before they were fetched at 2:30.

Nine when "Rated K" ended. It was a nice episode. They or Korina Sanchez tackled all about "Hanep". But the most 'hanep' for me among her features was the house of empty gas tanks. The owner artistically used LPG tanks in gate, living room, garden or all-over the house. Thus, I was induced to create something new using common thing.

I slept after watching Pinoy Big Brother Launching.

February 6, 2006

I was awakened by spermatorrhea, involuntary discharge of semen. That was not unusual to me. It happens frequently. My undie was so wet, yet I didn't rise up.

As usual, I read something. Then, I watched TV all day long. I have nothing to do. That's why I drew on a one-fourth piece of bond paper. It reflects me and how I felt.

Since I gave Mj a single-piece of golden earrings, I wished she had sold it already. It would be helpful to Hanna Margaret. She needs medicine for amoebiasis, not to mention Alactamil, diaper or Cerelac. Haay! If only I'm a rich man.

Eleven, when I turned off the TV set. I prayed, then. I asked God to heal Hanna's disease, to give us good health especially Mama, to give Jano understanding, and to bless us financially. I also asked forgiveness for our sins.

February 7, 2006

Seven, when my eyes involuntarily opened. As usual I felt the cold of a morning beneath my blanket, thinking of my house in Polot, of Hanna's amoebiasis, of winning in lotto and of other things.

I could feel emptiness. I was always preoccupied and I don't want like this. It made me weak.

I hope Taiwan arrive tonight...

Watching television all day long is all I can do. I wanted to do artworks but material is insufficient. Then, "Game KNB?" used the question about the name of art that uses egg yolk (If I'm not mistaken). It is tempera.

I turned the TV off at 10:30. Then, I started to communicate with God. I included Mama, Jano, Taiwan, Flor Rhina, Hanna, myself and Epr to my prayer. I asked individual blessings for each one.

February 8, 2006

          I took in my hot coffee at eight, thinking of what the best thing to do today. Writing and reading are productive activities but I wanted to help Mama in doing chores and in preparing and thinking of meals. I couldn't help but to see all of them experiencing hardship of everyday life. In fact, we have no breakfast today. Yet, Mama is looking for a way. She still keeps on moving ---gardening, etc.

          Thus, I went outside after taking in coffee and helped her. I taught her gardening, planting and landscaping ideas. Eleven, when we entered the house with happiness and contentment in our hearts. I realized, gardening soothes one's inflammed heart.

          Then, I read a "Good Housekeeping" booklet, entitled "Get Money Wise", the best advice from Good Housekeeping. actually, it's a girl book, yet it interests me and I found it educational. I've learned a lot here--- from growing money to saving every centavo to earning more.

          Next, I wrote comedy skit entitled "Green Card". It was my third skit since I was here.

          Eleven, when I turned yhe TV off and slept. Then I prayed for usual prayers. I proposed to God that he must make me win in lottery.

February 9, 2006

          Yesternight (6:00), my back and nape were aching. And, when I woke up it's still there. I supposed these were due to all-day and all-night lying down and watching television. 

          Before I watch "This is your Day", a Benny Hinn program, my stomach was aching due to "breakfast-lessness". However, during the revitalizing program, it was gone. God is great. Really!

          I never expect that Mj and Hobee would come today. I was so happy seeing my baby. She was now happier than the last time I saw her.

          Nanay and Tatay would attendnteh meeting in Boso-Boso that was why Baby Marge was here.

          Mj, I guess, was enticing me to go with them in Rancho telling that Calove is expected to arrive at Feb. 14. In fact, I was excited...to eat stateside chocolatesss!

          I went with them by Tito Jun's car..

          Prayer Concern, tonight: Calove's safe and early arrival from USA, Jenny's safe pregnancy and Elizaga's and Espinosa's financial blessings.

February 10, 2006

          I was still sleepy when I got up to attend Hanna's playing. I must be double careful because Nicole is here. she's so 'malikot' that she might hurt my Baby Beautiful.

          While taking care of Baby Marge and the radio was on, I heard familiar song. i didn't know the title, the artist as well, but I knew it was Efear's favorite. I remember him. The song goes like this: "I'm sick of this life?I just wanna scream/How could this happened to me.." I like the song too.

          And, I noticed that whenever I was here in Espinosa's house, I remember my house in Polot, then homesickness and worry follow. Haay! When will I be there?

          Hanna is well now. Her frequent poopooing was gone. I just hope her amoebiasis would be healed too. She only has to drink a lot of fluid (water) so that she'll be re-hydrated and her skin turns smooth again.

          She could now stand on the crib. And, I could see her cravings for solid food. In fact, she had eaten eight pieces of Marie biscuits in one eating or sitting.

          I wrote "Magulang", a comedy skit, at past six.

          Of course, praying before sleeping is a must. I thanked God for his blessings of life.

February 11, 2006

          While I was still laying down the bed, I have heard Nanay, Tatay, Elek and Meann talking about pawning jewelries.,I was scared they would know that Topaz ring of Mj was already pawned. Then, Nanay reminded it to me. It was a shame!

          Thank you, Lord! They had pawned pair of earrings and a ring, though Mj's Topaz earrings was rejected. Never mind my disappointment, at least we would have food today. I told Mj to pawn hr gold earrings for Hanna's milk.

          I waited Mj to decide whether to pawn it or not. I told and enticed her twice but she rejected my proposal. According to her, what would happen next?

          Few hours ago, she announced that Hanna's milk was good for today. What can I do?, I replied. Then, six o'clock, I started to be quiet. I was so irate on her selfishness. I have reminisced, before, when she was pregnant, I have had pawned my cellphone for our budget. And, today, she preferred to save and use her earrings rather than Baby Marge's needs.

          Tomorrow, we will go to Bautista to attend Lorenz Flores' birthday, but I suspect it will be postponed.

          "I'm sorry, God, I've been so moody today."

February 12, 2006

          We're all awaken by Lola's call. According to her, they are going to Boso-Boso. Then, Nanay told Mj tompack Hanna's stuffs. I was secretly glad. I thought it will be postponed.

          Eight when we arrived at Bautista. Geraldine and Jano were glad seeing my baby. At the same time, I was so happy that we have plenty of food and stocks, good for two or three days.

          Ten, when Jano and his gal left. I thanked God for we would have freedom to do whatever we wanted to do in this house, like watching TV all day long, etc..

          Quarter to three, the car with Tatay, Nanay, Lola, Tiyo Boy and Tiyo Ruben arrived. We served them snacks. Thanks God, Mj was given P20 by Nanay and P2o again by Lola for her fare tomorrow morning.

          Hanna Margaret would have a hepa vaccination tomorrow.

          When they gone home, Mj and I prepared ourselves in going to Marc Lorenz's 1st birthday. I was not supposed to attend because I'm shy and were not yet in good condition but Mama won't go so as Flor Rhina who was invited to go swimming at the nearby resort. Thus, I was forced to go down there. Although, we have no gift, we still went on.

           There, Roy and his 'mag-ina', so as April and her daughter, Denise were there. They called Hanna on my name--- Poray. It was proven that Hobee is my resemblance. No wonder!

           We're entertained by April. We talked about her daughter, my baby, their life and our life. I didn't think it was just a plasticism. Auntie Helen talked to me for a few minutes, proposing to me the possibility of me to be hired in Infinite Enterprises if I will only apply. I said, I will go home in Bulan

          Good thing, Tito Ben did not annoy me. He's been good though his drunk.

          I told and promised Tintin that I will present our gift the next week, while she was preparing the food to be given to Mama.

          Then, we have been taken a picture. Few minutes later, we bade goodbye.

          Hanna was holding her lavender balloon when it blasted. She was given another one. It was white.

          Jano did not arrive...

          I forgot to pray. "I'm sorry, Lord."

February 13, 2006

          Seven, when I finally got up. Hanna was playing. I greeted her, as always, Good Morning. She was so happy and has a nice smile.

          I decided not to go with Mj.

          Eight-past, when Hanna and Mj left. Hanna has to go because today is her vaccination day, not to mention Calove Family's arrival on Feb. 14, midnight.

          I up-nailed and ripped off the makeshift ceilings in the kitchen. It was due to Jano's request. Then, I cut my own hair that turned nice. Mama complimented me.

          Next, watching TV till "Pinoy Big Brother Celebrity Challenge".. I didn't watch "Kapamilya Cinema" because I felt a drive to do something. I wanted to do artwork but I could not because I have no materials. Thus, I repair the bench instead.

          We have no viand tonight. Mama just cooked instant noodles with egg. When Jano arrived, he had no any viand on his hands. What more tomorrow?

          I asked God to protect Jenny's pregnancy and make her safe till she gave birth. I also prayed for other things like forgiveness of sins. I praised Him for He is great, kind and faithful.

February 14, 2006

          I knew we have no food for breakfast. So, I sleep again until 9:30. I thanked God for the day---beautiful day. I told Him that I am not fretful and I am contented for what I or we have.

          It is Valentine's Day today, pala..

          Ten, I wrote "Haligi ng Tahanan", a comedy skit.

          While watching "Homeboy", I was manicuring my fingernails. Then, the show's topic sank in to my head, yet it did not make in love. I was 'kilig' to the couple guests, but it doesn't mean I would apply it to Mj. I'm still afraid to give my all to a girl. Marie Jaye truly stole my heart and I am still suffering from its lost.

          "Lord God, please understand me. You know I have it inside me, I just can't give and show it."

          One of the problems here in Bautista is water. Like today, we're waiting for a truck that is selling water but no one comes.Thus, I haven't had a bath.

          I've learned important lesson today, from Jano's words, actually bad words for Flor Rhina. He was so mad to the latter. He thought she didn't follow his command last night. He had called her "hayop" and "boba" just for bolo, asking by Diana back.

          Jano, I realized, is really a "padalus-dalos" person. I have proven it already, not to mention Papa's decease. "Forgive him,oh Lord."

February 15, 2006

          Six-twenty, Taiwan arrived from work. I didn't ask or remind him of the money, I asked before, because I've heard from him that he has no money to enable to bring the negative film in a developing center, not to mention Jenny's lack of check-ups and ultrasound.

          I did two artworks today...

          Water supply truck came and we paid P14 to have life again. I shampooed my hair, which was 3-days unbathed and applied conditioner on it. I feel fresh again!

          Then, I cooked 'phacham', a dish I have discovered today. It is composed of cubed 'gabi' roots, sauteed onion and garlic, sardines, tomato catsup and half-cooked eggs. It was tasty and spicy due to MSG and a lot of black pepper.

          I wanted to draw. Thus I copied the animated picture in a calendar-let, which was given free by Fiberline Industries, Inc., a manufacturer of sanitary products like Happy diaper, being used by Hanna Margaret. My drawing almost resembled it. Then, I named it Flory and signed it, el saga 02242k6. I know, she'll be happy to see it.

         One-thirty, I have written 'Promdi', a comedy skit.

         When Taiwan rose up from tight sleep, he did not even mention if he will give me the sum I was asking to enable me to go back to Bulan, where I love living in the most. He also did not like to eat my menu. What's the problem on his appetite?

          He left at 5:00. But before that, he was asked by Mama about the money I asked. Taiwan told us his hardship in producing their expected baby's stuffs. I understand his and Jenny's situations. But I wanted to tell him that I regret to come her just to attend their nuptials.

          He wanted me to ask Jano instead and he will text him to give me how much I need, but Mama do not want to. I agree with Mama.

          Haay! Mj, you are my hope. Please, do something about it. I really want to go back to Bulan.

          To lessen my frustration, I made repair works. One. I repair the word factory tile using cut-out letters from a magazine. And. I repair the one-page advertisement of Graco, manufacturer of babies' cribs, stroller, etc, into a poster of my Baby Hanna. The picture of a year-old baby resembled Hanna very closely. That's why I was enticed to do so.

          This is my advanced 7th month birthday to Baby Marge...

          "Thank you, Lord! You answered my prayer. Flor Rhina is now a lady. She has now a period."

          Devotional Prayer: Safe pregnancy of Jenny, more financial blessings for us and future of my child, Hanna Margaret Elizaga. It will take effect, I mean, it will start tonight.

February 16, 2006

           I rose up at seven-forty something. I first kept my bedding, then swept the floor. And, when I was about to take my breakfast, there was no rice in either rice cooker or 'caldero'. We have 'ulam', because Jano brought 'bangus' last night. It was okay! I was still happy. God continuously blesses me a gift of life. Thee's nothing to fret for. Instead, I started doing my hobbies.

           Last night, I came up with an idea of writing a new screenplay. It was untitled still but I have a concept of how it would be made. Thus, I started it right away. And, today I was doing it devotedly..

          Nine-twenty-five, i finished the story line and I have titled it.."Kaming mga sawi." I hope it turns out wondrful. "Oh, Lord. help me in realizing this. Make it nice and competent. this is my third screenplay. I hope someday it will be a film. Amen."

          I have written a comedy skit entitled "Guiness Book of World Records", after finishing the storyline.

          Then, I sketched the house on a paper given to me by Flor Rhina.

          After having a lunch of sauteed milkfish with camote leaves, I felt terrible heat. I wanted to take a bath but I couldn't. There's no water. However, Mama insisted that I must take a bath. Thus, I did. I used 3-measures-of-dipper water and it was enough to refresh me.

          I've learned new important phrase or sentence from watching "Pilipinas Game KNB?" These are Bahasa words for "I love you", Saya Cinta Kamu.

          I've been expecting Mj and Hanna to come, but they did not. As to my dismay, I made an invitation, as sample, for Baby Marge 1st Birthday Party. Tomorrow is her 7th Month Bday. I hope I could see her here.

          Frankly, I was disappointed of not arriving of Mj. It was not only because I like to eat chocolates from States, but also because I wanted to know something good from them. If I could go home or not.

          I wanted to start scriptwriting the story "Kaming Mga Sawi", however I have no extra notebook or lot of bondpapers to do so. I like to start doing it because I could lose the desire of finishing it.

          "Tinta at Tisa" was another title of the unwritten screenplay that crossed my mind. Anyways, the concept or the story is all about a frustrated writer and unfulfilled teacher.

          Before sleeping, I did first my devotional prayer, which started a night ago.

February 17, 2006

          Happy 7th Month Birthday, Hanna Margaret!

          I'm still hopeful that they will arrive today..

          While waiting for a water supply truck, I was waiting as well for Mj and Hanna. It was past twelve when the truck came but my 'mag-ina' did not.

          I gave up waiting for them at 2:30 PM. It saddens me. I was merely entertaining myself by watching TV. But, every commercial gap, I used to think why they did not come.

          The old superstition about the sound of domestic lizard is true and reliable. I used to believe in it. I have proven it many times.

          According to them, if a domestic lizard oftenly and soundly cries, which sounds like this: Tik! Tik! Tik! or Tsak! Tsak! Tsak! or Tak! Tak! Tak!, someone will arrive.

          Today, domestic lizards were oftenly crying. I expect for a guest. And, I put on my mind that the guest would be Mj.

          The darkness scattered but no one arrived.

          Another anticipation has happened. We wait for Jano for it's his payday today. We expect him to buy viand. However 9:30 he was not yet around. So we eat adobo rice.

          He arrived drunk. It was around eleven. Good thing we did not wait for him.

February 18, 2006

          I think it was 5:00 AM when Jano woke me up to give P520 for groceries. I slept again and rose up totally at 6:00AM to do "shopping", huh!

          I reckoned that Mj and Baby Marge would arrive this day but the rain starts to fall. Thus, it is possible that they would postpone it. Haay! Another day of waiting..

          Before I took a bath, I watched "Art Jam". I've learned from the hosts that "mobile" is a term for moving artwork such as window chime.

          Then, I and Mama watched "Kusina, ATBP" on NBN 4. I've learned the way of cooking Benguet's "pinicpican". It is a chicken dish. The way of dressing and slaughtering the chicken is the etymology of "pinicpican", because it is being tapped by stick and burnt on the fire. Then, the chopped meat will be boiled with ginger. That's it!

          Another is a Benguet delicacy ---"linapet". The ingredients are ground rice, iodized salt, sugar and peanut. These are wrap in a banana leaf and boil. That's it!

          I also watched "Ka-Toque. Lutong Barkada", a cooking show of QTV 11. Then, one of the chefs or cooks there quoted "In every woman, here is a queen." He meant that treat every woman as a queen. I think it would be useful to my scriptwriting in the future.

          Two, I watched "Wow:What's On Weekend", a travel show of RPN 9. I've learned the Paete's delicacy--- "minane". It is a deep-fried cassava with garlic, just like "adobong mani".

          When I saw Lorenz taken care of Flory, I remember my and Mj promise to Tintin, that tomorrow we will give our birthday gift to her son. I was scared Mj might not come morrow. However, it was her idea to give gift even it was too late. I hope she'll remember it.

          To gladden myself, I did useful renovations on the rack's displays. I changed their positions. I framed my sketch with popsiscle sticks.

          Jano ang Gie arrived at past ten, with sliced bread, cantons and junk foods on a plastic bag, I mean...with a plastic bag of...

          Few minutes later, it was ten-forty, Itoy called out for Jano outside. He was with Tonton and Domeng. They were drunk. And I have known that Itoy is scheduled to go abroad, I think to Dubai, on March 6. He is really a confident one. I wish I have too that kind of confidence.

         They left after twenty-five minutes...

          I did devotional prayer, before closing my eyes to sleep.

February19, 2006

          My eyes involuntarily opened at 6:40 yet I laid down again till eight. I said once that I would not rise up unless Mj arrived, but I still did.

          Then, I kept my beddings and started scanning the broadsheet, brought by Jano last night, while Flory was preparing our breakfast.

          After I have taken in peanut butter sandwich and egg sandwich, I started to miss Hanna. Thus, I made something to forget them.. I picked up nails and metals yonder but it was useless move.

          I stayed outside, because Jano and Gie occupated the TV until eleven. Thus, I missed the shows I usually watch every Sunday. Hmp!

          Flory handed me down a picture taken at Lorenz' birthday party. Hanna's pic was not given to me by April.

          It's 2:40 now. I'm not in a mood of watching TV. I have called God hundred times for Him to hear my wish. I wanted to give up waiting but I couldn't resist my desire of seeing Hanna and knowing from Mj something soothing to my heart. I was, honestly, so bored here, although I like being with my family.

           What is happening to Espinosa Family? Speculations flooded my mind: (1) That Calove's haven't arrive yet; (2) That Mj possibly thought I was already in Bulan; (3) or that Mj wanted me to visit them personally. God knows how much I like. The truth is I don't have money.

           Today is supposed to be the day we should present our gift to Lorenz, as we promised Tintin last Sunday. It will be a shame for both of us if we can't. They might ghink we're "word-of-honorless"

            I watched "The Buzz". I anticipated the "The Martin Jickain--Aiko Melendez Wedding". I called Mama to watch too. She was then delighted by the flower arrangements at Fernwood Garden. Me, too! Their wedding was really wonderful.

            Yet, I was still sad of Hanna Margaret's absence. I missed her so much.

            I watched 'Rated K' and I have learned there that the "lato", a seaweed, is productive and expensive. It is being exported. Usually, 'lato' or 'gam-et' in Ilocos name, is the one that is used in Japanese cuisine.

            I was excited and induced to try it or to make or to dry as sample. It would be useful in cooking. Someday!

February 20, 2006

          Three-thirty AM, I was bitten by a rat. Good thing, his teeth were not so sharp to wound my thumb. I wonder why it chose my thumb among others.

          Thus, it resulted to insomnia.. Hmp!

           Eight, I was awaken by Tito Ben's voice. He planned to talk to a dangerous man---Ken. While he's drinking gin, I have learned so much things--- from his grievance to Ken to his concern to Papay Benson. I wanted to tell my grievance to Ken too but I hold myself to keep quiet. He is really a sacrilegious person. The way he reasons out was illogical... Ambitious!

           After lunch, I did an artwork. I used my collection of miniature glasses as model and coffee as paint. It turned out awesome. Awesome!

           I didn't think much my lovely daughter yet the thought was persistent. I was totally sad today.

           Domestic lizards continuously showed signs... I wish!

           At six, I've written a comedy skit, entitled "Men's Magazine".

           Mama discovered Flory's flirtation. The latter has an unknown bf and they were talking in the dark place. Flory was guilty when we confront her.

          Tomorrow, I'll sell those nails for my fare to Rancho. "Please, Lord, Help me."

February 21, 2006

          I woke up early to gather 'kalakal'. I didn't yet take in breakfast when I started collecting our stocks of metals, tin cans ad plastics.

          While waiting for the "mambabakal", I took the time in looking for metals. Thus, I have got 2 or 3 kilos of barb wires down there.

          I started to get mad when I couldn't see even a shadow of the junk cart. It is really irksome waiting. And, when you wait or anticipate, the object seems too hard-to-get.

          Past 12, I realized that surprises come when you least expect it. Hanna and Mj arrived. I was happy seeing them approaching.

          Thus, I forget intentionally the anticipation of "mambabakal". I was more excited in cuddling my Baby Marge than selling my gathered scraps.

           Mj showed us Hanna's new dresses and stuffs like booties. The chocolates she brought were good for one eating only, yet we're so thankful that she'd remembered me.

           All of us have been so glad of Hanna's presence. I was so tired and sleepy yet contented.      

February 22,2006

Seven, I woke up to start waiting junk buyer. Few minutes later, Baby Marge has risen up too. We all greeted her Good Morning.

While waiting, I was thinking if I would go with Mj in going home. Then, she was amazed when I told her to pack Hanna's stuff. I noticed that she was not supposed to go home today. I merely was angry waiting for water supply truck and junk cart. I pity Mama thinking how she could provide our meal and water.

Past nine, we're ready. Mama was sad that she was unable to give Hanna a bettr life. Me, too... was sad leaving them.

In Rancho, nothing has changed... Crises. Over-crowd. Haay!

I couldn't explain our sleeping positions and condition. It was so hot and uncomfortable. But, because I was so sleepy I did not mind it.

I missed primetime shows--- Princess Lulu and PBB Celebrity Edition. Yet, I did not fail to pray for Jentai's pregnancy and job.

February 23, 2006

Six, Hanna cried for milk. Mj and I were still sleepy. I didn't get up till Mj did then we had a misunderstanding when she told me that Michael would sleep again where I was laying down. It irks me. Thus, I didn't talk to her till ten.

I could feel Espinosa's crisis. It saddens me.

Hanna has been so cryingful today. I think she is not comfortable living in a crowded house and in a noisy ambiance.

After lunch, Elek and Michelle went to 'bayan' to pawn jewelries. I didn't know if they pawned Mj gold earrings or not. However, I was sure they have pawned a jewelry for they have bought Alactamil for Baby Marge.

Afternoon, Mj was scratching her palm and said, "Magkakapera siguro ako." And, this 6:00, she directed me to buy diapers handing out a P20 bill from the couples of them on her pocket. I guess Meann gave her money. "Thanks, God!"

Tonight, before I close my eyes to sleep, I'll pray to Lord God Jesus Christ to give us hope or sign of good life.

February 24, 2006

Though, we're like sardines in a double-deck bed, I have been comfortable enough last night. I have slept well.

Mj has been so careful in waking me up. Thus, I voluntarily rose up to take care of Hanna, who has been awake so early.

Our breakfast was 'ibus', brought by Immaculata couple. It was inadequate yet I've been so thankful to God.

Our lunch was sauteed 'mongo' with 'chicharong baboy'. It was yummy.

Today is 'bispera' of EDSA People Power 1. That was why Edsa-Makati has been so noisy and disordered. GMA declared state of emergency and stopped all kinds of rallyist. TV stations, as a result, pend their regular shows to air live the condition of this commemoratation.

I didn't care about it. I was angry that I couldn't view rather than these hodgepodge. Good thing, they resume it at 5.

Our dinner was fried 'tuyo' and noodles. We were so lucky, though these were inappropriate supper.

This day was the most nostalgic day of my stay here in Antipolo City. I couldn't resist myself in worrying about my inconcrete house in Polot and my bonsais there. I really wanted to go back home.

Prayer concern tonight: Financial blessings so I and Hanna and Mj could go home in Bulan.

February 25, 2006

Hanna woke me up very early at 7:00. We played together for a few minutes in a foam where we slept. Then, we rose. Mj put her to direct sunshine.

I could foresee crisis when there was no fried rice cooked in the kitchen. Our breakfast was merely Spanish bread. I knew Hanna's milk container was almost empty. Nevertheless, they resorted in pawning jewelries. Although, in their first attempt, they rather asked Lola to pay for the jewelry than to accept low appraisal of the pawnshops, where Elek canvassed. Lola, then, gave Elek rice and money. And, they finally pawned the jewelry at the low price just to survive in a couple or three times of meals. Haay! That's life!

At least, I have tried Michael's laptop. I encoded my resume for future use. My eyes ached yet I was hoping to use it again some other time.

Hanna has a carton of Alactamil now. Thanks God for they did not let Hanna starve for milk, although she was now eating and has an appetite foe every food. Somehow, they cared for Baby Marge like how they cared for Nicole, Akisha and Neiczel. I just want to apologize to them that sometimes I thought they don't love much my angel. I was just being jealous of Margaret's cousins. "I'm sorry, Lord." I know they love Hanna Margaret. One proof is my being jobless in this moment. I never heard any complaint from them. "That's why, Lord, I'm asking you to bless them.Please don't give them any problem like misunderstanding among family members, sicknesses or great financial crisis. Please give them what they need. I wanted them to go, I mean, to restart their lives in Bulan. Here, they have no property of their own and the bliss jeopardize their living. Thank you, Lord! Amen."

Mj has been so mean to me especially during the time I was helping her in doing a thing like changing Hanna's diaper. She was always angry over me. Sometimes, she shouted at me. Everything I do seems to be a mistake. I have nothing done best for her. Thus, today (6:00 PM), I complained and showed her I was irate on the way she's treating me. All I wanted for her to do when doing a thing for Hanna with me is to be calm, lower her voice. I'm so sensitive and she must know that. As the result, we didn't talk to each other. And, I will never ever do till she apologize and vow to me not to treat me again like a fool dog.

Eight, I started writing the scriptof "Kaming Mga Sawi/Tinta at Tisa". I have finished seven sequences plus credit sequence. I enjoyed writing it. Ideas flowed through my mind. I hoped it will turn out good.

February 26, 2006

Six, Hannna drunk her milk. Eight, she woke up and played tumbling. I was forced to open my eyes. Then, I noticed that she was wet. Her diaper leaked. I changed her shirt. Mj washed her.

I saw that Tatay was not present. He had to do a mechanical service in a regular client. It was an answered prayer. We would have a healthy meal today.

Nicole irks me. She bullied my Baby Marge. Everything touched by Hanna, she would let her to go away with it. I will tell Mj to take care Hanna and protect her from Nicole's meanness.

Then, I started again writing the script. Finally at eleven, I decided to gave his script a title of "Tinta".

Tatay and Nanay were fetched by Ka Sonny. They would go to Brgy. San Josef. When they came back, Nanay told me that they dropped by our house. According to her, Mama was all alone there and she wanted me to come home.,Then, I've heard that Ka Sonny planned to go to Batangas, where Ate Jenny was born. But, the most interesting news was that Calove wanted me and Mj to be a tenant of his property in Boso-Boso. I said why not. But I will wait for his confirmation.

It made me insomiac. I couldn't sleep thinking about it and the possible and related consequences. I think, I was mere excited of living in a separate home. I just wish he will give agreeable benefits in return of our tenancy.

February 27, 2006

It's Nanay's birthday today, so as Tito Jun! I know there would be a party in Monte Rosas. I've confirmed it when TitaLo called and commanded Nanay to go in the market.

Hanna's milk container was almost empty. Yet it was filled again when Nanay bought a small carton from a kickback in marketing. Thanks, God for He is the great provider.

Three, we all went to Monte Rosas specifically to Tito Jun's residence. We just walk along. There, Tito Sonny cuddled up Hanna Margaret and fed her of cake. My baby showed "katakawan". Thus, they liked her all. They also made comparisons between Hanna and Neiczel and Hanna and Akisha. They also or always proclaimed Hanna's resemblance to me.

Then, we ate-- the most anticipating moment. There were so many sorts of food in the buffet table, And, as always, I didn't eat the way I supposed to be. So, when we're walking home, I felt hunger. I wanted to come back and eat again.

Hanna didn't sleep early. She was the last among her cousins to sleep. I think it was the effect of "yum-yum" cake she eaten...first time, huh!

February 28, 2006

It was the last day of the month. I was afraid, I couldn't go back to Bulan s early as possible this March. Whatever I do, I could not oppose the intruding thought of our house and stuffs there.

From the time Baby Marge was awaken, she has been so cryingful, restless and hungry, till she fell asleep at 7. I have hit her at her "talampakan", twice or thrice and once at her lower extremity. I was sorry for her. I just could not understand her. She didn't want to stay long in a position (sitting, standing) or activity. Yet, she has been happy sometimes. I reckon she just has a tantrum today.

My hope of going home in Bautista was lost when I have heard to Nanay's mouth that Calove was gone home in Apalit, Pampanga. Then, I realized that I should not rely on someone here that I might be given money for fare to either Bautista or Bulan. I wanted to tell it to Mama.

Tomorrow is Taiwan's day-off and today is supposed to be his payday. I wanted to talk to him but I know it is impossible. I will just wait till he realizes I must go home soon.

"God, I know you knew already what we need.. Please, God, I want to restart our life."